Sunsets
by Henrika Fanfiction
Summary: Two people in need of change happen to meet. But what happens when they realize that their instant connection stems from their childhood? This is a story about love, fate and destiny.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: This is my first FanFic ever, I'm quite nervous posting this here, but I hope you'll be gentle with me. I do remind you that English is not my first (or second) language. I do not own the characters etc, just using Christian and Ana for my own little story line._

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_Christian_

That evening I felt uneasy, like there's something nagging on me, but I can't quite put my finger on it. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to get rid of that feeling. It's like I'm waiting for something, but I don't know for what, and for how long I have to wait.

I had been working all day, locked up in my office at the beach house. God knows why I thought it would be a good idea to come to the beach house when all I do is work. I could just as well be working at the office with all the people around me. My mother is concerned about me, I guess, that's why she suggested I would take some time off to relax. But face it mom, when you are the head of a billion-dollar company, you can't take time off to relax.

Everything just seems to be happening to me, like I'm just observing what's happening around me, but not actually participating in it. Business is good, but I can't find any joy in it. I used to be happy flying, or out on the boat, but recently I've been avoiding both, I don't quite know why, I just feel like there's something missing in my life.

I was hoping that a change in scenery would help me get rid of that un-named feeling that's been bugging me for the last few weeks. I took off my shoes and went for a walk on the beach. The sunsets are amazing here, I thought. I enjoy the feeling of sand between my toes and the gentle breeze of the late-summer evening on my skin.

I just walked mindlessly along the deserted beach, there's no people here, just me and the nature around me. I breathe deeply, trying to absorb the salty air of the beach, the smell of warm sand and sea mixing in my head reminding me of childhood summers that we used to spend here.

My childhood started so very wrong, born to a woman who loved me but couldn't take care of me, nor of herself. After my birth-mother died I was adopted by the doctor who saved me. She gave me a family that loved me unconditionally. I never told them how I felt, I always felt undeserving their love. I blamed myself for what happened to my mother. I know it's unrealistic that a small child could have done anything to prevent what happened to her, or myself for that matter, but nevertheless I blamed myself. I grew with my new family, I love them, maybe I have a strange way of showing it sometimes but it's the truth. I just don't deserve their love.

I saw a seagull dive into the water and then fly away with a small fish in its beak. It flew up to the cliff where it has a nest, the seagull's mate sitting on the nest. I just observe the small things Mother Nature wants to show me. The story of my life, just observing life happening around me, here just with a more leisurely pace than in the city. I find myself lost in some emotion I cannot name. It's just feels like me against everything else.

I start to stroll back to the house, I have no idea of how much time has passed. The sun is about to dive into the ocean, painting the clouds amazing shades of pink, orange and blue. It's breathtaking. Suddenly I notice that someone is standing on the cliff, looking at the sunset. How long have they been standing there, I don't know. This is private property so there really shouldn't be anyone else here. The thought of someone unknown being here, makes me feel uneasy and a bit angry. Like someone just came in and burst my own bubble of solitude. I continue walking in the direction of the house, keeping my eyes on the figure on the cliff. There's no point in shouting from this distance. When I get a bit closer I notice that it's a woman. She's just standing there looking at the sunset. She's in a long white dress, her arms wrapped around her body, the breeze playing with her long hair. It's an amazing view. I stop to watch her, watching the sunset. The spark of anger I felt before has melted away, and oddly now I feel that I'm intruding on her. Afraid to burst her bubble. I turn my head towards the sea, just to catch the moment when the sun disappears below the horizon. I turn my head back to look at the woman on the cliff but there's no-one there. Again I'm all alone on the beach. I want to run to see where she went, was she even there, or was it just my imagination.

_Anastasia_

Finally I have the weekend free, it's about time I would say. I've been working extra shifts at the homeless shelter. It's volunteer work so it's not for the money, but for keeping myself busy. My life has been hectic lately, I should probably cut down on the hours spent at the shelter, but I feel that it is something I have to do. A shelter helped me, so the least I can do now is give some back.

For this rare weekend off, I've decided to drive to the beach to watch the sunset. It's been too long since I've been there. When I was a kid I used to spend the summer at my grandparents place not far from that beach. Those days the summer was always filled with sunshine, lazy days and happiness. That was before. Now summers are just hot, crowded and stressful. Happiness is somewhere around the corner, just out if my reach. There has been too much sorrow and pain in my life since those childhood years. I can't help but wonder if the beach is still same or has it also been torn apart like my soul.

I park my car by the road, as there's no parking at this area, the only house - if you can call it a house, it's more like a mansion - on this road has it's parking somewhere inside the gates that close of the property from outsiders. I know my way around, as a child I used to come to this place often, I even remember playing with the children of the mansion once. I never told them about my secret path to the cliff, maybe they knew about it, I don't know. I look around, walking the small path past the large oaks to the cliff by the beach. Everything looks the same, even it has been at least 15 years. The trees are bigger, but it's just as beautiful as I remembered.

I breathe in the sea air, I listen to the seagulls screaming and just enjoy the breeze on my skin. I look at the colors of the sky, the amazing masterpiece painted by Mother Nature. I watch the sun slowly descend into the horizon. Beautiful – doesn't even begin to describe it. I just close my eyes for a moment and breathe. I don't remember when I would have felt this serene the last time. I wrap my arms around myself, the evening breeze coming in from the sea being a bit cooler than I expected. I watch the sun dive into the water and I feel calm.

I drift away to childhood summers, being with my grandpa on the porch, listening to him playing the mandolin and singing songs, picking berries with my grandmother and just walking barefoot through the wet grass early in the morning. All was perfect. But then the house of cards collapsed. My father died in a car accident, my mother soon got married to a man who destroyed my spirit. But worst of all I lost my grandparents. Everything went bad so quickly and there was nothing I could do. I start to feel the same horrible pain squeezing my chest, just as it did when I first got the news about my grandmother being ill. Breathe Ana, breathe. I try calming myself – I take one more look at this amazing beach with the beautiful sunset, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale… I just can't be here, the smell of the place just brings back too many memories of days long gone. I turn to leave quickly, I run all the way to the car. I unlock the door and sit behind the wheel, but I can't start the car – the tears are burning in my eyes and for the first time in years I cry. I cry because of my father, my grandparents, and my mother who basically abandoned me after her husband tried to take advantage of me. I cry until I cannot cry anymore.

I start the car and drive. I decide to come back the next day, it will be therapy for my soul if not else. These feelings have been bottled up too long, it's time to let them go and try to live again.

_Christian_

The following day goes by just as the days before, only difference to the ordinary being that I'm still at the beach house. I'm still working all the time, thank god for the time zones so I find someone awake at any time. Only my housekeeper and personal security are with me at the beach house, they are here to keep me company, and to keep me alive I guess. I'm sure my mother has talked to them, trying to find out how I'm doing without having to ask me personally. I guess it's for the best that no one else is around, as I'm not much company, to be honest, not in this mood.

Many times during the day I find myself thinking about the woman I saw at the beach yesterday. At times I convince myself that it was just my imagination, and at times I'm considering asking Taylor (head of security) to check if the cameras had caught her. I just wonder who she is, was she even real?

I'm slowly realizing that I'm trying to keep my mind busy with work, so that I don't have to face the facts about my teenage years. I recently understood what had been going on then, and I can't believe how blind I have been. How many years I've tried to tell myself that it was what I needed, that I was special, that I was different. But the truth was, that I was once again the victim of abuse, I just didn't understand it. The realization came a few months ago when a teenage boy was found bound in the house of Elena Lincoln. The shit hit the fan at that point, media going crazy about one of Seattle's socialites being a pedophile. Thank god I had ended all business agreements with her before this, I don't know how Grey Enterprises Holding (GEH) would have survived if we would have been linked to a pedophile. Elena was eventually sentenced for multiple charges. She had been doing the same thing to other boys as well – I was not special – in fact I was just one horny teenager amongst others that fell into her trap. I was her submissive, or that's what she told me, hell – that's what I told myself – but I guess the reality was much uglier than that. I never officially came forward with me being one of the boys she molested. I did however tell my family about it, and I think I got them to understand that for my future and my company's future it is vital that what happened to me stays in the past.

As the sunset approaches, I find myself again walking down the beach, just like yesterday. Only today I keep on looking at the cliff, maybe to see the mystery woman again.

_Anastasia_

I wake up in a strange room, at first I can't quite comprehend where I am. But then it dawns upon me, I'm at my grandparents old house - not too far from the beach. The furniture has changed - among almost everything else, the new owners have made it a home for themselves of course. The Rodriguez family, who bought the house from my grandpa soon after grandma passed away, has let me stay here for tonight. I can't say we are friends, just people who know each other from a long time ago. I guess the Rodriguez family had hoped that there would have been some kind of relationship between me and their son Jose. But there was never really any chance for any relationship, by the time we were teenagers I was a total wreck, after my so called stepdad tried to touch me and then finally beat me when I wouldn't let him. I ran away from home, I sought refuge in a shelter for abused women, they let me stay there until I could figure out how to continue my life without my mother's influence. Jose found his soul mate and is by now married with a child on the way.

My head is aching, it has to be from all the crying yesterday. I put my head back on the pillow and close my eyes. I try to get back the calm feeling that I felt yesterday, mentally picturing the sunset and the waves hitting the shore. When I open my eyes again, an hour or so has passed, and I'm pleased to notice that my head doesn't ache anymore. I get up and make my way to the bathroom, just passing by Luisa who is preparing something that smells divine in the kitchen. "Good morning Ana" she says" did you sleep well?". I just reply her with a polite nod and "I slept very well thank you" before closing the door behind me. I'm so not in the mood for talking.

The day goes by basically doing nothing, I've been to many of the places I used to go to with my grandparents. I have tried to avoid being at the house too much, I'm not comfortable spending time with people that I have practically nothing in common with. They just happen to have been there in my childhood - but that's about it. I've already decided to drive back to town after the sun has set. I would leave sooner if I could, but I just have to see it again.

I drive my car to the same spot as yesterday, I pull my hair back and braid it quickly. I take off my sandals and walk with bare feet up the same path as yesterday. When I reach the cliff, the view is breathtaking. I just try to memorize every detail of the clouds and the colors on display. When I get back home I will for sure try to capture this feeling on canvas.

As I'm standing there just watching the sunset I get the feeling that I'm not alone. It's a feeling that I didn't expect to feel here on this secluded beach. I glance around and notice a pair of amazing grey eyes looking at me. I know I've seen those eyes before, but I just can't place them. The eyes belong to an unbelievably beautiful man who is walking on the beach - just looking at me. The man smiles a small smile, so I do same. Then I turn my eyes back towards the sea, wanting to see that special moment when the sun touches the horizon. I feel him near me, there's a strange energy between us, and it's almost comforting. It's a feeling I have not felt before, it feels like home. That's a really strange feeling I tell myself as I'm standing next to a complete stranger on a beach far away from anyone else. I know I should be afraid, but at this moment I just feel at peace.

The man stands beside me, the energy between us growing. "It's beautiful" he says. I glance at him and reply "Yes it is." He steps behind me, puts his hands around me, his fingers running down on my arms. There's this small electric current between his fingertips and my skin. It makes my heart beat a bit faster. I can feel his breath on my neck as we just stand there in this half hug, his front to my back, watching the sun sink below the horizon. I could swear that in this moment of time, everything is right. It feels like I've finally come home. We stand there quietly not to break this special moment, for how long I don't know. Then I step away from him, turn around and say "I'm Ana", "Christian" he replies me. "Sorry, I don't usually go around hugging strange people on my beach, but I just couldn't resist it..." "Well, I don't usually enter private properties and let strange men hug me, so I guess that makes us two of us". I wanted to say that I don't usually let anyone hug me, but decided to leave it at that. Because for some reason this hug just felt right.

_Christian_

Oh my god, there she is, she came. I can't believe my eyes, I didn't expect her to come, even though I was hoping for it. How can she have me caught in her spell, when I don't even know who she is? She's again just standing there watching the sunset. I can't keep my eyes off her, I feel myself moving in her direction, without even thinking about it. I don't want to scare her, I just want be near her.

I feel this connection between us, I guess she feels it too as she turns to look at me. Those amazing blue eyes filled with some unknown emotion looking straight into my soul. For some reason I don't want to hide my soul from her, and I can't help but smile at her, and she returns my smile before turning her gaze towards the sunset again. Just a few steps and I'm standing next to her, there's this energy flow between us, and I bet it could be seen shining in the dark. I look at her, she's still looking at the sunset, her focus somewhere beyond the horizon. "It's beautiful" I say, even though I'm thinking it should have been, _you are beautiful_. She just replies "Yes it is" without looking at me. I have to feel her, I don't remember ever feeling this way, it's like she is a piece of me that has been missing. I step behind her, I just want to hold her so I put my arms around her – because it just feels right. I run my fingertips down her arm, and there are butterflies in my stomach. I swear to god I have never felt like this before. I hug her lightly, breathe her wonderful scent, and watch the sunset. It feels like we are one. We are inside our bubble, without any intruders or worries.

Suddenly she moves, I feel afraid that she'll run away – but she just turns around and says "I'm Ana". "Christian" I reply. I try to explain that I usually don't go on hugging strangers, and she says that she usually doesn't let strangers hug her, even though I feel that that's not exactly what she wanted to say. I look at her beautiful face, those blue eyes looking straight through me, I lift my hand to put a few stray hairs behind her ear. The feeling of her skin against my fingers is like nothing I've ever felt before. She leans against my touch just a bit and I cannot help myself – I gently kiss her lips, and she kisses me back. The kiss is like a dance of our souls, for a moment it feels like we are flying through the galaxies, just two souls waltzing around the stars.


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Thank you all for the amazing feedback to my story! I've been playing with this follow-up chapter, I didn't expect to be posting anything yet, but I didn't want to make you wait much longer.. _

_Again, just using Anastasia and Christian for my own little story line. _

_Anastasia _

I feel his soft lips against mine, his fingers barely touching my cheek. The kiss being above and beyond anything I have ever experienced. I feel like we were floating on a cloud, time standing still, the last rays of the sun caressing us. Suddenly our bubble bursts, as my anxiety finally catches up with me and I feel the energy between us change. I pull myself back - I don't know what to say or do, so I just take off running towards my car. I'm running as fast as my feet will carry me, tears burning in my eyes again, just like yesterday, just tonight I don't know what I'm crying for...

"Ana" I hear him say, but I can't stop running. I'm praying that he will not follow me, and at the same time I'm hoping he will. When I'm about to run down the road to my car I feel my foot slip on a rock. There's nothing I can do, everything moves in slow motion, and I end up twisting my ankle when tumbling to the ground. Oh it hurts. I try to get up, but I can't, putting weight on my foot just hurts too much. I close my eyes and let the tears I was trying to hold back flow freely.

I hear the sound of someone running approaching, and even before I see who it is, I know that it is Christian. I feel the same energy that I felt on the beach just a few moments ago, that feeling of comfort and safety. I feel it even now when he, a complete stranger, is standing over me. "What happened, are you alright?" Christian asks, his eyes searching mine for clues about what is going on. "I slipped" I manage to say between the sobs. I'm trying so hard not to cry, but I can't stop. Christian gently checks my ankle, and his touch on my skin making my heart skip a beat before taking off with a new rhythm. "I'm sorry" I say, the words being barely audible. I look up; my eyes are met by a pair of grey eyes looking totally lost. "What are you apologizing for?" Christian asks. "Well, the kiss, the running, the falling, all of it I guess" I reply quietly looking at my dress that just was white and pretty, and now it's just filthy.

The dirty dress sends me back to the night I ran away from home. The night my childhood ended. That day I had been to school, I had visited my grandparents before going home. I stepped through the front door and called out "I'm home", but there was no reply. I checked all the rooms, no one else was at home, but that wasn't anything strange those days. After my father died, my mother had started drinking, to drown her sorrows she used to say. Her sorrow had quickly turned to anger as she found out that my father had signed a testament giving me the account that his grandparents left him. There was quite an amount of money there, to be used for my education. The testament left my mother without any money; she had the apartment and everything else, but not the money.

My mother soon found a man; they met at the bar where she was spending most of her time. They married as quickly as they could - I suspect Rob had heard that she inherited her husband and was coming after the money. Or maybe it really was love, as they are still together - broke, but together. I really couldn't care less about them now, even though they still affect my life daily. They have made me into this person I can't even recognize, I feel afraid of anyone getting close to me, as I'm sure that they will end up hurting me – or dead, or both.

I remember coming out of the shower that night, then smelling the whiskey on Rob's breath as he stood too close to me. He touched my arm, trying to be friendly, and then helping me to dry my hair. I didn't see anything strange in that at first, but then I felt his body against me. There was something pressing against my side, his hands moving over my body in a way that felt wrong. I tried to move away from him, but he just grabbed my arms harder, pushing my body against his. I screamed for my mother to help me, but she wasn't home. He tried to silence me by pressing his hand on my mouth and I managed to bite him, oh - did I bite him. He screamed of the pain and the surprise and then he lift his hand and hit me. I don't know how many times he hit me, I was begging for him to stop - and in the same time worried he might continue touching me if he stopped the hitting. At some point I managed to escape his grip, I grabbed my cotton nightie and ran. I only stopped once outside to put it on before I continued running. I ran all the way to my grandparents' house, my white nightie being mostly grey by the time I arrived. Their house was empty. Where had they gone? I had just been there few hours ago; they hadn't said anything about going anywhere.

I snap out of that horrible memory when Christian leans towards me, and lifts my chin to get me to focus on his eyes. His fingertips transferring that small electric current; just the same as before he kissed me, I feel my hear beating quicker - will he kiss me again? "I guess I'm the one who should be apologizing for the kiss, remember?" Christian says, his eyes looking at mine, I see worry written on his beautiful face. "But I really don't want to apologize for kissing you. And besides, I think the only thing you should be apologizing for is trespassing on my beach." He smiles as he's says it, so I guess I'm forgiven. I'm just left hoping that he would have kissed me again.

_Christian _

What happened? Did I just kiss her? Yes, I did, and her lips were like the softest velvet, the finest silk, the sweetest strawberries, there are no words to describe them. And she kissed me back, I'm sure of that. Just for a few seconds that felt like an eternity, the world was a wonderful place, but then I felt her body tense and before I could understand what's going on she ran.

What was I thinking? You stupid SOB, you can't just go and kiss someone you don't even know! But I _felt_ her, I didn't have to know her, we connected on a level I did not even know existed. I start to run after her, but she's soon out of my sight. I try to find her, but I don't know which way she went. Suddenly I sense her, she must be near - it's the same energy I felt when walking to her just a few moments ago. But something's wrong, I see her sitting on the ground by the road, and she's crying. Is she crying because of the kiss? Please dear god, don't let my kiss be the reason for her tears, I could not stand it.

I run to her, she tells me that she slipped. I feel relief knowing that it's not because of the kiss. But my heart aches because of her pain. I bend down beside her, I gently lift her foot, I swear, even the skin on her ankle feels soft as silk. It doesn't seem broken, just bruised, but I will get Grace, my mother, to come look at it, just to be sure. I see a small scar on her foot; I guess she has hurt it before. Ana is still crying, but she is slowly gathering herself and the tears running down her cheek are a bit further apart. I hear her say that she's sorry. What does she have to be sorry for? She didn't do anything wrong,

She looks so broken sitting there on the ground crying, her beautiful white dress all covered in dirt. I lift my hand and touch her chin, the touch of her skin sending the butterflies in my stomach to fly again. I just want to kiss her again, but I manage to resist it this time. I'm the one who came and hugged her uninvited, and then I kissed her. Surely, I'm the one who should be apologizing for that kiss. I tell her, that I really don't want to apologize for the kiss.

I want to tell her that it's because it was the best kiss I have ever had, it stirred my soul, it made me feel like I've never felt before, it gave me hope. But I don't tell her this, I just hope she felt it too. Then I remember that she was in fact trespassing, and that could call for an apology - I smile when I say this, trying to lighten the mood, the truth being that I am very happy that she trespassed on my beach.

"Well, I guess then that's what I'm apologizing for" a shadow of a smile playing on her lips when she says it. "Although I didn't realize that I was trespassing. I used to come here when I was a child" she adds quietly. If I had been paying attention, I would have seen the sorrow in her eyes.

My mind is racing, trying to think what to do next. Get her inside, call Grace, talk to her, and hopefully kiss her again. The last sentence she said hardly even registering on my mind, it was something about childhood and spending time. "Can you walk?" I ask her, anxious to get her inside, she bites her lip and shakes her head no. "Do you mind if I carry you?" the words just fall from my lips, and I regret them as soon as I've said them, how could I possibly carry her - then she would be touching me, touching my chest.

My body still carries the scars from my early years. The scars don't hurt anymore, but I feel afraid of anyone touching me - touching the scars that prove that I'm no good; that I'm an excuse of a person, good enough only to be used as an human ashtray. I still have nightmares about it; I wake up smelling my own burning skin. The nightmares seem to be happening more often these days, but now they are mixed with me being a teenager, bound by my arms and feet, unable to move. The pain and the smell just stay the same. That's why I try to avoid sleeping, I function with a few hours of sleep per night, I have to, as I'm too afraid to sleep more.

I hold my breath waiting for her answer, oh please let her say no to carrying her, but at the same time I feel that I could let her touch me, if she says yes. The thought of her touching me, doesn't make me afraid, it gives me hope. Hope - is that what I have been missing all this time? Hope for me being a whole person, hope for me living a life instead of just observing it, hope for me being worthy of love.

"Mm... I think I'll need your help, but I'll try walking" she says - I guess she felt my hesitation about carrying her. I feel a bit relieved not having to face her touch on my chest just yet. I lift her from the ground; she puts her arm around my shoulders to give her support as we start moving slowly towards the house. "But my car is in the other direction" she says. "You are not driving tonight" I say, "you'll come to my house and we can get you some clean clothes and a doctor to check your foot". She stops moving, turns and looks at me "You live in this house?" she asks, her big blue eyes looking at me with wonder. I just nod. She shakes her head like she can't believe what she just heard. "What?" I ask. "Oh, nothing" she says with a hint of a smile in her eyes, but I definitely know it's something.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Thank you all for the reviews! I'm overwhelmed with the response. To all the guest reviewers also a big thank you, even I can't reply to you by PM. One guest wrote her take on how A&C knew each other making me wonder if she has been spying on my writing - oh, it was not all the same as what I had written, but some points definitely hitting the nail on the head! :) Read it (after reading this chapter) - of you haven't yet._

_I don't own the characters, just using them for my own little story-line._

_Here we go... _

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_Anastasia_

Now I know where I've seen those eyes before! Can it be? The sun was shining from a clear blue sky that day, the rays of the sun caressing me as I lay on the lawn drawing in my notebook, it was the summer after first grade. Grandpa told me to come over, he had some business to do by the beach, and he asked me to come with him - we planned on going for a swim after he was done.

We drove there in his old pickup, I got to sit up front, Bruce was playing on the radio. We were going to the mansion, I was curious to see it from up close; I hadn't actually been there before, just running around the woods surrounding the property countless of times.

The forest surrounding the garden held my secret path to the beach. I hadn't told anyone, not even grandpa, about it, but I'm sure he knew about it, being responsible for the garden and woods belonging to the mansion. I knew that the family staying there had a girl; she was a bit younger than me. I had met her a few times by the shore.

As my grandpa went over some plans with the lady of the house, I was free to roam the property. I was careful not to touch anything inside the house - afraid to break something if I did. The huge open living room had windows that reached all the way from the floor to the ceiling, with French doors opening onto the patio overlooking the garden. It was breathtakingly beautiful, I pretended being a princess stepping into the garden by the palace, I even waved my hand in that royal way to the imaginary people standing by the roses, as I stepped onto the patio. I saw the girl playing in the garden; I can't remember her name, but I remember that she had the cutest pink bike, which she let me drive that day. I was driving the bike around the garden when I saw two boys coming from the beach, one of them quickly running inside, whilst the other one went to sit on the patio. I hadn't expected to see any other children there, not boys anyway. Suddenly i felt very self-conscious riding the bike and knowing my luck and my two left feet, I fell of the bike in a splendid manner. The boy sitting on the patio saw me go down and he ran over to help me. My foot was stuck in the wheel somehow, he managed to free me without any further damage. He saw that my foot was bleeding, I hadn't even noticed it myself - the small scar is still visible today. He helped me up, and took me to the house where the girl's mother cleaned the cut and but a Band-Aid on it. I remember looking at him when he helped me to the house. His eyes looked so sad and angry, they were the color of a storm cloud. To me, he looked gorgeous, he was my hero. I remember drawing and painting those eyes endless times after that. But I never got the color right. I never met him again; I didn't even know his name. He was my first crush, in my heart I know that it must have been Christian.

"What?" he asks. I try to hide my smile, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks and say "Oh, nothing". Christian clearly wants to ask me about it, but I'm saved from having to explain it further by a man running towards us.

"Sir" he says to Christian, "do you need help?" he asks clearly confused by the sight in front of him. Me, in my dirty dress, all puffy eyed and messy haired; holding on to the beautiful man, with the perfect clothes. I'm relieved when Christian doesn't let go of me, as I don't think I could have managed anyone else touching me, and I still needed the support. I'm amazed by how comfortable I am having a man so near me, but I realize it's not any man, it is Christian.

"Taylor, please, I'm fine, but could you call Grace and tell her to come over, Miss Ana here, hurt her foot" he says tilting his head in my direction. I look at Taylor feeling embarrassed about the whole ordeal "I wasn't looking and my foot slipped" I tell him, leaving out the part of me running through the forest with bare feet, eyes full of tears. I wonder who he is - he called Christian _sir_. "Please tell Grace to bring some clean clothes for her" Christian adds quietly. I try to tell him that this is really not necessary, I have my stuff at the car, and I really should be driving to the city tonight anyway, but he insists. I just don't know how I can drive with my ankle hurting as hell. Surely I could go to stay with the Rodriguez family one more night, maybe Christian or Taylor could drive me there?

We enter the mansion through the back door, Christian gently leading me through a corridor to a sitting area overlooking the garden. I realize the garden hasn't lost much of its beauty over the years, even tough its difficult to tell as its getting rather dark outside.

"Please give me your car keys" Christian says holding out his hand after placing me on a couch. Oh, he'll drive me then, so soon? I feel a pang of disappointment run through me, I guess I was hoping for a longer stay. "Taylor will park your car in the garage, it's safer than leaving it by the road" he explains, still holding his hand out waiting for the keys. I guess I'm not leaving, just yet, anyway.

I give him the keys, his eyes looking at me confused when he sees the key chain attached to it. It's a small picture frame, and in the space where the picture should be there is an empty canvas. "No picture?" he asks, I shake my head no, again leaving him without an answer. "I'll be right back, I'll just tell Taylor to get the car" he says. As I'm left alone I lie down, stretch my neck, close my eyes and breathe deeply trying to gather my thoughts and feelings. I'm confused and tired, the roller coaster ride of emotions I've been through leaving me totally exhausted.

Christian

I take her car key and give it to Taylor. He goes to get the car, no questions asked, but his confusion seeing Ana's arm around my shoulders did not go unnoticed. I don't think he has ever seen anyone that close to me. The only touch I've known for the last many years being a handshake, or the occasional punch from my personal trainer Bastille. Even my mother knows not to touch me. I remember there being touches in my childhood, but as I grew older the more difficult it became to let anyone touch me. It got me into trouble at school, I lashed out on others who didn't understand to keep their hands off me. I detested myself, the past horrors always present in my mind. I guess that's how Elena got to me, she knew that I was an angry teenager, and she knew that I blamed myself for what happened to my birth mother. She got the information from Grace, who used to be her friend, and then used it all against me. She kissed me first, and then she hit me. The two ultimate opposites making me totally confused and with time always leaving me horny as hell. She eventually took my virginity and the thought makes me cringe. Then, it didn't feel that wrong, but now I understand that it was. Somehow in the process of all of this I got control over my rage. This lead to control over my life. I had the control, but what I needed, but I didn't have, was hope. Ana has touched me today, and I have survived it, in fact I can't wait for her to touch me again, so maybe there is hope for me yet.

"Mr. Grey, would you like something to eat?" I hear Mrs. Jones, my housekeeper, ask me, waking me from my thoughts. "Yes please, Mrs. Jones, could you prepare a light supper for two". "Two, sir? Are you expecting visitors?" she asks. "There was a girl by the road, I brought her here, as she had injured her ankle" I say - then realizing that Grace is also on her way. "On second thought, we better make that for three, as Grace is on her way to check on her" I add.

I knowingly left out the small bit of information about me kissing Ana on the beach. I realize it must seem strange that I'm bringing in some stranger to the house, I guess the fact that I kissed her being even stranger, but I don't care. I pay them enough not to question my actions.

I head back to the sitting room where I left Ana. My heart beats to a new rhythm as I approach the door, should I knock or just go inside? I decide on being polite; I knock on the door before going in. I see Ana on the couch, her eyes are closed - she must have fallen asleep. I walk to her, I have to touch her again. I don't want to wake her, but I need to feel her energy again. I kneel beside the couch; I stroke her hair, again tucking those few stray hairs behind her ear. I run my fingers down her cheek, and then over her lower lip. My fingers are barely touching her, but the current is so strong I can almost see it. Oh lord, the energy between us exists even when she's asleep. I inhale her scent, her smell intoxicating me. I press a gentle kiss on her forehead - the touch of her skin on my lips taking my breath away. I look at her, she is so beautiful, her perfect skin, her high cheekbones, her nose and her lips, oh those lips. Without even realizing what I'm doing, I lean towards her and kiss them. I see her eyes open, those blue eyes piercing me, almost freezing me in my place - I quickly move back, feeling like a kid being caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Oh hell, I did it again. What is it about her - that makes me kiss her all the time? The thought flashes through my mind as I prepare myself for her reaction, not knowing what it'll be. I don't get far away from her, when I feel her hand on my face. I was expecting her to slap me, so I'm surprised to feel the softness of her touch - she runs her fingers down my cheek. Her touch leaving a burning sensation in its wake. She's looking at me with those blue eyes, the color of them reminding me of the ocean on a sunny day. I realize that she is mirroring my movements from before, exploring my face with her fingertips. Desire roars through my veins as she traces my lower lip with her thumb, I lean into her hand and she pulls me to her lips. Our lips meet, and all my emotions light up and explode - like fireworks on 4th of July. My tongue finds hers, and the feeling is indescribable, I feel her soul with every fiber of my being. Our souls dancing through the universe merging into one. In that moment it becomes clear to me, the thing that has been missing in my life, is Ana.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Thank you all who are following and reviewing! And reading of course!_

_I don't own the characters, just using them for my own story-line._

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_Grace _

I wonder what it is that has made Christian ask me to come to him on a Saturday evening? Luckily I was at home and not working as it sounded urgent. Our relationship has been difficult lately, the truth about his teenage years breaking my heart. All I want to do is to hold my broken boy, but he won't let me. He does not want to talk about it again, he made that very clear after he told us what Elena had done to him. I followed Elena's trial closely, the horrific details now etched on my brain. I can not help but wonder if she did the same things to Christian. I blame myself for not seeing it, for letting Elena into his life. I blame myself for not protecting him. I promised him I would never let anyone harm him again when he was brought to the hospital that night his mother's death was discovered. And I failed. He says it's not my fault, but there's not anything that can take away the guilt. He didn't need that shit to happen to him. I'm worried about him; he was always such a lonely child, he didn't have friends when he was young, and I think that's still the case. I have never seen him with friends, not to even mention a girlfriend. In spite all of his issues he is strong and determined. He has built his company, it has made him very rich; I believe he's in the top 5 in the US. But the money has not brought him happiness.

I arrive at the beach house, there's an old white WV Beetle parked in the garage. That's for sure not Christian's, think wile passing it, who's is it?

Taylor is waiting for me by the entrance. "Good evening ma'am" he says when opening the door for me. "Good evening Taylor, what's going on? Is Christian alright?". He looks at me, I see him contemplating his answer, clearly choosing his words carefully. "Yes, Mr. Grey is ok" he says emphasizing , I look at him sharply, expecting him to continue. "He brought an injured person here, that's why he asked you to come" he says finally. What person? Why would Christian have brought anyone here? That's very unlike him.

Taylor tells me that Christian is waiting for me in the sitting room. I pass by the kitchen to say hello to Gail (Mrs. Jones), before continuing down the corridor. The door is open, so I step in without knocking and can't believe my eyes. It's is such an unexpected image, but nevertheless it makes a tidal wave of relief wash over me. Christian is kneeling by the couch, looking into the blue eyes of a girl in a dirty dress laying on it. I don't remember ever seeing him so relaxed that close to anyone before. She looks happy, with just a hint of a blush on her cheeks. They are talking, but I can't make out what they are saying.

"Hmhm" I clear my throat not to startle them, before I say "Christian dear, you asked for me?" He jumps to his feet, then turning to me - I notice that there's a bit of a guilty look in his eyes before he collects himself and puts his poker face on. "Oh you are here already, thanks for coming over so quickly". He offers her his hand to help her sit up - I think my heart will burst as I see it, it's such a small gesture, but I know it means so much more. He's letting her touch him. He looks to the girl and says "Ana, this is my mother Grace, _Doctor_ Grace Grey", then he turns to me "Mom, this is Ana..." he squints his eyes, it's like he's having difficulties remembering her name; then finally turning back to Ana with a smile saying "You have to help me out here". "Steele" she says with an amused look on her face, "Anastasia Steele". That name is kind of familiar, I can't quite put my finger on it tough.

_Anastasia _

I almost fell asleep on the couch, my mind drifting to the beach trying to regain the serenity I felt watching the sunset. Then I felt Christian near me - the same energy pulsating between us. I don't want to open my eyes; if he thinks I'm sleeping, maybe I'll not have to explain myself to him. I smell his cologne, a scent that would make my knees weak if I was standing - luckily I'm horizontal.

His fingers touch my hair, tucking some behind my ear. Then I feel them move down my chin, and over my lips. The spark I felt when he first touched me is by now a roaring fire burning inside me. He gently kisses my forehead, and then my lips. Oh my god, he's kissing me - again! I open my eyes, and I see his eyes shift their color as he quickly pulls back from me looking like he's preparing for the worst; I guess he's expecting me to run again. I push all my thoughts back,I don't want to think, I just want to feel this moment. I lift my hand to his face. I follow his pattern; my fingers going down his cheek - feeling his stubble, over his lips, the energy between us growing. He leans into my touch and I can't resist it - I pull his lips to mine and surrender. I have never kissed like this, it is all consuming; all coherent thought vanishing from my mind leaving it an empty canvas that gets filled with amazing colors as our kiss deepens. I'm out of breath when the kiss ends. "Sorry" slips from my mouth and I feel the blush rising, he just looks at me with a smile and says "Could you please stop apologizing already, especially when you don't have anything to apologize for".

We hear someone clearing their throat by the door, I close my eyes and pray for the couch to swallow me. Oh man, did they see that kiss? Christian gets on his feet quicker than you can say "gotcha", and introduces me to his mother - the doctor. Ok, her last name is Grey, I wonder if it's Christian's also, it would fit him perfectly I think, looking at his eyes. He seems to be having difficulties with my name, and it dawns on me that he doesn't know it. I didn't know his until now neither. Oh, this is definitely a first. I'm kissing a man and I don't even know his name, nor he mine! "Anastasia Steele" I say, holding out my hand to shake hers.

Christian excuses himself and leaves Grace with me, she's very friendly. I see in her eyes,that she has questions she wants to ask, but she doesn't ask them, sticking to the doctor - patient protocol. She lifts my injured foot, twisting on it slightly - I wince as the pain shoots through me. Her eyes focus on my foot - then she looks to me. Her face lights up, like she's just had an epiphany. "Ana Steele, right?" she asks " Yes" I reply, not quite understanding where this is going. "Sam's granddaughter?" - "Yes...?" How does she know grandpa? "I see it left a scar" she says looking at the scar on my foot. And now I _get_ it, why didn't I connect the dots sooner I'll never know. She's the mother of the girl of the mansion _and_ the mother of Christian. The same woman that cleaned the cut and patched it up all those years ago. If I wasn't before, now I am sure that the boy was Christian.

We go on talking about old times. I guess Grace knows what happened to grandpa, because she doesn't ask about him. She just tells me how proud he always was of me, how he kept my paintings on the wall of the garden shed. _He was proud of me_, I just keep on repeating her words to myself. It feels good to hear that; even after all these years, he still means the world to me.

As Grace is done, and we have concluded that my ankle is not broken, just sprained, she gives me some clean clothes from the bag she brought. "These are Mia's" she says pulling out a beautiful wide skirt and a top matching it. The colors reminding me of the sunset, it's a beautiful outfit. "Thanks" I say, "but I would rather have my own clothes from the car". "Just borrow them now, so you can get out of that dress - let Mrs. Jones do her magic and get it cleaned for you" Grace says. By the time I'm ready there's a knock on the door, it's Christian.

I'm in someone else's clothes, in someone else's home, normally these things even separately would be getting me into a panic-attack. But not now, now I just feel at ease. Like all the pieces of the puzzle have clicked into place. I smile at him when he comes over to help me to the dining room. We go on walking in the same manner as before, my arm around his shoulder, his arm around my waist. I can't help it, I just have to breathe in his wonderful scent, my heart beating faster as I enjoy this short private moment between us. The room goes quiet as we step into it, what is it? Why are all three staring at us? Christian seems oblivious to their eyes as he guides me to the table, helps me to get seated and sits on the chair next to mine.

_Christian _

My mother seems happy as she exits the room. She spent quite some time in there, I got worried there was something seriously wrong with Ana. Thank god, it's just a sprain. She wants to know how we met, but I avoid the question telling her that we will talk over supper. I don't want to explain the encounter on the beach to anyone just yet.

I knock on the door and enter. Ana is sitting on the couch wearing a skirt and a top that look like they were made for her; the colors making her blue eyes even bluer, if possible. She smiles at me, her smile makes me feel happy in a way I've never felt before. I want see that smile on her always. I help her up and we go to the dining room together. She is so close to me like this; I feel her hand on my shoulder, I feel her waist under my hand. It feels so right.

Mrs. Jones, Taylor and mom are in the middle of a conversation as we walk into the room - all of them just stop mid-sentence to stare at us. Oh yes, I'm being touched, and heads are not falling, who would have thought? I help Ana to get seated before sitting on a chair next to her. The choice between sitting beside her, or across the table in front of her almost too difficult to make. If I'm next to her, I can smell her, I could even touch her, but from across the table I could look at her.I could spend a lifetime looking at that face, and never get tired of it, but I chose to sit beside her. My mother would for sure notice me staring at Ana if I were to sit across the table.

Mrs. Jones has again outdone herself, the supper was delicious. Wine was offered, but Ana refused it. I hope she's not still thinking about driving tonight. I don't want her to leave, and she couldn't drive with her sore foot discussion stays on a general level, there being a million questions waiting to be asked - but no one is asking them.

My mother wipes her mouth, puts her napkin away and turns to Ana. "So Ana, what do you do?". "I mostly paint" she replies with a smile. Paint? - the image of her key-chain flashes through my mind, and it sort of makes sense now. "And from time to time I'm helping at the shelter downtown Seattle". I feel she wants to tell us more, but decides to leave it at that. "Oh really? Like at a homeless shelter?" I ask, trying to wrap my mind around the idea. It's a world million miles from mine. "Yes, at a homeless shelter" she says "There's so many people in need of help, I feel it's the least I can do". I want to tell her it's not safe, the streets at night, the strangers. The homeless people make me feel anxious, I don't understand anyone letting their life to come to that. Hell, I was malnourished and neglected as a child, but even then I had a home. If my birth-mother didn't do anything else right, at least she made sure we had a roof over our heads. I work hard to make sure that I, nor anyone in my family, will ever be in that situation. I'm lost in thought as Ana and Grace go through the who-knows-who of Seattle's charities. I think they both know someone, who knows someone, but I'm not paying attention. Why does she do it? She looks radiant talking about it though, the volunteer work clearly being near her heart. She tells us about the art therapy lessons she sometimes keeps there. That's actually fascinating.

"You said you paint also, what kind of paintings?" I ask hoping to change the subject from the homeless to something a little easier. "Mostly landscapes, sunsets, nature and all that. Sometimes abstracts. It depends on my mood really." she says. I make a mental note to find and purchase some of her paintings.

"Would you like to see your old paintings?" Grace asks Ana suddenly. I look to Grace then to Ana, and I'm confused. Ana's eyes light up and she says "You still have them? Oh, I would love to!" Did I just get sucked into a parallel universe? How the hell does my mother have some apparently old paintings by a person I met less than 3 hours ago? Am I missing something here?

We get up, I help Ana to walk after Grace who leads us to the room dad uses for work when here. She pulls out a cardboard box and lifts off the lid. I feel Ana's body tighten under my grip as she takes out one painting after another. One catches my attention, it's an abstract, I'm not quite sure what it is, but it's very pretty, a beautiful array of grey shades, with just a hint of blue and the bottom corner I see that it's signed A. S. - 99. She must have been a kid when painting it. "Sam had a lot of them, we saved most of them" Grace says to her "you can take them if you want" she adds.

Sam..? He used to be the head gardener a long time ago I think. Why does he have her paintings? I still can't quite understand it, but I don't have a chance to ask anything about it as Ana says "Thank you Grace so much, I'd love to take them". Then she looks at me and continues"Christian, can you please help me to my car - oh and could I borrow your phone? I should call the family I stayed with last night to ask if I can stay there tonight also as I can't drive to the city - well not by myself anyway." She's going? Oh no, no, no, she has to stay here tonight, an image of her sleeping in my bed with her hair spread over the pillow flashes through my mind - no I don't think she would say yes to that, but I need her to stay here at the house. "You could stay here" I say, feeling my mother's stare - I guess she can't believe what I've just said. "I don't want to intrude, I've caused so much trouble already..." Ana says, I feel an undercurrent in her voice. I think she would like to stay here, but doesn't quite admit it to herself. "It's no trouble, there's plenty of room."

_Anastasia _

Oh, so many of my paintings. I can't believe grandpa kept them! There's paintings from before and after, I see the difference clearly looking at them. This was my therapy back then, I realize looking at painting after painting. Some are bright and happy, the normal way kids draw families with smiling faces and sun shining. Some are the exact opposite, mostly abstracts with dark colors - having anxiety written all over them. I put the paintings back in the box and close the lid, I don't want go through all those emotions now. Grace tells me that I can have them if I want. Of course I want them, I don't have any of my art from back then. I feel exhausted, all of this just too much to take on - and I don't even know where I'll be staying tonight.

I'd better put the box of paintings in my car, then try to arrange a place to crash for tonight. I tell Christian that I want to go to my car, and ask him for his phone to call Luisa - my phone is still in my car where I left it before, the battery probably dead by now. "You could stay here" he says.

Did he just ask me to stay? I feel my heart skip a beat. No, I couldn't, could I? Should I? It would be convenient, I wouldn't have to push myself on the Rodriguezes, and I'm exhausted anyway. Yes I think I'll stay here.

Christian helps me to a room on the second floor, my bag is waiting on the bed, my car keys laying beside my phone on the nightstand. I look at Christian confused "Taylor brought your stuff from the car" he says. "You can stay in here." Yeah, I figured as much - my stuff being here. Did he have it brought here before asking me? "My room is just next to this one, so if you need anything just holler." Christian says. I thank him and tell him good night. I probably should have said something to him about asking me first, before moving my stuff, but I realize that he has even kissed me without asking first - it's just the way he is, and the truth is I really don't mind it. "Sweet dreams" he says quietly, before leaving me alone.

I sit on the bed taking in my surroundings; the room is simple, but beautiful, with only a few pieces of furniture. The large window has a view of the garden, the ocean visible between the trees. It's dark outside, with only the moon and its reflection on the calm water shedding light on the world.

I put on a over-sized t-shirt and fold the borrowed clothes on the chair before laying down on the bed. It feels empty, like I'm missing something or someone in it. _Christian._ I shake my head to rid that thought, why would I want someone I've just met in my bed? The memory of us kissing sneaks it's way back to my mind; and I fall asleep dreaming of his strong arms around me, his breath on my skin, the smell of his cologne lingering in the air, his lips on mine, our mouths devouring each other.


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Oh wow! More than 100 followers, almost 80 reviews by the time I'm writing this! This is amazing, Sunsets has just been online a week. Thank you all who are reading, reviewing and following! _

_I guess I should rewrite the summary text, please pm me if you have any ideas about what I should put in it. _

_I don't own the characters, just using them for my own little story-line. _

* * *

_Christian _

I leave Ana and close the door behind me; I lean back against it and close my eyes. I have to be losing my mind - it took all my willpower to leave that room without kissing her again. "Is everything all right sir?" I hear Taylor ask me. I sigh heavily "Everything's fine." I know it's barely an excuse of an answer, but I don't want tell him that I think I'm losing my mind. Going crazy over a woman; me!? _CEO _Christian Grey?! Who is never seen with a woman anywhere? Also the fact that I don't understand why mom had Ana's paintings, is driving me nuts. I just don't get it.

"Did Grace leave yet?" I ask suddenly in a hurry. "No, I think she's still in the kitchen with Gail" Taylor answers. I sprint to the kitchen to be sure to catch her before she leaves.

"Mom, good you are still here".My mother looks surprised to see me - well we haven't spoken to each other for weeks before tonight, so I guess it's understandable. "What's wrong?" she asks. "I need to ask you something". "Alright, if you please excuse me, Gail, I'll go talk with my son" she says to Mrs. Jones with a smile.

We go to my office and sit down; it's a strange setting for a mother - son discussion, but I don't even notice it. "What's on your mind?" she asks. _Ana_. I realize she's all I've been thinking about tonight. Not one thought concerning work has crossed my mind, that's definitely a first. "I can't understand how come you had Ana's paintings?" Grace looks a bit confused; I guess she thought I knew. "You don't remember Sam?" she asks. "Yes I remember him, he was the gardener a long time ago wasn't he?" I still don't get it. "That's right" she pauses and then continues "Ana is his granddaughter". Sam's granddaughter? "Oh, Sam _Steele_" I say, as the wheels are turning and I finally get it. That's it, his name was Steele! How could that have slipped my mind, we even used to call him Sam the man of steel with Elliot, my brother. As I think about it, I remember there being paintings in the shed, I never asked who's they were.

"Do you remember that Ana came here once when she was a child?" Grace asks me and it leaves my mind reeling. What!? She came here? A vague memory of a friend of Mia's falling of a bike appears. Oh yes, I helped her as she had hurt her foot. That was Ana? An image of her foot flashes through my mind. _The scar_! I saw it, so it had to be her! Here I was thinking we had never met. What a coincidence that I end up helping her with an injured foot, again! "She fell of Mia's bike" I say, Grace just nods. "I noticed the scar on her foot when examining her, that's when I remembered." Grace explains. "Yeah, I saw it too, it just didn't ring any bells" I say quietly.

"So, tell me, how did you two meet?" Grace asks. What can I say; she trespassed, I kissed her, she ran and fell, and then I kissed her again. "She was watching the sunset, I was at the beach also; she got upset, ran and slipped". "Why did she get upset?" Of course Grace had to ask it; my mind is working on overtime trying to find some reason - other than the kiss, to tell Grace. I can't think of anything, so I guess I have to tell the truth. "I kissed her" I say quietly. Grace's eyes widen as she's trying to understand what I just said. "Oh" she just says, I think this is the first time ever I've seen her lost for words. I see a mix of emotions on her face; confusion, relief, joy, even sorrow. After a moment of silence she says, "It feels good to see you accepting her touch" I see the sadness in her eyes and realize it's because of me. I have not let her touch me for ages. "I know" I say as I put my hand on Grace's. "It feels good" I continue. She looks shocked at first, but then she gently puts her other hand on mine, and I see tears in her eyes. We sit like that for a few moments, with her holding my hand, neither of us saying anything. Then I happen to glance at the clock. "It's really late mom, you should sleep here tonight, Elliot's room is empty". "Ok" she just says, still overwhelmed by the fact that I let her touch me.

I wake up early as usual, feeling surprisingly refreshed considering the late night we all had yesterday. I dreamed about blue eyes, sunsets, soft lips and kisses. That's a nice change to all the nightmares I've been having more and more lately. I sneak a peep into Ana's room - I see her sleeping peacefully, her bare leg outside the cover. Oh what I would give to get to touch that leg. To run my fingers up her leg, feeling her soft alabaster skin under my fingertips, drawing circles while just slowly moving towards.._ Oh come on_! You just met her yesterday, get a grip! I quietly close the door and go for my usual morning run as I don't think she will wake up yet. I desperately try to make myself think about anything else than her.

The sunrises are not quite as exquisite as the sunsets. There's definitely a new hopeful feel to everything today; I see the dew drops on the grass, I hear some birds singing, everything fresh and new. I head to the beach as usual; I don't have my iPod with me, because I prefer to run listening to the waves coming to shore.

It's such a beautiful morning, I should bring Ana to the beach today; I'm sure she would love it. An image pops to my mind. She's laying on the sand, writhing with pleasure when I gently massage her feet as I spread sunscreen on them and then plant kisses all the way from her toes to the apex of her thighs. The sweat glistening on her skin, making the sand stick to her as she arches her back when reaching her climax, like the waves crashing against the cliff. _What the hell_? Where did that come from? I don't do daydreams! Get a grip man - _be in control of your mind_. I try emptying my mind off all thoughts, and continue down the waterline. I don't run very far today, wanting to be back quickly in case Ana should need me.

After the run and a quick shower I take the morning paper and a cup of coffee with me to the patio. I'll wait with breakfast until Ana joins me. I've told Taylor and Mrs. Jones to alert me if she's asking for help moving around. I'm lost in page four of the finance section when I see Ana stepping out onto the patio. She looks stunning, she smiles and her smile lights up the already bright summer morning. Her eyes are focused on the roses; I guess she didn't notice me yet. What is she doing?

_Anastasia _

The sun is shining brightly when I wake up. I've slept very well, I don't remember dreaming anything - it's a relief, if I would remember; it would probably have been a nightmare. Those tend to stick to my mind even I don't want to remember them. God knows there's too much stuff I just hope I could forget, I don't need the nightmares to remind me of them. I stretch myself and try wiggling my injured foot; it doesn't hurt as much as yesterday so I try to stand on it. Yes! I can do it. It's a relief to be able to move around without help, even though the thought of those strong arms around me... I think I might have to exaggerate the pain a bit, to get Christian to hold me again. I can't believe myself; here I am trying to get a man to touch me again! What happened to touch me with a ten foot pole and I'll flip out totally?

I carefully make my way to the bathroom, Mrs. Jones sees me on the way; she tells me there are clean towels and toiletries by the shower and asks me what I'd like for breakfast. I'm definitely not used to having servants, I can take care of myself. "Thank you, but you don't have to prepare anything, I can help myself, I don't want to be a burden" "Oh, please don't worry about it, it's my job. I'm making breakfast for Mr. Grey anyway..." she says. "Well ok, just something light like fruit, yoghurt or whatever. And tea please, with the bag on the side thank you." Oh it's such a lovely morning, it's a shame to be inside. "Could I eat out on the patio?" "Of course miss Steele" Mrs. Jones says with a smile. Having servants to help you with everything feels so upper class - oh it's like I'm royalty, I smile as the memory of my childhood visit here flashes through my mind.

I enjoy a long hot shower, and to my surprise I find my white dress hanging by the door. Mrs. Jones must really know her magic, as it's spotless. I quickly put on a bra and panties - matching colors, I'm not quite sure why I felt that to be important today, usually I don't care as long as they're clean, then pull the dress over my head. It's my favorite, very simple, comfortable, kind of basic, but nevertheless I feel pretty in it. I put my hair up in a messy bun and look at myself in the mirror. For once I look relaxed, which is odd considering my surroundings. Well it's not a totally unfamiliar place as I came here once, and face it; grandpa used to work here so it can't be bad. I feel good being here, so I just stick to not over-thinking this. _And Christian is here._ He makes me feel safe. I haven't seen him today yet, maybe he's still sleeping?

I walk down the stairs and go through the living room - it hasn't changed much since I was here last time. I look at the garden, the wonderful view filled with flowers, grass, trees and the sun shimmering on the waves. The French doors are open so I step out onto the patio just as I did when I was a child. I remember imagining people standing by the roses waving their flags and hands while shouting my name. "Princess Anastasia, we love you!" I can't resist it; I lift my hand and do that royal wave, just as when I was a child. My little imaginary moment burst as I hear Christian's voice "Hey, you're up!" I hope he didn't catch that wave... "Who are you waving at?" "No one" I say trying to be as nonchalant about it as possible, hoping he'll leave it. "Oh no, you don't get off the hook this time, yesterday you left me without answers at least two times - I'll not allow it today also" he says to me his eyes sparkling with humor in the morning sun. "Well, I was just remembering a thing from my childhood - if you have to know" "Oh? From when you were here?" Christian asks. He knows that it was me? "You remember it?" I ask. "I didn't at first, but when I finally remembered Sam's last name I kind of put two and two together." "So you remember helping me then?" "Yeah, you were my little sister's friend, I saw you fall and I helped you to Grace"

_Christian _

And even then you were pretty, and you touched me, and I didn't feel anxious about it. I decide it's too soon to tell her about the whole touching thing.

I see a blush rising on her cheeks. "Well thank you again for helping me, both then and yesterday" she says. But why is she blushing? "It was my pleasure" I say with a grin. Oh, I'm smiling so much it hurts my cheeks. "But it still doesn't explain that little wave you just gave the roses". She looks a bit amused and ashamed at the same time; I take her hand in mine and gently kiss it. _Relax baby, it's ok_. As I touch her I feel the energy charge between us hit me like a lightning. The feel of her skin is burning on my lips taking my breath away. Should I just kiss her, I really want to, but does she? I see Mrs. Jones carrying a trey, bringing our breakfast, so I guess that kiss will have to wait.

"When I came here as a child I imagined being a princess and waving to the subjects - that's what I just did" she finally tells me after we finished eating. She leans closer to me; I see her hand closing in on me. What is she doing, is she going to touch me? I really hope that she's going to touch me. But can I handle it? All thoughts go through me with the speed of light. She drags her thumb over the corner of my mouth and then licks it. Oh my god. Those lips, that tongue. I feel all my blood rush downward, and it almost makes me dizzy. I don't remember when I would have felt like this before; maybe never. "You had some yogurt there" she says almost apologetically, it's like she just realized what she just did. "Don't say it" I just say. "Say what?" she looks surprised by my words. "Don't say you're sorry".

She apologized yesterday after both kisses, I don't want her to ever apologize for touching me, as her touch makes me feel alive. The memories of our kisses are now playing on repeat on my mind, and it makes my heart beat quicker. Oh the temptation, the lust, all those feelings I thought I would never feel. It's just too much. "May I kiss you?" I manage to say, and she giggles a bit - that has to be the prettiest sound on earth, but doesn't get a chance to reply as I smash my lips against hers, the heat of the moment being too much for me to take. I push my fingers through her hair, wrap my arm around her body as we melt into each other.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: Again a huge thank you to all readers, reviewers and followers! I really appreciate the feedback you've given me! Real life has been busy - there has been practically no time to write, so I'm sorry for the longer gap between updates. _

_I do not own the characters, just using them for my own little story. _

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_Anastasia _

I can't help but giggle as Christian asks if he may kiss me. He didn't ask before, and I didn't ask before, so it just seems kind of funny. I don't get a chance to reply him before his lips are on mine, his tongue inviting mine to dance. Oh sweet lord, he tastes delicious, his lips so soft, his arms around me so strong and commanding. My heart beats so hard I think it'll jump from my chest, there's a burning inside my core that I've never felt before. This man awakens my body, makes me want him. I never wanted any man before, my so-called stepfather destroyed that part of me ages ago.

It was the second and last time he pushed himself on me; he was drunk as usual, my mother no where to be found. For weeks I tried my best to never be alone in the house with Rob, he wasn't supposed to be in town, so I let my guard down. I was laying on my bed drawing as usual, music blasting from the headphones. I smelled him before I could see him, it was the same smell of whiskey. Before I could react he got on me in bed; luckily I was dressed this time, but it didn't stop his hands from touching me all over, he pinned me down with his other arm so I couldn't move. I felt his stinking breath on my neck while his hands worked their way over my body. I tried to fight him, I used all the force I had in me to push him off me. He must have really been drunk, as I managed to make him loose his balance and fall off the bed. I think he hit his head on the table by the bed, as he didn't get up, and I just ran, just like the time before. I ran to my grandparents' house; thank god they were at home this time and I swore I'd never go back, and I never did.

Now all these feelings flushing over me are overwhelming, it's feels like Christian has made that old wound heal and I realize I want him, and it feels right.

The surroundings vanish from around us, there's not anything else in the universe - only me and him. Our souls connecting on some cosmic level and it's just breathtaking. I feel the kiss end, my eyes are still shut and I feel afraid to open them, to take on the world again.

"Yes" I say, finally opening my eyes. Christian's brow furrows as he can't understand my answer. "Yes you may kiss me" I continue smirking. "You know, I don't usually go around kissing people, these days have definitely been an exception" I tell him. Christian laughs, the laughter seems to come from deep within him, and I can't help but smile. "Well, it's not my usual mo. neither." Christian says.

Grace appears by the patio door, thank god she didn't come earlier or she would for sure have seen us kissing, just like last night. I feel a blush creeping onto my cheeks, she really knows her timing. "Good morning" Christian and I say at the same time. Grace smiles "Good morning to you both. Ana dear, how are you feeling today?" "Much better, thank you. I can put weight on my foot, so I can move by myself" I tell her. An emotion flashes is Christian's eyes. What was that? Disappointment?

"Well that's good to hear" Grace says. I guess she noticed Christian's reaction as she's looking at him with confusion. "But remember to take it easy today, it's better to let your foot heal than to be up and about immediately and prolonging the healing process." _Yes, Doctor. _

"So what are your plans for today?" she asks. "I have to get back into town, I've got alot of work to do before Tuesday" I reply. "Do you have to leave today?" Christian asks. He seems disappointed. "I really should leave" I say wishing that I didn't have to just yet.

_Grace _

I wake up feeling that the world is on track again. Everything had been going down the wrong way for the last few months. It would be more appropriate to say the last 13 years, as that's when Elena got her claws into Christian. He didn't tell us anything until just before the trial started; I realize now that his touch issues have a lot to do with his early years, but Elena just made it worse. I can't believe her, how can she do such things to young boys? How could she betray me, use the things I told her to her advantage, to get hold on Christian. Now after all this time of him avoiding touching, it's clear that something has happened; did he have some kind of a breakthrough in therapy? He let Ana touch him, and he let me hold his hand - he touched me first, I didn't push it. I had to repress the need to hug him and to hold him in my arms. To comfort my darling boy, in the way I have not been allowed to for so long.

I'm really glad I stayed the night here; I was too tired to drive last night anyway. I called Carrick to tell him that I'd be staying here, he was relieved when I told him that Christian let me touch him, the whole issue has been weighing on him as well. I know it was just holding his hand, but after not touching him for ages, even that felt good. I hope I'll get a chance to talk to Christian again, and maybe find out what's going on between Ana and him. But first I'll go have breakfast with Gail; we didn't get a chance to finish our talk last night. Maybe she can tell me when the change in Christian's behavior has happened.

After eating breakfast I decide to take my cup of coffee and go to find Christian. I wonder where he is. Oh yes, Gail brought him breakfast out on the patio, he's probably still there. I see Ana and Christian sitting together talking, both of them look so relaxed. It's a sight for sore eyes, Christian is looking so carefree, I can't remember if I've ever seen him so at ease.

_Oh no_, she's going to touch him, I see her hand closing in on him. I almost yell her to stop, but then I see something I never thought I'd see; she gently wipes something from the corner of his mouth, he doesn't even flinch; he says something - I can't hear what it was, and then kisses her. He's kissing her! Really kissing her; wrapping his arms around her. I shouldn't watch this, but I can't turn my eyes away from them. Eventually the kiss ends and I decide that the coast is clear to enter, I see Ana blushing as she sees me approaching, _oh yes_, I saw you, but don't worry I won't mention it.

We sit and talk about what Ana's plans are, it turns out that she has to leave today. I see that Christian is disappointed, he trying to hide it; I think he wants her to stay.

Ana has got an art exhibition opening on Tuesday, her paintings will be on display for a few weeks at the gallery at Pike Place and she has a lot to do before that. "You are both welcome to come to the opening in you want" Ana says to both Christian and me. "Are you still staying here Christian?" I ask him, I know from Gail that he's been here only for a few days and he's been working all the time until he met Ana. "No, I think I'll come back to the city, it's much easier to work from the office" "You don't live here?" Ana asks surprised.

_Christian _

An exhibition of her paintings, and she's inviting me and my mother to the opening. I really don't want to miss it; I hope Grace has some other plans so I can be alone with Ana. I quickly type an email on my blackberry to my personal assistant to clear Tuesday evening for me. My mother asks me about staying at the beach house. Well I've been here a few days and I've been working all the time, no point in staying I think. Ana will be in Seattle, so that's where I want to be too; at least there's a theoretical chance of seeing her if we are in the same place. But I can't just tell them that; so "No, I think I'll come back to the city, it's much easier to work from the office" will have to do. Ana looks surprised, it seems that she thought I lived here, the thought almost too absurd to comprehend; but then I realize we really don't know anything about each other.

"I live in Escala, you know that building?" I tell her, her eyes widen, "That huge skyscraper, really?" "Yes really". She seems to be thinking about what I've just said. I'm not so sure she is impressed with the location though. "Something wrong?" I ask a bit confused to her reaction. "No, it's nothing, it's silly really'' she says "Come on tell me" I urge her". Well, I have never even dreamt about living like that, you know in such overly rich environment, and here I am talking to you - who are actually living there, and you have this place as well" she seems a bit confused, hell _I'm_ confused; does she not know _who_ I am? The image of her serving soup in a homeless shelter pops into my mind; she really is from another world. Suddenly I'm almost ashamed to have so much, where are these feelings coming from? "Well yes, I have that apartment, but this beach house belongs to my parents, and I'm just staying here for a bit." I leave out owning a flat in NYC and a villa in Aspen. I look to Grace who seems to be as surprised as me about her not knowing who I am. Well to be honest; I know practically nothing about her either; "So where do you live?" I ask her. "I rent a small flat near Pike Place Market" she says, hey that's not far from me. "That's not too far from Escala" I point out.

There's an awkward silence as no one quite knows where to take the conversation from there. There's much I want to talk about, but not in the presence of my mother. One thing has been on my mind so I just ask casually "What's Sam doing these days?" I see Ana shut down; there's clearly tears in her eyes as she pushes her chair back and leaves the table abruptly almost running with her sore ankle. What is it? What did I say?

She's going in the direction of the beach, but she can't quite make it before she breaks down in tears, the sobs shaking her body. Grace looks at me with confusion and shock written over her face; "You don't know?" she asks, "Know what?" I ask her getting a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Sam died years ago" she says, "Oh" I just manage to say, still not quite understanding Ana's reaction if it has been years. "Rumor has it that Ana found him, he had tried to commit suicide, and he ended up with severe injuries and amnesia, he died after a few months in hospital" Grace continues. "I believe he was her only family that point, she kind of vanished after his death".

Oh there's so many questions to ask, what, why, how and a million more, but I just want to hold her, to take her pain away. I don't know if I should, would she even want me to after my inconsiderate question. "Should I go to her?" I ask Grace while keeping my eye on Ana who is still crying, a little less it seems, she's sitting on the grass, her arms around her knees, her gaze somewhere beyond the horizon. "I think you should" Grace says, so I get up and walk to her. I feel our energy, even in this strange situation it's there. I want to comfort her, to take away her sadness. Without saying anything I sit down next to her; wrap my arm around her shoulders and she leans her head against me. I kiss her hair softly; it smells like heaven. She presses her hand against my chest, at first I think it will break me, but with each breath I take; I realize that this feels so right. I'm not afraid of her touching me, I just want be there for her.


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: Even if I'm repeating myself I just want to say thank you, thank you, and thank you to all reviewers, followers and readers. I'm speechless to the response my story has had. Please keep on reading and reviewing! _

_I do not own the characters, just using them for my own story-line._

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_Anastasia_

"What's Sam doing these days" Christian asks. All the memories that were awakened, when I was watching the sunset come rushing back, and I feel the tears burning in my eyes. No, I don't want to break down in front of Christian and Grace; I get up and just try to get as far as I can before the emotions take over. I just sit there on the edge of the lawn and cry; I wrap my arms around my knees and try to focus on the horizon; just breathe Ana, inhale, exhale. I feel the wind on my face, the salty scent of the ocean wrap itself around me, soothing my emotions with each breath.

It's been years, why is this now so hard to handle? I just miss them both so much. Nana and grandpa, the two people who always loved me; who always were there for me; destiny just took them away. The only time they weren't there for me, was the evening Rob first touched me. That night I slept alone on the porch of their house waiting for them to come home; they never did. The following morning my mother came looking for me and took me home. She was angry that I bit Rob and ran away. I couldn't believe my ears, she was angry at me; not at Rob for laying his hands on me. I don't know how he had explained it to her as I couldn't get her to see the truth. I came home with her; locked myself in my room and decided to never be alone at home again, unless it was in my own room with the door locked. I later found out that Nana had a seizure that evening and they were at the hospital. The news about Nana was like a punch to my stomach, we didn't know what was wrong with her. I didn't tell grandpa about what had happened with Rob, he asked about the bruises, but I just said I fell in gym class - I couldn't put this extra weight on his shoulders. I could handle it myself I thought.

That night was the first time anyone ever suspected there being something wrong with Nana. The doctors soon diagnosed her with cancer, and it didn't take many months before it ended her life. Grandpa was heartbroken as the loves of his life were taken away; first his son, my father, in the car accident, and then just a few years later his wife. I was all he had left; and I was a handful, dealing with the shitty hand destiny dealt me; the abusive stepfather and the neglectful mother. I lived with grandpa after the second incident with Rob - that time I had to tell him to avoid going back home. I refused to go back to my mother as she still didn't believe me when I told her what Rob did to me. I had got the wrong impression she said; Rob wouldn't do such things. Well newsflash mom, I was there!

I'm pulled away from the horrible memories as I sense Christian near me, he doesn't say anything; he just sits down and holds me. He kisses my head and makes me feel safe. It's like he is wiping the slate clean, taking away my pain and sorrow, giving me hope instead. I press my hand against his chest to feel his heartbeat. The feeling reminds me of when I was a child and dad used to read to me, I'd lie there in his armpit my ear to his chest listening to the thumpety-thump of his heart. I feel Christian's chest rise under my hand, his heart is beating really fast, like he had been running, but I soon feel him relax and his heartbeat normalize. He smells good, fresh from the shower I think, it's a delicious smell. It smells of Christian and it feels like home.

We just sit there in silence; no words are needed, watching the sunlight dancing on the waves coming to shore. The world just seems so peaceful when I'm Christian's arms.

I hope I didn't have to leave just yet; I don't want to break this moment of peace so I just sit there and enjoy.

_Christian _

We were sitting on the lawn for ages, and it's the only place where I want to be. I lay down on the lawn after a while, Ana's head resting on my chest. I can't believe that she is touching my chest and I just feel at ease, there's not any fear nor anxiety. The sun is caressing us as we just lay there, I feel her breathing get slower as I hold her; I think she is falling asleep. Taylor comes over to tell me that Grace has left; she had to get back to the city. I tell him to bring us a parasol so that Ana will not get sunburned laying there in the sun. I watch her sleep, her skin is such a lovely shade of pale pink, I'd like to kiss every inch of it. Her hair so soft, long and brown spread out on my chest, shimmering in the sunlight. I see a small smile playing on her lips, I wonder what she is dreaming about; I hope it's me.

To distract myself from thinking inappropriate thoughts about the beautiful woman lying next to me; I pull out my blackberry and start reading my emails. I realize that I've not opened my email in 15 hours, that must be a record, I don't think I've left my business unattended for this long since I started it. To my surprise and delight there's nothing urgent going on, so I decide to write a quick email to Welch, my head of security, and ask for a background check on the lovely Anastasia Steele. I hope to spend more time with her, but I don't know how to go about it. I'm in totally uncharted territory here; I have to have some help. After finishing the email I put my blackberry aside and close my eyes.

I feel her wake up, she stretches and quickly sits up, confused and embarrassed for falling asleep on me. She looks questioning at the parasol, and then she looks at me; "How long was I asleep?" "An hour or so, I'm not sure as I dosed off as well." She says she has to leave, I try to get her to stay, but she has made up her mind. I avoid asking about what happened before; I don't want her to be upset again.

_Anastasia_

I'm trapped in a burning building, I can't find a way out, all doors are locked and the only door I find unlocked is to a room where Rob is waiting for me. I run trying to search for a way out; until I can't run anymore, the heat is getting to me; I feel the flames closing in. Suddenly I feel strong arms around me; I look up and see my grey-eyed knight in shining armor come to rescue me from the hell I was facing. He carries me outside, the flames just disappearing from around him, laying me gently on a huge white four-poster bed in the middle of the garden. The sun is setting, painting everything in pastel colors, the smell of jasmine lingering in the air. The burning house vanishes from the background as he catches my chin, lifting my face up and then pressing his lips on mine; his tongue claiming my mouth. He runs his fingers over my body, gently stroking me. His touch is igniting a fire inside me that only he can extinguish. He's kissing me, the trail of kisses going down my neck while his hands caress my breasts, pinching my nipples. I groan as I feel the fire inside me growing. He sits up, gently massaging my feet, his hands moving up my leg, pushing my dress up as his hands approach my secret garden. I feel his body on me, I touch his arms and chest, run my fingers over his abs, scratch his back with my nails as he enters me, tearing through my virginity. He kisses me deeply as he makes love to me, worshiping my body with his.

I'm jolted from my dream; looking around me and not quite comprehending my surroundings. Oh yes, I'm home; everything is just out of place, my paintings all around the place waiting to be picked up by the gallery's van. What was that dream about? I usually only remember nightmares, this may have started as one, but sure as hell didn't finish as one.

Tonight is the opening of my exhibition; I still have much to do. I'm happy to be busy; it keeps me from thinking about Christian. I have not heard of him since Sunday, and he's on my mind all the time. I left soon after our nap in the garden; I was embarrassed for falling asleep on him like that, even though it was heavenly. I never explained to him why I got so upset, and he didn't ask; I felt he wanted to but was afraid to make me cry again.

I'm anxious when the time of the opening gets closer. I wear a white linen dress, true to my style, it's very simple - but it brings out all my best parts. I wear my hair in a bun, leaving a few locks hanging. A large chunky necklace of wooden pearls is resting perfectly on my chest. If there would happen to be press there, I want to look good for the pictures, and for Christian. I do hope he's coming, and in the same time I'm afraid that if he will come; I don't know what to say to him, what do I even know about him? I'm not concerned about how many guests will come, or what the press will say, only about if Christian will be there. What is this man doing to me? What if he doesn't come?

I make my way to the gallery early, all the paintings are set up; the gallery has done a wonderful job. There are white roses in huge vases around the exhibition area. The paintings are arranged so that there's a mixture of abstracts and landscapes. I look at one of the older paintings and realize that even though I had made it as an adult, it still had the grey eyes in it. Will Christian realize it's about him?

_Christian_

These last two days have been driving me insane, I dove head first into work, trying to distract myself from her. I'm even more on edge than I was before, even my staff notices it; I see them whispering behind my back, but no one ever dares to ask what's wrong. I'm counting the minutes to when I'll meet Ana again. I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it, but there's also a deep worry that something might go wrong.

The paparazzi have been like crazy around me lately, after some stupid magazine chose me as the most eligible bachelor of 2013. Everybody wants a piece of me, trying to find out anything about my private life. I've worked hard on not being in the public eye outside work, the few red-carpet poses at charity-events are enough for me. There hasn't really been anything of interest to the media anyway, my fear of being touched effectively blocking any hopes of a relationship. I've been working long and hard in therapy to resolve some of the issues, but never making any real progress. Any advances made were destroyed when I understood what Elena had done to me. I always thought she wanted to help me, set me on a less destructive path; she did actually put my head on straight but the way she did it was wrong. The lies she told me, the freedom she denied me, the abuse she put me through.

She told me it has to be like that; her dominating me, beating the shit out of me, binding me down and taking advantage of me when I'm unable to stop her. There were no safe words, I understood later as I tried to wrap my head around it and study the BDSM lifestyle. If I was her sub, I should have had some way to stop her, but I didn't - at the time it didn't matter, I was just a teenager happy to fuck. Our so called relationship ended by the time I left for college, and once away from her influence I understood how twisted our relationship had been. She was almost as old my mother for crying out loud, and I was just a kid. I remember the shock of finding out about the other boys she molested, realization dawning on me, I was just one out of many victims. Since that realization, even the thought of letting someone touch me has been unbearable; I can manage handshakes, and the occasional punches by my PT, but that's it. I've built a wall around me; keeping everyone away from me, not giving anyone a chance to hurt me again. Until Ana; I hugged her, I kissed her, I held her, hell, I even slept with her head on my chest; I'm like a starving man at a buffet when it comes to her touch. I cannot get enough. I just hope my letting my guard down will not come back and bite me.

The opening starts at six, so to avoid the rush of the first minutes I ask Taylor to take us there to six thirty. A little before we should have left from GEH, I get a message from Grace, there has been an accident and she has to stay at the hospital. Secretly I'm happy that she's not coming, I'll get Ana for myself. I can't help but wonder if she will be as beautiful as I remember her being. I've dreamt about her every night since our kiss, how will I be able to keep my hands off her? Oh, the paparazzi would have a field day if they caught me kissing her, I have to control myself.

There are a few photographers by the gallery, "Mr. Grey, over here!" they shout as they see me. Oh hell, the media is here, but as I realize there's just a couple of them; I relax a bit and give them the patented Christian Grey smile.

There are a handful of people in every room, just a perfect amount so that you can stand and look at the paintings in detail without being disturbed, but not too few to make the gallery feel empty. There's a lonely violinist playing some melody I don't know in the background – the chatter of the people mixing with the music. There are landscapes; she clearly loves the nature and has a talent in capturing the feel of the moment in her paintings. Few sunsets, the colors almost as magnificent as the sunset we shared on the beach. Did she paint that sunset too? The abstracts are much darker, it's almost as they were painted by someone else, there's deep sorrow and anger in some of them. I wonder what has made her paint these dark images, I didn't get her background check yet, there has to be something there to explain these paintings, I quickly type a message to Welch to get it a.s.a.p. Some of her works remind me of the paintings from her childhood that Grace had. There's a huge abstract painting on the main wall, it's an amazing mixture of greys and blacks, with a hint of a lighter shade giving it a beautiful balance; it's actually breathtaking. I continue my way casually through the gallery trying to find her, without looking like I'm desperately searching for her. There are actually quite many people at the gallery I realize, but I can't find her. She has to be here, she's the painter, it's her show, I tell myself as I start feel afraid that I've missed her.

_Anastasia_

The opening of the show will start in few minutes; I see there are people waiting in line for the doors to open. There are many familiar faces out there, some strangers and members of the press. I realize that Jose Rodriguez has come with his wife, they both look happy, she especially radiant with her baby-bump. The doors open and the gallery's soon buzzing with people looking at my paintings and talking with their friends. I mingle amongst the people, and I'm a bit disappointed as I don't see Christian anywhere. I had hoped he would come, even I didn't admit it, even to myself. I stand near to the door, so I can greet the visitors as they arrive. A pang of disappointment goes through me as each new person passes me, there's still no sign of him.

Katherine Kavanagh from Seattle Times has come to write about the exhibition. She wants a brief interview so we step into the office to have some privacy. I feel a bit nervous about the interview, but I guess it has to be done. Luckily Ms. Kavanagh is very friendly and makes the whole interview feel like a chat between friends. We lose track of time, so the interview takes much longer than what it was supposed to; finally she thanks me for my time and I make my way back to the gallery.

I see there are people whispering about something, I wonder what's going on. I see women trying to sneak a glance on something or someone around the corner. Then I feel it. That energy, which makes my heart beating faster and blurs my thoughts; it's him, he has to be here.

I walk around the corner and see Christian standing there; he's wearing black trousers with a grey shirt. His clothes show off his perfect body; while being totally modest. He looks at me; I see relief written all over his face. I go to him, it's almost like my feet were taking me there by themselves, no thoughts going through my mind. I'm just trying not to stare, he's even more gorgeous than what I remembered; it has to be illegal to be that good looking.

"Christian, you came" I just say when I offer him my hand to shake it; "There's nothing that could have kept me away" he says and takes me by surprise by kissing my hand gently. Oh that's such a gentlemanly gesture, it makes me blush. The kiss burns on my skin. I look at him, and he at me, like we are both trying to imprint each other's features on our minds. I hear someone call my name, ending our moment within seconds; it's Jose, he comes over to tell me that they are leaving. He hugs me, telling me how happy he is for me. I see Christians jaw tighten as Jose hugs me, his eyes turning a darker shade of grey, I'm not perfectly comfortable with the hug either. "Is he your boyfriend?" Christian asks after Jose has left, I realize then he didn't leave from my side the whole time. "No, just a friend from a long time ago" _who really should have known not to hug me,_ it must have slipped his mind. Christian doesn't say or ask anything more about Jose. He stays at the gallery until everyone has left; he mingled with the guests, but stayed near to me, coming to talk with me if he found me free. Clearly people were curious about him; some women were practically drooling.

I felt the energy between us every time he was near, neither one wanting to take the first step; we just stole long glances at each other. I do hope it wasn't too obvious to everyone. When the last guests leave, I realize that Taylor has been standing outside the door the whole time; I wonder what his job actually is? The violinist has left already, but there's still music playing. My heart skips a beat as I feel Christian near me. He offers me his hand and asks "May I?" _oh he's asking me to dance_; I just put my hand in his and smile. The thought of him asking permission to kiss me comes to mind. I feel so safe in his arms, his strong hold guiding me on the floor. I can feel his body heat and his breath on my neck as we slowly move to the music. I feel his hair under my fingers, gently playing with it while dancing. The energy between us rises; my heart beats even faster as we turn around the floor. The song ends and we just stop; we stand there holding each other, neither one wanting to break the connection. I feel his body against mine, I smell his wonderful scent; I feel his hands on the curve of my back. There's a million emotions going through me, this man is the one I dreamed about, the only one who makes me feel like this. I'm afraid of my feelings, I've never felt like this before, but the fear is slowly being burnt by the desire roaring through my veins. I feel his fingers on my chin as he raises my face to him; I see his eyes are now the color of a storm cloud, my breath hitches as I see him closing in on me. I swear I can see the flash of energy as our lips meet.


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: Sorry for the delay in updates! Real life is still getting in the way, leaving very little time to write. _

_Thank you all who have read, reviewed, commented, followed, favorited, etc. I appreciate your feedback, please keep it coming!_

_I do not own the characters, just using them for my own little story._

* * *

_Christian_

I can taste her lips; feel her breath, her arms around my neck, her fingers playing with my hair. The warmth floods through my body rinsing away the anxiousness of the last few days. She's the missing piece of my puzzle.

There's a commotion by the door of the gallery, and I see that the vultures have arrived, oh for fucks sake, the paparazzi has found me here. Taylor has blocked their way and the gallery door is closed, but nevertheless we are on display because of the gallery's glass wall. I take Ana's hand and lead her to the other side of the screen separating the sections. I look at Ana; she looks confused, like she's still trying to understand what's happening. One minute we are wrapped in a romantic embrace, slowly dancing to a beautiful melody, after the music stops and our lips meet the bubble bursts and the shouts of the paparazzi can be heard. I hope that kiss wasn't captured on film, I don't want her to be at the mercy of the tabloids, and I want to protect her from everything. But at the same time I feel a hint of joy in the idea of everyone knowing that she's mine. _What?_ She's mine? Where did that come from?

"Why are the paparazzi here? At my exhibition?" Ana asks. Can it be that she still doesn't know about me? Thank god she hasn't seen the magazines... "The fucking vultures, pardon my French, are always following me." I say too harshly, clenching my teeth together, the memory of a family gathering spoiled by the paparazzi and splashed over the media still bugging me and now making me very uncomfortable with the turn of events. "Sorry, to bring them here, I thought no one followed, someone must have tipped them off" I continue a bit more calmly. For sure one of those photographers called a friend, who called a friend and so on. She looks to me, her eyes conveying her embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I guess I look quite foolish, as it seems everyone else knows who you are, and I don't." She bites her lip as she finishes, the small nervous gesture drawing my focus to her luscious lower lip. Oh those lips - the image of us kissing enters my consciousness, and I feel my blood rushing south. _Watch it_, control yourself. Remember the vultures outside, enough they probably caught you with the woman on film already, you don't want them to catch you with a boner as well.

"Don't worry about it, I'm happy that you don't know" I tell her, wanting to make her relax and to get my mind of the kiss. Her brows furrow "What? Why?" she asks. And for the second time within a few days I realize I did not think this through, what can I tell her? I'm happy she's not after my money, I'm happy she's not overwhelmed by the whole package that is Christian Grey, I'm happy she couldn't care less about my wealth or the publicity, I'm happy that she likes me for me, she does like me, right? I have to tell her something and the only thing that comes to mind is: "You met me when I was just a kid, you know me from before, and all this" I point to the direction of the paparazzi "is just extra baggage that follows my work". "Are you an actor?" she asks and I just burst out in laughter, oh I should win an Oscar for keeping up the appearances but no, really I'm not an actor. Luckily she's not offended by my reaction, she looks a bit amused actually. "I guess that's a no" she says smilingly. "I'm the CEO and owner of my company, Grey Enterprises Holding" I tell her as I finally regain my composure. Her blue eyes widen as she stares at me "You mean you are the same Grey as in Grey House?" she asks. Yup, that's me. "Yes" I just say, trying to read her, what is she thinking?

_Anastasia _

I'm torn away from Christian's arms by the sound of people shouting to him. What on earth is going on? I see a man, I think it is Taylor, shoving some man with a camera, and then blocking the door. The people outside are looking through the glass wall, shouting Christian's name, the flashes of cameras going off. I realize that Christian is quickly guiding me away from their sight, his jaw tense and his eyes dark. The thought hits me like a ton of bricks, it's the paparazzi, and he's clearly annoyed by them. What on earth are they doing at my show? I manage to ask him that and he says they follow him everywhere. What is he, an actor? I'm totally clueless, I don't follow TV and all the Hollywood gossip couldn't interest me less. I don't have time for or interest in that celebrity mumbo-jumbo to be honest; my days go by at the studio painting, or at the shelter, sometimes long evenings with the art therapy groups; the tragedy of my life requiring me to try to deal with it, and at the same time help others dealing with theirs. Clearly Christian is famous but I don't know who he is, and it's embarrassing.

I ask if he's an actor and he bursts into laughter. Oh ha-ha, I don't know who you are, isn't it amusing, but it's safe to say that he's not an actor - judging by his reaction. He tells me he's owns Grey House. That large building I have passed a million times, that is Grey House, isn't it? What? That huge office building? He owns it? So, why? Oh I'm so out of my league here, I'm nobody, why would he be interested in me? Is he interested in me? He has to be, there's the chemistry between us, and he has to feel it too? Does it change now that I know he is rich? I knew he had money, figured that much when he said he lived in Escala, but I probably don't even begin to understand how much. So what's different now? There are a million thoughts racing through my mind like cars on the interstate.

I close my eyes, lean against the wall and take a deep breath trying to regain some focus, setting aside the questions of him being interested in me; I'll deal with those later. So he's a CEO, why are the paparazzi following him? Do they follow all rich people? I don't have a clue. I realize Christian picking up his phone, and hear him saying "Now. Downstairs." before he puts his phone away. That was short, bordering to rude, not at all like the Christian I've become to know in the last few says. He turns to me and looks me in the eye "We have to leave, is there a back door?"

A little shocked by the turn of events I just manage to say "Yes there is", I don't want to leave, I want to spend more time with him. Maybe he is offended because I don't know him? My mind is still working on overdrive. No, that's not it. He said _we_ have to leave, we, as in both of us. He just wants us away from the vultures, as he called them. I lead the way to the back door and we enter the service elevator beside it without any words spoken. It's not an uncomfortable silence, just with our minds so preoccupied with the situation there's nothing to say.

I look at the shabby service elevator, the filthy floor, the cracked panels, the broken buttons and the ruthless fluorescent lights; really not the right surroundings for a CEO, I think finding the thought amusing. I glance at him; he looks stunning, like a fashion model posing for a commercial in this strange setting, there's a huge contrast between him and the surroundings he's in. His tall frame dominates the whole space, his grey eyes focused on something by the elevator doors, his copper hair messy and the five o'clock shadow on his chin. I try very hard not to stare; it's difficult as he is without a doubt the most handsome man I've ever seen. I guess he feels my eyes on him as he turns his gaze directly at me. I look at the wall in front of me, trying to act as casual as possible, like he didn't just catch me staring at him. I feel my heart flutter, the close proximity making me forget to breathe, and the energy between us rising. I want to touch him, to run my fingers on his skin and feel that current again; but I hesitate. I feel the energy between us getting stronger; I don't look at him, even though I feel his eyes on me. The elevator reaches the underground garage, and I notice the tension creeping to both of us as the doors open, will the paparazzi be waiting? Thank lord, the garage is empty, we both smile of relief as we walk towards the cars. Taylor is waiting next to a black Audi parked beside my Beetle.

"So..." I say, hoping to get away without any more drama. I'm a bit disappointed that our ways will part so soon. I'm expecting to drive home by myself, wondering if I will meet Christian again. I really want to meet him again; we didn't even get a chance to exchange numbers.

_Christian _

Ana leads the way to the service elevator by the backdoor of the gallery. I walk behind her, and I can't resist admiring the view, her perfect skin, her curves draped by the white linen dress, the sway of her hips as she walks. It takes all my self-control not to catch her in my arms and kiss her right there. I'd like nothing more than to push her against the wall, to feel her warm breath on me, her fingers in my hair, to taste her lips and feel her submit to our passion. Calm yourself; remember the vultures, they are just around the corner, I remind myself.

We step into the service elevator, it's dingy, but I hardly realize it, thinking about the last encounter I had with the paparazzi just a week ago. We were out eating; Mia, Carrick, Elliot and I. Mom was working, as there had been some mistake made in the schedules and she couldn't come with us. I think she was avoiding me, thinking that I didn't want to see her, the whole Elena thing still fresh on our minds. She followed the trial, even though I had told her not to; knowing that if she would, she'd think that I was subjected to all those things as well. Probably true, but it's my cross to bear, not hers; I don't want her to know the gruesome details of what her friend put me through in my teenage-years.

The evening started as well as could be expected, me stressed and moody, my family tiptoeing around me trying not to wind me up more. Luckily we all relaxed at some point; I guess the wine got to us. Mia was telling us about her visit to France and doing so vividly, Elliot proudly informing us that he had got a huge project renovating a villa by the Sound. I always liked that area, I tell Elliot to inform me if there's something for sale there. "What would you do with a villa", Elliot asks me. I shrug; I really don't have an answer for that. What would a lonely man do with a villa? Sit there alone and stare at the view? Doesn't seem right, does it?

By the time we are finishing the main course I realize a large objective pointed at me from the other side of the room. The cameraman moves quick as he sees me coming at him, but I'm quicker. I snatch his camera and throw it to the floor, bits and pieces of the camera shattering onto the hardwood. "Stop harassing me" I growl at him, ready to punch him if he dares to answer me. I've seen him before, but never before have I caught him red-handed like this. I'm furious that our private dinner has been disrupted by the fucking paparazzi. Taylor, Carrick and Elliot run to help me or the cameraman, I'm not sure which, either way, Taylor takes me away. Carrick handles the situation and pays for the camera; I really don't need the cameraman pressing charges against me for attacking him. The morning after brings the aftershocks, I see the headlines "Mr. Grey sees red", "Millionaire attacks cameraman", "Bachelor of the year loses his cool", among others - there was a lot of them. Wisely I chose to ignore them and following mom's advice; I left the city with Taylor and Mrs. Jones to stay at the beach house, hoping that the media would soon forget me. Thank god I did, or I wouldn't have met Ana.

I glance at her and I catch her staring at me, now she is trying to be nonchalant about it. I look at her, she is stunning; even in this crappy elevator she is shining. The electricity between us amplifies, the closed elevator capturing it and making it almost visible. My heart beats faster and faster, I crave to touch her, to feel the spark again, but before I get a chance to do so, the elevator stops. I close my eyes and say a little prayer in my mind: please dear god, let the garage be empty of paparazzi. The doors slide open and I realize she was as nervous as I was, the relief being evident when we don't see anyone besides Taylor in the garage.

"So..." she says, looking at me with a small hint of disappointment in her eyes. Why is she disappointed, because of the paparazzi? "I better get going then" she continues. What? She's going?! Again, she is so close and so far at the same time. "Where are you going?" I ask, trying to hide my distress, I want to tell her not to go, to please come with me, to never leave my side. There's a strange energy in the air, a mixture of feelings unnamed, of questions unasked, and of the definite pull between our bodies and souls. She looks at me with those big blue eyes "I'm going home I guess" she says biting her lip again. Oh that lip, I so want to taste it. What can I say to get her to stay with me? "Did you eat? Would you join me for dinner?" I just blurt out, _really smooth, man_. I see the surprise in her eyes, but there's a spark of relief there as well. "Ok… I guess I could come to dinner, I didn't eat today" she says. My heart feels lighter immediately as the words fall of her lips, yes! I get to spend some more time with her, but the notion of her not eating tonight does bug me a bit, especially as there was champagne served at the opening. "Why didn't you eat?" I ask, and I see a blush spreading over her cheeks "Um... I was nervous about... um... the exhibition and didn't feel like eating" she says with a shrug. Why the blush then? I hear Taylor clearing his throat "Sir, we should leave, the paparazzi will probably be here any minute" Oh right, they are probably searching the building for us by now.

I open the passenger side door to the Audi, holding it open for Ana to get in. I answer the question before she has a chance to ask it, "You'll ride with me" I say, "But my car?" she asks. "Taylor will drive it" I nod at Taylor and he reads my thoughts without any words said, the man is worth his weight in gold, always knowing exactly what I'm thinking and acting accordingly. "Ma'am, would you please give me your keys" he says to her. She looks down, her hand grabbing for her purse, then back up again - "Oh no" she says, anxiousness written all over her face. She turns around and is on her way almost running to the elevator when I grab her hand "No, don't go" I say sounding desperate even in my own ears; she can't bolt on me again. "I left my purse at the gallery, my keys and phone are in it. I better go get it." she explains, oh thank god she wasn't running from me. "Taylor will get it, and bring it for you" "But..." "No buts Ana, the paparazzi will be there waiting and Taylor knows how to handle them". She closes her eyes and sighs heavily. "Ok" she says and turns to Taylor explaining what her purse looks like and where she most likely left it. Taylor goes to get Ana's purse after I've informed him that we are going to Escala. I ask him to call Mrs. Jones and tell her that I have company for dinner.

Ana sits on the passenger seat, neatly strapped in her seat-belt, her fingers playing with the hem of her skirt. I start the engine and feel a boyish excitement in rewwing the engine a bit when exiting the garage. "Where are we going" she asks. "Escala, Mrs. Jones is preparing dinner." There's a pleasant feel to the situation, I'm taking her home and both of us are at ease. Waiting at a red light, I look at the sky changing its colors as the sunset approaches.

I park the car and lead Ana to my private elevator, input the code and we are whisked up to the penthouse.

_Anastasia _

I can't believe I forgot my purse, I hope it's still there. I have to go get it before the gallery staff leaves; I turn to run to the service elevator - hoping it has not left the garage floor yet. I only manage to take a few steps when I feel Christian gripping my arm, telling me not to go. I tell him about the purse and he says Taylor will get it. It's _my_ purse, and I should get it. But Christian insists, and to be honest he does have a point, the paparazzi will still be there, and I don't want them to get to me.

I sit on the passenger side, the car has to be brand new I think when looking around me. Everything looks new, there's not dust, no scratches, no imperfections at all. I bet this car is worth more than my yearly income. I ask Christian where we are going, and he says Escala. He is taking me to his home; there are butterflies in my stomach thinking about being at his home. Home. That feeling I always get when near Christian, he makes me feel at home.

After just a few blocks we reach Escala, Christian drives into the underground garage and leads the way to his private elevator. The man has a private elevator, for crying out loud. The elevator doors close and that energy I always feel when near him makes the air electric. I feel my breath hitch, as Christian gets closer to me, his eyes dark and hungry. My heart beats so fast I'm afraid it'll bust right out of my chest, desire making my blood flow quicker, awakening feelings I have not felt before. Christian pushes me up against the elevator wall, his arms around me, and his mouth on mine, our tongues entwining. I feel his body against mine, the heat radiating of him, his fingers in my hair. The elevator pings to a halt, and we are both breathless as we end the kiss. He presses his forehead against mine, breathing heavily, and then looking with those grey eyes straight into my soul. "What are you doing to me Anastasia" he just asks. Then he straightens himself and steps into the foyer, leaving me leaning against the elevator wall.

My mind is scattered all over the place; that kiss mixing up all my thoughts and feelings. Is this it? Will this be the night I lose my virginity? I take a deep breath and follow Christian down the hall. The apartment is unbelievable; I've never seen anything like it. It's mostly white, there's even a sterile feeling to it. For a home it feels rather cold and empty I think to myself. Christian excuses himself and goes to his office, telling me to make myself at home while he goes to make a few phone calls.

I wander around the apartment. In the kitchen I stumble upon Mrs. Jones who is preparing dinner. "I hope it's not trouble" I say to her. "I would have made dinner anyway, so it's no trouble" she replies. I continue to the living room, and I'm almost left breathless, seriously, this room is larger than my flat. I look at some of the artwork hanging on the walls; some abstracts capture my focus for a while until I happen to look at the sunset visible through the glass wall. I realize there's a balcony attached to the living room, I walk to the door and open it, stepping out on the balcony. The view is breathtaking, the sky painted in an endless array of colors. This high up you can't even hear the cars below, so it's peaceful. My mind is a million miles away when I feel hands on my shoulders, feeling someone suddenly so close to me would normally have scared me, but not now; I felt that it was Christian, even before he touched me. He wraps his arms around me, just like on the beach, and we watch Mother Nature's exquisite show together. I feel his breath on my neck; I smell his scent and feel his hands around me; the combination of emotions and sensations is almost unbearable. "Dinner's ready" he finally says.


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Thanks to all readers, followers and reviewers! I appreciate your support! _

_I don't own the characters, just using them for my own story _

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_Christian_

My lips still burn from the intense kiss when I walk to my office. What is it with elevators, I ask myself. I almost lost all control back there; the only thought in my mind was that I want to be buried in her. There's an amazing magnetic pull forcing us together, she feels it also, she has too.

I close the office door behind me, lean back against it and sigh heavily. I try to gather my thoughts when walking to my desk; I pull out the chair, sit down and stare into the void. Well, you got her at your home, what are you going to do? Oh I know what I want to do. My day dream of us making love on the beach is playing on repeat inside my head, the sun shimmering on her hair, the sand sticking to her skin as she wraps her legs around me, meeting me for every thrust, her blue eyes looking to me with desire, her teeth sinking into her lip trying to catch her moans as she reaches her peak. I'm breathless even thinking about it. Would she want to? And the million dollar question being can I do it? It has been so long; I haven't been able to let anyone touch me after what Elena did to me. She taught me all the tricks and the moves, but I have not used them since. This feeling of desire being alien to me the last few years, it's like Elena extinguished that fire inside me, leaving me a pile of ashes blowing in the wind. All those women through the years, begging for dates, drooling over me like I'm a hunk of meat, have never made me want them. No one, before Ana; she has made my flame burn again, lighting me up inside. I've dreamt about her every night since meeting her, the dreams so real I wake up searching for her in my bed, every time just finding myself alone. I crave for her touch; I starve for her kiss, my desire for her driving me insane.

I have to regain some focus, I can't go to her like this, or she'll probably run at the sight of me with my pants bulging. I open my laptop, scroll through the emails; I have to call Welch, he still didn't get back to me about the background check. He replies by the second ring _"Good evening Mr. Grey" _"Welch, didn't you get my messages?" _"Yes I did" _"So why the delay? A b.c. shouldn't take you this long" _"There are some parts missing, still digging, but it's a bit tricky"_ "Well send me what you've got and get the rest later" "Yes sir" he says and I end the call. What the fuck can be so difficult in getting a background check, all I know she's an ordinary girl, not part of the mafia or anything. I hear my email ping, and see the email Welch sent me. I don't get a chance to read it as Mrs. Jones knocks on the door and informs me that dinner is ready.

I close my laptop, and go to search for Ana. I feel a bit foolish of leaving her alone like that, but I had to regain control before I did something I might regret. She's not in the dining room; the library is empty as well. I start feel anxious, what if she left? I go to the living room and notice that the balcony door is open, I walk to it and see her standing there; she's beautiful with the wind playing with her hair and a magnificent Seattle sunset behind her. That energy between us palpable even she didn't see me yet. I touch her shoulder gently not to startle her, the feel of her skin under my fingertips giving me butterflies in my stomach. I wrap my arms around her, smell her wonderful scent and enjoy watching the sunset with her. My chest swells with an emotion I can't name, I just know I want feel it always. But for the moment being, we have to eat. "Dinner's ready" I say. She turns her face to me and smiles "Well, let's eat then" she says, and I press a small kiss on her head before I let her leave my arms.

We make our way to the dining room where Mrs. Jones has laid out a dinner for two. I offer Ana wine, but she refuses it. "No thank you, could I have some mineral water instead?" Again I wonder if she's thinking of driving today. I really hope not. "Do you mind me asking why you don't want wine? This wine goes perfectly with this meal." I don't want ask her about if she is thinking to leave from here soon, as I probably couldn't manage her answer. If it's no, I can't believe what a lucky sob I am to have her staying here. If it's yes my heart will hurt of knowing that she'll go. "Um... I have some bad experiences with alcohol, and I prefer to avoid it" she tells me. So it's not leaving, I sigh of relief. She notices it and lifts an eyebrow "what was that about?" "Oh nothing" I say smiling as I realize I've used her words from your first night at the beach house. This reminds me. "Will you tell me what you were thinking about when we were going to the house and you replied me that?" She looks to me and clearly she doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about. "You remember, when I was supporting you to walk and you asked if I lived at that house" "Oh that" she says and giggles; there's a shadow of a blush on her cheeks. "I don't know if I want to tell you that" she says, taking a bite of her bread. I can't stop smiling, but now I really want to know, but also I don't want push her so I just say "Well ok, for now, but you promise to tell me at some point?" "I promise" she says. "There was champagne at the opening, did you refuse it too?" I ask, the thought just popping into my mind. "Well yes and no, there was a non-alcoholic option available". Ok, I have to remember this, as it's important for her, I wonder what the bad experiences are? I need to read that background check, there might be something there, I'm starving for information, but I don't want to pry.

The list of questions I want ask her become longer and longer the more time I spend with her. She is an enigma. My mind is totally occupied with her, I realize I'm concentrating on her only, my work doesn't even cross my mind - it's refreshing actually.

We talk while eating; there are a million things to talk about. We talk about Mia and Elliot, Grace and Carrick, my business, her exhibition. Her eyes light up when talking about her show, it's her very first exhibition. Oh I wish I would feel the same joy about my work as she does. I'm proud of my achievements, and quite satisfied with my work, but the joy in my life is missing. Maybe she could bring joy to my life? I realize that I still feel that hopeful feeling when around her.

_Anastasia_

Dinner is delicious; Mrs. Jones is a wizard in the kitchen. I feel so at ease sitting here eating and talking with Christian, it feels like we've known each other forever - and still it's so new, there's the excitement of getting to know someone new, especially someone like Christian. He asked about my issues with alcohol, I managed to avoid answering him in too much detail, what would I have said; hi I'm Ana, my mother and her husband are alcoholics, of which the former tried to abuse me, and beat me whilst reeking of whiskey... That'll pick up your spirit, right?

Christian tells me about his work, he is hugely successful it seems. It's a whole different world from mine, everything on a global scale, when my life is pretty much in Seattle scale.

I reach for the breadbasket and accidentally manage to tip over Christian's wineglass. We both jump to our feet trying to save our clothes from the dark red liquid, oh this is so typical me, clumsy ol' me. I dry the wine on the table with my napkin as Christian is doing the same with his; our hands touch accidentally and the electricity makes my heart beat in frenzy.

"I'm sorry, that will stain for sure" I just mumble, feeling the blush rising on my cheeks. "Never mind, it happens. Mrs. Jones will take care of it" Christian says referring to the tablecloth. "At least our clothes managed without any splatter" I say. "That would have been kind of corny, spilling wine on your shirt..." I realize the sound of that as I say it. In the movies someone always spills wine on the other to get them to take their clothes off, I hope he doesn't think I would do such a thing on purpose. Even though the thought of Christian without a shirt definitely makes me blush even further. He looks to me with an amused expression; he's for sure thinking what I'm thinking. "You wouldn't have to spill wine on me to get me to take my shirt off" he says grinning. "Oh I didn't mean it like that" _- yes I did_ - "but good to know" I say smirking while trying to stay calm, cool and collected.

Clearly this is going somewhere, the speed of things making my head spin. I try not to overthink things, my anxiety hasn't shown its ugly face yet and I feel safe around Christian; that's all I need to know at this point, so I'll just follow my feelings. The moment is disrupted by my phone beeping; there's a message from Leila, the manager of the shelter I'm working at, asking me about the opening and reminding me to come early tomorrow. I put my phone away without replying her.

We manage to finish desert without any more drama, I'm a bit sad to have to be leaving, but I have promised to work a day shift tomorrow at the shelter. I've been away almost a week because of the exhibition, and I feel guilty. "Thank you for dinner, but I better get going, I have to be at the shelter by nine", I say and see the disappointment in Christian's eyes, I feel the same, but I'm trying to hide it. Being here with him makes me feel good; the thought of leaving actually hurts, how crazy is that? How could I possibly stay here? God knows what that would lead to; it's too soon, isn't it? These feelings are so strange, my life usually quite simple as I have kept everyone at a distance, but now Christian has managed to get so close to me, I want surrender to this feeling, but my mind is fighting it.

"Oh, the shelter" he says looking a bit worried. "Yeah, I've been away almost a week and they really do need me there" I say thinking about Leila; making the beds, washing the sheets, preparing and serving food and it makes me feel even more guilty for not being there to help her. She worked at the shelter I stayed at after grandpa died, she helped me to restart my life, and I owe her. She says I don't, but my conscience tells me otherwise. "Is it safe?" he asks. Safe? I've never thought about it that way. "I guess it is, we've not had any problems" He seems confused; "What about the drug addicts and gang members?" he asks. I smile at him; I try not to laugh, as it would hurt his feelings. I realize that he hasn't got a clue, and go on explaining that it's a shelter for homeless women, not a prison with drugs and criminals, we have a zero tolerance for drugs and violence. The clientele mostly consisting of young mothers who have lost their homes for whatever reasons, women running away from abusive boyfriends or husbands, probably illegal immigrants that have lost their housing due to their papers - most have minimum wage jobs but need a place to stay until finding themselves new quarters. So it's not really a dangerous place. He seems to relax a bit by my explanation.

He's interested in the financial aspect of the shelter, I explain that it is run by an association and the people working there are mostly volunteers, there's no rent as the property was given by testament to the association running it. The association gets some funding from the city of Seattle, and food donations from supermarkets, farmers etc. There's always a need for more though, I think to myself. Christian seems a bit less worried, now that he knows more about it, I put my hand on his a reassurance that everything will be fine. He catches my hand in his, looking me in the eye. "Please be careful" he says. "I will". He engulfs me in a hug, like he's holding on for dear life. A warm feeling spreads through my heart; it feels so good to be in his arms, to feel him caring about me, making me feel safe. I want kiss him, but I know that if I will, I'll not leave from here to tonight, and I don't think I'm ready for that yet. My mind is definitely having my heart on a short leach.

_Christian_

I stand in the garage and watch her drive away in her Beetle, I feel sad and confused; these feelings are ones I'm not that familiar with. I asked her if we could meet again, and she said yes. We did not set a time or a date; but we did exchange numbers so that we could contact each other. I go back to the elevator; even the elevator feels so empty without her - the memory of our passionate kiss on the ride up warming my heart. I know I'll not make it many days without her.

Taylor meets me by the elevator "So what do you think of that car" I ask him. He looks at me with confusion "The Beetle? Well, it's a classic, sir." "Is it safe?" "I'd say so, clearly it has been well maintained, I didn't have any problems with it." "Thank you, Taylor, that's all. Tomorrow morning I have an 8 o'clock meeting at GEH, we'll leave from here at 7" "Yes sir".

I go to my office and open the laptop, Welch's email pops up, I scan through the background check, she has had a sad childhood, with her father dying, and soon after that both her grandparents. Her mother seems to have married quickly after being widowed. She's a clever girl though, good grades, until her early teenage years when her grades did a sudden dip. There's no information about where she stayed after her grandfather died, she had been living with her grandparents for some time. Maybe there were some issues with her mother; or maybe with the stepfather? It seems she moved to live with her grandparents just a few months after her mother remarried. Now she lives in a flat that she's renting from a Leila Williams. She has some money at the bank, and a small income from her art and work at the shelter. Not only volunteer work then it seems, but then again she has to eat also. There's nothing peculiar about her background check, except the lack of location for a year or two.

I do notice that there's not any mention of a boyfriend, but it could be Welch didn't get that far yet. But surely she would not have been alone at the beach if she had someone; she wouldn't kiss me like that if she had someone. What if she had just broke up with someone? She was crying a lot during the weekend. I try to block that line of thought; I don't want to be a rebound boyfriend, and most of all I don't think I am. Am I her _boyfriend_? I'm getting a head of things here aren't I?

I type a quick email to Andrea, my personal assistant; asking her to get me the director of the bank on the phone by 7.40 in the morning. There's a matter I want discuss with him before I'm stuck in the meeting with the Japanese.

I lie in my bed, waiting for sleep. Sleep has never been a friend of mine. I always find it hard to get - except with her in my arms. I think about her lying on my chest on the lawn, her perfect alabaster skin against my dark t-shirt, her hand gently over my heart, melting the ice that had frozen it for years, the sun caressing us and the sound of the waves lulling us to sleep. I dream of her, like every night since, her blue eyes sparkling with joy as we sail over the Sound.


	10. Chapter 10

_AN: Again thank you all who are reading, commenting, reviewing, following! _

_I do enjoy reading the reviews – it gives me motivation to continue and I'm happy that so many are enjoying my story._

_I do not own the characters, using them for my own little story._

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_Anastasia_

I wake up to the alarm in my bed alone; I hit the snooze button and close my eyes. In the few moments I get to sleep before the alarm goes off again, I dream of Christian, his grey eyes reflecting the sunlight as he's walking along the beach towards me. He catches me in his arms and carries me into the water, the peaceful moment broken by the sound of an alarm. What? I'm snapped awake and when realizing that it was just a dream, a wave of disappointment washes over me. Why didn't I stay with Christian last night? I could now be waking up in his arms to sweet kisses instead of the ruthless sound of the alarm piercing my sleep. I slap the alarm, to quiet it again and knock it to the floor, sending the batteries scattering under the bed. I reach to pick up what's left of the clock, look at the time; quarter past seven, well time to get up anyway.

I take a shower, wash my hair, wrap it in a towel, and pull on a bathrobe and go to have breakfast. It's a beautiful morning, I think to myself when I look at the view from my window sipping a cup of tea, enjoying the moment. My mind drifts from what I'll do today, to what I'll wear; and for the first time I realize how lonely my mornings actually are; there's no-one to talk to about the days program, to share the dreams I saw, to comment on the clothes I wear. Not wanting to spoil my good mood, I push the thoughts of loneliness aside and go to dress for work. I decide to wear denim shorts with a t-shirt in fading colors; it's practical and pretty, suitable for the work at the shelter.

I drive my Beetle through the morning traffic, listening to the radio. Today will be a good day; I just feel it in my bones. I park by the curb, lock the car and enter through the doors just before nine. There are a few women waiting to have breakfast. I say good morning while passing them, they nod in response. I go to Leila's office to check what today will bring. She sits at her desk, so I knock before entering. She looks up, a frown evident on her forehead. I see she's going through the bank statement, her expression giving away the reality of it, the association is broke. "Good morning" I say, taking a seat in front of her desk. "Morning" she just replies, biting on her fingernails. "That bad, huh?" I say nodding towards the papers in her hand. I realize I haven't seen her stressed like this over money since last winter, when the support from the city was delayed by a month, leaving us basically penniless for a few weeks. Luckily Leila could postpone some payments and we got through it.

Leila gives me the list of rooms that need to be set up for the next night; there are a few women leaving, and a few arriving. I go about my chores, put the dirty laundry to the washer, and put clean sheets and blankets on the beds while making sure that the rooms are in order. Everything is worn, but usable, clean and stylish. We try to maintain a certain level with everything, giving the women hope, when you have hit rock bottom, at least you deserve a decent bed in a pretty room to sleep in. After finishing the laundry it's time to start help with preparing lunch, Fred drops by a nice batch of tomatoes, cucumbers and other veggies. At least our empty bank account doesn't affect today's lunch, I think while arranging the veggies in the cooler. I go to tell Leila that the products have arrived; but before I have a chance to say anything she tells me to take a seat. I pull out the same chair I sat in in the morning "Ok, what's up?" She pushes a newspaper over the desk "Why don't you tell me?" - I pick up the paper and can't believe my eyes.

_Christian_

I've been in a meeting all morning; by lunch time I've managed talk the Japanese into participating in the purchase of a shipyard in South-Korea. According to my calculations it'll be a hugely successful venture for all parties involved. During the negotiations I've had a hard time concentrating on the details and I think even my number two, Ros, has noticed it. It's very unlike me to be unfocused but now I'm constantly distracted by memories and daydreams of_ her_.

We finish the negotiations over lunch delivered to the meeting room, and by two o'clock I'm truly happy to return to my office, close the door behind me and try to collect my thoughts. My BlackBerry buzzes and i answer it without looking "Grey" "Hey Mr. Romantic, who's the lucky lady?" Elliot, my bigger brother asks the grin evident in the sound of his voice? "What the fuck are you talking about El?" "You haven't seen it?" "Seen what?" I'm getting a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. "You are all over the papers, man" Elliot says. What is it this time? Last time I was all _over the papers_ to quote Elliot; was after I smashed that camera. I really don't need any of that shit now. Wait a minute, he said something about romantic? Oh fuck, it has to be the paparazzi from last night. Unbelievably I had forgotten all about them. What were we doing? Dancing, talking and kissing – but they couldn't have got that on film, could they? "Is it bad?" I ask him. "Well that depends on if you think you kissing a woman being spread over every tabloid cover in the state, being bad?" They caught the kiss on film. I close my eyes and sigh heavily. I can't even begin to answer Elliot, not without seeing these tabloids by myself. "I have to go" I just say and hang up on Elliot.

I call Andrea to go get me all the tabloids from the newsstand. I pace in my office while waiting for her to bring the papers, thinking about what Ana's reaction will be. There's the same ominous feeling to be waiting for the tabloids as when Elena was caught, the pictures of Elena in handcuffs; being led by the officer to the waiting police car are still fresh in my memory, even it has been quite a few months already. The stories of those tabloids still give me a headache; I didn't want believe them, but I knew that it was all true, I had lived it myself. Every time I opened one of the magazines writing about her I was afraid to find my name there, what if someone knew that I was one of her victims?

There's a knock on the door. Andrea is back with the tabloids, and there are a whole lot of them. Not all of them have my picture on the front page, but all at least a mention of me. I cancel the following meeting, and take my time reading through each article, I find it odd that not one mentions Ana as my date. Maybe the press didn't identify her? That would be lucky, then the paparazzi is not at her heels yet.

I call Andrea and tell her to cancel the rest of the meetings today; then Taylor to tell him that we're leaving for the day. I notice the assistants looking at me as I exit my office, they have for sure seen those pictures as well. Well, at least this cuts the wings of the rumors of me being gay - I've heard about it; part of my staff and maybe even my family at one point thought I was gay. I was never out with a woman, hell, I wasn't out with anyone.

Taylor's waiting for me in the car when I get there "To Escala?" he asks. "No, I'd like to go to the Grace". The Grace is my boat, a fifty-foot catamaran that my company has built, I named it after my mother – Elliot always teased me about it, in that typical big brotherly fashion, but deep down he knows just as well as I do how Grace has affected my life. She saved my life, she took the broken, beaten, tortured, malnourished little boy that was brought to the hospital and healed him, as well as she could. She nurtured and loved me even though I didn't love myself.

Taylor looks at me in the rear-view mirror; I see the surprise in his eyes. "Yeah, it's a beautiful day, I thought I'd take her out for a sail". I answer his unasked question smiling. It's been a while since I last sailed so I can understand his surprise to my decision, but it is a really beautiful day today – perfect for sailing. I'll also be safe from the vultures when out on the ocean, I think when we pass a handful of paparazzi waiting outside Grey House. I hope Ana hasn't been bothered by the paparazzi, perhaps I should check on her?

"Taylor, we'll make a quick detour on our way" "Certainly sir, where to?" "Do you know the address to the shelter Ana's working at?" "Yep" Taylor nods his answer. After a short drive he stops the car by the sidewalk and points to a three-story red brick house. "That's it, right there". I look at the house, trying to imagine Ana inside. The paparazzi are not here, they haven't found her, thank god for that.

I see a young woman with a black eye carrying a baby and an over packed bag going up the stairs to the door; a woman opens the door from inside and takes her bag and baby, the battered woman bursts to tears as she's being helped inside. I remember Ana telling about the kind of people who stay there, I heard it, but didn't understand it. My misconceptions about homeless people were blurring my mind. But seeing it makes it so real, it makes me feel… I can't even name the feeling that it awakes inside me. These people are just lost in hopeless situations, trying to continue their lives. "Sir..." Taylor's looking at me through the mirror "What are you going to do?" I really want to see Ana, but I can feel in my bones that she has her hands busy at the moment and I kind of got the impression from her explanation that men are not allowed visitors anyway. "Let's go to the harbor" I just say lost in thought. We drive by Ana's car, I feel my heart beat faster, maybe she's in her car and I'll get to see her. The car's empty, I see when we pass it. I shake my head in amusement, what is she doing to me? I'm like a lovesick schoolboy for crying out loud.

It's been weeks, no, months since I've been sailing. The sailing I used to love had lost its edge since I couldn't enjoy the feeling of freedom or the beauty around me. Today I feel different, even with the sudden media frenzy around me, I have this new-found feeling of hope, and it makes the sun shine a bit brighter and the sky look bluer. I free my mind and relax while the wind is blowing in the sails, making the catamaran cut through the waves. I smell the salty air; it feels so good to breathe. This feels so good, even though that something is missing, but unlike when I sailed last time, I now know what it is; Ana. I hand over the steering to Mac, my first mate, and go to the front of the boat, lay down in one of the hammocks on deck and just look at the gorgeous view passing by me. I wish she would be here beside me, I'd watch her looking at the ocean, the sunlight brightening her already clear blue eyes, the wind playing with her hair. Her fair skin under my fingertips, the taste of her lips when we kiss... Once again I find myself lost in a romantic daydream about her. I realize I haven't heard from her since she left Escala last night, I check my BlackBerry and tell Mac to turn around and get us to shore, the reception sucks this far out.

_Anastasia_

I look at the picture on the cover of the magazine, and first I don't understand; there's a man kissing a woman in a white dress, they are in a gallery of sorts, wait a minute, those are my paintings. Oh my god! That's me and Christian kissing - on the cover of a magazine. I find the thought difficult to grasp; I've barely been kissed in my life and now there's a picture of me in the middle of action on the front page! "Bachelor of the year Christian Grey with a mystery date" the subtitle reads. _Bachelor of the year?_ You've got to be kidding, right?

I'm speechless; it seems I can't even form one full sentence. Leila looks at me, amused and definitely curious. "So you have found someone?" she asks. "Well um… yes… kind of..." I say, not quite knowing how to tell her about it. She has tried to set me up for years, but I've never taken the bait. There was the one unlucky lunch date she arranged behind my back – I had my suspicions when she had to leave in the middle of our lunch with her so called nephew. The awkwardness of that moment still makes me shiver, we didn't have anything in common, and he just kept on and on talking like he didn't notice how uncomfortable I was with him. He even tried to hold my hand for Pete's sake, I felt a panic attack approaching and I knew that I had to leave before he'd touch me more. I can't believe Leila didn't mention to him my issues with touching? But then again, maybe it's not the best way to get someone to go on a date with a stranger – hey this is my friend Ana, she's pretty and funny, but whatever you do, do not touch her! So how do I explain to her these pictures where I'm dancing with a man, his hands all over me as we are kissing - and clearly I'm relaxed and happy? I know it's because it's Christian, he's special, I don't feel afraid of his touch - I need it, I can't get enough of it. I know, it sounds crazy, how do I explain this to her?

The phone rings and I can avoid answering her, and I get a chance to read the article. There's only that one picture of us kissing, the others are a bit blurry but I think they're from when we were dancing. The article just basically says that Christian and a mysterious woman were at an art exhibition and things got romantic. Well they could have written something about my paintings to, I think while looking at the grey painting in the picture. How ironic is it that we were captured kissing in front of _that_ painting. The article is not that bad, it doesn't mention that it was me who he was kissing, and I'm only mentioned as the artist at whose exhibition it was.

I turn the pages and eye them just out of curiosity when Leila almost shrieks "What?! Are you serious! You better not be fooling with me Frank Frederick August! Check again please" Oh, this has to be serious as she's using their whole name, whoever it is. What's it about? Leila is listening and I see that she's getting hysterical; she closes the phone and bursts out in laughter, which turns to wholehearted sobs mixed with the laughter and tears running down her cheeks.

What on earth is going on? "Are you alright?" I ask her. "Am I alright? I'm better than alright! I don't believe it!" She jumps up from her chair, runs over to me grabbing my arms and she's almost jumping up and down of excitement, her joy is contagious and I can't help grinning. "Would you like to share it with me, I'd feel better knowing what we're so happy about" She looks me in the eye, trying to get the words out right. "That was Frank from the bank down the street" I nod urging her to continue. "He was checking our account as there were some payments due today, and expecting to find a practically empty account. He almost choked on his coffee as he saw the balance." "What was it?" I can't begin to imagine what it could be; Leila's reaction was so bizarre. "One hundred fifty thousand fifty five dollars and sixty three cents" she says having a hard time of not bursting into laughter again "WHAT? Are you serious? But the account was practically empty this morning" "Frank double checked, an anonymous donation for a hundred fifty thousand dollars was made this morning, just moments after I had printed the bank statements you saw me looking at this morning."

We sit and talk about all the improvements we could make with the money. Fortunately, my debut as a tabloid cover girl is wiped away from our minds. The rest of the day goes quickly, with everyone working at the shelter in a good mood and by five o'clock I'm off.

I wave goodbye to Leila who's sitting by her desk, talking on the phone. She's still on cloud nine, thanks to our secret benefactor. I walk to my Beetle, unlock the door and get in, start the engine and turn on the radio. As I'm driving I realize that I was right this morning; today_ is_ a good day. There's only that tabloid cover picture clouding my sunny day, but it's just a picture, nothing more, so I'll not let it disturb me.

I decide to take advantage of this wonderful day and go paint by the harbor. I sit by the waterfront waiting for inspiration and watch the boats passing by; sailboats are tied to the pier and people are going about their lives, some walking the pier with shopping bags full of groceries, some are scrubbing the decks and fixing the sails. Seagulls are flying over the boats, hoping to steal a quick snack from anyone's unguarded picnic. The salty sea air makes me think about when I met Christian. The feel of his fingers on my skin, the warmth of his arms around me, the strange combination of excitement and peace that his presence makes me feel. My mind goes through our moments together and I can't help but wonder if he's seen that magazine, oh I hope it doesn't freak him out and ruin our relationship. What relationship? Well we're friends kind of - yeah friends who keep on kissing each other... I pull out my phone but can't quite decide if I should call him or not. Maybe a text message would be better, that way the ball will be in his court.

I type out *Hi, how was your day? Ana* - is that too vague? I don't know, but I don't want to seem too eager… _Oh, just press send already_. Ok there, that's done; _now try to get your mind off him_. I close my eyes, enjoy the sun warming my skin and breathe. I hear a ping from my phone; I'm scared to pick it up, what if he says he doesn't want to see me again?

*Day ok, business was good, had lunch with a group of Japanese businessmen, hoping to have better company for dinner - C*

What does he mean; does he have someone coming over for dinner? I realize the thought of someone else being with Christian makes me jealous. Who knew, I always thought I didn't have a jealous bone in me. I wish I was going to have dinner with him; but first I need to know if he knows about the tabloid cover.

*I saw an interesting magazine today, did U see it as well?*

*I saw quite a few actually * _There are more?_

*More than one?*

*Quite a few actually, U looked lovely in all pictures, don't worry ;-)* He thinks I looked lovely, I smile when reading his message. I have to reply him.

*Well, you didn't look too bad yourself in the ONE I saw either.*

I feel a tingling feeling when pressing send on the last message. My phone pings almost instantly - my heart flutters and my breath hitches as I read his response *You look beautiful today, as always*


	11. Chapter 11

_AN: Unbelievable! More than 200 reviews and followers! Thank you so much! I appreciate the feedback, it keeps me motivated… Thank you all who are reading, reviewing and following! Keep up the good work._

_I don't own the characters, just using them for my story._

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_Christian_

I took over the steering as Mac went to take down the sails. I enjoy the view as we approach the harbor, the boats lined up by the docks, the buzz of people on the pier, the evening sun gently spreading its warmth on everything. Mac jumps to the dock and fastens the Grace while I take my time reading the message that I just got on my phone. The swarm of butterflies in my stomach take off when I see that the message is from Ana. She's asking how my day was, well I had that long meeting with the morning that went well. I smile at the thought of the lunch we had together, me with a group of more or less scruffy looking men – it was strange, usually everyone who comes to meet with me are always well dressed and well-groomed, but this time few of them had definitely missed the last many appointments to the barber, not even to mention the wrinkles evident on their clothes; they basically looked like they just came directly to the meeting after spending the night or two at the bar. I wish my dinner company will not be so dingy. I type her this, and after pressing send I realize that maybe my message was a bit too vague as I didn't mention who I'll have dinner with. _I hope it would be with her._

I read what I wrote again, and hope she doesn't think it's with some other woman, the mere thought of her misunderstanding me like that gives me chills. The message doesn't say that, but implying that I hope to have dinner with someone better… it just doesn't feel right. Actually I'm supposed to meet Grace and Carrick by the seafront restaurant in a few minutes. I better send her an explanation, I start to type but an incoming message from Ana interrupts me. She has seen a magazine? I bet she's seen the tabloids. I answer her that I've seen more than one – I don't want say that it was practically all the tabloids published here. Thank god, the pictures aren't bad, actually they are quite good, she looks beautiful in them and we look good together. In fact the thought of having proof of our connection out in public is exciting and quite comforting – that is if she's not upset about it. Maybe the women always trying to get together with me will finally leave me alone?

I tell Ana she looked lovely in the pictures, because it's the truth. I jump to the pier and say goodbye to Mac "Take good care of her" I say while shaking his hand. I don't realize it, but Mac seems confused about the handshake – I don't usually ever shake his hand. "Of course Mr. Grey, hope you'll take her out again soon" "I hope so too" I mumble to myself walking towards the restaurant, hoping that next time out on the waves Ana will be with me.

I know I was flirting when I typed that she looked lovely in the pictures, I hope she doesn't think it's too much, I think it's the first time I've ever flirted with anyone intentionally. The thought makes me smile, and I notice people looking at me; everyone's smiling today it seems. I suddenly get that excited feeling in the pit of my stomach but I don't know why. I pass a corner and then I see her, she's sitting on a bench by the pier, holding her phone, obviously writing a message. My phone buzzes again, and my heart beats quicker as I read the short mildly flirtatious message from her. She doesn't seem upset about the tabloids, I hope that it's really so.

I look at her; she has a block and a pen beside her on the bench, her bag casually laying by her feet, her hair on a ponytail, the sea breeze playing with it as the sun is making her brown locks look almost golden. She takes my breath away – I just type _you look lovely today, as always_, and press send. I see the surprise in her eyes as she reads my message, then she looks up as she must have understood that I'm here, those bright blue eyes pinning me in my place. The shock quickly turns to a huge smile on her face – I can't help it I have the same face splitting grin on my face. I walk over to her, she gets up as I approach "Well good afternoon Miss Steele" I say and do a little old-fashioned bow. She picks up on my mood instantly and offers her hand to me saying "Good evening Mr. Grey, it's a pleasure to meet you again" I take her hand and press a kiss on it "Oh, the pleasure is all mine" I say looking straight into her eyes. I feel the electricity between us, but this time I'm not taking any chances, I don't want be in the headlines two days in a row.

"What are you doing here?" she asks. She moves the block and the pen from the bench and waves her hand offering me a seat beside her. "I went for a sail and just got back" "Oh, you have a boat?" "Yes, and I can't wait for you to join me on it" I smile at her when saying this. She looks to me, I think she's lost for words. "I've never been sailing, I wouldn't know what to do". "Don't worry, on my ship you don't have to do anything except enjoy". The thought of her spread out on the bed in my cabin, grasping the sheets, her gorgeous body wringing with pleasure as I touch her, making her come at least once before diving into her, the waves gently rocking the boat as we both reach our climax together - flashes through my mind. She blushes as she gets the double meaning of what I said, I didn't mean it like that originally, but definitely she will enjoy, and it will be my pleasure.

"Christian dear, sorry we're late" Grace calls out walking towards us with Carrick. "That's all right mom" I say standing up and shaking hands with them both. "Ana, you remember my mom Grace and this is my dad Carrick." Grace envelopes Ana in a hug, like she's a long lost friend while Carrick sticks to shaking her hand. I realize the surprised look on Ana's face, well we didn't plan on meeting each other, so for sure she didn't expect to meet most of my family today either. I know this is a spur of the moment kind of thing, but that seems to be how everything happens between us, so I ask Ana to join us for dinner. I see Grace exchanging a look with Carrick, and wonder what it's about. "I'd love to join you for dinner, but I don't think I'm dressed appropriately" she says gazing at her clothing. "Oh don't be silly, you'll do just fine, I told you - you look lovely" I say catching her hand and continue in a softer voice "please join us." She has me begging, what the hell's happening to me? She takes a deep breath, clearly weighing her options, and then she nods "Ok, I'll come".

_Anastasia_

Christian told me he wanted me to come sailing with him, but I don't know the first thing about sailing. The only boat I've ever set foot in is grandpa's rowing boat, we even went fishing with it once. I was too afraid to touch the fish we caught; so he had to let them off the hook and throw them back into the water, because I felt sorry for causing them pain. Needless to say we didn't go fishing again, just rowing for fun sometimes. What could I possibly do on a sailing boat? I'd probably trip over a line or bump my head on the beam.

Christian says I'd only have to enjoy. Enjoy my time on his boat, now there's a thought, I think of seeing Christian standing there by the steering without a shirt, his strong hands gripping it, his strong hands massaging me, spreading sun lotion on my back, his hands moving up to the clasp of my bikini top, opening it and pulling it off, cupping my breasts with his hands, squeezing... Oh, get a grip Anastasia, he didn't mean it that way, did he? I see Christian's mischievous smirk and I know that he did.

Suddenly I hear a familiar voice, Grace calls out for Christians – oh he's having dinner with his parents. Relief washes through my veins, no other woman to have dinner with then. He shakes their hands, that's odd. Grace hugs me like I'm her dearest friend who she hasn't seen for ages, Carrick is clearly much more formal – but then again I don't remember meeting him in person before. Christian surprises me by asking me to dinner. I look at my shorts and t-shirt – not quite restaurant attire I would say. Christian insists that I come with them, he says I look lovely, and I think my heart is now forever tuned to a new rhythm, beating to happiness instead of sorrow.

We enter the nearby restaurant and are immediately seated by a table near the window, the view is magnificent. The waiters bring us refreshments as we are waiting for our food. I observe Christian with his family, he seems very distant physically but otherwise he seems to have a good relationship with them. Grace and I mostly talk about the shelter and my work there, she seems to be interested in coming to help if medical attention is needed. I wonder if she's for real, or if she's just trying to be polite. She seems like a genuine person, and I remember that Sam always talked very highly of her, so I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt. Carrick is nice also, though much more reserved than Grace. He knew Sam also, of course, it seems that he helped grandpa with some legal issue a long time ago. I don't ask for details, I don't want dwell on the past, I'd rather concentrate on the present.

Christian's the first to mention the subject everyone was avoiding, maybe he didn't mean to do it; but nevertheless he let the cat out of the bag mentioning being at my art exhibition. "Oh right - the exhibition, I'm so sorry I couldn't come" Grace says. "It's alright, you can still visit it, if you are interested" I tell her. Carrick clears his throat "I think you were not missed dear" he says winking his eye at Christian. I feel the blush rising to my cheeks, they must have seen the tabloid as well. "Yeah well, we had a good evening..." Christian says "but then there was a group of paparazzi outside the gallery" I continue his sentence. I hope he'll not tell them that he took me to Escala, for sure they would think there was something more going on. Christian looks at me and squeezes my hand gently as to silently say that he understands, I look at him and quietly mouth thank you.

We talk about the tabloids for a while, everyone agrees that the pictures weren't bad and I'm glad that neither the other tabloids have got my name. I understood from Christian and Carrick that he's had his share of problems with the paparazzi since the bachelor nomination. I'm quite shocked as they tell me that Christian smashed the camera of a paparazzi taking pictures of him in a restaurant. "That's basically why I was at the beach house hiding" Christian says. "And if meeting you just required me losing my temper at a photographer I should have done it sooner" he continues. I have this warmness spreading through my chest hearing his words, even though I'm not sure if anyone was supposed to hear that.

_Grace_

"That was nice, wasn't it" I say to Carrick as we sit in the car on our way home from dinner with Christian and Ana. "Mm-hm" he just mumbles his answer with a toothpick between his lips, reversing the car out of the parking slot. I'm so happy we bumped into Ana on the dock, she's such a lovely girl and she has a wonderful effect on Christian. She grew up to a remarkable young woman with her heart in the right place, it's amazing really – thinking about her past. It had all the elements for a horrible future but somehow she has managed to make it work. I remember Sam always telling us about what little Ann – as he used to say – had been doing. She was his first and only grandchild and he couldn't have been prouder. She was such a happy child, I remember the day she came over to play with Mia, they played and played as Sam was working, but then she fell of Mia's bike, and I patched her foot, with a Band-Aid with flowers on it. I think it was Christian who helped her in, did he let her touch him then already? They were a happy family until the drunk driver rammed into the car Ana's dad was driving; Sam was a broken man after his son passed away, and things turned to worse for Ana as her mom, Carla, started drinking. Sam often talked about it, trying to get Carla some help – but she didn't want any of it. Oh boy, Ana sure has had her share of heartache, first her dad and within a few years both her grandparents. I didn't ask anything about Sam's death tonight, I didn't want upset her, remembering her reaction to Christian's question on Sunday.

I wonder what is going on between those two, something is going on, but neither of them admits it. Even a blind man sees the energy between them, the glances they give each other when they think no one's watching. Christian acts like he's a smitten schoolboy, it warms my heart to see him like this. I haven't seen him like this ever, when he was in high-school he only studied and worked… The thought hits me like a ton of bricks; it's because of Elena. She took his teenage years from him, she denied him everything a normal teenage boy should have gone through. She broke him so badly that until now, he has isolated himself in work, not letting anyone through that tough CEO exterior. The thought makes my heart ache and my blood boil at the same time, why couldn't he have a normal youth? Why did she steel his teenage years? The poor boy suffered enough in his childhood; with a horrid start to his life, hiding from abusive men visiting his mother who probably was high on crack, selling her body to get money for the next fix. What kind of life was that for a child? The horrible things he must have been through before his mother OD'd, then the four long lonely days being locked in the apartment with his mother's dead body. Elena knew all this and still she chose Christian to abuse, I told her everything about him, how could she do it to him? How could she betray my trust like that? I wipe a tear from my cheek, remembering his past always makes me cry.

Carrick glances at me, keeping his focus on the road "Honey, why are you upset?" "I was just thinking about Christian's past". He pats my knee to comfort me, I know that he shares my pain, I don't have to explain myself to him. "Grace, you have to stop blaming yourself for Elena" "I know, it's just... Seeing him with Anastasia today, he looked so happy, there was joy in his eyes, I have not seen him this relaxed in years" "Well, that's a good thing, isn't it" "Yes it is, but thinking why he couldn't experience happiness before, is what's making me upset" Carrick takes my hand in his and we are both lost in thoughts.

From the moment I saw Christian, the tiny boy, in his rugged and dirty t-shirt, squeezing his blanket to his chest, his grey eyes looking at me in amazement, I knew I will not ever let anyone hurt him again. He was like an injured bird, looking at me with his big eyes, afraid of being hurt again, left on the mercy of strangers. He barely let us touch him then, all he'd known was people hurting him, and it took a long time until he trusted that we would not hurt him. Still the touches between us were limited, no one could go near his torso or he'd panic. We learned to respect his boundaries, and everything was as good as could be expected, he still had many issues but we managed. In his teens he got into a lot of trouble, picking fights, drinking, and skipping classes – we didn't know what to do with him. Then something happened, I now know it was Elena, and he stopped the brawling, he went to his classes, started to get good grades, and it was like he was a totally different person, but in hindsight I see that at the same time he started to accept less and less touches from anyone. We were only shaking hands for years, no hugs, no pats on the back, only handshakes, and after Elena was caught with the Peterson boy, Christian closed off totally. The day following Elena's arrest he told us about his past with her, and after that get together he didn't allow us to touch him at all. It broke my heart, there was nothing I could do to make things better, it was all in the past but for us it was fresh. I wanted to take Christian into my arms, to hold him tight, to protect him from everything, but he just shut me out. It broke my heart to see his pain, the burden of the past that he had been hiding for years. But I respected his limits, I did not touch him, until on Saturday night when we sat for a long time hand in hand. I many times wondered about the mundane details like how he managed his business meetings? For sure he has to have shaken hands then?

I still remember the surprise I felt seeing him with Ana the first time, him sitting so close to her as she laid on the couch, then the next morning she touched him - and he let her, and he didn't as much as flinch as she wiped of the yogurt from the corner of his mouth and then they kissed. I'm so happy for my little broken bird – he's finally finding the happiness he deserves. I just hope both of them understand their feelings for each other soon, with their pasts I suspect it'll be a bumpy road, and hopefully we are all along for the ride.

"She seemed nice" Carrick finally says after parking the car outside our house. "Yes she's nice" I agree with him. "She's good for him, I can feel it." "Yeah, I think so too." "He sure has feelings for her, you know, I recognize the behavior" he says looking at me with a warm smile walking up the stairs to the front door. "What behavior?" I ask stopping outside the door, looking at him questioning, even though I know what he will say. "You know, the same as I had when we first started going out – you had my heart from hello" he says wrapping his arms around me, _oh Cary,_ you are a hopeless romantic at times "and you had mine" I say before I kiss him.


	12. Chapter 12

_AN: Thanks for all readers, reviewers, followers… Your support means so much, keep it coming! Here's chapter 12 for you, tell me what you think about it! Lemon alert._

_I do not own the characters, just using them for my story._

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_Christian_

I stand beside Ana as we wave goodbye to Grace and Carrick leaving the restaurant. I take her hand and feel the current run through my body, it makes me excited and relaxed at the same time. I look at her and smile, I'm one lucky bastard if she'll agree to be mine. My girlfriend. I play with those words a bit and the more I think about it, the better it feels. I didn't think I'd ever have a girlfriend, the women have always been after me but I was never interested in them. "Care to watch one more sunset with me?" I ask her. She bites her lip as she's thinking about it, and I feel my stomach go to free fall – _oh fuck_ - those lips. Then she says "Sure, why not… where you want to go?" and smiles… Hm, where should we go? I could take her to Escala, and show her a sunset she would never forget, or we could go out on the Grace. I doesn't really matter where we are as long as we are together. "Do you know what I'd like?" she suddenly says and continues "I'd like to get some ice cream" before I have a chance to say anything._ What?_ "Ice cream?" I just manage to ask. She looks at me smiling "You know, that cold mushy stuff you eat with a spoon". I just have to roll my eyes at her and she giggles at my expression. "But we just had desert, you still want ice cream?" I ask. "There's always room for ice cream" she says taking my hand and pulling me towards the pier saying "Come on". I follow her gladly, I think I would follow her to the end of the world if it made her happy. Who would have thought it, a young pretty brunette is telling me, CEO Christian Grey, what to do and where to go, and I like it. I rarely relinquish control to anyone, but definitely this is worth it. I put my arm around her as we walk, I realize she tenses for a moment before she relaxes. After few steps it's my turn to tense as she puts her hand around my waist. I feel her fingers playing with the belt loops, the close proximity is making my heart beating faster and my blood heading south. We find a small ice cream booth, I had no idea there was one out here. She wants vanilla and I can't help but wonder if it's only in reference to ice cream?

We sit on a bench overlooking the harbor, eating the ice cream, the evening sun spreading a wonderful hue on the sky – reflected on the water. I enjoy the view, but what catches my focus is definitely Ana, she looks so happy, enjoying her vanilla ice cream, and it makes me happy and whole; the feeling of that piece of the puzzle missing has vanished - everything is just perfect.

I have to admit, the ice cream _is_ delicious. "You want to taste mine?" I ask "Yes please" she says, I scoop one spoonful of ice cream with my spoon, and then offer it to her; there's a moment of hesitation before she opens up for the spoon I'm offering. _Oh lord_. The look on her face as she enjoys the delicious ice cream; her lush lips wrapping around my spoon. She licks her lip as there was a bit of ice cream there. I try very hard to keep my thoughts on a short leach, but looking at her lips I can only think about what those lips would feel like on me. "That's even better than vanilla" she says and I hope that she's not only referring to the ice cream. She seems oblivious to rising the heat in my body. I want to kiss her, to feel that cool vanilla covered tongue playing with mine, but remembering the location we are at, I keep my lips to myself.

"Can I ask you a question?" she suddenly asks. I look at her trying to read her, but I can't. "Sure" I answer, actually not feeling so sure about it. "Why didn't Grace hug you at dinner?" Oh boy, she noticed it. "I have some issues with people touching me" I know it has to sound idiotic as we were walking practically wrapped around each other and now we are sitting this close to each other on the bench – definitely touching. Her expression gives away the confusion she's feeling. She turns to look at me "Really? I haven't noticed, well not before I saw you with your parents today" I feel her body tense and realize she's pulling away from me, reacting to my words, I firmly place my hand on hers, keeping her near to me saying "Please don't… I have these issues with touch, but for some reason I don't have them with you." I can't get enough of your touch, I need it, I don't want live without it. "I know" she says in a small voice, not more than a whisper. I don't know if I was even supposed to hear that. "Huh? Did you say something?" I ask. She's biting her lip, it's distracting as hell, but I realize that she's just really thinking about her answer. She releases her lip just to say "I said I know" and then that lush lower lip is again captured by her teeth, I feel her discomfort, but I don't know what has brought it on. I look her in the eye "You know I have issues with touching?" I ask, trying to figure her out. "Well yes… no… I kind of have issues with it as well, but not with you" she says leaving me even more confused. She doesn't like to be touched as well? But she hasn't said anything about it – _well have you_? "Oh…" I just manage to say, as my mind is spinning – going through her background check not finding any clues to what has her avoiding touches.

"Why don't you like to be touched" she asks me bluntly; I think she's trying to get the focus off her. I sigh heavily "It's a long story" "I'd like to hear it sometime" she says. "Will you tell me yours?" I ask her. The mood between us has suddenly changed from fun and casual, to very serious. "Someday" she says; then she presses her head against my shoulder as we sit side by side in silence, I wrap my arm around her shoulders holding her close. Both of us are lost in deep thought, probably she's thinking about her past, just as I'm thinking about mine – trying to figure how much I really want to tell her. I want to tell her everything, but I think it'll be too much too soon. For now I enjoy the warmth of her body by my side, the smell of her hair, the touch of her skin as my fingers brush against her arm.

_Anastasia_

"Do you want taste mine?" Christian asks. "Yes please" – the vanilla is delicious but I guess the chocolate might be even better. Should I just take a scoop with my spoon? Christian is offering me a spoonful with his spoon, is it ok to eat from the same spoon? Well, the hell with it, he had his tongue in my mouth already, what's with a shared spoon. The ice cream is delicious, cool and chocolaty, I almost regret going for the vanilla. Christian has a funny expression on his face, his eyes are smoldering, there's definitely something else going on than just eating ice cream, I just can't put my finger on it.

My mind wonders to our dinner, it was really nice to meet with Grace and Carrick, they seem like such loving parents, but it did strike me as odd that they didn't hug Christian, but they – well at least Grace – hugged me. "Why didn't Grace hug you at dinner?" I see Christian's face fall, then he looks at me like he's trying to read my mind, to find out why I'm asking. He has issues with touching, he says. Really? We have been touching so much, I don't remember touching any man this much, how can he have issues with it? Maybe he's uncomfortable with me touching him, just like I'm uncomfortable with men, besides Christian, touching me. I better give him space – I try to move over, but Christian grabs my hand, he holds it firmly and says he doesn't mind me touching him. Oh thank god for that, because I feel the same. I don't remember being comfortable with any man in my presence before Christian. I must have said it out loud as he reacts on my words and asks me about it. I bite my lip thinking about what to answer him. I really don't want to tell too much yet. "Someday" is all I say, one day I'll tell Christian about what happened to me, but not yet. If he'll reject me, realizing the suffering I bring to people near me, at least I had these few moments of happiness. I lean against him and he wraps his arm around me, I feel his firm body against me, I smell that wonderful cologne and enjoy just being with him. I feel it, with every fiber in my body, this is home. I feel Christian's fingers brush against my arm, the touch of his skin on mine sends a shiver through me, making my heart beat a bit faster – awakening me from a slumber I didn't know I was in. What does this man do to me?

I look up at Christian as he looks down on me, our lips just inches away from each other. I feel his breath on my skin, it gives me goose bumps. He looks at me with wonder in his eyes. He traces my face with his fingers, I close my eyes to enjoy the touch, but I can't keep them closed for too long. I don't want miss the amazing sight of Christian's eyes looking at me. "God, you're beautiful" he says, cupping my face and pressing his lips on mine. The kiss has a level of urgency about it, the desire, bottled up since last night's elevator ride, being released in the beauty of the sunset by the water. I surrender to his kiss, to his strong arms around me, to his body against mine, lost in this moment of passion, not caring about who might see us, hell, we're the only people in the universe as far as I'm concerned.

_Christian_

"Khmm" I hear someone clearing their throat nearby, as I untangle myself from Ana I realize it is Taylor. He's standing there, obviously uncomfortable about disturbing our make-out session. "Sir, I have been notified that the papz found out you are at the harbor and they are headed here" Oh fuck, I run my fingers through my hair, and take a deep breath to calm myself, just what I needed, another run-in with the vultures. I look at Ana who's anxiously looking around us to see if they are near yet. "We better leave" I say, to Ana as well as Taylor. Ana looks at me confused "Should I come with you? Or should I just take my car and drive home?" Come home with me, is what I want tell her but I think about it while we start to walk towards the parking place; I want her with me, but then she'll be exposed to the damned paparazzi hunting me and I want her safe from them. I look at her, in her shorts and t-shirt her hair loose she doesn't look like she did yesterday, she does look good, but different. Could she possibly get away if she's walking by herself and not by my side? I'm assuming she still has the advantage of being anonymous. "Christian" she says looking at me. "I think I should take my own car" It's like my world's about to stop turning, she's leaving. I knew it, the baggage that comes with being Christian Grey was too much for her to handle, and I didn't even tell her any of my issues yet. _Don't jump to conclusions_, it could be she's leaving for tonight, not forever, didn't you just think of sending her alone to her car, _what gives_? "I could meet you at Escala, if that's ok with you?" she says shyly, I feel myself brought back to the light from the path of darkness I was heading down. "You want to come there?" I ask. She nods, a blush spreading on her cheeks.

_Anastasia_

My apartment is empty as usual as I get there, so at least the papz haven't found me yet. I'm a woman on a mission, I quickly take off the clothes I went to work with and take a shower. I dig my closet for something pretty to wear, I don't bother with make-up, as I usually don't wear any so I don't see any reason to start now. I feel very self-conscious looking at myself in the mirror, my skin is pale, my eyes too big my hair too long. I try to focus on the positive; I'm wearing a dress that's just beautiful, I haven't had an occasion to wear it before, my legs look longer than they are in it. What will he think as he sees I've been home to change? He will probably see right through me… I try not to think too much, or I'll chicken out and call Christian that I'm not coming. I grab a bag, throwing inside clothes for tomorrow. I'm practically running to my car as I didn't mention going home before coming to Escala, so I think Christian is starting to worry about what's keeping me. It's late already, the neighbors will probably whisper amongst themselves about me leaving my apartment at this time of the day.

I reach Escala in no time, park the car in one of Christian's slots. I make my way to the elevators, press the button and wait for it to arrive. My mind is racing, thinking about what might happen tonight. I'm nervous and excited at the same time, the butterflies in my stomach multiplying as the elevator reaches the garage. I grab my bag and bump into a firm chest of a man stepping out from the elevator. "Watch it, will you" Christian says harshly before he sees that it's me. "Sorry" I manage to mumble picking up the bag I dropped. "Ana? Oh baby, I didn't realize it's you, are you alright" _Baby_? He called me baby, I feel my cheeks heating up from the rising blush. "I'm fine, sorry for bumping into you... I wasn't looking". We step into the elevator together. Christian looks at me, a curious expression on his face as it dawns on him that I changed. "Nice dress" he says, leaving the words hanging in the air. The electricity between us getting more intense by the second in the confined space of the elevator. "Um… Yeah, well I had to change from the clothes I wore to work" I shrug as an explanation to my changed clothing. "You didn't have to, I told you, you looked lovely" "Well I _wanted_ to" I see a spark in his eyes as I say that, I guess I'm pretty obvious aren't I? "What were you doing in the garage? Were you leaving?" I ask. "I got worried as you took so long and I was just thinking to drive over to your apartment to see that you are ok". He did worry about me, he does care.

"What's with the bag?" he asks nodding towards the bag in my hand. "Just some clothes, you know..." the elevator doors open with a ping and I step into the foyer, looking back at Christian "...If I would happen to stay the night here". With a few steps, Christian catches up with me and catches my hand "You'd stay with me?" he asks looking me straight in the eye. His grey eyes hypnotizing me with their intensity, but I see he's serious. What do you know, here I was thinking I was obvious in my actions. "Yes" I just manage to say before his lips are on mine, our bodies singing a song of desire, to the rhythm of our hearts beating as one.

Christian leads me through the big room in Escala, he stops besides his bedroom door and looks at me asking if I'm ok with this, I only manage to nod. His eyes are burning with desire; he kisses me like our lives depend on it, his tongue hungrily invading my mouth as I push my fingers through his h air pulling him closer to me. I feel his rock hard abs under my fingers as I fumble to open the buttons on his shirt while moving towards his king size bed. I push his shirt down his arms and throw it on the floor. He holds me close, his hands tracing every form on my body, I feel his breath on my skin as he kisses me on my neck and down to my shoulder, then he lifts off the dress I'm wearing. He bends down to kiss my breasts, he pulls the fabric of my bra down so that my nipples are exposed to his greedy touch, his warm wet tongue licking my nipple before biting on it – just enough to send a lightning to my core, he squeezes the other at the same time and it's almost too much, oh god good, I've never felt anything like it, I try to keep quiet but can't help the moans escaping my mouth.

He continues kissing my body, moving past my bellybutton towards the apex of my thighs. I feel myself tense, no man has ever touched me like this and I haven't told him, what if I'll disappoint him? I push the insecure thoughts to the back of my mind, only focusing on the pleasure Christian is giving me. I feel his fingers below the waistline of my panties, his hands gripping my ass as his mouth finds mine again. Oh to hell with it, I've never felt like this, all I know is I want this man - I want him - and that's the only thought I allow in my mind. I pull his belt buckle, cursing the fact that I'm not as smooth as Christian in undressing him. I open the button to his jeans, I feel the bulge of his erection under the fabric of his boxers, it feels so hard and hot, and I can't resist caressing him through the boxers. I hear Christian gasp for air as my hand makes impact with his manhood. Hearing his reaction to my touch makes me even hungrier for him.

In a moment of bravery I take off my bra, and throw it on the floor with the other discarded clothes. Both of us are almost naked now; me in my panties and Christian is in his boxers, his erection very evident under the loose underwear. His eyes are the color of a storm could just before the lightning will strike, the touch of his fingers on my body sending shivers through me like electricity. He kisses my neck fiercely as he moves his hand down my body, slipping his hand into my panties, gently massaging my clitoris, I moan loudly as I take in the sensation. "Oh Ana, you're so wet for me" He pushes his fingers further finding the entrance and then slipping one finger in a bit, moving it gently in and out while caressing me on my magic spot same time. I hang around his neck, trying to stay upright with the sensations taking over my body wiping all coherent thoughts from my mind; the only thing I can concentrate on is his finger moving in and out of me. Her pulls his hand from my panties and leaves me wanting more; he takes of his boxers, his erection springing free and goes to the bedside table to get a condom.

_This is it_, today I'll lose my virginity; at the age of 23 I'll finally do it. We have moved to the edge of the bed, there's a trail of clothes from the door to the bed. "Are you ready?" he asks, am I ready? Hell do I know if I'm ready, I only know I really want this. "As ready as I'll ever be, but I have to tell you something before we continue". It's difficult as hell to take up this subject, when I'd like nothing more than to jump him and get it over with, but I suspect it's important for us both to know what the situation is. Christian looks to me, clearly wanting to know what I have to say. "What is it babe?" "I'm a virgin"

The shock is evident on Christian's face, I guess it was about the last thing he expected to hear. "Oh" he just says, totally speechless "You are sure about this?" _About being a virgin? Or about having sex?_ I see him shutting off expecting me to back down. _Oh fuck it_, this has to happen tonight, I've waited so long – I don't want wait longer. I grab the condom from Christian's hand, surprising him with my bold move, rip open the package and place it on the tip of his penis. I feel his heartbeat under my fingers as I gently roll down the condom over him, he really is a fine specimen of a man; perfection I would say. When I'm sure I got the condom on right; I lay down on the bed, leaning on my elbow, patting the bed next to me and saying "Care to join me?"

Christian doesn't say anything, he just comes onto the bed pushing me on my back, sliding his long fingers up my legs slipping his fingers under my panties and then pulling them off me. I think my heart will burst from my chest, the feeling his fingers are igniting in me beyond exquisite. He traces his tongue up my leg until he reaches the apex of my thighs, he draws slow circles with the tip of his tongue and I can't focus on anything anymore. He moves up my body until I can feel him by my entrance, he's looking me in the eye like he's trying to see if I have any doubts before he pushes himself partly inside. The feeling is very strange, good but strange, I feel myself stretching to allow him to enter me. I moan slightly as Christian kisses me, the kiss is now tender and loving, not the animalistic devouring as it was before, I feel the tip of his tongue between his lips, and I move my tongue to meet his, to welcome him in me. The kiss intensifies as he pushes himself in all the way, tearing through my virginity, absorbing my cry with his mouth. The pain lasts only for a moment, I feel my body welcoming him inside me. He moves slowly at first, then a bit faster, he is playing a symphony of sensations and I'm lost in the melody, just absorbing it, meeting his thrusts until our bodies explode from pleasure, leaving us panting and our bodies covered with a sheen of sweat and tears in my eyes. "Oh baby, you are so beautiful" Christian says as he lays down beside me, stroking a few hair from my face, kissing me gently.


	13. Chapter 13

_AN: Real life again getting the better of me, sorry for the delay in updates. Thank you for the great reactions to the last chapter. Once again, thank you all readers, reviewers and followers your support is highly appreciated! Here's chapter 13, tell me what you think. Lemon alert._

_Thank you nani . leonardo for your help with the description!_

_I don't own the characters, just using them for my own story-line._

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_Christian_

Where the fuck is she, it's been an hour since we left from the docks. I pace around my apartment glancing at my phone willing it to ring. I tried calling her but it went directly to her voice-mail. What if she had an accident? She could be lying injured in the hospital, or worse... Dread spreads through my chest, the thought of her being hurt... No, I can't even go there, it's too painful. I see Taylor going from the kitchen to his office "is there any sign of her?" "No sir, no one has entered the garage since we came" Fuck, fuck, fuck. I have to find her, she has to be alright, but I don't know where to start searching and the uncertainty is killing me. I could go check her apartment, that's a start anyway... I call the elevator and step into it hearing Taylor's voice shouting from the door of his office "Sir..." as the doors slide shut. I don't care what he has to say, it can wait until I find Ana.

The elevator descends to the garage in 25 seconds. I stare at the numbers on the display, twenty-five seconds have never lasted so long. I lean my head against the wall and close my eyes, I have flashbacks of the days spent with my mother's dead body; the feeling of helplessness it reminds me of turning to fury, making my blood boil of anger. I cannot be losing the woman of my life again. The rational part of my mind tells me I'm not losing anything, she might just be stuck in traffic or something; but my heart has jumped in the wagon with the fear and anguish of lost.

Finally the elevator is at the garage, the doors open and I rush outside colliding with someone walking straight into me. God damn it, can't people watch where they are going. "Watch it, will you" I say and regret it as soon as the words slip my mouth as I see that the person running into me is Ana. She's here, a huge weight gets lifted off my chest and I can breathe again, she _is_ safe. "Ana baby, are you alright?" She blushes at my words, and I take a better look at her; she looks amazing, her hair is hanging in waves down to her breasts, her delicious body covered by a dress clinging to her figure, her thin waist, the curve of her hips, beautiful. She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt when she left the harbor, she must have been home to change. That's what took her so long.

"Nice dress" I say, and her blush intensifies. She says she had to change, _oh baby_, I think you would look gorgeous wearing a plastic bag, "You didn't _have_ to change" I tell her, but she just says that she _wanted_ to. She wanted to change to this beautiful, sexy dress to come meet me at this hour. I might be jumping to conclusions here, but would she do that if she didn't want something more? I feel my heat beat picking up its pace, blood rushing on my veins as the electricity crackles between us, captured by the walls of the elevator. She's still fighting the pull of our bodies asking me what I was doing downstairs. I was just going to go search for her, I tell her and see a flash of contentment in her eyes, _yeah baby_, I was worried about you. I notice the bag she's carrying and ask about it. She says it's only some clothes, and then she steps out of the elevator, giving me a playful crooked smile, _oh come on, Ana, don't be so coy._ "...If I would happen to stay the night here" I think my heart stops at her words, did I hear it right? She wants to stay with me? I ask her, just to be sure I got it right and she nods. My mind goes totally blank, I just have to kiss her, I want her so badly it hurts. I press my lips against hers and there it is; heaven.

Somehow we get to my bedroom, our hands all over each other. She unbuttons my shirt and I don't even understand that she's touching me, the sight of her undoing my shirt is just so god damned sexy, I think I'll not make it as all the years of suppressed desire are now taking over my senses. She throws my shirt on the floor, her dress being the next part of the trail of clothes we are leaving behind us. I kiss her neck; I feel my cock pulsating as I breathe in her wonderful scent, _oh Lord, I'm in heaven._ I tug on her bra, to free those deliciously pink nipples, I cannot resist biting one and I'm immediately rewarded by a moan escaping her lips. She's so responsive. I can't wait to find out how responsive she really is. I move down on her body, I feel her body tightening, _oh don't be nervous baby, it'll be so good, trust me._ I grab her ass inside the fabric of her panties as I rise up to kiss her again. Our tongues are exploring each other, feeding oil to the desire burning in our veins.

She opens my belt and trousers, the sight of her hands near my erection makes me almost come undone already, and then she touches me. The supernova explodes, all my senses just brought to sensory overload in one move. _Oh fuck,_ that feels so good, I haven't had a woman touch me like this ever, her gentle fingers gripping my cock through the fabric, _oh holy hell_. Suddenly she takes her hands away, I want to tell her to continue but I'm silenced as she takes of her bra. I'm speechless, she is fucking perfection, her skin like pale like alabaster and soft as silk, her breast just the perfect size for my hands, and the pink nipples, oh those strawberry goodies like icing on a cake. I kiss her neck, as my hands explore the wonderland of Ana, I slip my hand to her panties and feel her wetness. I gently massage her, she's hanging on my neck moaning as I push my finger inside. She's so tight, the thought of soon being buried in her making my cock twitch even more.

Oh fuck, I can't take it any longer; I leave her panting as I take off my boxers and grab a condom from the drawer. _Am I ready for this?_ I want it more than anything, her touch leaving me forever hungry for more. "Are you ready?" I ask her. She replies me that she is, but she has something to tell me. "What is it babe?" I just manage to say. "I'm a virgin". That short sentence makes my mind plummet in free-fall. Holy shit, she's a virgin, as in this is her first time; _I can't do this_. I cannot fucking do this. I don't deserve to strip her of her innocence, I'm not worthy of her. I remember my first time, there was hardly anything I could do as Elena used my body as she wanted to please her, and the thought gives me shivers. I can't do that to Ana, would it even be like that? No, this will not be like with Elena – the rational part of me is saying, pleading me to continue, as it's been so long. She grabs the condom from my hand; sensing my insecurities. _Whoa, is she for real?_ I see the determination in her eyes, she wants this – that makes me desire her even more. This will be a first time for me as well as for her.

I watch Ana as she rolls on the condom, _oh fuck_, the touch and the sight of her hands on my cock making desire burn like fire in my veins. She's waiting for me on the bed. What the fuck are you waiting for man! You can do this, stop thinking about that bitch and enjoy the angel in your bed. I pull off her panties and taste her, making her ready for what will happen – preparing myself as well. Her skin is so soft, and it tastes like heaven. I cannot think straight anymore, this is now or never. I position myself at her entrance, are you ready for this baby? I look at her, I see the desire in her eyes as well as the nervousness for the first time. I push myself partly inside her, the tightness of her taking my breath away, I feel her body welcoming me as I bend down to kiss her. I want to do this right, to make her feel as good as I am feeling. I know that as this is her first time it might hurt so I kiss her with a deeper passion as I tear through her virginity. Oh holy fuck, she feels so good. I absorb her moans and feel her body responding to mine as she's meeting my movements. Yes! She's enjoying this too. I follow the pace that our bodies set together, merging into one, until I can't keep it longer. The rhythm quickens and I'm reaching my limit, I feel her with every atom of my being, our souls exposed to the desire as we orgasm together_… Oh hell… This is heaven…_

I lay on her, feel her catching her breath, her body delicious in the afterglow of her orgasm. "Oh baby, you are so beautiful". She's just lying there, not saying anything. I see a teardrop run down her cheek, and my heart sinks to my stomach, what's wrong? Did I hurt her? Does she regret giving herself to me already? I wipe the tear with my thumb, as I turn her to face me. "Are you alright? Why are you crying?" "Oh Christian…" she puts her hand around my neck and pulls my lips to hers. It's like she's trying to tell me everything she feels in that kiss, it soothes my worry - she's alright. She's alright. Thank dear lord. "That was amazing" she says as we finally release the kiss. "Yes it was… Thank you" She looks at me with an expression that tells me to elaborate a bit. "… For letting me be your first" I say thinking _and you being mine._

* * *

I wake up, there's something definitely different about everything today. I've slept all night, without nightmares, there's no smell of burning flesh lingering in my nose as I wake up, only the faint smell of vanilla. It's takes a few moments to realize that I'm in my bed; lying naked next to her. That's definitely a first, I've never woken up with a woman in my bed, nevertheless a naked woman. I'm one lucky bastard I think as I look at her; she looks like an angel, her hair spread out on the pillow, her leg sticking out from under the cover, my morning hard-on rising its head further as she stirs and the cover falls of her figure almost completely. Good god that woman is beautiful.

I quietly get up and go to the toilet, I take a quick shower, hoping she was with me in it. I pull on a pair of boxers and go back to the bedroom. She's still sleeping, but I can't resist laying down beside her, wrapping her in my arms, holding her breast in my hand. I nuzzle her neck; hoping she will wake up and at the same time not wanting to disturb her sleep. I hear her mumbling in her dream "my knight… in shining armor" – I wonder what's it about, but it must be good as she has a smile on her lips. I can't resist kissing her, so I press a gentle kiss on her lips, I see her eyes slowly open and her smile widens. "Good morning gorgeous" I say to her, feeling that I could lose myself in her eyes and never want to be found. She blushes as she realizes that's she's still naked, she grabs the cover to pull it over her body. "Good morning... Have you been up long?" she says, and I can't resist temptation to nudge her with my erection that has made its return "Well not too long". She giggles and says "That's not what I meant" "I know, I know, I just couldn't resist it, and no, I just woke up and took a quick shower before coming back to bed. I have to get to work soon. Did you sleep well?" "I slept very well actually" "Me too... What were you dreaming about? I heard you talking in your sleep something about knights" A blush rises to her cheeks, and she tries to hide herself under the cover, oh do tell baby, what was it about? "I dreamt of you..." she bites into her lip like she's deciding if she should or shouldn't continue. "What about me?" I'm curious to find out. "Well you saved me, you came and rescued me from the prison of a monster-man, you were my knight in shining armor" "Oh really?" "Promise not to laugh at me?" she says, _oh baby, I'd never laugh at you_. I just nod. "This is not the first time I've dreamt of you... You always come to save me in my dreams." Why would I laugh at that? I've been dreaming of her every night since our first kiss. "I'm not an expert in dreams but I think it's because you helped me when I hurt my foot" "Oh on the weekend?" "No, when I was a child" I feel a sense of pride, I didn't know I had made such an impact on her... "I had a major crush on you then" she says in a tiny voice and I think my face will split from the grin on it. I can't help but ask "...you still have that crush?"

_Anastasia_

I turn the faucet and let the warm water run over my body, I wash myself and close my eyes as I'm rinsing the shampoo from my hair. I enjoy my peaceful moment in the shower, still floating on cloud nine after the wake up with Christian. I admitted to him that I had a crush on him when I was a kid and that just lead to us kissing each other on the bed, the memory of his erection pressing against me as we kissed brings a smile to my lips. Things would have progressed further but Christian had to go to work. That's ok though, I will have time to go to the shelter to get my stuff ready for the art therapy session tonight.

I step out from the shower and wrap my hair in a towel, and my body in another. I stand by the mirror and look at myself. Do I look different? I feel different, but no, still the same big eyes and pale skin meets me in the mirror. I let my mind wonder when I dry my hair. Who would have guessed that I'd lose my virginity to my childhood crush? My first love. _Oh no, no, don't go there._ You know what happens to people you love; don't bring on the shadow of that on Christian. All the insecurities I pushed away last night start to make their way back into my consciousness; if I give him my heart - he'll break it, if I depend on him - he will leave, leaving me broken into a million pieces. The memories of dad and my grandparents flood my mind, the happiness, the sorrow, the heart wrenching grief of losing them all. The anger for my mother for not being there for me when I needed her. I swore I'd never need anyone again. But everything is different now, isn't it? I think Christian is healing those wounds, he's touching me, healing me and it feels like heaven, it's not the destructive touch Rob had, which left me rotting in a prison of my mind for half of my life, Christian has freed me.

I eat the breakfast that Mrs. Jones prepared for me in silence, I don't feel like small talk, and besides I'm trying very hard not to think about that she probably knows what we've been up to last night. She did look at me in a funny way when I walked into the kitchen, didn't she? I wonder does she do the laundry here also, remembering the white dress she saved at the beach house. She probably does, good thing I don't have anything that needs washing – the dress and my panties I'll wash at home, thank you very much, having someone else washing my clothes just feels kind of funny. I can live with her washing the general stuff like towels and sheets. _Oh shit_, the sheets on the bed. I didn't have a look at them, did I bleed much? I can't have her washing that... No, that's just too embarrassing, it's like shouting from the rooftops: Hey, I just lost my virginity!

I leave my unfinished cup of tea and rush back to the bedroom. Thank god, it's just as I left it. I inspect the bed and see the blood there. Crap. You have to sort this out. I quickly pull the sheets off the bed and go to find the washing machine, as I remember seeing one when last time at Escala. Finding the washing powder and softener in the locker by the sink I quickly start the washing machine, it's a decade or two newer than the washing machine at the shelter, but luckily just as easy to use.

Leaving the washing machine on, I go back to the bedroom, where I'm met by a confused Christian, looking at the bed without the sheets, covers and pillows thrown on the chairs by the window. When did he get back? He just left an hour ago. "What are you doing?" he asks. "I'm just changing the sheets, but what are you doing here, I thought you were at work" I say. "I was at work, but my morning meeting canceled so I decided to come back to see you. Didn't I tell you about Mrs. Jones, the housekeeper? She does the cleaning and laundry, if you wanted something washed you should have said so…" Christian says catching my hand and kissing it softly. Oh, the butterflies are back as the jolt of energy passes between us. "I couldn't have her clean the sheets" I say, seeing the confusion written on his face. "_The_ sheets" I say hoping I won't have to spell it out for him... Still nothing. Oh come on! You're supposed to be a smart man! "There was blood on the sheets" "Oooh" Now he got it. "Yeah _oh_, I know you're used to Mrs. Jones cleaning your stuff, but I'm really not comfortable with it, especially when the evidence of me losing my virginity is spilled all over it." A thought crosses my mind, she has probably washed his sheets always, even after he's had sex in them, maybe it's totally ordinary that there's all kinds of fluids spilled on them. Oh crap, what if he does this all the time, brings women to his home and fucks them in his bed? What do I even know about him? _You know his soul._ But I don't even know how many women he has slept with. I suddenly feel very unsure of the whole thing, what did I do? _You enjoyed life for once,_ my subconscious is telling me. I feel Christian tightening his grip on my hand, pulling me into his arms. His smell intoxicating me as his warmth soothes my anxiety - but only a little. "It's ok, I understand, don't worry" he says quietly, stroking my cheek looking into my eyes with wonder, but I see the worry creeping slowly into his eyes. "What's wrong?" How can he read me like an open book? "It's just... I just... Have you..." I can't get the words out right, is it even any of my business? "How many women have you slept with?"


	14. Chapter 14

_Christian_

The bedroom is a mess, the bed is stripped of sheets, the covers and pillows gathered in a messy pile. What in the world is going on? My first thought is that that someone's been here, searching for something, but soon I realize that it more likely that the sheets are being changed. I try to remember if I've ever been at home when Mrs. Jones changes the bed linen? I don't think I have, but then again I'm usually never home daytime, nevertheless I'm sure she wouldn't do it when we have a guest. Speaking of guests, where's Ana? She wasn't at the kitchen when I passed it, maybe she left already? I hope I didn't miss her. I look around to see if any of her stuff is still here; I'm relieved when I notice that her bag is still on the floor, so she hasn't left yet. I peek outside the bedroom door and see her coming from the laundry room. What is she doing in the laundry room? She seems surprised to see me, but then again I was supposed to be at the office. I take her hand in mine and kiss it as I remind her of Mrs. Jones, who she should ask if she needed anything laundered. Baby, if you want, you don't have to lift a finger to do anything when you are here. Ana looks at me, I feel her blue eyes piercing my soul; she's determined that she couldn't let anyone else wash the sheets. I get the feeling that she's trying to make a point; but my mind is blank, what's the big deal with washing sheets?

I feel stupid, a totally unfamiliar feeling for me, not understanding the whole issue with the sheets until she told me there was blood on them - of course that's it. She was a virgin. I get that she's not comfortable fanning the evidence around, and I do understand her. I hold her in my arms, look at her, this beautiful woman who has caught me in her spell, leaving me drowning in those deep blue eyes. Although the thought of me being the first man inside her, where no man has gone before, makes me feel excited; I can't understand is how the hell she has managed to keep her virginity so far, she's gorgeous, there must have been dozens of boys running after her during the years... I'm one lucky son of a bitch, as she gave herself to me. _Well, you better not fuck this up then._ I feel her body tensing up in my arms; I hold her close, hoping my touch will relax her, as her touch relaxes me. The look in her eyes has changed, she looks almost horrified so I ask "What's wrong?" suddenly having a stone in my stomach. She stumbles in her answer, not finding the words she wants to say.

"How many women have you had in your bed?" she finally asks, her expression totally unreadable, like she's shut all the blinds, not letting anyone see inside. I know that pose too well, I've mastered it during the years, the totally unreadable expression I have worn in countless meetings, not to even mention the times I've shut out my whole family from seeing my true emotions. I understand it's to protect herself from anyone getting too close, but baby, I would never hurt you, ever… I feel her spirit leaving mine and it gives me chills; Ana please, stay with me. _Oh hell_, here goes "None" I say quietly, knowing I'm basically avoiding her question, but telling the truth at the same time. I see the disbelief in her eyes. "None? You were a virgin also?" I take a deep breath before I continue. "No" She looks at me totally confused, her confusion mixed with a spark of anger; she doesn't believe me. _Oh lord, I might have to tell her._ "You were not a virgin, but I was the first you slept with? How? Doesn't add up you know" "I know… You were the first woman in my bed, ever. I've had sex before though…. that's a part of the long story" I say resigned. She looks up, clearly it takes a moment before she connects the dots. "The story as in the reason you don't like to be touched?" I just nod, holding on to her a bit tighter; I need to feel her, now being so far away from any comfortable subject for conversation, making myself vulnerable, baring my soul to her. "Could you tell me?" she asks, her whole body begging for answers. "I'm not sure… It's something I have barely told my family… But I need you to know" I want you to be with me, to know me from the inside and out "it's just difficult to tell."

I feel her coming back to me; the distance I felt between our souls just a moment ago, gone. The spark of anger in her eyes transformed to worry. I can breathe more freely again, maybe I should just tell her now? I sit on the bed and she sits next to me, I grab her hand, I need to feel her, to sense her reaction to the words I'm about to say. I sigh heavily and close my eyes trying to find the right words. "I didn't have a normal childhood, you know I was adopted right?" I look at her and she just nods, holding my hand while stroking it gently. "My birth-mother ODd when I was four" I feel her grip on my hand tightening "I'm sorry" "No, don't be. That was the best thing that happened to me" _Oh shit that sounds bad_ "Of course I didn't see it like that then, but later in life I understood it. She was an addict, crack was her fix, that's what I've been told, anyway." _Breathe Grey, you started it, now finish it._

"She used to sell herself to get money for drugs, and as you can guess, the men coming to the apartment were not happy to find a kid there. I usually hid, but many times I was beaten, and there was one man who…" _Fuck, I can't do this…_ I feel the whole room warping around me until I'm huddled in the corner of a dimly lighted room, looking at my mother lying on the bed, passed out or sleeping, I don't know which. There's a large man in the room, his huge frame casting a shadow on the floor. He smells like cigarettes, and his eyes glow like hot coal in the dark. I try to hide behind the couch, as the man scares me to death. I don't say a thing – I just hope he will not see me, I close my eyes trying to make myself invisible. My foot makes impact with the coffee table next to the couch and something drops to the floor. The fear is now consuming me totally. The man grabs my arm "Didn't she get rid of you, you piece of shit" he growls at me, blowing smoke in my face. He pulls me from behind the couch "Nosy little bastard, didn't I tell you, if you see me here, you burn" he says sounding like the devil himself. I'm just shaking my head – I did not watch you, I didn't see you, I didn't, didn't, didn't. He's not letting me go, I feel his grip on me as the smell of my burning flesh is seeping its way into my mind, the blinding pain consuming all senses.

"It's all right baby. Christian, please, come back to me" I suddenly hear Ana's voice, it's like the sound an angel in the middle of my own personal hell. As the memory subsides I realize she's holding me, standing in between my legs, pressing my head against her chest, stroking my hair gently. I wrap my arms around her waist, I never want to let go of her, breathe in her scent and wait for my heartbeat to calm down. "He grabbed me..." I continue "Shh baby, it's alright you don't have to tell me" she says still stroking me. I look at her "Yes, I have to, then you know who I am, and you can decide..." _if I'm worthy of you_ "… he grabbed me, as I was hiding and he had said if I ever saw him I'd get burnt. I tried hiding from him and all the men who came over, but he found me... He always found me... and I..." I push her away from me, stand up, unbutton my shirt and take it off. Baring myself to her, I close my eyes, as I can't watch her looking at me, not like this, I don't want to see her pity or disgust... I flinch as I feel her hand on my bare chest, my heart racing with the adrenaline rushing in my veins. She's gently moving her fingertips over my skin, stopping for brief moments on the scars on my skin. I feel the breath sucked out of me by each scar, until she reaches the last scar on my abdomen; I open my eyes and my world stops at the sight of her. The pain in her eyes, a tear running down her cheek. I brush the teardrop away with my thumb, as I gently cup her face. "Hey… don't cry please, it's all in the past…" She presses her lips against my hand, and closes her eyes. "I had no idea… good god Christian, did they ever catch him?" I just shake my head no. "There were too many people involved with my mother, and I was a child – she was dead, there were no witnesses… It doesn't matter anymore… That's what happened to me, it can't be changed".

_Anastasia_

He's had sex but he hasn't slept with anyone, what the hell does that mean? "That's a part of the long story" he says and his words on the pier come back to me, it's the story of why he doesn't want to be touched. The anger I felt just a second ago, vanishes as I realize that his issues with touching has something to do with the strange answer to my question? He's slept with none, but he has had sex - it might have, god knows my issues are the reason to why I'm a virgin, no, was a virgin. Would he tell me now? I desperately want to know, I want know what pushes his buttons, what makes him tick. I want know him, to know his history whatever it might be. It couldn't be worse than mine anyway. He holds me tightly, the warmth of his body reaching the depths of my soul. He says it's difficult to tell, I'm hoping he will find it in him to tell me, but I do realize he might not.

I sit next to him and he starts to talk, holding on to my hand like it's his only lifeline, I stroke it gently to relax him, as well as myself. I knew he was adopted, but I didn't know anything about his life prior to the adoption. His birth-mother overdosed he tells me, oh my poor baby, and my heart aches thinking of Christian as a little boy missing his mom. "It was the best thing that happened to me" he says, and I can't believe my ears, how could it be? It's like he realized what he just said as he explains that he understood it later. It still doesn't make sense but I don't say anything, it seems to be painful enough to talk about it without me questioning him. She sold herself to get drugs and the men visiting used to beat him. I close my eyes, take a deep breath to calm the ache in my chest. The image of a little boy abused and scared making my heart break. Oh boy, was I wrong thinking that it couldn't be worse than my story. I see the anguish on Christian's face the pain from tearing open the scars to tell me about himself is causing it. I can't make him do this, it's too difficult for him, hell - it's too difficult for me.

I realize he has gone totally quiet, I feel his body shivering like he's freezing; his heart is beating so hard it has to hurt. Suddenly it dawns on me that he's stuck inside that memory. Oh fuck, how do I bring him back, how do I snap him out of it. "Christian" I say, my voice trembling, there's no response, not even a hint of a reaction to prove that he heard me. I grab his shoulder and shake him gently, still nothing. What if I can't get him out of it? Oh baby, please come back to me. I stand up, place myself between his legs and hug him against my chest stroking his hair. "It's all right baby" I try to soothe him "Christian please, come back to me" I feel the shivers weakening as his breathing evens. He looks at me and then wraps his arms around me, breathing deeply. I feel his warm breath on my chest, but in this moment there's no sexual tension between us, just us two trying to get past the horrible memories brought back to life.

Christian continues his story, but I just shush him, I don't need to know; he insist telling me anyway. I guess he's past the point of no return so I don't fight him. It gets worse, I didn't think it could, but it does. There was a man, who caught him and burnt him? What kind of a monster would do that? It was like an evil game of hide and seek for fucks sake. Christian pushes me away from him, oh no baby, don't do it, please let me be near you, let me hold you, protect you from the monsters. I don't say anything because I see him opening the buttons of his shirt. He takes it off and closes his eyes. Standing in front of me with his eyes closed, his upper body exposed in all its glory. First I'm in awe of his physique, he clearly works out, but my focus is soon drawn to small round scars around his chest. Seven in all. The sight of them makes me feel sick to my stomach, my heart bleeding for him as I realize it has to have been cigarettes. I brush the hair on his chest with my fingers, run my fingers over his skin, stopping briefly on each scar, trying to absorb his pain. Feeling it with every fiber of my being, I don't even realize the teardrop running down my cheek before Christian wipes it off with his thumb, gently cupping my face. I press a kiss in his hand. He tells me not to cry. How could I not cry? My heart brakes because of what he's been through. It's all in the past he tells me. But the man who did it was never found, the knowledge of that makes me feel furious and helpless and all the feelings in between at the same time. Life really is unfair.

_Christian_

"Do you want me to continue?" Her eyes widen with shock. "There's more?" I just say, still feeling her hand on my chest. "Yes… The childhood trauma made me afraid of people, so I didn't allow anyone to touch me, even Grace and Carrick couldn't touch me. Gradually I learned to trust them and with time I let them be near me… But when I was a teenager my life begun spiraling out of control, I got into fights, drinking, and all kinds of stupidity." I see a frown forming on her face. "Drugs?" "Hell no, if nothing else good came from my childhood it's the fact that I'm totally against drugs, even at GEH I have a zero tolerance policy… Anyway… There was this woman who stopped my destructive behavior, and she touched me in a way I found acceptable..." She's looking at me, willing me to continue, oh fuck, this is hard. "Hell, I was a teenager, hormones raging and all that shit..." I feel the confusion radiating off her, _just do it Grey, and get it over with._ "She made me her submissive" "Submissive?" Oh lord, do I have to explain the whole BDSM thing to her… "It's a BDSM thing…" Ana just nods, I don't know if she knows what it is, but at this moment I don't even care; I just want the words out of my system. "She was the Domme and I was the sub, or so she led me to believe... And she had sex with me" I add almost silently. "How old were you?" "Fifteen" I hear her gasp for air before she asks "How old was she?" "Thirty-five". Silence fills the room, I swear I can hear my heartbeat, telling her makes my whole body tense, I hope I did the right thing here. I haven't told everything to anyone before with the exception of my parents and my therapist.

_Anastasia_

Holy shit, he was molested as a teenager! He didn't say the exact words, but he doesn't have to, sex between a fifteen year old boy and a thirty five year old woman says it all. I feel the room spinning, and I have to sit down before I'll faint. I lean against the bed, holding my head with my hands. Christian sits down beside me, but he doesn't say anything. Never ever did I expect that his life had been so fucked up; my life has been like a dance on roses compared to his, and here I was thinking I had it bad. But I've won the god damned lottery compared to Christian. He said he was her submissive, or so he thought? What the hell does that mean? It's a BDSM thing, he said. That has something to do with hard sex, whips, humiliation and shit like that, doesn't it? But what does he mean; she made him his submissive? It should be voluntary, shouldn't it? But can it be; between an adult and a teenager? Was she a pedophile? The list of questions is just getting longer, but I don't know if he can manage telling me anything more, hell, I don't know if I can manage knowing more. He looks totally exhausted, the emotions he has been through in the last hour clearly taking its toll.

"I didn't think she was a pedophile" Christian says after a moments silence sitting beside each other on the floor by the bed; he must have read my mind. "She was" I just say, you can try to explain it however you want but an adult having sex with a child is a pedophile to me. Christian sighs before he says "Yes, I know that now, but then I thought she cared about me, I thought she wanted to help me overcome my issues, I thought it was what I needed." I look at him, he looks so broken sitting there on the floor, his eyes screwed shut, pushing his fingers through his hair. "When I became older I researched the BDSM lifestyle – as I thought she had introduced me to it – and realized that she wasn't a Domme, well at least not a good one." I put my hand on his knee, as to say I'm here with you, willing him to continue.

"My submission was more like slavery, I had no way of stopping her." I take a deep breath, the pain in my chest starting to spread again, the thought of Christian helpless is heartbreaking. He just continues, it's like the words are burning him, and he just wants to get it all out. "Submissives always have to have a way to stop the dominant, if it gets too rough or uncomfortable… I had none… She used me as she saw fit, but with time I started to feel more like a slave, not having any choice but to do as she said…" Christian's voice trails off… and again we sit in silence until I break it. "Why didn't you tell someone?" "I didn't want anyone to know, and besides she had me between a rock and a hard place; as a hormonal teenager I craved for the sex, but when it started to feel wrong there was nothing I could do."

I see his jaw tightening, his eyes turning darker by every word he utters. "She threatened to tell my mother" Isn't that a good thing? She would have been exposed. "She was bluffing though, she wouldn't have told my mother –being friends with her allowed her to keep me on a short leach, no pun intended. She knew I could never let Grace know, I couldn't do that to her, I had to protect her from what was going on" _Wait a minute, did I get that right?_ "She's a friend of your mother's?" This is fucking unbelievable, it's like when you think it can't get any worse, it does. "She was." "Isn't anymore?" _Well I would hope not!_ "No, Elena…" "Elena?" "Her name is Elena" Christian just says his eyes looking into the void and continues "…Anyway, she was caught with another boy and I've gradually understood that I wasn't special, I never was, I was just one horny teenager among others." The color of his eyes is like the thundercloud before lightning strikes as he tells me this. He wanted to be special, that's what he said, but doesn't he see that he _is_ special?

"And your mother doesn't know anything about this?" Grace will go berserk finding out about this, my god, her friend and her son. "Oh, she knows now, but she didn't know before though. I told her everything after Elena was arrested…" "She's in jail?" I ask and Christian just nods his answer. _Well thank the lord for that!_ At least one of Christian's monsters is behind bars. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, trying to collect my thoughts after all that Christian's told me. "After I understood what was going on I haven't been able to let anyone touch me. Even the handshakes at the meetings make me want to just run out screaming – but I don't. I haven't let anyone touch me for a long time" I feel the butterflies take off as I know what he will say "Until I met you, Ana, you heal me, you make me feel alive again."


	15. Chapter 15

_Anastasia_

My mind is a million miles away, as I walk the short distance from my car to the shelter. I'm emotionally wrung out, my own feelings dragged into the mud of sorrow and worry that I feel for Christian. I should have stayed with him, but just as I have the art therapy classes to host today, he has to work. I smile thinking about what happened after he told me all about himself. We ended up making love on the floor by the bed, his heart seeking refuge in me, my heart in him. He was so gentle with me, it was different than last night, not that he wasn't gentle then; this time it was just somehow deeper and even more meaningful; his soul making love with mine, searching for approval, proving to me and probably to himself that his past hasn't broken him. Somehow knowing that he has not made love to anyone else makes my soul sing a new melody to the rhythm of his heart. The feel of him inside me, beyond exquisite. If I close my eyes I can still feel his bare chest heaving against my breasts, his ragged breath on my skin, the sweat in his hair as I push my fingers through it when he makes me shatter into a million pieces just before he finds his own release. Oh man, I had no idea sex could be like that, there are no words to describe it.

Everything around me is covered in a haze, Christian's words spinning around my head; I heal him, I make him live again. I don't know if it's true, but I guess I have to take his word on it. _You should tell him._ Yeah I know, I should tell him he does the same for me. I sigh heavily as I ring the doorbell; I really don't have energy to face Leila; she will have a million questions for me, but I don't have the answers.

I hear the lock open; Susannah, Leila's friend, opens the door "Ana darling, long time no see" she hugs me and I just give her a squeeze. "Susie, nice to see you... Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it" "I heard you have an exhibition at Pike? I always knew you would make it to places with your paintings" Yep, no beating around the bush, that's Susie for you. I blush at her comment and say a silent prayer hoping that she hasn't read the tabloids. "Oh come on, it's just an exhibition, it's not like I've sold any of the paintings or anything yet" Even though I did overhear some of the guests discussing purchasing my paintings as an investment, so maybe there are others out there who think my paintings will be worth something someday. I seriously doubt it. "Don't be so modest honey, I'm sure you'll be noticed by the curator of Guggenheim or something, just wait and see" "Oh, I think she's been _noticed_ by someone already" Leila throws in her share to the conversation.

I glare at her, I do not want to bring up the subject of Christian with Susie in our presence. Susie is a nice person, I don't have anything against her, it's just that she has the biggest mouth north of the equator and zero self-control when it comes to gossip. Gossip about Christian Grey with Susie the megaphone spreading the word... I wouldn't make it to Leila's office from the lobby before the paparazzi would be on my back. Luckily the doorbell rings, and Leila and Susie are distracted. Saved by the bell, again, I sigh of relief. Soon we are all busy helping in a woman with a four year old boy and a baby. The sight of the boy, staring at us with his big green eyes from behind his mother hits me like a bolt of lightning; setting fire to the pain in my chest, the pain brought on by the story of Christian's childhood, and I can only hope and pray that I don't ever have to face a child that's been through the horrors he endured. No, on second thought, I hope no child ever has to endure that, but I'm aware that the world is a bad place and shit definitely does happen to good people.

The green-eyed boy seems a bit shy, clearly puzzled by the strange women fussing around his mother and the baby. He looks at me and I bend down to talk to him "Hi there buddy, I'm Ana, who are you?" he's not quite sure if it's OK to answer me, but after glancing at his mother who's talking with Leila; he says "I'm Ben". "Well it's nice to meet you Ben" I look at his mother and see that she started crying. Leila meets my gaze; I nod towards the kitchen and she nods back, as she wraps her arm around Ben's mother. "You know what Ben? I'd really like a cookie and I know there's a magical jar in the kitchen with the best cookies in the world. I'm going to get one; would you like a cookie as well?" Ben's eyes light up like a Christmas-tree momentarily before he goes all serious. "I don't know... Mommy always says not to take treats from strangers" he says looking at his mother "That's right, Ben, you should ask your mommy first" and he scoots over to her and within seconds he's back with a huge smile on his face "She said yes". We go to the kitchen and have two cookies each, as Ben's mother finishes the paperwork that's necessary. I wave goodbye to him as I leave him with her. "See you around Ben".

I'm busy preparing the room for the therapy session, placing papers on the desks, arranging the various colors so that everyone can pick their favorite. The women start to gather and I make myself to the back of the class, I'm just supervising the session, participating in it myself, the real work being done by the women attending the group. Everyone has their own demons to face. No one can comment on the others' paintings, there's no right or wrong, as it's a personal experience. I'm using the acrylic paint on canvas today; it feels good to paint. I let my subconscious lead my hand holding the paintbrush and soon the canvas is filled by various shades of grey, a girl walking through a foggy meadow into the bright light of the sunrise, or is it sunset? I look at my painting and realize it's much more hopeful than my earlier paintings. The girls is me, and I think I'm finally finding a way out from the darkness of my past.

As the lesson is over, there are a dozen paintings waiting to dry, the women are chatting about their week. I can't focus, as my thoughts bounce between Christian and his childhood, and Ben. I wonder if Christian ever had anyone just being nice to him. Or was his first few years basically a 24/7 nightmare? The thought gives me shivers, thank god Grace and Carrick adopted him, but I wish it had been sooner. Someone comments on a reality show I have never heard of and they all burst out in laughter. I think that's my cue to leave; I make my way to Leila's office and she's on the phone as usual, she raises her head and nods towards the chair. I sit down and wait for her to finish.

"Are you alright? You look exhausted." Leila just asks in her typical cut the crap style as she ends the call. Is it that obvious? It can't be, can it? Holy shit, is it that clear that I've had sex? No, that's not it, I guess it's the dark rings around my eyes from being more or less emotionally wrung out. "I'm fine, I just didn't sleep well last night" _Liar!_ You slept like a baby, in the arms of Christian. "Are you still having nightmares?" Leila asks, her mother-hen personality raising its head. "No, I'm fine, really… I just lost track of time and stayed awake way too long" I know I'm so full of it, that I'm not even convincing myself; I just really don't want to explain anything about last night to her. It's painfully obvious that I didn't comment on the tabloids yesterday and I'm hoping that she isn't going to bring it up. No such luck.

"So, when are you going to tell me about the mystery date?" "Oh, that... it's nothing, we're just friends" No, she's not buying that either, but why should she; we both know it's a lie. She raises her eyebrow at me "Okay… Since when have you been kissing "just friends"?" she does the quotation marks in the air. I feel a blush rising on my cheeks. "Well, since Tuesday" and I can't hide my smile as Leila bursts out in laughter at my answer. "Well, well, I do hope I'll meet this _friend_ of yours sometime, according to the tabloids he's quite an interesting person" Oh, he's interesting all right, interesting being the understatement of the year. "Maybe, we'll see". No, I'm so not telling her anymore details about my relationship with Christian. Well not today anyway. Do we even have a relationship? _Yes we do_, I have to stop trying to convince myself otherwise; but I don't even know what our relationship is, how the hell could I explain it to someone else.

_Christian_

I can still taste her on my lips, the afterglow of our lovemaking slowly fading away, even though she left the apartment an hour ago. _What is she doing to me?_ I've never told anyone everything like that. Oh well, my therapist knows, but I pay him enough to be interested in my shitty life. Ana just absorbed all the things I told her, her warm touch keeping me grounded, heating my heart that's been frozen for the bigger part of my life. How fucked up is that? Most of my life I haven't let anyone touch me. I don't know if I can accept touches by someone else any better than before, but I don't care. The only thing that matters, is that Ana touches me, that she loves me. Whhooooa, hold your horses, what the hell is love doing in all of this, we've known each other only for a week. _Ok…_ That she _likes_ me; that she doesn't pity me, or hold my past against me. She was so strong, just listening to me, comforting me. Even though I saw it in her eyes, hell, I even felt it in her energy, that she was suffering; hearing the horrors of my childhood, and what that bitch did to me. And after I told her everything and I mean _everything_; I even told her she heals me for crying out loud; she just held my hand, and I swear the continents shifted into a new position as the energy between us went through the roof. We made love, that's the only way to describe it, it was slow and gentle, and so fucking good. It's like we merged into one person, I still remember her fingers in my hair as she reached her climax, which pushed me over the cliff as well; we plummeted through the galaxies of pleasure together. I thought it would never end – I hoped it would never end. I have never come like that before.

How the hell am I going to get through the meeting that will start within in minutes is beyond me. I try to regain my focus, but I don't know how to do it. Every time I close my eyes, I see her. I swear I can even smell her if I close my eyes and inhale. My phone rings, the visitors are here. I sigh heavily, oh well, a CEO's got to do what a CEO's got to do, so I put on my poker-face and hope my participation in the discussion will not be that important, as I'm not planning on saying anything. I hire only the best qualified people, they should manage this meeting even without me, but GEH needed to show some muscle so here I am.

The meeting drags on and on, and the only thing on my mind is why hasn't Ana called. We didn't agree on anything, but I'm hoping she will come to Escala tonight also. I try to suppress the smile sneaking its way to my lips thinking of last night, I guess I don't quite succeed as Ros stares at me like I've grown an extra head. Yes, I'm happy, get over it.

The meeting doesn't go too well, actually it was a disaster, and I'm pissed off. How fucking difficult is it to get the numbers right? It's not like I'm asking for the moon from the sky, or the Eiffel tower on a platter, just for the fucking numbers presented to be correct. Because of that little mistake the whole deal has to be drawn from scratch. Well I should have known, if it looks too good to be true it usually is. I hope that saying doesn't apply to Ana. No, she's pure gold, inside and out.

After the visitors leave I head to the gym on the tenth floor of Grey House to burn away the anger I feel. The gym is empty, which doesn't surprise me, it's still office hours anyway. I have come here in the evening only once, and I swore I would never do it again. The women were almost falling of the treadmills every time I walked by, there was even that one blonde – I can't even remember her name – who tried to flirt with me. You don't just go around flirting with the boss, at least if you want to keep your job. I could have lived with the flirting, but she went and touched me; and I lost it and yelled at her, I made her cry for fucks sake, all because of an innocent enough touch on my arm. _You're a bastard Grey_, yeah I know. Punching the bag for a while calms me down a bit, at least I don't have the urge to fire anyone at the moment, so I hit the shower before going back to my office.

I close the door behind me as I go into my office. I look at my phone, no missed calls and no texts. There's a knock on the door, oh for fucks sake, what is it now? Andrea walks in, carrying a large cup of coffee and the Seattle Times. "Here's your coffee sir, and the Seattle Times. I think you'll find the culture section interesting" she just says before quickly exiting. The culture section? I seriously doubt there's anything of interest there. I open the newspaper and skip past the other sections; at first glance there's nothing that captures my attention. No, hold that thought, on the bottom of the page there's a picture of Anastasia standing in front of one of her paintings, with a smile on her lips. Oh, she looks good, that dress she wore showing off her petite figure. It's a review of her exhibition, and it's good, it's actually really good. At first I'm happy for her, but there's an ominous feeling rising from within, and it takes a few moment for it to sink in. Oh fuck, if the paparazzi know their asses from their elbows they will know who she is by now.

I pick up my phone and call Taylor. "We're leaving in 10" I say not waiting for him to answer before hanging up. Then I dial Ana. The phone just rings and rings, oh come on, pick up already. No answer. Oh fuck it, I'll go to pick her up from the shelter to be sure she's safe. _If_ she's there... She has to be there. I tell Andrea to contact the PR department, I want to meet them tonight to try to solve this without any extra weight being put on Ana. I hate living my life running from the paparazzi, it's not something I want for her. I want _us_ to have a chance to go walking in the park, hand in hand, without being surrounded by cameramen. I want to be fucking able to kiss my girlfriend where I want without it being front-page god damned news. Yeah, _girlfriend_, there's that word again because that's what I hope she is, or at least I hope she will be.

Taylor is waiting in the car. "We are going to pick up Ms. Steele" I just tell him getting in. "At the shelter?" "Yes, she should be there" She's still not answering her phone, I try calling her again, but no, still no answer. I try to be rational, she's just busy, doesn't hear her phone, has it on silent mode, the options are endless. I try my best not to let the worry lodged in my mind get the best of me.

I look at buildings passing us, the people going about their lives walking down the streets. There's a boy and a girl on a date, I see him giving her flowers as we stop by a red light. See, no paparazzi lurking around the corner, why can't I have that? The closer to the shelter we get, the more anxious I am, and I still haven't got hold of her. A block away from the shelter, I start scanning the streets to find her car. "Fuck" I growl as I realize it's not there.


	16. Chapter 16

_Christian _

We drive around the block one more time, just in case. Still, no sign of Ana's Beetle. Taylor looks at me through the rear-view mirror with a worried look in his eyes; I think my anxiety is rubbing of on him as well. "Sir, do you want go by her apartment?" I just nod without saying a word. I hope I'm overreacting; for sure she would have called if there was something going on, right?

We get to her building, and a wave of relief flushes over me. Her car is here, thank god. Taylor slows down driving past the building and I notice that a few tourists are hanging around the curb, no wait a minute, those are not tourists! The fucking paparazzi are here. Fuck! That god damned review in the papers has led them here.

I pick up my phone and try to call her again, Ana, please pick up! Just as I'm about to close the phone; the line opens and all I hear is "hold on" and a bunch of noises. What the fuck is going on? "Ana... Are you there?" "Yes, oh sorry, yes I'm here" Thank god, she's alright or she wouldn't be answering her phone. "Where are you? I've been trying to call and call..." "Really? I'm sorry, I haven't heard my phone. I just came out of the shower. Is everything alright? You sound strange" yeah, well I've been going crazy worrying about you. "I was just worried..." "Really?" she sounds happy, that's strange "Yeah really... We need to talk, I'm outside your place; may I come in?" "Um... just give me a minute to get dressed" maybe I should just go inside now, the thought of her standing there wrapped in a towel all wet and juicy makes my heart beat faster. "Or you could just wait for me naked" did I just say that out loud? Oh yes, I did. I glimpse at Taylor and see him trying to hide the smile on his lips, very smooth Grey, very smooth indeed.

Ana giggles and it's definitely worth the humiliation in front of Taylor to hear that sound. "I thought we needed to talk" Oh crap, the paparazzi had momentarily slipped my mind; I sigh heavily before saying "Yes we do". I can't go in through the front door, that'll just prove for the paparazzi that they have the right person. "Is there a backdoor to your building that I could use" "Why?" "I'll tell you when I get there" After a few minutes Taylor escorts me to the backdoor and we are met by Ana looking confused but sexy as hell in tights and an over-sized t-shirt hanging off one shoulder, her hair still wrapped in a towel. As we get inside, and the door slams shut behind us I can't hold myself any longer, I envelope her in my arms, press my lips against her, pin her against the wall pressing my hips into her body. We are both breathless when the kiss ends and I see a smile playing in Ana's eyes. "Well hello to you too, missed me much?" "You have no idea" I just reply pressing my forehead against hers closing my eyes and enjoying the peace I feel in my heart being next to her.

We get to her apartment, and she just apologizes for the mess. I wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't mentioned it, my eyes are only focused on her. "Would you like something to eat?" she asks. "Sure" I just reply realizing that I'm starving. She opens the fridge and scans through the contents. "Pizza alright with you?" "Sure". She giggles as she says "Well you certainly have a way with words tonight" and I can't help but smile. "So pizza it is" she says, and I'm surprised to see her rummaging through the cabinets laying out a bowl, flour, oil, tomatoes, olives and some box of what appears to be grilled chicken on the desk. I was expecting her to order a pizza, but it turns out she's making it from scratch. Huh, this woman never ceases to amaze me. I quickly pick up my jaw of the floor and ask "Can I help?" She looks at me measuring, a funny look in her eyes, like she's trying to decide if I'm up to the task "Alright, you can dice the chicken". She gives me a cutting-board and a knife, and leaves me to it. I brush by her body as I go to the sink, and see the goose-bumps on her skin. Yes! She feels it too; that energy pulsating between us.

She's smiling at me, as she's mixing the dough. "I guess you don't usually cook?" she says. No shit, Sherlock. "Is it that obvious?" "No you are doing fine, honey, I just thought with Mrs. Jones doing the cooking you don't have to." _Did she just call me honey?_ "Honey?" I ask, grinning like an idiot as I see the blush rising to her cheeks. "Don't worry, sugar, you can call me honey any time" I just say to meet her quid pro quo.

_Anastasia_

Oh boy, what a day; I think as I finally come home and kick off my shoes. I throw my handbag on one of the chairs by the breakfast island while flipping through the mail. Nothing of interest there, so I just toss it to the paper bin. My mind is still preoccupied with all that I've been through today or actually within the last 24 hours; I've gone from meeting Christian's parents to running from paparazzi to going to his home and losing my virginity, and then being served the nightmare that was Christian's childhood with a side dish of abuse in his teenage years. Jeez, if I'd drink; I would pour myself a glass.

Yesterday, which now feels ages ago, I was here getting myself dressed to go meet with Christian… Oh right, Christian! I should probably call him… Well, that can wait until I've showered; the warm water always helps me to relax and to get my head back on straight. Besides, I don't want to disturb him; he went to work late enough today… A smile makes its way to my lips as I remember our lovemaking.

Before going to the shower I open the radio to have some sound around me. The apartment feels too quiet; it's strange because I never felt that the apartment was this empty before. I was always happy to be by myself, not needing anyone. In hindsight I realize that I felt lonely at times, but the feeling of being alone here has become much stronger since I met Christian. I want to be with him; I want him to be with me. It's a simple thought, but it scares me to death. Will I allow myself to need someone again? What if history repeats itself and I just end up broken. No, Christian wouldn't do that to me; he's different, I can feel it on a molecular level when we are together. _Yeah well, Christian might be different but the universe isn't. _

I'm in the shower; the warm water running down my skin. I take my time washing myself just enjoying the moment. My mind wonders and I find myself planning to take Ben to the park, he would love the swings there, that's for sure. I don't know what it is about him; I'm not usually that interested in spending time with the kids at the shelter. I wonder if it's the fact that he's the same age as Christian was when he was saved, or if it's just meeting Ben right after hearing Christian's history. Thank god, Ben isn't broken or scarred like that; he's just in the middle of a messy divorce, ending up on the streets when his father met a new woman and had her move in. Oh, the nerve of some men, or women; to do such a thing to your own child, or as in this case children. I just sigh deeply, yes indeed, the world is a fucked up place to live in. What comes to Ben, his mom and the baby, they will be staying at the shelter only for a few days since they are getting a flat by Monday.

I finally start feel better about everything so I get out of the shower; realizing that my fingers are all pruney and the mirrors are covered with steam. I'm tempted to draw a heart with a C inside it on the mirror and I can't help wondering what that man is doing to me; I've gone all school-girly for heaven's sake.

I hear my phone ring as i wrap my hair in a towel; I take another towel and throw it around me on the way to the living room. Where the hell is my phone? I hear the sound coming from the kitchen – oh right, it's still in my bag! I manage to knock over the bowl of fruit on the desk as I'm digging through the handbag, mentally scolding myself for having too much junk in it. I finally get hold of my phone and see that it's Christian who is calling. I quickly press the button and say "hold on" as I have to try to save the fruit bowl before it'll fall to the floor. I almost drop the phone as I catch the bowl from falling. Just great, it's not just that I have two left feet; apparently I have two left hands also.

I get back to the phone and find out He's downstairs, my heart skips a beat as he tells me he was worried. He's here for me; he was worried about me._ See, he does care! _He says we have to talk, uh oh, that's never good. He wants to come up, holy shit, Christian's coming here; I look around myself, the contents of my bag spread out on the table, the fruit shattered around the kitchen and I'm still wrapped in the towel for Pete's sake. "Give me a minute to get dressed" I say, already on my way to the bedroom to get clothes. "Or you could just wait for me naked" Christian says. The thought of me opening the door for him butt baked makes me giggle, maybe I should do it someday... Focus, he said we have to talk, so I ask him about it. Christian just says he'll tell me when he gets here. He asks about a backdoor and I can almost guess it, I've been identified. The memory of our escape through the backdoor of the gallery is still clear on my mind.

I pull on panties, a pair of tights and an over-sized t-shirt, my hair is still wrapped in a towel when I run down the stairs to the backdoor. The further I get, the more excited I am that I'll see Christian again. I know it's not actually that long time since I left Escala; but it feels like days. It scares me that I want him by my side all the time; all those promises to myself not to rely on anyone, breaking one after another as my feelings towards him get stronger.

I unlock the door and see Christian waiting with Taylor behind him. He nods to Taylor, who is not following him inside, as he steps over the threshold. The door slams shut and before I can even react Christian pins me against the wall, devouring my mouth as he'd been starving for weeks. I feel the bulge of his erection against me as he finally relents and gives us both a chance to breathe. Well, that's one way to say hello. I can't resist asking him "miss me much?" He just presses his forehead against mine and says "You have no idea". I might have, I've missed you too, more than I care to admit.

As we get to the apartment I remember that I just left everything as it was when going to open the door. Oh crap, what a nice introduction to my life, welcome to my humble quarter sir, here on the left you have the contents of my handbag spread out on the table, and to your right you'll find a few towels still damp hanging on the couch. The man lives in an art museum for crying out loud. He doesn't seem to mind it though. I try to discreetly tidy up the mess as he's taking off his jacket and shoes. My stomach rumbles, and reminds me that I haven't eaten. "Would you like something to eat?" I ask him, "Sure" he just says.

Ok, so we'll eat dinner together, do I have anything that I could serve? I open the fridge and see a box of grilled chicken and a package of mozzarella. Hey, I could make pizza, easy, semi-quick and not too fancy; I have a feeling that the dinners with Christian will always be more or less fancy, and I could do with a normal dinner for a change. "Pizza alright with you?" I ask and again he just answers "Sure". I can't help but giggle; he really isn't in the most loquacious mood tonight is he. So pizza it is then.

I take a bowl and all the ingredients out on the counter. Christian's observing me with a confused look on his face. By the time I start measuring up the flour I swear I saw Christian's jaw drop open, oh come on! Haven't you seen anyone cooking before? I guess he thought I would order in, well I might have done it, but really I just wanted to cook the meal myself. I don't know maybe it's to prove to him that I can, and besides, grandma always used to say that the way to a man's heart goes through his stomach.

Christian seems to collect himself and asks if he can help. Hm… He wants to help. Maybe he could do the tomatoes; no, I can't have him chopping those or he might get his clothes dirty. Although; maybe he should do the tomatoes, so that he would have a reason to undress. The vision of Christian chopping tomatoes shirtless pops into my mind. He might even have another reason to undress and that definitely doesn't include tomatoes. _Earth to Ana, try to focus please._ I decide that he can help with the chicken; I get the cutting board and a knife and place it on the desk in front of him. He goes to wash his hands and his body brushes against mine giving me goose bumps as the energy exchange between us floods through my veins.

I mix the dough with my hand, it's the only way to do it if you ask me. You get the feel of the dough and you know when it's just right. I observe Christian carefully dicing the chicken. He looks so concentrated, it's sweet actually, it's quite clear though that he doesn't usually cook. Well, he probably doesn't need to; either eating out or having Mrs. Jones prepare him some five star meal. "Is it that obvious?" he asks. Oh no, I didn't mean it _that_ way. "No you are doing fine, honey, I just thought with Mrs. Jones doing the cooking you don't have to." I don't even realize that I called him honey until I see his eyebrow quirk as he asks me "Honey?" I called him honey didn't I? My cheeks are burning from the heat of the rising blush. "Don't worry, sugar, you can call me honey any time" Christian just says grinning and we both just burst out in laughter.

After finishing our dinner we sit next to each other on the couch. I lean into his side and he wraps his arm around me. Oh lord, this feels so good, being in his arms just makes me feel something I have not known before; it's a strange mixture of comfort and excitement, I can't even begin to describe it. I think both of us have been avoiding the reason why he came here in the first place. We might as we'll get it over and done with; I decide to take the first step. "So I've been made, huh?" Christian looks at me all confused; I guess he wasn't expecting me to bring it up. "They know who I am, don't they?" I try another approach; his body gets tense as he realizes what I'm talking about. "Yes they do" he says and kisses my hair. I catch his hand that's resting on my shoulder; gently stroking it with my thumb, enjoying the closeness, even with the discussion casting its shadow on us. "How?" I ask him "The review in Seattle Times had your picture" Oh right, the review! I had totally forgotten about Kate interviewing me at the opening. "Did you see it? What did it say?" I'm so excited about this, even the paparazzi problem can't diminish this feeling; it's my first review. "It was good" Christian says smiling and I can barely stop myself from jumping up at dancing around.

"I'll show it to you later though, I forgot the paper at the office as I left in a hurry to find you..." his words trail off. Now I get why he was so worried, he came to see if the paparazzi were after me. He really does care. I turn to face him, holding his hand in mine. "I'm happy you came to find me, and I'm sorry I made you worry" "Really?" he looks relieved for some reason. Then his expression changes, as he continues on a more serious note "I think you should have your own personal security" _Say what?_ "Are you serious?" I just manage to ask him. He nods. How would that even work? I'd have someone following me all the time, watching my every move… I'm not comfortable with that thought, and seriously I don't even really believe that I'll need a bodyguard as I don't think the paparazzi will follow. "Can't we wait and see if the paparazzi even are interested in me, before going through all that trouble?" Christian is still holding my hand, he presses a kiss on it and I can't resist brushing his lip with my thumb. The feel of his breath on my skin electrifies the moment, but Christian seems oblivious to it as he just continues "Firstly, it's no trouble and secondly, they are already outside, that's why I used the backdoor." Oh fuck, the reality of it all hits me and I feel lost, not knowing what to do, I feel the anxiety taking over, until I feel Christian's hand around me, lifting me into his lap. "Baby, please don't worry, I have the best PR people and the best lawyers, you'll be OK, we will be OK".

_Christian _

Damn, the woman can cook! Dinner was delicious; we definitely have to do this again. Cooking together, who would have thought it's this much fun. Ana looked so relaxed and happy, not to even mention sexy; she wasn't even wearing a bra under that shirt, the sight of her nipples perk under the thin fabric almost made me cut my finger for fucks sake. The discussion at dinner was mostly about her day at the shelter; she seems drawn to that kid Ben, maybe she sees me as a child in him? We both avoid the topic of the paparazzi, yeah that can wait. I don't want to spoil the mood.

We sit on the couch and she presses herself into my side, I inhale her scent as I enjoy the heat of her body against me. This is home. I wrap my arm around her, holding her close. She asks if she's been made. At first it takes me a while to get what she's talking about, but as she asks if they know who she is, it's clear this is about the paparazzi and I can just tell her the truth "Yes they do". She thinks about is and then she asks "How?" I tell her about the review and her eyes light up; she's so happy about it I think she just might jump up and dance around the room. I should show her the review… Fuck! I forgot the paper on my desk; I left in a hurry to get her. When I tell her this, her whole body shifts, but her eyes shine a sapphire shade of blue piercing me, making my breath hitch. At first I think her expression might turn to anger for being overprotective and jumping to conclusions but then she says "I'm happy you came to find me, and I'm sorry I made you worry" and I feel a weight lift off my chest. She's ok with me worrying about her and she's happy I came. "Really?" I ask without waiting for an answer. I can't protect her all the time though, she really should have her on security, but she doesn't feel she needs one. Oh baby, you do, you don't even know it. I tell her the paparazzi are already on the street outside her building, and I see the anxiety taking over her mind. Oh Ana, you were just so happy, please stay happy, don't worry honey, please. I lift her into my lap and try to reassure her, as well as myself, that it'll be alright. We will be alright. Oh god, I don't want anything more than us being alright.

We sit like that for a long time, not saying anything; all communication done on a level without words. I feel her relax and after a while she's asleep. I send a text message to Taylor telling him I will not be needing him tonight; then I lift Ana gently and carry her to the bed. My poor baby is exhausted, but I don't blame her, not after the day she's had. It's a bit early still, comparing to my normal sleeping time, but I can't resist it, I take off my jeans and fold them on a chair before I climb into the bed with her and pull her closer to me. "Sweet dreams baby" I just whisper before I kiss her cheek gently, her wonderful scent invading my mind as I fall asleep holding her in my arms.


	17. Chapter 17

_AN: Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and following! _

_Keep on reading and please review! Lemon alert _

_xoxo_

* * *

_Christian_

She's here, lying right beside me, the form of her body molded into mine as we were meant to be like this forever. I realize she's been up at some point of the night as she has taken off her tights, my hearts skips a beat as I realize she might even be without panties; I can't see it as the shirt she's wearing covers her round of her bottom. I want to feel her skin, the silky smooth surface of her leg, the curve of her hips up to her breasts; so I stroke her body, moving my hand from her waist to her hips and then down her leg and then back up. I slide my hand under her shirt and continue all the way to her breast; it fits my hands perfectly, I think as I circle her nipple with my thumb. Oh lord, this woman is just perfect in every way. I nuzzle her neck, kiss it lightly, and she stirs awake. I feel her stretching, pushing her sweet derriere against my erection. I can't avoid the moan that rises from somewhere deep inside me. Oh fuck, I want her so badly. I'm sure she feels me pressing against her, I wonder does she have any idea what she's doing to me.

I kiss her neck again, and a moan escapes her throat as well. I guess I do have the same effect on her as she has on me.

* * *

_Anastasia_

I wake up to Christian kissing my neck and holding my breast. I can't help smiling as I stretch my arms to get the sleep from my system. I realize I'm pressing my ass against his erection as he reacts to it with a moan. The sound of his reaction lights the desire inside me, the desire I didn't know I even had just a few days ago. The desire now burns in my veins, roaring like a fire to my core, making me hungry for him.

I move away from Christian, just enough to have space to move. I feel his eyes on me, as I catch the hem of my shirt; pull it over my head and toss it on the floor. Then I lean over and grab a condom from the bedside table. Who knew I would come to need them here this soon.

Glancing at Christian I see his eyes are burning with lust, the desire visible in them. I lie down on the bed, place the condom on the mattress, returning into the same position we just were in. I feel self-conscious knowing very well what my actions are implying. I want him, but I don't know how to ask him; I'm hoping he'll understand. No, I know he will understand.

I catch his hand and pull it around me placing it on the breast he was holding just a moment ago. I hear him gasp as his hand touches my cool skin, my nipple perk from the electricity between us. I feel his breath on my neck as he kisses me, the trail of kisses going from the back of my neck to my ear. Oh god, I love his touch. His hand leaves my breast and moves to my chin, turning my head so that he can claim my mouth. I feel his soft lips on mine, his tongue begging for entrance and I'm only too willing to let him in. I push all thoughts of unwashed teeth and morning breath aside and just go with the flow. His tongue playing with mine feels so strong inside my mouth; his hand is holding my neck, not giving me much room to move; not that I would even want to, submitting to him like this feels so right. His ever hardening erection presses against me as he holds me tight.

His mouth hungrily devours my breasts, sucking and tugging on my nipples, his hand gliding over my body down my stomach and then into my panties. Oh lord have mercy! I feel his fingers circling my clit, teasing me, fueling the fire inside me, making my body tremble. He tugs on my ear and murmurs "oh Ana" when he pushes a finger inside me and realizes how ready I am for him. The feeling is indescribable, his strong arms holding me, his relentless fingers stroking me harder, his erection pressing against my back as we are still spooning. I arch my back and moan as his fingers work their magic down under. He tugs my earlobe again with his teeth and it almost is the end of me.

Before I even realize what's going on Christian has removed his shirt and his boxers and pulled on a condom. He tugs my panties down and presses the head of his cock on my entrance. For a brief moment I'm confused, how this will even work as we are spooning, but my confusion melts away as Christian pushes himself inside me hissing "Ah yes" between his teeth. Oh my god. He feels huge and hard, but oh fuck, so good. I see stars as he grabs my breast and kisses my neck as he keeps on pushing his cock inside me. I feel the heat inside me rise, it's now blinding all senses, making me move to meet every thrust he makes. His breathing on my neck gets harsher as he pounds into me; this is fucking, not the sweet slow lovemaking from before, and it's just what I need. I feel my orgasm approaching; it's like a tsunami about to hit the shore. All coherent thoughts pulled away before the orgasm crashes over me with all its force, making every emotion flush over me as I feel myself squeezing him, milking him, pushing him over the top also. We are both covered in sweat, as Christian wraps his arm around me and kisses my shoulder. "oh I love waking up next to you baby" he says and I can't help smiling as I just lie there sated, with him still inside me, his body wrapped around mine. Who knew it could be like this? I sure as hell didn't.

* * *

_Christian_

I'm in the shower, rinsing off the sweat of our morning sex. Oh the pleasure of waking up next to her, I really could get used to this, yes indeed. I hear the door creek and freeze trying to hear if she came in "Ana?" I call out. "Yes?" "Just checking as I heard the door"... "Yeah, sorry to disturb, but I needed the toilet" she sounds all awkward and I can't help grinning by myself, yep, this is a bit more intimate than at Escala. "That's ok... Are you coming into the shower with me?" I ask, grabbing the shampoo and washing my hair. She doesn't say anything; I just hear the flush and the water running as she's washing her hands. Just as I'm going to repeat the question I feel her hands on my back. My heart starts beating frantically, having anyone touch my body still gives me an adrenaline rush. It subsides quickly as the energy she transmits reaches my brain; I feel my whole body relax, the feeling of home and safety that I feel with her, does that to me and I love it. Her hands are tracing up my spine to my shoulders, her thumbs massaging me gently on the way. I hear her gasp, and my initial reaction is that it's a sexual reaction to the spark between us; but then I feel her fingers moving over my scars. Oh shit, I haven't shown her the scars on my back. I turn around and see tears in her eyes "No baby, don't cry, I can't stand seeing you like this" I tell her, catching her chin, tilting her head up so that her eyes meet mine. "Oh Christian" she just manages to say before the teardrop falls down her cheek and mixes with the water from the shower. "Shh.. It's alright, it was a long time ago and I'm fine now; please don't think about it" I say holding her close; hugging her under the steady stream of water pouring over us.

She clearly collects herself, and to lighten the mood I ask if I could wash her back, she smiles, _yes_ _she_ _smiles!_ She declines my offer before surprising me by asking "If you are ready, could you please go and start breakfast for us? Scrambled eggs, and toast maybe? For me tea please, but I can make that when I'm ready" What the fuck? She's asking me to make breakfast? I don't believe it. For some reason unknown to me; I say "Sure thing". _Oh the little misses has you around her pinkie finger doesn't she?_ She smiles and her blue eyes just sparkle. Yeah that's why I said yes, I don't care if she had me tied in knots around her fingers; seeing her smile is all worth it. She tiptoes and pecks me on the cheek "Thank you, honey" and I can't help shaking my head and grinning like an idiot as I wrap a towel around my waist and exit the shower. _You're going soft Grey - oh fuck off, what you know anyway._

I can do breakfast, can't I? Oh hell, this will not be good… I pull on my boxers and pants; then head to the kitchen to see if I can manage the task assigned to me. I can't help thinking that Mrs. Jones would probably have a laugh if she knew what I'm doing.

Then it hits me, Mrs. Jones! I grab my phone and call Taylor. He's supposed to meet me here soon anyway; he might as well be a little early and bring us breakfast á la Gail. "Morning Mr. Grey" he answers. "Good morning Taylor, are you still at Escala?" "Yes sir" "Please ask Mrs. Jones to pack a breakfast for two and a large coffee for me, and bring it to Anastasia's asap" "Yes sir, I'll be there in a few"

I got to hand it to him, he's a professional, the best of the best. I probably interrupted his morning session with Mrs. Jones but you would never know. I'm sure they think I don't know what's going on between them, but I wasn't born yesterday; I sense the attraction, see the glances between them and the blush on Mrs. Jones' cheeks when she has been in a room together with him. As long as they are doing their jobs I don't care who they are sleeping with, and besides Mrs. Jones deserves to go on with her life and be happy. She doesn't deserve the grieving-widow status she's labeled herself with the last many years. Yes, she's a widow, but she is also a beautiful woman, with her life just on hold.

I heat water for Ana's tea and search for a mug for her. Taylor will bring me coffee, so I don't have to try to make it myself. I need my morning jolt of caffeine to get me through the day; luckily Mrs. Jones makes coffee like a real barista.

Ana steps from the bathroom and the sight of her standing there wrapped in a towel takes my breath away. Man, I'm a lucky son of a bitch, I think as I go over and kiss her. I slide my hand to the lower edge of the towel and squeeze her ass. She giggles in response "Christian! Behave yourself or you'll never make on time to work" I just bend down to kiss her neck again and whisper in her ear "I'm the CEO baby, I can go in late". The moment is interrupted by a knock on the door. _Boy, Taylor was quick! _I scoot over to the door "And that would be our breakfast" I say with a smile on my face.

I open the door and don't see Taylor anywhere. Instead of Taylor there's a woman with brown hair standing outside the door staring at me like she's seen an alien before collecting herself and asking "Is Ana home?" I turn to Ana who is running to the bedroom with the towel barely covering her bottom. "Ana, someone's asking for you" "Just a minute" she shouts, and I can't help feeling uncomfortable, standing here shirtless in front of this stranger. My manners kick in and I ask her to come inside and sit down. "I'm Christian, who might you be?" I ask without making any attempt to shake her hand, I don't have a good feeling about her, but I don't know why. It's not like she's the first woman to drool over me, but for some reason feeling her eyes on me give me the creeps. "I'm Leila, the owner of this apartment and Ana's colleague at the shelter" So, this is the Leila Williams mentioned in the background check. "Nice to meet you" I reply her politely before excusing myself and going to the bedroom to get my shirt.

I knock on the door not to startle Ana before entering. I close the door behind me relieved of being in another room than Leila; I lift my gaze and drop my jaw. Holy mother of all that's holy! Ana's standing there without a string on her delectable body bending over searching for something in her dresser. Her fair skin still wet from the shower glistening in the morning sun that seeps in through the curtains; her nipples perk and pink; her ass round and tempting. My cock twitches at that sight and I can't help but repeat once again that I am one lucky son of a bitch. She goes through her drawer in a hurry, picking out a set of matching panties and a bra. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" I ask her; in my mind I'm asking her if she knows how fucking sexy she is; my voice heavy with the desire I'm desperately trying to hide, knowing there's someone just outside the door. She blushes a lovely shade of pink, as she just shakes her head while pulling on stockings. What is she trying to do, kill me? She's standing there in her stockings and underwear and I barely can resist bending her over the bed and fucking her one more time.

"So you met Leila" Ana says as she's searching for a dress. I nod, not knowing if I should tell her about my apprehension or not. "So?" she lifts her brow, her blue eyes piercing me in my place, "I had to come to get a shirt, so I didn't actually have time to talk to her yet" I reply. She looks at me with a frown "But you don't like her." Is she psychic? I just shrug "It's probably nothing", but my instincts usually never fail. I haven't made it this far in the business-world with bad instincts. I'll get Welch to ask around, see what her story is.


	18. Chapter 18

_Anastasia_

Oh, what a wakeup call that was, I cannot help smiling lying here in the bed alone as Christian has gone to the shower. My god, that man is good in bed; not that I have anyone to compare him to, but he's made me come every time, including the first so he must be good. I bask in the afterglow, enjoying the morning sun painting the world in pastels and the sound of Christian humming in the shower. The serene feeling I have is spoiled only by the fact that have to pee badly and Christian is still in the shower. I sigh heavily, this is so not what I want to do; but I just can't wait longer. I open the door to the bathroom as quietly as possible, but of course the door creeks as I close it. I sit down and let go, and that's when I hear Christian ask "Ana?"

For a second I consider pretending that I'm not here, but quickly decide against it and decide to apologize for disturbing him instead. He doesn't seem to mind my barging in on him as he asks me if I'd like to join him in the shower. The swarm of butterflies in my stomach take off again. _Oh yes please!_ I don't say anything as I finish my business and wash my hands before I get in the shower and place my hands on his back. I feel his body tense under my touch making all his muscles visible. Oh wow, I take in the sight of him, he clearly works out a lot; he's built like Adonis.

I massage his back in slow movements, enjoying the energy exchange between us, feeling his muscles relaxing with every circle my thumbs grind into them. Then I see one scar, a round small scar, just like the ones on his chest; and then another and another, eight in total and suddenly I gasp for air as the reality hits me like a punch in the gut. That man, that horrible monster of his childhood, burnt his back also. I actually feel nauseous thinking about it, my heart constricts and I can't do anything to stop the tears from welling in my eyes as I imagine what it must have been like. The fear and pain my poor little broken boy has been through. _My? _

Christian turns around and his face drops as he sees the tears in my eyes. He tells me not to cry, but seeing the scars and remembering the history behind them... How could I not cry? Christian holds me, and tells me he's fine now. He's not fine god damn it, he hasn't let anyone touch him for ages... _Yeah, well have you?_ But then again here we are wrapped in each other standing in the shower skin on skin, and both of us are relaxed; so maybe we really are alright now. I take a deep breath and collect my thoughts, this is not me; I don't cry this easily; I didn't cry for many years, but it seems that now that the floodgates have opened even the smallest things make me cry.

I guess it's in an effort to lighten the mood that Christian asks if he could wash my back; I think about it for a few seconds but as I feel my stomach grumble I decide that breakfast would be better. Christian is probably ready with his shower anyway, so he might as well prepare it for us; oh, this will be fun to watch. I can always whip up something quick if it's a disaster. I ask him to make breakfast and as I suspected, my question floors him; but to my, and maybe even his, surprise he answers yes. _See, my boyfriend will make breakfast._ I can't help smiling, even though internally I'm kicking myself for always referring to him as my boyfriend. I really like the sound of that though, Christian, my boyfriend, I hope he feels the same way. We really should have that discussion soon, I make a mental note of it before standing on tiptoes to reach to peck him on the cheek and say "Thank you, honey". _Well, he told me I could call him that_, and he just smiles as he leaves the shower. I cannot resist sneaking a peek on him drying his body, hot damn he's gorgeous.

I take my time in the shower giving Christian time to prepare the food. I think I hear him talking on the phone but I'm not sure. After rinsing my hair I turn off the water, dry myself and spread moisturizer on my skin. I bend over to wrap my hair on top of my head and then grab one towel which I wrap around my body. I look at myself in the mirror, the towel barely covers my bottom; not quite respectable, but this is for Christian's eyes only, so it'll do. The thought of his eyes gracing my body and then his hands following the path of his eyes down my body makes my heart beat faster. What's wrong with me? We just had sex and now I want him again?

I exit the bathroom and see him searching through the cabinets in the kitchen. He has started something, the water for my tea seems to be boiling, but our breakfast is still nowhere to be seen; we'll see if I have to make it by myself. He sees me and his eyes darken, his whole presence has a predatory feel to it. He knows what he wants, and I'm it. With a few steps he's next to me, making my breath hitch. He kisses me and wraps me in his arms, his hand sliding down my back until it reaches the hem of the towel and he squeezes my ass. Oh Mr. Grey is up to no good it seems, he'll be late from work at the speed we are going. He just says he can go in anytime. Oh, he's so arrogant, isn't he? Our moment is cut off by a knock on the door, who could that be? Christian grins as he goes to open the door and says "And that would be our breakfast"_ What?_ He ordered take out?

As the door opens I realize that it's Leila, and I'm standing here practically naked. Shit, shit, shit, I just think as I run to the bedroom. What the hell is she doing here? Oh lord, I told her that Christian and I are just friends for Pete's sake; and here I am fresh from the shower as Christian opens the door for her and it's so early there's no reasons why he would be here if he didn't sleep here. My mind is racing a million miles per hour with all things involving her and us. Oh god, she'll never drop this, that's for sure. On the other hand now they have met, so I guess this whole relationship or whatever it is, is officially out in the open. _Yeah right, like it wasn't already, you were kissing on the front page of at least 5 tabloids._ I sigh as I dry my hair with the towel; I toss the towel on the bed and something on the chair catches my eye. It's Christian's shirt. Oh fuck. How the hell did that slip my mind, he's shirtless, in front of Leila. That gorgeous man; who just slept in my bed and had mind-blowing sex with me, the epitome of male beauty is now standing in my living-room without a shirt talking to a woman who is my boss, landlord and friend. Maybe I should just stay here and hide?

I look at Christian's shirt on the chair, I can't resist lifting it and smelling it; oh, it smells like him. That wonderful cologne he always uses makes my heart beat skip. I hear a knock on the door and drop the shirt on the chair; I do not want to explain why I was sniffing it. I'm still naked, but for some reason I feel at ease as I know it is Christian who came into the room. I continue rummaging through the drawer until I finally find a pair of black lace panties with a matching bra, definitely on the fancy side, but now I have a reason to wear pretty underwear, especially as I feel Christian's eyes on me. I hear a sharp intake of breath as I stand there in the lacy lingerie and then Christian's voice all dark and seductive saying "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Oh me, plain old me? I just shake my head coyly, oh, I might as well tease him a bit I decide as I see a pair of long stockings with a lace trim in the drawer. I sit on the edge of the bed, lift my foot, and pull the stocking up all the way to my thigh, trying to play it casual, I glance at Christian and see the desire in his eyes. I'd love for him to come and undress me, but I realize that Leila is still in the living-room waiting for me.

The atmosphere in the room changes immediately as I say "So you met Leila", trying to gauge his impression on her. I see a small frown appear on his forehead. What's that about? "So?" Well, tell me what you think Christian, I can feel that something is bugging you, but I don't know what it is. I browse the hanger for my favorite dress, waiting for Christian to answer me; it's the same white dress I wore when we first met on the beach. Christian just says he didn't get to talk to her yet; so why the frown then? I ask if he doesn't like her, and he just says "It's probably nothing". Well that usually means there's something.

"Ana, what's taking so long?" I hear Leila's voice from behind the door. "Just a second" I shout back, waving to Christian to go out there, he reluctantly opens the door and shuts it behind him. Once I have the dress on, I look at myself in the mirror; alright it's time to face the heat.

* * *

_Christian_

"Sorry, to keep you waiting" I say politely to Leila. "Ana will be ready soon". She looks at me with a serious expression, it's definitely not the same dumbstruck stare she had before. "What are your intentions with Anastasia?" she asks, getting straight to the point without wasting a breath. "What do you mean" I ask pretending I don't know what's she's playing at. "Why are you with Anastasia?" Well, why the hell not? The woman's perfection for fucks sake. "I'm with her, to use your words, because I like her" I tell her, still a bit annoyed by the bluntness of her words. Her expression softens a bit before she narrows her eyes, points her finger at me and says "Don't you dare hurt her, Christian" practically spitting out my name before continuing in a quiet voice "she's been through enough already." Well, well, she cares about Ana; maybe she's not all bad. But I'm still having Welch check her background that's for sure.

"Leila! What are you doing?" I hear Ana's voice from across the room. I look at her and she looks absolutely amazing standing there in her dress glaring at Leila. "I'm just talking to Christian here, making sure he treats you right" Leila answers, oh, that woman has some balls, she didn't as much as flinch when Ana confronted her. "I know how to take care of myself, thank you very much" Ana shoots back, clearly pissed that Leila said anything. Oh, this will be interesting to watch, and besides Ana looks damn hot with that small blush on her cheeks from being angry. I better say something to calm both of them down. "Yes and _I_ know how to treat _my _girl" I say, walking over to Ana, wrapping my arm around her and kiss her on the head. I see the blush spread further up on her cheeks and I know that's not from anger. "Well, for your both sakes, I hope you do" Leila says still glaring at me like I'm the town villain. I get it, she's afraid I'll hurt Ana, and she doesn't trust me as far as she could throw me.

There's a knock on the door again and this time it is Taylor with our breakfast, complements of Mrs. Jones. I give Ana and Leila a moment together as I unpack the basket with Taylor. I realize he's looking at me with a funny expression in his eyes, and I have to ask "What's so funny?" Taylor clears his throat and pulls on his poker-face "Nothing, sir". Oh for fucks sake, can't a man fix breakfast for his girlfriend without having his staff laughing at his expense.

"Are the vultures still downstairs?" I ask him. "A few" he says immediately returning to his professional self. I notice that he's glancing at Leila who's talking with Ana. "Something wrong?" "Ms. Williams was approached by the paparazzi downstairs, I'm not quite sure what she told them, I just saw her talking to them as I drove to the back of the building". Oh, that's just fucking great. I hope Ana hasn't told her about my past, she wouldn't do that would she? No, she wouldn't, I'm sure of it; but we really need to discuss the limits of what aspects of my past she is allowed to talk about with others. Which reminds me of one other discussion to be held with her, the need of her having a security detail. "Alert the PR department, give them a heads up on what's going on" Taylor looks at me and I know he wants to ask for more details, but thinks better of it as he just nods and picks up his phone, typing a message to what I can just expect to be Andrea.

I see that Ana's getting upset with Leila, well I'll just have to put an end to that conversation then, won't I. I look at the breakfast I've laid out with the help of Taylor; everything's ready. I go over to Ana and say "Breakfast is served, sugar". The tension melts off her face, as her eyes light up "Thank you, honey" – oh she's still sticking to the inside joke - and I can't resist kissing her; the few minutes apart from here already making me crave her touch. I slide my hands around her body and hold tight while relishing the softness of her lips. I look up and remember Leila and Taylor. Oh lord, did I just do that in front of them? Oh yes, I did. Well, there goes the last shred of credibility I had left with Taylor. Leila looks at us as she stands, her green eyes much softer now than a moment ago. "Well, I better get going… Christian it was a pleasure" I just nod in response. "I meant what I said" she says as she leaves and closes the door behind her; I'm not quite sure if that was meant for Ana or for me.

* * *

_Anastasia_

"Don't you dare hurt her, Christian; she's been through enough already." I hear the words Leila's saying and I can't believe my ears. I can take care of myself, I don't need a babysitter for fuck's sake. How dare she barge in here and start lecturing the very first man I have ever been involved with. What's it to her anyway. Christian wraps his arm around me and I can see the shock register on Leila's face as she sees it, yes he's touching me. Her eyes are in danger of popping out as Christian kisses my forehead saying he knows how to take care of his girl. _Yeah, his girl. _Those two very small words make it all so real, all the internal battles I've had because I've called him my boyfriend are now void as he said those two words. I'm his, and he is mine. The thought warms my heart; spreading a comforting warmth through my body.

There's a knock on the door and this time it is Taylor, and he brings breakfast with him. I knew it, Christian ordered in, kind of. Christian leaves Leila and me sitting on the couch as he goes to the kitchen to pack up the breakfast Mrs. Jones sent. I appreciate the gesture; he's giving me and Leila a moment on our own.

"What are you doing here?" I ask bluntly. "I was worried about you, you seemed – I don't know – unhappy yesterday" she says. "Oh, it was nothing, I just felt bad for Ben and his mom. I can't understand how his father could do such a thing, taking in a new woman and throwing out his wife and kids" I know the real reason to my mood yesterday was the whole thing with Christian's past, but I'm sure as hell not going to tell her anything about it. I would never betray Christian's trust in me. "Yeah, men can be real bastards." Leila says quietly; I know she's seen it all, during the years at the shelter. "I was thinking about taking Ben to the park, do you think his mother would mind?" I ask, to get our discussion to a more comfortable ground. "I'm sure she'll be fine with that, a break will do her good" Leila just says, but I can feel that she's not entirely present, her mind seems to be miles away. "I'll check with Christian to see what plans we have for the weekend, maybe he'll come with us to the park" I say and see Leila's eyes darken.

"Ana, are you sure you're alright?" Leila asks, with a frown on her face. "I'm fine, honestly" I'm better than fine, I'm emotionally and sexually satisfied; that's definitely a first. "So he was here last night, wasn't he?" Yup, straight to the point, true to her style. "Yes, even though that's none of your business" I reply her quietly. I see the frown returning to her face "Please be careful darling, I don't want to see you end up hurt". "Leila, don't worry, I'm a big girl remember." I guess she still sees me as the troubled teenager that came to the shelter looking for a place to stay after life took a wrong turn.

"Don't let him walk all over you" she says, and I don't quite know what she's getting at. "What do you mean?" I ask. "I've seen his type before, young, rich, egocentric, arrogant oh and handsome… It can end ugly for a girl like you" "No, Christian's not like that, he's different. And what do you mean with a girl like me?" I really don't like the sound of that, it's so condescending. "Oh Ana, you're still so innocent, and Christian on the other hand… Let me see, young – check, rich – check, arrogant – check, handsome – check, powerful – check, and you are telling me he's different from the other rich idiots out there, how exactly?" "Well yes he's young, rich, handsome, and OK I admit to arrogant at times but, he's also kind, caring and gentle" I tell her, willing her to understand what Christian really is like; she doesn't seem to buy it though. We stare at each other for a moment, our minds going through and picking apart all the words we've just said. "Just be careful, or he'll just railroad you and leave you a mess" she says. No, I don't believe her; Christian wouldn't do that to me, would he? I try to push that thought away, but it keeps on creeping back into my mind.

"Breakfast is served, sugar" Christian says coming from the kitchen, interrupting the dead-end discussion with Leila. He called me _Sugar_. The word gives me butterflies in my stomach, our little inside joke, and it makes me smile, making all the things Leila said just vanish into thin air. "Thank you, honey" I say and before I have a time to react I feel Christian's soft lips on mine. He's strong arms around my body bending me as the kiss deepens. For a moment it's only him and me, inside our bubble. Oh lord, the power surge between us is heavenly. Christian remembers that we are not alone and pulls himself away from me. Leila takes her cue and goes to leave, but not before saying "I meant what I said". I'm not quite sure if it was meant for me or for Christian. Both of us sigh of relief as she closes the door behind her.

We sit and eat breakfast, and the food is heavenly, Mrs. Jones is really a good cook, I wouldn't mind eating like this every morning. I dip my teabag into the mug, and pull it out almost instantly. Christian looks at me questioning and I just say that I like my tea black and weak. He smiles and says he'll have to remember that.

"Do we have any plans for the weekend?" I ask Christian, remembering the outing I wanted to do with Ben. "Well I was thinking we could spend the weekend in bed" Christian says with a mischievous smile on his lips. "Besides that, do you think we could go to the park?" I ask him and he looks at me with a curious expression "The park?" "Well, there's this kid at the shelter and I was thinking to take him to the playground" "And you want me to come with you?" he asks. I just nod as I bite into my toast. "Yeah, why not… I could come to the park with you. I'll make the necessary arrangements" he says. _What arrangements?_

"So, an interesting person, that Leila." Christian says, picking up the subject we've been avoiding. I'm still mad at her for implying that I'm just an innocent little girl who doesn't know how to take care of myself. "Really interesting" I say, the sarcasm dripping from the words. "She seems to be looking out for you." he says, without expecting an answer.

"Well there was a time I needed someone to look after me, and she was there then, but as you can see, I'm all grown up now, no need for that now." A flash of an emotion passes Christian's face, but I can't quite figure it out. "I want to look after you" he says quietly. I just hold his hand and squeeze it, hoping he'll understand that it's alright, I want him to look after me. "But I don't have anything to worry about now, have I?" "Well there's the paparazzi you need to be protected from" Christian says.

Oh fuck, the paparazzi; I had forgotten them totally. "I need you to have your personal security with you at all times" he says staring at me intensively. "Why?" I asks and he sighs before answering "You are my girlfriend, and it makes you prey for the media and other crazy people out there." _His girlfriend, he said it._ I take a deep breath before saying "If it means so much to you, fine, I'll have a bodyguard follow me around" I really, really, hate the idea of having to share my life with a strange man almost 24/7. I'd much rather share it with Christian. Then a thought pops into my head, why didn't I think of it before "Could it be a woman?" I ask, and Christian looks at me, like he cannot comprehend my question. "A woman?" "Yes, a female bodyguard or what's the official title one's supposed to call them." "Why?" he asks, "Do I need a reason?" He grabs my hand, squeezes it and says "No baby, no you don't".

* * *

_AN: Thank you all for reading, please review!_


	19. Chapter 19

_Leila_

I wake up next to Susie, my arm wrapped around her, her warm body pressed against mine. I nuzzle her hair and kiss her gently. "Good morning" I whisper before I get out of bed as quietly as I can not to wake her up.

I make breakfast for myself, moving around in her kitchen like it's my own. I practically live here, but still consider it her place. Susie and I go way back, she supported me after my disastrous marriage to Thomas Williams. I've known since I was a teenager that I'm bisexual, but because of the pressure of the society I only dated boys. I thought Thomas was the love of my life, he was drop dead gorgeous, wealthy and his family had a lot of power in the small town we were living in. Just a few months after our wedding he started to show his true colors, he was always following my movements, controlling who I met, what we did and so on. Soon I had lost myself, I had no friends, no contact with any relatives, all my life was circling around Thomas. He wanted a child, I wasn't ready and I refused, making a decision based on my needs instead of his; he didn't take it well and it all ended in a very nasty divorce within a year of our wedding.

When the divorce was final I took the first bus to Seattle and got myself an apartment with the money I had. That's the apartment where Ana is living now, I have a bigger place not too far away but I usually spend my nights with Susie. I met her quite soon after my arrival in Seattle, she had and still has such a colorful, vibrant personality; we were friends at first, but quite soon it was clear for us both that we were more than that. We don't broadcast our relationship, I guess most people, just think of us as good friends.

I browse through the papers I took with me from work, and there, lodged in between the food lists is the tabloid that has Ana kissing that man on the front page. I worry about her, she has hidden this relationship from me, and it's not like her. All the years I've known her, she hasn't let anyone close, freaking out if I've even suggested a date for her; and here she is, kissing a millionaire. His really good looking, clearly he works out, his frame revealing a well-toned body. I read through the text, he's bachelor of the year? A self-made millionaire, CEO of Grey Enterprises Holding, he named his company after himself, for god's sake. There has to be something seriously wrong with him though, if he's still single; by the looks of him I'd guess he has women throwing themselves at his feet. What does he want with Ana, our sweet innocent little Ana? She seemed off yesterday, it was almost like she had to swallow back tears at one point when she was talking with that kid. Is it that man, is he doing something to her, is he controlling her, like Thomas did with me?

I decide to go check on her, and hopefully to talk with her without any interference, the shelter always has something going on, someone needing our attention.

As I arrive outside her home there are photographers lined up on the sidewalk. When they notice I'm going to enter that building they immediately start asking me questions. "Do you know Anastasia Steele?" "Are you her neighbor?" "Has she and Mr. Grey been dating long?" "Is she a gold-digger? Is she after his money?" Oh, for fucks sake, who do these people think they are, accusing Ana of being a gold-digger? I try to control the anger I feel and say as neutrally as I can, talking slowly so I'll not have to repeat myself "I have only one thing to say to you; Anastasia Steele is by far one of the kindest people on the planet. I don't know anything about her relationship to Mr. Grey; but rest assured that she couldn't care less about his money" Then I punch in the code to the door and step inside. Oh lord, will the paparazzi be following her to the shelter as well? I certainly hope not.

I go up the stairs, two steps at a time, and knock on her door. I cannot believe my eyes as the door opens. There he is, standing in his jeans, without a shirt, his upper body in all its glory visible. It's like I've lost the ability to speak, he's so gorgeous. Hey, snap out of it, his probably an ass-hole. "Is Ana home?" I ask, and hear footsteps of someone running barefoot over the hardwood floor. "Ana, someone's asking for you" he shouts to her. "Just a minute" is her reply for somewhere inside, at least he has manners as he asks me inside and introduce himself. He doesn't offer to shake my hand, and I think that's a bit odd, bordering on rude maybe. I realize I'm still staring at him, like I somehow could find out his intentions by looking at him. "I'm Leila, the owner of this apartment and Ana's colleague at the shelter" I say as I regain my trail of thought. "Nice to meet you" he says before excusing himself and going into the bedroom.

Oh boy, he really is handsome, the pictures really didn't do him justice, I think as he closes the door behind him. Yeah, well Thomas was handsome, and it was just frosting on a rotten cake.

I wonder where Ana is, I check the bathroom, but it's empty; she must be with him in the bedroom. The thought of them in there together chills my heart, Ana is so innocent; she can't handle a man like that. She's had no experience with men, her stepfather really messed her up as a teenager, I still remember how closed off she was when she came to the shelter after her grandfather passed away. Since then I've been like a mother to her, even I'm not old enough to be, but I took her under my wing and helped her get her life together after she lost everything. Can she stand up to a person like Christian Grey? He's for sure used to get his way, wealth does that to people; but if he lays a hand on her, forces her to something she doesn't want, so help me god, I'll show him hell.

"Ana, what's taking so long?" I shout to her, she's been in there long enough. "Just a second" she shouts and after a moment the door opens and out steps Christian. He doesn't look happy, well you know buddy; the feeling is mutual.

"Sorry, to keep you waiting, Ana will be ready soon" he says, being polite. So I have a few minutes to find out what's his story. "What are your intentions with Anastasia?" He's playing dumb asking me what I mean, like he doesn't know that I know he's rotten, I've seen this before, hell I've lived it before. "Why are you with Anastasia?" He looks like me like he can't believe my words, he narrows his eyes when he says "I'm with her, to use your words, because I like her". So the feeling is mutual Mr. Grey, I don't like you – you don't like me, but you like her, that's something, let's hope it sticks, but you better not break her heart, if she feels the same about you. I point my finger at him, to make my point "Don't you dare hurt her, Christian, she's been through enough already." I didn't intend to tell him anything about her past; it just slipped and now I'm hoping he didn't catch those last words_._

Ana walks in and she's clearly upset over what I'm saying to Christian. I tell her I'm just making sure he'll treat her right, but this seems to make her even more upset; she can take care of herself she says. Christian steps up, wraps his arm around her and says that he knows how to treat his girl. His Girl? Is he serious? He kisses her on the head and she blushes. It almost thaws my heart in regards to him, almost.

There's a knock on the door, some man brings a basket of food. I appreciate Christian giving me and Ana a moment together; well at least he's not over possessive, letting her hold her own, as he goes to unpack the delivered breakfast.

I tell Ana I'm worried about her, as she seemed so troubled yesterday. She just says it's because of Ben and his family. Well yeah, their situation really sucks, proving once again that men can really be bastards. Ana's wants to take Ben to the park, that's a really good idea, his mother is really tired and could use the rest. But then Ana says something that sends me back on memory lane, straight back to the prison of my marriage; Ana says she has to ask Christian about the weekend. Why would she have to ask him, why would he decide what they will do? I have to warn her, she's too blue-eyed to see it herself. She's getting more and more upset as I try to make her see what I think are Christian's true colors. She tried to tell me about all the good sides of him, but I'm not buying it, the memory of Thomas blurring my rational thinking. "Just be careful, or he'll just railroad you and leave you a mess".

Suddenly Christian comes from the kitchen announcing that the breakfast is ready, and before I get a chance to say anything he wraps his arms around Ana and kisses her passionately, bending her backwards. I cannot believe my eyes, she hates to be touched, and here they are, making out in front of me. I decide it's time for me to leave, those two clearly don't have eyes for anything else except each other at the moment. I hope I'm wrong about him; I hope he'll be good for her, as she definitely deserves happiness.

* * *

_Christian_

After we finish breakfast I have to leave, as I have a meeting at Grey House. I sit in the backseat of the Audi and stare out the window as Taylor navigates through the morning traffic. I barely managed to tear myself from Ana, the kiss we shared still tingle on my lips, and the memory of her standing by the bed in those stockings and that lacy lingerie makes my cock twitch. Oh how I'd like to caress her legs, trail my tongue over that silky smooth skin exposed on top of the lacy trim of the stocking… The last fucking thing I want to do today is to be stuck in that meeting room with the department heads.

I find the thought amusing actually; boy, what a difference a week makes; last week I was at the beach house hoping to be at the office, meeting the department heads face to face instead of Skype and now I could not care less about being at the office, I just want to spend the day in bed with Ana and not think about work at all. But no such luck today, the meeting has to be held. I cannot tolerate the sloppiness I've come to witness in the last few weeks and months at the office. I pay the employees generously and I expect them to do their jobs, and to do them well. There are no fucking excuses for the mistakes that are now costing me both time and money.

If I can get all ends tied up today, I'll take the weekend off and stay at home with my girlfriend. Yes, I think Ana should definitely come to Escala, and then we really don't have to do anything except enjoy each other.

I'm worried about her being alone today, but she said that she'll be at home until she leaves to the shelter in the afternoon. I hoped she wouldn't go there today, but she insisted; as she wants to spend time with that kid, Ben. I told her to call me before she leaves, so that I can make sure that she'll be safe, I'll come to drive her myself if I have to.

I hope that Taylor will manage to get her a female security detail with this short notice. I've asked him to assign surveillance on her in any case, if she'll be harassed by the press or anyone I want to know about it. I can't help wondering what the big deal is though; why does she want a woman as her security?

I don't quite know how I feel about it though, I know women can be just as good personal security as men, but still there's just something about it, maybe I just trust men more? Yeah well, being beat up while tied down would kind of put a dent in trusting women, now wouldn't it? Would I rather have a man guarding her? The image of her being escorted by a man through the crowd, his hand on her back, ushering her forward makes my blood boil. Holy fuck, the thought of her being in that close proximity to some other man is making me jealous! The strength of my jealousy surprises even myself, I've always been possessive and protective, I admit that; I've always known that I won't share, not myself and specially not my girlfriend, but I've never actually felt the emotion. Thank god she insists on a woman.

Taylor parks the car in the underground garage at Grey House, the god damned paparazzi are camping outside the front door for fuck's sake. I take the elevator to the lobby, go over to the desk and startle the receptionist who's sipping a cup of coffee. "If a Miss Anastasia Steele calls or comes over, she's to be let in without any questions asked. Taylor will prepare a tag for her, but in case she might come here before it's ready she's to have free access to the building". The woman almost chokes on her coffee, which she shouldn't be drinking here at the main reception desk anyway, before she manages to ask "Is she a new employee here?" What the hell, she's questioning me? "Tell me how the fuck is that any of your business? I tell you to let her in; you don't ask questions, you just do what I fucking tell you." Even Taylor scowls at her shaking his head. "And to answer your question no, she is not". The woman is as pale as her blouse as I leave her without any further explanations. I was a bit rude perhaps, but fuck if I care. She's not paid to ask questions, only to do her job.

The following person to be informed about Ana is Andrea; thank god she has more than one professional bone in her and she knows not to ask any questions. She just says "Yes sir, I'll make sure Ms. Steele will always have access to you". "Did you arrange the meeting with the PR people?" I ask, flipping through the bundle of reports on my desk. "Yes sir, they are scheduled to be at your office right after the meeting with the department heads" I wave her off mumbling "That'll be all" as I sink into my chair trying to focus on the numbers on papers while my computer is starting up.

* * *

_Anastasia_

The place feels empty now that Christian isn't here; I tidy up in the kitchen and make myself another cup of tea. I take my laptop at sit on the couch and finally do the thing I haven't done yet; I Google him. Of course there are thousands of hits; I scroll through them, most of it has to do with GEH and his phenomenal career, but there's also gossip. Dozens of pages about his bachelor of the year award, a lot of red carpet events as well, surprisingly few sites mention me though, I was expecting more.

I switch to the image search and am not surprised to see picture after picture of my boyfriend. A silly grin tugs on my lips as I think about it, he's my boyfriend. That man, who's actually the most beautifully handsome man I've ever seen, is mine. Most of the pictures are clearly from way back, I realize he looks tense and kind of unhappy in the pictures, the smile he's giving the cameras doesn't reach his eyes. Then I see the pictures of us kissing; of him tucking that stray hair behind my ear; of us dancing at the gallery and I think my heart will burst; we look like we're totally spellbound by each other. I click on the pictures of us together and save them on my computer, who knows, I might want to use them later on. I set the picture of us dancing to be my desktop wallpaper, looking at it reminds me of how it feels to be in his arms.

I scroll further until a picture of a furious Christian throwing a camera on the ground catches my eye. I quickly read the article that the picture belongs to. Basically it just says that he lost his temper and damaged a camera that belonged to a professional photographer. Oh professional my ass, that man standing in the picture has paparazzi written all over him. I stare at the picture as I let my mind stray, should I be scared of him, and would he lose his temper with me? No, that's just silly.

Leila's warnings start to make their way back into my mind, what if he's just using me? He took my virginity, but then again I basically served him it on a platter, I felt I was using him more than he me. He might end up hurting me, but he's been through hell and back and he trusted me, he told me all about his past; I really don't think he'll intentionally do anything to harm me. I hope I'm not being naive, but I'm going to give him a chance, no matter what Leila says; all these years I've been riding in darkness, hiding from happiness, and finally there's light at the end of the tunnel. There's hope for happiness and it's with Christian.

I've had enough, the Google search didn't reveal anything that I didn't already know; well except that camera throwing incident, I didn't know about that, but it's dated – when was it, oh, only a few weeks ago! Maybe this explains why he was at the beach house? He was hiding. I close the computer and set it aside.

There's one thing I've been wanting to do for a few days now, I just haven't had a chance to get to it. I spread out a roll of paper and get the charcoal. I look at my dress; no that will not do. Within seconds I've removed it as a white dress really isn't the thing to wear when drawing with charcoal. I go to the bedroom and wear one loosely fitting t-shirt that already has paint on it. I carefully remove the stockings; I'll wear them later though, the look on Christian's face as I was standing there in my underwear and stockings, is definitely something I want to see again.

I take a deep breath, as to clear my mind before placing the tip of the charcoal on the paper, I start drawing strong long lines, releasing the image trapped in my mind on the paper. When I'm finished, I don't know how long time I've been drawing, blurring out lines with my fingers, spreading out shadows with the side of my hand. I put the charcoal away and step back to look at the drawing. I'm really pleased with it, it looks just as I imagined it, a strong man hugging a woman, his protective arms wrapped around her. I relish this feeling, as it's been a while since I've last time managed to do a charcoal drawing that I'm satisfied with. I'll give it to Christian, if he'll have it, he is in it after all. I take the fixative and apply it to the drawing, I don't want the picture to be smudged.

After washing my hands I pick up my phone and call Christian. I'd prefer to go to the shelter sooner than later, but by the look of the sidewalk next to my building I can't go out on my own. The paparazzi have set up camp, they have chairs with them for crying out loud. I wonder do they have tents too; surely they go home to sleep, right? By the third ring he answers "Grey" he sounds a bit off, hopefully he's not having a too stressful day. "Hi honey… I was hoping to go to the shelter, but the street is packed with paparazzi" I say twirling a strand of hair around my finger. "Yeah they're here too" he says. "Oh" I just say, totally lost for words, I guess the situation is worse than I imagined. "Will you come drive me?" I ask him, as he said he would if I needed him to. "You really want to go don't you?" he asks "Yes, it's for Ben, Christian, he deserves a break …" "Ok, I'll come to drive you hold on... " I hear mumbling voices in the background. "I'll be there in 15 minutes alright? See soon sugar" he says ending the call without any further comment from me. Hm... maybe his meetings are finished as he can come over on such a short notice. I wear jeans and a t-shirt, that'll do for both the work and going out with Ben. I look at myself in the mirror and my mind goes to the paparazzi waiting outside; well, I certainly don't look like the girlfriend of a millionaire, I still don't believe the paparazzi are after me, even though I see them on the street.

* * *

_Christian_

Are there people fucking serious? They are sitting here, looking me in the eye telling me they've done nothing wrong. Wake up and smell the fucking coffee, I have the report in front of me, and there it is, written in black and white and none one of these fuckers noticed the mistake. How many times did they go over the numbers before we got so far as the meeting with the sellers yesterday? I'm assigning a team to analyze the procedures in the next two weeks and they will report to me, then I'll decide whose head will roll for this. They all should consider themselves warned. I'm just about to get into the details as my phone rings, I look at the screen, and it's Ana. "Grey" I just reply, turning my back to the people around the desk, yeah, this is more important than the disruption to your day. Ana wants a ride to the shelter and I'm happy she called to ask me, at least I don't have to worry about her going alone as her security detail's background is still being checked by Welch. I ask Ana to hold on as I tell the losers around the conference table that we'll take a break for one hour. "I'll be there in 15 minutes alright? See soon sugar" I say and there's a dead silence in the meeting room, eight pairs of eyes are staring at me like I'm from Mars. "Something wrong?" I ask and they all just get busy packing their bags, or looking at their iPads. I walk out from the meeting room and the glances they are giving each other do not go unnoticed. I'm sure they will go crazy when I close the door behind me.

* * *

Taylor drives me, we sit in silence as I'm totally preoccupied with the clusterfuck at GEH. I realize Taylor is talking on the phone, he has his hands free piece on so I only hear his side of the conversation. "…ready? ...the checks done? ... After 45 minutes." I realize that Taylor noticed I was listening to him so I just say "Well?" as he ends the call. "That was Welch, the security for Ms. Steele will arrive at her apartment after 45 minutes" "Is it a woman as Ana requested?" "Yes, sir. Her name's Gwen Prescott, she's very highly recommended, with a perfect track record. Welch checked her out and she came out totally clear." "Thank you Taylor"

We arrive at Ana's place within few minutes and drive around to the back. There are too many paparazzi waiting to spot me or Ana on the sidewalks. I called Ana when we were a few blocks away, so she's there to open the back-door when I knock on it. My heart immediately beats faster when I see her, she looks good, even wearing only worn jeans and a t-shirt; she takes my breath away. I don't fight the urge to kiss her as the door closes behind us "Hi you" I finally say and she smiles back, "Hi yourself… so do we have to leave directly or would you like a cup of tea?" "We have half an hour, so I'll take up on your offer for tea, unless you have coffee?"

Ana's already going up the stairs, and I can't resist enjoying the view as I walk behind her, I'm sure she knows I'm watching her as she sways her hips a bit more than necessary. I feel my cock twitch, maybe we should use the half an hour in a much better way than drinking tea or coffee. I catch up with her and the electricity between us goes through the roof. I ravage her mouth and my hands roam her body, as her hands roam my. I grab her ass, while I press her against the wall, and she lifts her legs and wraps them around me. Somehow we manage to open the door and stumble inside, kicking the door shut behind us. "Rain check on the tea?" she manages to ask between the kisses and I only manage to groan a "oh hell yes" as I think I'll soon break through my trousers, my erection now so hard.

I lift her on the breakfast island; open her jeans and pull them off. I kiss her leg, trail my tongue up her leg, all the way from her toes up to her thigh, I can smell her arousal and hear her moaning of pleasure and it's driving me insane. She's still wearing that lacy underwear, and I just enjoy the sight of her skin under it, oh fuck she's perfect. She grabs my shirt, pulls my mouth to hers, she removes my jacket and goes on to open my belt buckle. Before she drops my pants I stop her "Ana... wait" a look of confusion is on her face. "We need this" I grab a condom from my pants pocket and let them drop. Her eyes sparkle with a smile, even though her cheeks are turning red. She tugs on my boxers, freeing me, placing her hand on my cock, gently stroking me. "Oh fuck, baby, what you do to me..." I groan, as I kiss her again, my hand now in between her legs, caressing her through the fabric of her panties.

I can't take it any longer, I pull off her underwear, roll on the condom and dive into her. The whole world ceases to exist, as there's only the connection between us left. She's so tight around me, I know it'll not take long. I hear her moaning, and feel her arching her back, I see her nipples taught and perk underneath the fabric of her shirt, I bite on her nipple and am rewarded by her legs around my waist pulling me closer to her as she groans "oh fuck, Christian..." Hearing my name roll of her lips is almost my undoing. I continue to pound into her, faster and faster until I feel her come. She's squeezing the hell out of me as the orgasm rages through our bodies, leaving us spent and panting.

"Oh, wow" she says after catching her breath. "That was amazing". "You are amazing" I reply, kissing her forehead as I withdraw myself. I'm just about to remove the condom as there's a knock on the door. I look at myself, standing there with my trousers at my feet, Ana still sitting on top if the table, her hair all messy; her cheeks glowing from the heat of our passion, her jeans and underwear on the floor somewhere. I can't control the laughter that seems to come from somewhere deep within and soon Ana joins me, we are both laughing until we are wiping tears from our eyes. "Why are we laughing" she finally manages to ask and I can't do anything else than shrug, because I really don't have any idea. "Sir, is everything alright?" Taylor is shouting through the door. "Yes Taylor, just a moment" I shout back, and quickly pull up my boxers and trousers while Ana finds her underwear and jeans and disappears to the bathroom.

* * *

_AN: Thank you all for reading, hope you are enjoying it! Please review!_


	20. Chapter 20

_Anastasia_

I splash cool water over my face, dry it off with a towel and look at myself in the mirror. My hair is a mess, my cheeks flushed and glowing; I might as well have a stamp on my forehead that says "Just fucked". I never thought it could be so intense, we had sex on the breakfast island for Pete's sake! The thought makes my cheeks a shade darker; oh, the chemistry between us is insane, the desire that exploded inside me as we kissed, made everything around us vanish. I don't care who might have seen us on the stairs, and how we managed to get inside I'll never know, the only thought on my mind was that I want him, now, inside me. We didn't even undress for crying out loud! I shake my head as I grab the brush and quickly fix my hair on bun, take a deep breath and go to face Christian and Taylor.

Christian is sitting on the high-chair next to the breakfast island, just casual like nothing happened. You would never know that just less than five minutes ago he was pounding away on that very spot. The only thing that could give him away is his hair, but then again he usually has that just fucked hair anyway. He's talking to Taylor and a tall woman standing next to him. She looks very sharp, wearing a suit a bit similar to Taylor's, her dark hair pulled back on a tight ponytail, her posture giving away that she probably is ex-army. They look to me and Christian turns around and stands, putting his hand on the small of my back.

"Ana, this is Gwen Prescott, your CPO. Ms. Prescott meet Anastasia Steele, my girlfriend" I can't help it, a smile spreads on my face and my heart skips a beat hearing him call me that. I offer her my hand, and she shakes it with a firm grip "It's a pleasure to meet you Ma'am." Ma'am? I'm younger than her, for crying out loud "Oh, please call me Ana" I say and she smiles politely "Ana, it is then, you can call me Gwen or Prescott, whichever you prefer".

Christian looks at the clock, and then at Taylor "We better leave, I have to get back to the meeting". I look at him confused "I thought the meeting was finished?" "No, the meeting is still very much in progress. I just left them hanging as I came to drive my girlfriend" he looks at me and smirks. "Are you serious? I can't believe you did that" he left a bunch of people waiting for him as he came over and had a quickie? I'm not complaining though, it was good, just the circumstances are confusing. He strokes my cheek with the back of his hand "For you Ana, I'd leave a meeting with the president."

He tucks a stray hair behind my ear, and I realize his eyes become colder as he's going through some unpleasant thought "This is just a group of dead-beats who are too busy playing the "blame the next guy"-game to understand that I don't at this point care _who_ did the mistake, I just care that no-one noticed it before it was practically too late. They can stew in their juices for a while; sit there wondering if it's their or the next guy's head that will roll for this" His voice is hard, unforgiving, the soft expression on his face has turned to a cold stare. I know it's not for me, but it still gives me the chills. I hope I'll never be on the receiving end of his anger. All I can say is "Oh…" This is the hundred percent business side of Christian, a side I've not witnessed before. "It's my work Ana, that's what I do. I'm a fair employer, I pay my staff generously, but I require certain things from them; one is, that mistakes like this are not made, and if they are made, someone has to find it and fix it before the shit hits the fan " I suddenly feel anxious, what if he'll not allow any mistakes from me? Leila's warnings are again making their way back into my mind, what if he'll railroad me, requiring me to be something I'm not.

He lifts my chin and looks me in the eye, his face relaxed, the tense expression gone, back is the gentle man that I've come to know. He's looking at me like he could see straight into my soul "Ana, you are my girlfriend, not my staff, I…" he closes his eyes and presses his lips on mine. The kiss holds all the emotions we feel for each other; it's not a kiss filled with sexual passion, but a kiss filled with respect, affection and love. It leaves me breathless, he presses his forehead against mine, and I look at him and feel safe, here in his arms I know he'll not ever treat me like that.

"Khmh" Taylor clears his throat, bringing us back to reality. "Sir, Prescott will accompany Ana, we will drive them to the shelter on our way back to Grey House" he says. Christian nods in agreement. "Why can't we take my car?" I ask and see his face drop, he clearly hadn't thought about it. "I prefer that you ride with us, it's safer" his expression gives away that there's something he's not saying. "My car is not safe? It's a classic and it works as a charm" I feel a bit defensive; my car is perfectly fine, it might not be as new and shiny as his, but it'll get us there. "Ma'am... sorry Ana, if I may" Gwen interrupts me looking me in the eye "It would be better if we go with Mr. Grey and Taylor, as the Audi has tinted windows, and it is parked by the back-door, this way you'll not be exposed to the paparazzi that are waiting on the street" Taylor and Christian nod silently, agreeing with her. Once again I had forgotten all about the paparazzi waiting for us downstairs, she does have a point. "Fine, you win, we'll ride with the Audi" I say faking a pout as Christian's expression brightens.

* * *

_Christian_

A wave of relief washes over me as Ana agrees on riding with us; all credits go to Prescott as she made her change her mind. I guess it helps to be objective, I hadn't even thought about the tinted windows, I just wanted to have her near me. Ana grabs her bag and checks that everything is switched off before we leave. We walk down the stairs, Taylor goes first making sure there are no paparazzi waiting around the corner, then Ana and me, Prescott following us just a few steps behind.

We ride in the car, sitting next to each other holding hands on the large backseat, I feel the heat of her body next to mine and it makes my breath shallow. The electricity vibrates around us, making the butterflies in the pit of my stomach take off, she has to feel it too, I see her chest rise a bit faster and she bites her lip. Oh, that luscious lip, I have to cross my legs as my pants are getting tight, again. She looks at me tilting her head, she must've realized what I did, she puts her hand on my thigh, innocently enough but it makes my blood rush south. "Ana..." I'm lost for words, I want her to touch me, I want to be buried inside her again; but we are in a car, Taylor and Prescott sitting just in front of us. Oh fuck it, I ram my mouth onto hers, kissing her as my life depends on it, catching that lip between my teeth before pushing my tongue into her. "We shouldn't start what we can't finish" I murmur as we finally come up for air, her cheeks flushed from the heat of the moment, she nods in agreement as she looks at Prescott who is scanning the streets and Taylor who is driving, both of them seemingly oblivious to what's going on in the backseat, but I know they know.

The ride is over much sooner than I wanted. Prescott opens the door for Ana and she steps outside, bending down to kiss me gently before asking "What time you'll pick me up?" "What?" "You are coming to pick me, oh – us, up right? As you made me leave my car ay home I'd expect it" "I'll come by seven o'clock, unless I'm still tied up in the meeting with the PR people, in that case I'll send Taylor to pick you up and take you to Escala" "Why Escala?" I can't help smirking when I kiss her cheek and whisper "So that we can finish what we started". Her cheeks are immediately flushed, oh baby, you have the same effect on me. I wave her goodbye and we drive away; I'm just hoping my erection will go away before I'll walk into that meeting room.

The meeting with the department heads takes forever, and I'm getting more pissed off by the minute. The excuses they are giving me are pathetic, I don't want to hear it. I've already assigned the team that will go through everything and they have joined the meeting. At this point I'm basically zooming out, dreaming of Ana, instead of listening to them. I throw in a question or two so that they know I'm in charge, even though my mind is currently trying to remember every curve on her delectable body, her scent and the sound of her giggle. I have to keep my thoughts on a short leach though, unless I want fifteen sets of eyes staring at my crotch.

My phone buzzes, jolting me from my daydream. I pick it up and see a message from Ana.

**At the park with Ben, missing U **

**I miss U more. Is Prescott there?**

**Yes she's here. C U later?**

**Later, I'm still stuck at the office, be safe**

I glance at the time, it's quite late for a visit to the park, isn't it? I type a message to Taylor, telling him to send a car to drive Ana, Prescott and Ben back to the shelter and Escala when they are ready to leave. I'm sure he knows where they are, at least if Prescott is doing her job properly.

* * *

_Anastasia_

Ben's eyes light up when he sees me coming into the kid's corner at the shelter "Ana! Look at my drawing!" she shouts as he's running to grab my hand pulling me to the table he was sitting at; no sign of the shy little boy I talked to yesterday, I guess he has gotten used to the place and the people. I look at his drawing, it's really good for a four year old. "Wow, look at that, you drew this all by yourself? It's really good Ben. Can you tell me who you drew?" I say to him, and he looks so proud of himself I can't help smiling. His eyes land on Gwen, who's standing by the door "Who is that?" I turn to Gwen and wave to her to come over. "Ben, this is my friend Gwen, she'll come with us to the park. Gwen, this little big man here is Ben." "Nice to meet you Ben" Gwen says as she bends down to his level and offers her hand to him. Ben looks at me, and then at her and back at me before he shakes her hand cautiously. I guess he senses that Gwen is a good person, or maybe she just has a connection with kids, because Ben surprises us both by saying "Can you keep a secret Gwen?" she just nods and Ben continues "There's a magic cookie jar in the kitchen, maybe we could go get it?" I can't help laughing and telling him "Maybe we could take cookies to the park and have a picnic" Ben is already running around the room singing about going to the park.

"We better go ask his mother if it's alright to take him to the park" I say to Gwen and she just nods. "You know Ana, you don't have to arrange your schedule to fit me, I'm here for your protection, like a shadow if you will, just forget I'm around" she says, her eyes are kind, even though her stance is professional. "I'm just not used to the whole idea of having a CPO" I say blushing. "That's alright, I understand, would it be easier if I waited outside when you are at work?" "No, it is fine, maybe you could stay at the office by the door?" "Alright, I'll go make myself at home then" she actually winks and smiles on her way to the door. "I'll go check with Ben's mom, and then we can leave to the park, it's not far away, just a few blocks" She just nods and leaves the room.

I follow Ben's voice to their room, his mother is lying on the bed, the baby sleeping next to her. I see the dark rings under her eyes, she looks dead tired. I heard from Leila that it had been a really hard night on them all, well, all except Ben who seems just fine. I knock on the door before entering. "Hi Ella, I just came to ask you if I could take Ben to the park" she looks at me with a faint smile "Yes that would be fine, Ana, thank you" I give her a smile as I say "Please try to rest, the baby's asleep and you don't have to do anything now, everything will feel better once you get a little sleep. Do you need anything?" The just shakes her head no. "Alright Ben, are you all set?" I ask Ben who is already waiting by the door "Come on Ana, let's go, bye mommy". Ella just waves from the bed, her head already resting on her arm. Ben runs all the way to the office by the door where he finds Gwen. "Gwen, come on, we are going" he says, and Gwen gets up, wears her jacket and follows us to the front door.

I guess both Gwen and I are equally relieved that we don't see any paparazzi on the way to the park, at least they haven't found out that I work at the shelter. I'm curious why she chose the security business, but I understood that she was CIA before, so it is classified information and she can't comment much. There was some injury involved, and she was transferred to desk-work, which she didn't like. A friend of a friend of hers provides security services for businessmen and celebrities and offered her a job, which she took.

We both watch Ben as he's running around the park, Gwen stays by the picnic table as I go to help Ben climb the jungle gym. Seeing Ben so happy, monkeying around the jungle gym in the evening sun gives me hope for a better future for all of us, him, Christian and myself. I know I'm trying to compensate for the horrible past Christian had by trying to give Ben extra much care and attention, as if somehow the whole world would be balanced by doing so. My heart still breaks for Christian, how anyone could do that to a child, I can't understand. How horrible it must have felt, having no one there for him. I watch Ben jumping around, without a care in the world. I wish Christian was here with us, I'm sure Ben's joy would make him happy as well.

I decide to send him a message, I don't want him to interrupt the meeting because of me again. He replies that he's missing me too. Oh, what I would give to have him here with me now. I ask if he'll come with us to the park, but he just replies that he's still stuck at the meeting. I can't help the pang of disappointment that I feel.

"Ana, why are you sad?" Ben asks and startles me; I hadn't even noticed that he sneaked up on me. "Oh, I'm not sad" "But you look sad" he says. "I was hoping another friend of mine would have joined us here, but he can't make it" "Oh… I'm happy he's not coming" "Why?" "If he came here, then we wouldn't have had enough cookies for everyone" A smile bursts out on my face "You know what Ben, you are right about that".

After an hour or so Ben starts to get tired, I see him yawning as he's swinging on the swing. "We better get going Ben, come on - let's get Gwen" I tell him and he saunters over without any objections. Gwen's already coming towards us "Are we leaving?" "Yes, Ben here is exhausted and we still have to walk all the way back" I say. "Actually we have a car waiting for us" Gwen says pointing at Christian's SUV waiting by the sidewalk. Ben looks at the car in awe, it really is a sight for sore eyes, the sun reflecting off the hood of the car, the tinted windows looking almost black. He looks at Gwen "That car?" he says pointing at the Audi. "Yup, and we have a surprise for you inside" she says and he takes off sprinting, a man jumps from the driver's seat and comes to open the door for Ben.

My heart beat races, Christian came here. A tiny voice inside my head wonders why he didn't join us in the park, but I don't pay any attention to it. I follow Ben in a more leisurely pace, even though I feel like running to meet Christian sooner. I get in beside Ben, who is sitting in a child seat; but there's no one else in the car. Christian isn't here, I feel a heavy weight press on my chest; I had hoped he would be here.

Gwen shuts the door and takes the passenger seat up front. "What's the surprise" Ben asks, as I get his seatbelt fastened. Gwen passes a large bag from the front seat, and gives it to Ben. He tears it open and there's a schoolbag with Lightning McQueen on it, Ben stares at it, like he can't believe his eyes. "Wow" is all that he says. Then he opens the bag and finds a large pencil case with at least a 100 different color crayons, water colors and markers and a large notebook. "Colors, Ana, look!" "Oh! Now you can make loads of drawings and paintings in your own notebook" I say to him, pointing at the notebook in his bag. "I can paint mommy, and baby brother and me and you and the park and Gwen and your name I don't know" he says pointing at the man behind the wheel "but I'll paint you too!" Ben's enthusiasm is contagious and soon we are all laughing.

After dropping Ben off with his mother, I pass by Leila's office. It's not odd to see her here this time of the day, sometimes I think she lives in that office. I just peak in and say "Ben's back now, Ella was awake with the baby, looking much better than before". Leila smiles as she says "Thank you Ana". She gets up from her chair and walks over to me "I'm sorry for barging in on you in the morning. I was just worried about you, I didn't mean to offend you" I guess she's been doing some thinking during the day. "Leila, I know you care about me, but I'm not the same fifteen year old wreck that I was when we first met, I have to stand on my own two feet and live for once". She looks emotional, I don't know if it's happiness for me, or sorrow for her. "You do that, Ana, I'll try not to butt in, but I just don't trust people like him, and you can tell him I'll be watching him like a hawk." I sigh heavily "If that's what you have to do, fine, then do it. But Christian will prove you wrong, he is a wonderful man, not an arrogant rich kid".

Gwen peaks into Leila's office "Are we leaving or should we go park the car?" Leila looks at me questioning. "I'll be right there. Oh right, you haven't met yet. Leila, this is Gwen Prescott, my CPO, Gwen this is my boss and friend Leila" Gwen just nods "It's a pleasure" – but Leila is stunned speechless. We better leave before she finds her tongue again. "As long as we are here I should inform you that I'm going to take the weekend off, but I might come to take Ben out to the park again, alright?" "Fine" Leila just replies, clearly still shocked over the fact that I have close personal protection.

By the time we get to Escala the sun is about to set, and after talking to Mrs. Jones I go to the balcony to enjoy the view. There are no clouds, the setting sun is coloring the sky a range of oranges and yellows, it really is magnificent. It would only have been better if Christian was here.

I eat dinner alone, before finding my way into the TV room. I turn the TV on, there's some mindless comedy on. I wonder if I should go ask Mrs. Jones to join me, but I don't want her to feel like she has to be working at this time of the night. Gwen has left for tonight also, I promised her I would not leave the penthouse; reluctantly she agreed to go home, but she'll be back tomorrow. I soon fall asleep, dreaming of the sunset by the beach where we met.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading, following and reviewing!

A note to those who are wondering when Ana will be telling her story to Christian; soon, that's all I can say, if it will be in the next chapter or the following I really don't know yet.

H xoxo


	21. Chapter 21

_Christian _

It's almost midnight when I finally get back to my office, I'm exhausted, and I didn't even get to meet with the PR people yet, as the meeting with the dickheads took a lot longer than expected. I sit in a chair next to the window, I gaze at the lights of the city trying to focus my thoughts before leaving the office. I feel like shit, as I know Ana is at Escala waiting for me. What kind of a boyfriend am I? I just left her alone at my home, without any idea when I'll be back. Just as I'm going to pick up the phone to call Taylor, he knocks on the open door to my office. "Sir, will we be staying here much longer?" "No, I've had enough, let's go home" I say while closing my laptop and shoving it in the bag. Taylor looks relieved; well he's had a long day also. We walk in silence to the elevator, passing the night guard on our way. "Burning the midnight oil again Mr. Grey?" he says and nods. "Yeah, you know how it is, good night Stevens".

The streets are empty as Taylor drives us home, oh I just want to hold Ana and let myself relax, enjoying her energy. I hope she'll be awake, and at the same time I hope she's asleep in my bed. I don't know which I want more. "Is Prescott at Escala?" I ask Taylor, suddenly remembering that maybe she's not alone. "No, she left soon after they came to Escala" I'm not pleased, she should have stayed with Ana. "Why did she leave?" "Ana insisted that she should go home, as she wasn't planning on leaving Escala anymore tonight" well, that's something, at least she had the intention to stay there. "Ana is still there, or did she leave?" I couldn't bear the thought of her not being there. "Yes sir she's there, she had dinner and after that she went to the TV room, and haven't been seen since." I guess Taylor has been talking with Mrs. Jones, well thank god she is there, at least Ana is not all alone.

We ride in silence the last few blocks. When I reach the penthouse, I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. What if she's angry? What if she's not there anymore? All the different what ifs are racing through my mind as I take off my jacket and make my way to the kitchen.

Mrs. Jones has set a plate for me, there's nothing set for Ana. She ate earlier, Mrs. Jones explains. I decide to grab a bite before going to see Ana, as Mrs. Jones said she's sleeping on the couch by the TV, and I'm starving. I pull out my phone to look through some emails while I'm eating. I look at the screen, and there are five missed calls from Carrick. The last call from just fifteen minutes ago, how have I not heard him call?

Just as I'm about to press call; he calls again. "Hi dad" I answer, trying to hide the exhaustion I feel. "Christian, I've been trying to call you for the last one hour." he says, sounding anxious. "Yeah, I just noticed, I was just going to call you back, what is it?" "There's been a development…" "What do you mean a development? Is everything alright?" What the hell is he talking about?

"Elena's lawyer appealed on her verdict, and her sentence might be reduced…" I feel my breath sucked out of me, like someone just punched me in the gut. "What!? How the fuck is that even possible? She was found guilty on all charges!" I'm running my hand through my hair, I've been doing that a lot today, if I keep this up and I'll be bald before fifty. "I don't know son, I haven't got the documents, but they might have found a glitch, some error in the investigation to her case" "You've got to be fucking kidding me…" I just say quietly, more to the universe than my dad. "I know son, I know… It's too late to find out anything more tonight, I'll try to look into things tomorrow. I just thought I'd give you a heads up in case the media gets a whiff of it." "Thanks dad… oh man, this day just keeps on getting worse" I tell him about the meeting I had earlier, thank god I can always rely on dad to be there for me when everything else is going to hell. After a moment of silence dad asks "So… how are things with Anastasia" "Everything's fine with her dad, actually better than fine, we are dating... Oh, I should really go to check on her…" I say pausing for a second. "She's there?" Surprise is evident in his voice. "Yes, she's sleeping on the couch as we speak…" I open the door to the TV room and look at Anastasia knowing she fell asleep while waiting for me. "Well, I won't keep you longer, son, try to get some sleep…" "Night dad" "Good night Christian"

Oh, fuck, they are letting Elena out. I feel like throwing something, but the only thing at hand is my phone, and it's just not worth it. I go to the living room, pick up a bottle of Glenfiddich and pour myself a drink, I take the glass with me back to the TV room. I open the door quietly, not to awaken Ana as she's sleeping; her head resting on the large cushions. The TV is still on, I close it and turn on some classical music instead. I grab a blanket from the backrest of the couch and cover her, before I sit down in the armchair next to it. I sip my drink and watch her sleep while the whiskey burns its way down my throat... She looks so peaceful in her sleep, her long eyelashes fanned over her cheeks. I rest my eyes on the shape of her body, the roundness of her bottom and the valley of her waist as she's sleeping on her side. It's too bad there's not room for me to crawl in behind her, to spoon her, to fall asleep with her back against my chest, her ass pressing against my cock.

Suddenly she stirs, like she's having a bad dream. I crouch down next to her, put my hand on shoulder, trying to calm her down. She gets more anxious by the second, and my presence doesn't soothe her at all. I try kissing her cheek, hushing her, stroking her hair, telling her that everything is alright. She opens her eyes, and I see pure horror in them.

"Don't touch me" she hisses at me as she pushes me away tears flooding down her cheeks. I'm shocked speechless, I can't understand what the hell is going on. I try to grab her hand but she pulls back from me, like frightened animal backing up as far as she can, almost falling from the couch as she does. She's staring at me, but it looks like she's seeing someone else.

"Ana, it's me, Christian" I say, almost begging her to snap out of it. "It was just a bad dream baby, everything is alright". She looks like she's waking up, the sobs are shaking her body violently as she sits on the coach as far away from me as possible, hugging her knees to her chest. I move closer, but she just hugs her knees tighter. "Ana, talk to me, tell me what's wrong".

What the hell has happened here tonight to make her like this, I'm just about to call out to Mrs. Jones to ask when I hear Ana's voice "Oh god… it's Christian… Not Rob…" the sound of her voice breaks my heart, she sounds so tortured. She tries to gather herself before she looks at me again, the expression on her face gives me chills, it's fear, resentment, anger, but then her face changes and all that's left is exhaustion and sorrow. She sits there and rocks front and back, still hugging her knees tightly, curled into a ball. I take a step closer "Ana? Are you alright" she shakes her head before she sighs heavily and says "I'm sorry Christian..." "What for, baby? What just happened, I don't understand..." she reaches for my hand a weight is lifted from my chest, at least she'll let me touch her. I catch her hand, and sit down beside her, wrapping her in my arms. Her body is still shaking even though the tears have stopped. I stroke her hair, because that's all that I can do… I don't know what's wrong, I don't know how to fix it, and I've never felt this helpless, well not as an adult anyway.

* * *

_Anastasia_

I'm walking down the beach, enjoying the feeling of the sand between my toes, the sun caressing my skin. I'm all alone here, I have been searching for Christian, but I can't find him. I go up my secret path, and soon I arrive at my grandparents' house. Grandpa is playing his mandolin, grandma is sitting in the porch swing listening to him play. I walk past them and they are smiling, waving to me "bye Ana, thanks for visiting, we love you". That's odd I think as I continue down the path to the gate.

The gate warps into my childhood home's front door as I step through it. "I'm home" I shout but there's no reply. I walk through the rooms and it feels like I'm moving in slow motion; everything is covered in cobwebs and dust. I open the door to my room and step inside, looking around me, everything is somehow without color, it's like the only colors in the world are fifty different shades of grey. I see my journal on the edge of the table, I pick it up and look at the drawings I drew and the text I wrote when I was a kid. Suddenly the temperature of the room changes, the hair in the back of my neck rise as I smell the distinct scent of whiskey. I turn my head and see Rob right beside me, he grabs my arms and pushes himself to my body. The panic floods every cell of my being; I can't breathe, I can't move. This can't be happening, I can't even scream for help, my mouth is totally dry. I feel his erection pressing against me as he sneers at me "Well, well, look what the cat brought home" and I almost gag at the stench of his breath. His hand grabs me by the shoulder, going for the top of my dress. "Don't touch me" I hiss as I push him away from me, trying to get as far away from him as I can.

"Ana, it's me Christian" I hear Christian's voice, my mind still the twilight zone between dream and reality, my surroundings slowly clearing. I can't do anything to stop the tears flooding to my eyes. I can still feel Rob's hands on me, and that smell, it lingers in my nose, and my heart feels like it'll burst out of my chest. I'm scared shit-less of Rob coming into my life again, I'm angry for letting myself into the position that he could sneak up on me again, how the hell did he know I'd be here. That thought bounces off the edge of my mind; I'm at Christian's home, there's no way for Rob to get to me here.

Then reality hits me; it was not Rob touching me, it was Christian. "Oh god... It's Christian... Not Rob" the words just fall of my lips as another wave of sobs washes over me. How could I ever mistake Christian for Rob? The resentment and anger that I just felt melt away as I finally see Christian, he looks totally broken, like his world is about to cave in. I knew it, I'm not good for him. The bad luck I carry around, has gotten its claws on him too. Fuck! I've broken him already, I rejected him, pushed him away as he wanted to comfort me. I thought he was that bastard for crying out loud! "I'm sorry Christian..." I can't do this, you deserve better than me; I'm haunted by the ghosts of my past.

Christian is pleading with me, asking me what happened, but I can't manage any words. I just know that I want to be in his arms even if it'll be the last time, so I reach for his hand. Christian takes it, and he's holding onto it for dear life as he sits next to me and holds me in his arms. My body is still shaking, even though the tears gave stopped, I'm totally wrung out, my heart is breaking as I know Christian will not want the bad luck that will follow with me.

I finally feel my heartbeat even, and the sobs are slowly fading away. I look at Christian, my gorgeous, beautiful man, who deserves much better than me. He turns his face to me, and I almost panic again, before I realize that the whiskey smell comes from Christian. "You stink" is the only thing I manage to say to him. He looks at me, with disbelief "What?" I sit up and pull the blanket into my lap "The whiskey on your breath… It stinks… and it really brought back some bad memories" "I'm sorry" Christian says, squeezing my hand. "You couldn't have known Christian, I'm sorry for freaking out like that… I thought you were someone else" A frown appears on Christian's face "Someone else?" "Yeah… it's someone I'd rather forget, can we please drop it" He looks at me, his expression is dead serious as he says "No, I don't think we can. My girlfriend, that's you –remember, panics as I touch her, pushes me away and looks like she's seen a ghost or worse… I need to know Ana…" He pauses for a moment before he adds barely in a whisper "You've heard my story, but I still haven't hear yours". I'm really tired, I don't want go through the emotions involved in my grandparents' deaths, maybe a compromise would work "If I tell you what brought this on now… Can I tell you the rest tomorrow? I'm really tired and it's really hard for me to talk about". Christian presses his lips to a thin line, before he sighs and says "Okay, but you have to promise to tell me everything tomorrow" I nod and press my head against his chest.

"So what the deal with whiskey?" He asks after a moment of silence. "It reminds me of Rob" I say feeling Christian tense up before he asks cautiously -"Who's Rob?" Oh well, here goes nothing "Rob's my mom's new husband. To make a long story short, they married soon after dad died. I guess he was after the money he thought she had, or maybe they really were in love, I don't know. Anyway…. There was one night I was alone in the house with him, and he kind of touched me inappropriately." I feel the tension radiate off Christian. "Did he…?" "No, he didn't rape me, I don't know would he have done it, as it never got that far. I bit him and ran away" Christian's just listening to me, stroking my arm gently, letting me take my time telling him.

"Where was your mom?" he asks. "Probably at the bar, that's where she usually was back then, drinking her sorrows away" "Why is she still with him? He touched her daughter for god's sake!" Christian sounds upset but I just shrug "She believed him over me; he managed to turn the story around, so that it looked like I was the bad guy who bit him for no reason. How he did it I don't know… I've asked myself that a million times over the years, why did she believe him even though I wore the bruises…?" "Bruises?" "Mm... He hit me after I bit him." I say like it was no big deal. "I rather had him hitting me, than… we'll you know… I ran to my grandparents' house, but they were not there. I slept on the patio until the next morning when my mom came to find me; Rob had already talked to her, and she was mad at me. It's really ironic isn't it?"

Christian just sits there quietly, stroking my arm, placing small kisses on my head. Here by his side, wrapped in his arms I feel safe, I take a deep breath before I continue "The following time…" "What? He did it again?" I glance at Christian, and his face is ashen, I can't read him but I would guess anger, frustration and sadness are winning the race. "I tried my best to not be alone with him, but one day he came back early, I was laying on my bed drawing… He pinned me to the mattress as his filthy hands were all over me. I still remember that feeling of helplessness, I couldn't do anything; I fought my hardest and managed to drop him. He hit his head when he fell, and I ran again… and I never went back. I moved to live with my grandparents, and I thank god every day that they were there for me then." I feel Christian's breath in my hair as he kisses my forehead. "Thank you for telling me this, baby... "There's a moment of silence before he continues asking "But what has all of this got to do with whiskey?" "It was Rob's liquor of choice" I hear him gasp, he gets it now… "So when you just panicked…" he says quietly, and I just nod saying "I thought you were him".

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AN: Thank you for reading and sticking with my story! Please review and tell me what you think.

H xoxo


	22. Chapter 22

_Christian_

I'm listening to Ana telling me about her stepdad and all I can think is that I'll never drink whiskey again, that's for sure. She thought I was that son of a bitch, just because she smelled my breath. I close my eyes for a moment recalling the horror I saw in her eyes; seeing her like that felt like someone stabbing me with a knife, and then twisting it. I feel nauseous, knowing that I'm the reason for her nightmare or flashback, or whatever the hell that was.

Why did I not know any of this? How the hell was it not mentioned, in her background check, that she was assaulted by Rob fucking Thomas? Did they not report the assault to the police? All these questions are running through my mind, but I don't have any answers. The anger I feel is boiling just beneath the surface, I don't even know who I'm angrier at, Welch for not finding out about this, Ana's mother who stayed with that lowlife scum after what he did or that piece of shit who put his filthy hands on my Ana. I will hunt him down and crush him. _All in due time, Grey; now you have to be here for her._ I understand that all I can do now, is listen to her, and try to comfort her to my best ability.

We sit in quiet on the couch, she's pressing herself against my side and I've wrapped my arm around her, like I'm trying to protect her from the world. "I'm sorry, I didn't know" I say quietly, kissing the top of her head. She just shrugs in response.

Her words from the docks come to mind, so I ask "Is this why you have issues with touch?" She twists her hair around her finger as she stares into the void. "Kind of, I guess... I used to get panic attacks if any boys or men touched me, the memory of Rob's hands on my skin never far away. All these years I've been avoiding situations where I'd be alone with a man. The only exception was my grandpa... And now you". She looks at me and smiles shyly and for a moment time stands still and my anger vanishes, as I realize that I have the same impact on her as she has on me. I press a kiss on her head, I'd love nothing more than to kiss her, to worship those strawberry lips of hers, but I'm sure I still smell of whiskey, and I don't want cause her another flashback.

"How did your meeting go?" she asks changing the subject. I sigh as I shake my head "That bad huh?" she sits up and looks at me, her blue eyes filled with compassion as she trails my chin with her fingertips making shivers run down my spine. I catch her hand and press it against my lips "I'm so sorry you had to be here alone... I just had to take action, by the looks of it many of the departments at GEH have been slacking for a while now, and I couldn't let it continue". Those fuckers have caused me losses in millions and their negligence fucked up the latest shipment that was supposed to go the refugee camps in Syria; it pisses me off immensely that I've not been informed about the problems before. "It's alright, I get it" she pauses for a while running her finger up and down my thigh along the seam on my trousers. Even though the atmosphere in the room is dead serious; her touch makes heat run through my body as her energy connects with mine on a subconscious level. "You don't have to worry about me... I'm a big girl remember? Besides, Mrs. Jones was here, she made a lovely dinner and then I thought I'd watch some TV, but I guess I fell asleep..." she blushes, and looks so adorable. "So you didn't miss me at all then?" I say faking a pout but truth to be told I feel a bit disappointed, she should have missed me, as I missed her. "Well maybe a little" she says with a smirk. Oh you are such a tease Anastasia. "Good" I just say, enjoying her reaction, as she gasps at my comment.

We are on our way to the bedroom when she says "It was really nice of you to get Ben that present, he loved it, thank you." What present? I haven't got a clue what she's talking about. "What present?" I ask her, and she looks at me, her expression revealing that she's not quite sure if she's believing me or not. "The backpack with the notebook and crayons, that was waiting for us when we got to the car" "I have no idea what you are talking about" I say dumbfounded, before asking her "There was a present for Ben in the car I sent?" What the hell, I have to ask Taylor if he knows anything about it. "Yes... It wasn't from you?" I shake my head no and she asks "If you didn't send it, then who did?" "Your guess is as good as mine, as I have no idea. I'll find it out though; Taylor or Prescott have to know who was behind it" I'm digging my pocket for my phone but she catches my arm. "Can't it wait? I'm really beat, and I want to go to bed... Besides, Gwen is for sure sleeping already, and probably Taylor also. Ben was really happy with it, we don't have to wake anyone up, do we?" she's pleading with me, and I know she's right, it can wait. We are both exhausted.

* * *

_Anastasia_

So if it wasn't Christian who gave Ben the present, who could it have been? Maybe Ben's dad? But how would he know to send it to the car? I'm unbuttoning my jeans, lost in thoughts and when I look up I drop my jaw. Christian is standing by the bed, wearing only his PJs that are hanging off his hips in a way that actually makes my mouth water. Oh my god. I close my mouth and swallow, my eyes feasting on the outlines of his abs and then down his happy trail that disappears into the loosely tied PJs. My breath hitches as I notice the bulge in his pants, I swear I saw it twitch. "You know it's not polite to stare" he says smirking before he disappears into the bathroom. As I'm folding my jeans and taking off my shirt I realize that I didn't bring anything to sleep in. I got the stockings with the lacy trim, in my bag with a spare set of underwear for Pete's sake, but no nightie whatsoever. Where was my mind when I was getting my stuff together? Oh right, it was in a post quickie coital haze.

I could sleep naked? The thought is appealing, but then I see Christians black t-shirt thrown on the back of a chair. I smile as I take it and breathe in his wonderful scent. Oh this will do, I think for myself as I put it on.

I hear Christian brushing his teeth, and I decide to join him. He looks at me through the mirror with an amused expression, he spits and rinses before he finally says "Feel free to wear my clothes". It must look like I'm not wearing anything on except his shirt. "Well I forgot to bring my own..." "No excuses needed Ana" he moves over and grabs the mouthwash. Oh, he's really going all the way to get rid of that whiskey smell, isn't he. I can't help smiling at him. He steps back and gives me room to grab the toothpaste from the shelf, I hear him gasp and I see his eyes feasting on my backside, his shirt ending just by my bottom, showing off a hint of the lacy underwear I'm wearing.

"I have to say, my shirt looks very good on you" his voice is husky, as he steps behind me pressing his erection against my ass, pinning me between him and the vanity front of me. "Does it?" is all I manage to say as my blood is heating up, quickly making its way south, I grab the edge of the vanity as he puts the mouthwash away bending over my body, and I can feel his heat on my back. My heartbeat quickens as he presses himself against my back, bucking his hips, his erection rubbing in between my buttocks. His strong fingers stroking my legs, lifting up the hem if the shirt in their way and I can't help the moan that escapes my throat as he kisses my neck.

I close my eyes and enjoy the touch of his hands on my skin, his fingers skimming over my body under his shirt. He slips one hand around me, stroking me through the lace, while kissing my neck and nibbling my earlobe. "Open your eyes Ana" I hear him say and I follow his orders. "Look at yourself in the mirror baby, do you see how beautiful you are". I see myself in the mirror but hardly recognize myself, my cheeks flushed, my hair messy and my mouth stuck on a silent Oh as he increases the pressure of his fingers. I'm mesmerized by the image of Christian bending over me, his hips still moving against me as his hands are claiming my body his.

"I want you Ana. Now" Christian says, it being more of a statement than a question, his voice heavy with desire. Oh, I want him also; I just nod my consent, unable to speak as I'm trying to absorb the pleasure of his hands on me. He turns me around and takes of my, well his, shirt. He avoids kissing me on my lips, even I'm starving for him to do it. He trails kisses from my neck, down over my collarbone to my breasts, kissing the nipples before moving down my belly. I can't take my eyes off him, as he's kneeling on the floor in front of me slipping his fingers under my panties and pulling them off. He's kissing the inside of my thigh and I'm afraid that my feel will not carry me. "Oh, you have a wonderful scent of desire Anastasia" and I can't watch more, I'm too self-conscious and almost embarrassed as he is between my legs. He lifts my leg and places it on his shoulder, spreading me open, giving him access to my now swollen and wet folds, as his tongue makes contact with my clit I think I'll lose it, he's holding on to me, I can't move my hips as I'm still pinned between him and the vanity. It doesn't take long before I shatter, my orgasm making my whole body convulse as he still has his mouth on me.

He lowers my leg and carefully lets go of me, making sure my feet will not buckle beneath me. He grabs a condom from the top drawer next to me, takes off his PJs and rolls it on his cock. I have barely returned from my intergalactic journey his tongue just sent me on before he turns me to face the mirror again. "Watch Ana" he growls as he pushes himself inside me. I look at the mirror, seeing the desire in his eyes, the pleasure in mine, as he thrusts inside me "You are a fucking goddess" his words are barely a whisper as I see him watching us in the mirror. I feel myself building, and I watch myself in the mirror, my body absorbing Christian's thrusts, his muscles tight and gorgeous, our bodies covered with a sheen of sweat. I arch my back, and meet him thrust for thrust us both racing towards the finish-line. "Oh, oh, oooooh" I can't control my voice and I don't care who hears us, as my second orgasm tears through my body and I hear Christian grunt as I see him jerking out his release.

* * *

"You didn't kiss me, when we were… you know" I say, as we lie in bed facing each other. "I was afraid my breath still smelled like whiskey… I couldn't take the risk of you having a flashback again" he answers me honestly. I trace my fingers over his cheek, and brush his lips with my thumb before pressing my lips against his. I close my eyes and enjoy the moment, our tongues doing the communicating, leaving us breathless. I smile as I pull away from his lips and say "Nope, no whiskey, you're minty fresh".

* * *

_AN: Sorry, it's a bit short, but real life has been very busy, wanted to get something posted tonight, so a shorter chapter will have to do._

_Thank you all for reading, following and reviewing, keep it up, let me know what you think!_

_H xoxo_


	23. Chapter 23

_Christian_

The sun is high in the sky when I wake up, realizing that I'm alone in my bed. "Ana?" I say lifting my head from the pillow, but there's no answer. What if she left? Panic rushes over me as I get up and grab my shirt from the bed, and as I pull it over my head I realize the shirt smells like Ana; the image of her standing in front of the vanity reaching to the shelf, this black shirt covering her behind sliding up to reveal those lacy panties and the alabaster skin of her delectable derriere, flashes to my mind. Oh, god she's so hot, and she doesn't even realize it. I look down and see my morning wood tenting my PJs and shake my head, oh boy, I've got it bad.

I sigh of relief as I see her bra still hanging on the chair, she wouldn't have left without it, would she? I'm confused by the uncertainty I feel when she's concerned, I always expect the worst, even she has not given me any reason to do so. Uncertainty is not something I'm used to, being in charge of tens of thousands of people's livelihood does not leave room for uncertainties; in business I always have a clear vision of what I want and what has to be done to get there. But when Ana is concerned; I feel like I'm walking blindfolded through the night trying to follow the light surrounding her, all the time afraid of losing her, losing the light from my life. I know it sounds crazy, but with her, my heart is at peace, my nightmares nonexistent, my world is multicolored instead of being fifty shades of grey.

I exit the bedroom in search of her, luckily I don't have to search too long as I find her sitting by the breakfast island sipping a cup of tea, reading the morning paper. She's wearing a dress shirt of mine with her jeans and I can't help smiling as I sneak up behind her, put my arms around her body and kiss her neck. She gasps as I grace her earlobe with my teeth and press my hard on against her. "Good morning baby" I murmur but she just replies "Morning Christian" her mind apparently a million miles away, not quite the reaction I was hoping for. I go to grab a mug and pour myself coffee, Mrs. Jones has made me an omelet and sandwiches so I sit next to Ana to eat.

_Anastasia _

I'm enjoying the breakfast, reading the paper when Christian suddenly enfolds me in his arms and kisses my neck making me gasp when I feel his teeth on my ear and his warm breath on my skin as he's saying good morning. I barely answer him, as my focus is on the headline of a short article that says **"Seattle socialite Elena Lincoln to be released from prison."**

Elena... That name seems familiar. Who do I know by that name, was it someone at the shelter? That girl from Boston, what was her name..? El… Elsa… No, she was Elisa, so why do I have bells ringing with the name Elena? Then I read the whole article:

Seattle socialite, Elena Lincoln, the woman convicted of the molestation of several underage boys, could be released from prison in as little as two weeks. According to a lawyer for Mrs. Lincoln, her conviction is likely to be overturned due to errors made by police during the investigation of her case. Mrs. Lincoln is currently serving a 10 year prison sentence for crimes committed over a ten year period from 2002 to 2012. Legal representation for the families of the victims has indicated that they are preparing for a civil class action against Mrs. Lincoln. Families of the victims could not be reached for comment.

And realization hits me; "Elena Lincoln" I say the name out loud. That woman who abused Christian. Holy shit, I can't even grasp the reality of the situation as all I'm thinking at the moment is that the justice system really sucks if she was found guilty and they'll let her free because of a glitch in the paperwork. Even I know that she is guilty... Maybe she knows someone in the right place, like Rob did, that small voice in the back of my mind says.

I hear Christian coughing as he got something stuck in his throat. "What did you say?" he croaks as the coughing subsides. "It says here Elena Lincoln might be released from prison within two weeks" I see Christians stare harden, his jaw tight, as he runs his hands through his hair before growling "Fuck" picking up his mug and hurling it into the wall behind the counter. Holy shit that struck a nerve with him, I think, as a shadow of a notion that Christian might raise his hand on me makes its way to my mind, but I shrug it off.

Gwen and Taylor come running into the kitchen, stopping in their place as they see Christian standing hanging his head, leaning against the breakfast island. I can hear him counting, one, two, three... Breathing heavily, trying to regain control of his feelings. "What happened" Gwen asks me, as Taylor stands behind her, his eyes going from me, to Christian and the mess by the sink. "I read him an article from today's paper, and he just… exploded" that's the only way I can explain it.

Taylor comes to me, reaching for the paper "May I see it?" "Sure" I reply pushing the paper in his direction. His always so impassive face darkens as he reads the few lines, before turning to Christian "Sir, are you alright?" Christian nods, his lips still pressed into a thin line.

"It's her, isn't it?" I ask, my voice small and shaky. My question surprises Taylor, I see it in his expression before he returns the patented professional stare; Gwen looks like she doesn't have a clue what we are talking about, but she doesn't ask. Christian nods again, and I'm sure my heart breaks a little. That bitch has again got a crack at him, wasn't it enough that she took advantage of him back then? I'm appalled by the fact that she's trying to reduce her sentence; she knows as well as we do, that she's guilty as charged. I take the few steps towards him almost running "Oh, Christian" I manage to say before the sobs take over as I wrap my arms around him. He hugs me tight, his grip almost too tight actually.

I notice Gwen and Taylor leaving and Mrs. Jones coming into the kitchen. She starts to clean up the mess that Christian made. Christian is still holding on to me without saying a word, now he's sitting on the high chair and I'm standing beside him, pressing his head against my chest, slowly stroking his head. I can't even begin to comprehend the emotions he has to be going through at the moment. Mrs. Jones smiles as she looks at us, even though I can see in her eyes that she's worried, I give her a small smile back just to signal that we'll be fine. When the mess is cleaned Mrs. Jones leaves us alone, but not before saying "If you need anything, just holler".

"Did you know about it?" I ask him when he finally loosens his grip of me. He sighs heavily before saying "Yes... Dad called me last night, as he had heard the rumor at the courthouse." He knew? Why didn't he tell me last night? "Why didn't you tell me?" "I would have, but you freaked out as I got near you... And then you told me about your past and it kind of slipped my mind" he shrugs. Oh right, the whiskey incident... I feel the blush rising to my cheeks, I can't believe I thought Christian was Rob. "I'm sorry, you know, for mistaking you for Rob"

"Well, I apologize for smelling like whiskey..." he smirks, and continues with a smile on his lips "but I managed to get rid of that smell, didn't I? If I recall someone told me I was minty fresh?" I can't help but giggle at the sudden change in the mood, as Christian puts his fingers in my belt loops and pulls me closer. "So how about a morning kiss?" he says before pressing his lips on mine. My heart skips a beat at the chemical reaction between us, the touch of his lips gives me butterflies and makes me blush. I see his eyes darken, and the look in his eyes makes my knees weak, but I realize he didn't eat yet, as his stomach rumbles. No, sex before breakfast, I decide, my mind still reeling from the whole thing with Elena anyway.

"Finish your breakfast, Christian" "You could be my breakfast" he says with a smirk. "Eat the food" I say smiling at him, as I go to get him a new mug. I pour him coffee and just as I'm going to place the mug on the table in front of him I ask. "Is it safe to give this to you? It would be a shame to waste such a nice mug." "Oh, ha, ha" Christian says, but I see the humor in his eyes. "It seems you have a tendency of throwing things when you get upset" I say and as the words roll of my lips, I realize I haven't talked with him about the camera incident I stumbled upon on Google. His brow furrows. "Why would you say that?" Should I tell him the truth? Well, I guess honesty is the best policy, even though I'm a bit embarrassed about it. "I Googled you" I stare into my empty mug, afraid to meet his eyes that are fixed on me, heating my cheeks even more. "Really?" he says, I glace at him and see a smug smile on his face; he thinks that it's funny, that beautiful arrogant bastard.

_Christian _

I can't help grinning at her, she's blushing and clearly uncomfortable as I found out that she has Googled me. I was expecting it though, I would have done it also if I was her.

"So, what did the all mighty Google tell you" I ask her. "Well there was a lot of articles about GEH and your career" "Of course, what else?" I ask her, as I want to find out what she knows. "Quite many pages that have to do with the bachelor of the year thing" Oh, that's right, that's still out there, I kind of hoped it would have gone away already, but let's face it, if it has once been on the net, it'll be there forever.

"There was an article with a picture of you throwing a camera - hence my comment earlier" she says. I knew it; when she made that comment, I was sure that she has seen it. "Yes well, he was asking for it, you know, sneaking in to a restaurant I own, taking pictures of me while I was having dinner with my family in private for god's sake. Wasn't it enough that they followed me everywhere I went, they had to barge in on a family-dinner also?"

She just nods, but sits silent, waiting for me to continue. "You know, that's one of the reasons for why I was at the beach house; I was hiding from the press" "I'm happy you were, otherwise we'd never met" she says. "My thoughts exactly" I reply her, sipping my coffee before asking "anything else?" She shakes her head "Not really, many pictures of you on the red carpet, always alone, which kind of seemed odd at first, but I guess it had something to do with your touch issues." she pauses before she blushes as she says "There were also the pictures of us kissing at the gallery". "Really?" Maybe I should Google myself to see those. "Those pictures of us were really beautiful..." she adds quietly. Oh, now I definitely want see them. I stand up, grab her hand and pull her up "Come on, I want to see those pictures".

We go to my office and I open the laptop as Ana looks at the paintings on the wall. I sit in my chair and just look at her, she looks amazing, wearing only my shirt, her nipples perk against the fabric, and her jeans. Her hair is now hanging free, her skin a perfect and pale, her blue eyes like sapphires as she's concentrating on the art on the wall.

I open the browser and type in my name in the search field. As expected there's a lot of pages, but I skip all that and go to the image search, and within seconds I'm enjoying the pictures of us. Who knew the paparazzi could be useful for something. I look at us dancing together and I am rendered speechless. She looks like an angel.

"That's a good one isn't it?" Ana startles me by suddenly standing right behind me. "Yeah it really is". I wonder what kind of pages would appear if I searched her. I type in "Anastasia Steele" in the search field and press enter. I look at the hit list, then I look at Ana who's staring at the screen with her mouth wide open. What the fuck is this?

"Bachelor of the year – or should we say hottest step-dad ever" I see the title of the page and I just… what the fuck?! I click the page open and see picture after picture of Ana in the park with a small boy – who I presume is Ben. "Those sons of bitches" I hiss, realizing that the paparazzi had found Ana at the park.

"How can they say that?" Ana says in a voice that I can't even recognize, I don't know if she's angry, furious or panicked. "It's the internet, what can I say… The gossip sites write what they want first and research later." She starts pacing around the office, biting her lip and frowning before she starts mumbling to herself "I have to call Ella, to explain to her… Oh fuck, what will Leila say…? No, she'll be ok, she knows me… What about Christian's family? Oh crap. Crap. Crapety fucking crap." I burst out laughing at her last choice of words "Crapety fucking crap?" Thank god she sees the humor in it, and starts laughing also; it's relieving to laugh actually. "It's not funny" she says as we stop laughing "Now your mother thinks I'm a single mom." "Don't worry about Grace, I doubt she's reading this rubbish on the net anyway, and besides, who will she believe, some sleazy online tabloid or her son?" I tell her, knowing I'm right, Grace doesn't read tabloids and besides even if Ana was a single mom, she would accept her and the child because I love her. Wait… What? Holy shit. I love her.

* * *

_AN: Thank you all for reading, following and reviewing. Keep the reviews coming, I'd love to know what you think about it!_

_A special thanks to Sasha Cameron and anastasia . desilva for helping me out with stuff in the last few chapters. _

_H xoxo_


	24. Chapter 24

_Christian_

Holy fuck. I love her, the realization makes me feel like someone punched me in the gut and I fall down in my chair. I've never felt like this, I mean ever. Ok, I love my family but that doesn't even come into the same stratosphere as the feeling I feel when I'm with her. "What's wrong? Christian, are you alright?" Ana comes to me, and grabs my hand, and that familiar jolt of energy that always happens when we touch is there. "Ana, I..." I don't know what to say. "...I just realized that I forgot to do something" _lame Grey, very lame._ "… Ok? Something important?" Ana asks, clearly not buying my lame excuse of an answer. "We forgot to ask Taylor and Prescott about that present Ben got" _Good thinking Grey_. "That's it? Are you sure? I thought there was some major issue at GEH, you went totally pale" she asks, her eyes filled with concern. "I'm sure" _Yeah, I'm sure I'm in love with you. _

I call Taylor, and tell him and Prescott to come to my office. They enter the office and stand in front of my desk, Ana is sitting on the edge of the table and I try hard to reign my imagination, as every time I close my eyes I see her naked and delicious lying on top of the table, her perfect pale skin in contrast to the shiny dark mahogany. I feel my cock twitch, and can't help wondering what the fuck's wrong with me? Don't I have any control over myself? Focus Grey, and get back to business.

"Prescott, first I have to say, that I'm not pleased that you left Anastasia here alone last night..." There's almost no reaction to my words with either Taylor or Prescott, as they know the protocol; but Ana turns to stare at me, squinting her eyes, making it clear that I should watch my words. "But I understood that Anastasia insisted on you leaving, and as she was safe here with Mrs. Jones there's no harm done. But in the future please check with Taylor before leaving your subject without protection." "Yes sir" Prescott replies.

"I don't have a say?" Ana asks sounding annoyed. "Of course you do, but you don't have the intel nor the experience of how it's to live in the public eye to decide when you need your CPO with you and when you don't" I try my best to lay it down easy, I don't want her to feel caged by all of this. "Fine, but you know I can take care of myself, I'm not a child, and I do not enjoy being treated as one" Was I doing that? "I didn't mean to treat you as a child, I just need you to be safe" I say to her, and her expressions softens as she says "Fine, I can live with that"

"So back to the subject at hand" I turn my focus back to Gwen "Did you notice that Ana and Ben were photographed at the park?" The shock that was evident on Prescott's face, before she regained her poker face, didn't go unnoticed; she didn't know. "No sir, I was with them all the time and there was nothing out of the ordinary at the park." I wave to them, to come look at the screen of my computer, the images of Ana and Ben are now displayed in full size. "But there _was_ someone there, the evidence is right here". "I'm sorry sir, I didn't see any photographers" Gwen says seriously. "Christian, it's really not Gwen's fault, it's a huge park with the best playground you can find and there are always people there, there's no way she could have spotted a pap with a camera taking pictures of us, among the families of which most were taking pictures of their children" Ana jumps in to defend Prescott. Hmm... She really likes her, and she does have a point. "Fair point well made, Ana" I give her a small smile, and my heart flutters as she smiles back.

* * *

_Anastasia_

"Who gave that present to Ben?" Christian asks, and I look at Taylor and Gwen to see their reactions. Taylor frowns a little before asking "What present, sir?" "The one that was in the car as Anastasia and Ben got there" Christian fills him in. I notice that Gwen is shifting her balance from one leg to the other, she has to know something. "Do you know something about it Gwen?" I ask her, and I notice both Taylor and Christian turning their focus on her.

"The present was from me, ma'am" Oh crap, now she's back to calling me ma'am. "Gwen… I told you to call me Ana. Why didn't you tell me yesterday that the present was from you?" "I… I didn't think it was relevant" "I thought the present was from Christian, if I knew it's from you at least I would have asked Ben to say thank you." She has a point, it probably wasn't relevant, but I still would have liked to know. But why would she buy Ben a present? And when? She was with us all the time. Christian beats me to it, and I hear him asking "Did you leave Anastasia alone, to go get the present?" I notice the cold edge in Christian's voice. Oh crap, if she did leave us, she's in trouble. "No, sir, I didn't" Gwen replies. I find my voice and ask "But how?" Gwen looks at Taylor before she starts talking.

"When Taylor called me to tell that Mr. Grey had sent a car for us, he told me the name of the driver and gave me his number" Taylor nods, confirming her words. "I took the liberty of calling Reed, the driver, and I asked him if he could go pick up those things for Ben on his way, I knew there was enough time to get it done before we would leave the park. I paid him for the presents, it was all on me" Well, that explains it, kind of. "But why? You just met Ben" I ask confused. "I have my reasons Ana, I'd rather not tell" Gwen says looking at me, her eyes revealing how she truly feels, it's something painful.

"I think you better tell us, when you use my employees for your assumedly personal shopping I want to know why" Christian says quite harshly totally oblivious to the pain in Gwen's eyes. She clears her throat, straightens her back as to gain courage before she tells us. "Mr. Grey, Ana, I'm sure you are aware that I used to work for the CIA right?" Both Christian and I nod. "So you understand I can't tell you any details concerning my work, right?" We nod again.

"I was pregnant, but I hadn't told my boss about it yet. I was sent on a field assignment, that went bad and I ended up injured and hospitalized." She takes a deep breath, and continues "I spent a long time at the hospital, they were treating my wounds and monitoring my pregnancy. After my release from the hospital I was transferred to desk-jobs." It's basically the same thing she told me yesterday, but then she didn't mention anything about being pregnant.

She has a child? Why didn't she tell me? "You have a child?" I blurt out, cursing myself for the malfunctioning brain to mouth filter, as I see the pain reappear in Gwen's eyes. "Please let me finish, Ana" "I was past half term and I'd got used to the baby's moves inside me, but one day at work; sitting behind my desk I realized that I hadn't felt any movements. I tried to recall the last time I felt the baby move, but I couldn't recall any movements from the last few days. I tried drinking orange juice and eating something sweet as that usually made the baby kick. But there was nothing. I remember calling the doctor, but the rest of the day went by in a dark haze, the cold fear in my heart growing by each minute that passed without any movements. I went to the hospital that same day, they did a sonogram, just to confirm my biggest fear. The baby had died."

Oh my god, she lost her unborn baby. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but Gwen just continues. "Later that night I gave birth to him. He was so tiny but perfect, I kept waiting for him to move, but he never did." I see her biting her lip, trying to keep her feelings from getting the best of her. "But what does this have to do with the present in the car?" Christian asks, and I can't believe my ears, he's still asking her that, after she told us one of her probably most painful memories. "His name was Benjamin, sir, and he would have been 4 years old last month." "Oh Gwen, I'm so sorry, I didn't know… I…" I go to hug her, trying to comfort her, but she holds on to her professional stance, just quickly returning my hug. I see a tear in the corner of her eye, but nothing else that would reveal the hell she must be going through telling us this.

"I'm sorry for your loss" Christian says, this time his voice filled with compassion. Gwen gives him a small smile as she nods. "I'm sorry for the confusion" she says. "Don't apologize Gwen…" I say to her. Ben's the same age as her Benjamin would be, I realize that now. "It was a nice thing to do, you saw how happy it made Ben" I add and she smiles; this time the smile reaches her eyes as well. "Yeah, he was pretty happy, wasn't he?"

* * *

"I'm happy that we got that sorted, but I still feel bad that we made her tell us that" I say to Christian once Gwen and Taylor have left us together. He catches my hand and pulls me onto his lap. "I never thought it would be that personal when I asked her… but I'm happy that the present was from her, and not some crazy paparazzi bribing my step-son" Christian says, doing the quotations marks with this fingers. "What are you going to do about that?" I point towards the screen where the pictures of me and Ben still are on display.

"I'll get the PR department on it. I was supposed to meet with them concerning us last night, but never got to it as that meeting with the DHs lasted so long." Oh, he was going have a PR meeting because of us? "Oh? What about us?" I ask him, while playing with his fingers that are spread out on my thigh. "I want to make an announcement… I want to tell the media that you are my girlfriend, officially." I feel the blush rise on my cheeks, there's that word again _girlfriend_ "Really?" "Yes baby, really… I want everyone to know that you are mine."

His? I twirl that word around in my head, and the more I think about it, the better it feels. "I'm yours?" I ask, smirking at the thought "I thought I belonged to myself". I feel his cock below me, poking my thigh. "No baby, you're all mine" he says pulling my lips to his. Yeah, who am I kidding, I'm his.

His tongue is begging for entrance and I'm just too eager to let him in. I breathe his breath as we are devouring each other, my hands are in his hair, grabbing it as his hands are groping me, one grabbing my ass as the other one finds my breasts. The feeling of his tongue sliding down my neck sends a bolt of desire to my core and I'm almost gasping for air as Christian traces his fingers along the edge of the shirt I'm wearing. "I love it when you wear my clothes Ana" he says his voice hoarse and dripping with sexuality, his eyes are the now the shade of a thundercloud.

He pushes his finger under the first button, barely touching the skin on my chest and pops it open. He kisses my neck and the feeling of his breath on my skin gives me goose-bumps, as his fingers continue to the following button. "Your fucking gorgeous" I hear him murmur as he pops the last button and pushes his shirt off my shoulders, leaving me sitting topless on his lap. I let my hands slide down his neck, over his chest and stomach down to his bulging erection. "Ditto" I say as I grab him through his trousers, gently stroking him up and down. He closes his eyes and lets out a low moan, the sound of pleasure incarnated.

Suddenly he grabs me, and lifts me up on the desk. His fingers quickly opening my jeans and pulling them off, leaving me wearing nothing but my panties. He leans in and kisses me, his strong hand holding my chin, and I'm opening his belt and pushing his trousers down as we are feasting on each other. He grabs the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it over his head and throws it on the floor. It's now my turn to be in awe; I'm staring at him, without a string on his body, standing in front of me, his cock reaching for high heavens.

Christian pushes all the papers to the other side of the desk, before he grabs my legs and turns me to face him. He kisses me on the lips first, before he starts kissing me all over, licking and nibbling his way down to my breasts. I arch my back and can't silence the moan that escapes my lips as he sucks my nipple while pressing his erection against my now soaked panties. He's stroking me in all the right places, and I can't help it, I want him, I've never felt like this before.

"Christian…" "Hmmh" he responds his mouth busy with my nipple. "I want you…" "Like this?" I'm panting now, just a bit more and I'll explode. "Oh god… yes…" "We can't Ana…" What the fuck?! What we can't, we can, I need it, give it to me… Ah, don't leave me, where are you going? I feel cold suddenly as Christian disappears from my skin. "Christian?" I see him digging his pants pockets. He finds what he's looking for and returns holding a package between his teeth. Oh right, the condom.

I close my eyes and let my hands roam my own body, trying to fill that void Christian left. My hands are not soothing the desire that Christian lit, so I push my hand inside my panties and massage myself, completely oblivious to Christian watching me. I feel his mouth on my breasts and quickly pull my hand back. Oh, did he just look at me touching myself? I would be embarrassed but at the moment I'm just too aroused to care. "Why did you stop? It looked good..." Christian asks. "Umm…" I don't know how to answer him, but luckily, I don't even get a chance as he smashes his lips on mine, kissing me deeply while he pulls off my panties and pulls my legs up and pushes himself inside me. "Ohhh shit, baby, aaah" he moans as he starts thrusting into me with strong strokes.

He lifts my foot and kisses my feet, dragging his teeth along my insole and I feel my body respond to his touch. Suddenly he grabs my ankles and holds them together in front of him, making me even tighter. I watch his abs ripple as he uses his whole body to fuck me. Then he let's go of my legs and bends down my breasts, sucking on my nipples and I just can't take it anymore, I feel the orgasm approaching, it's like an earthquake, I can't avoid it, it shakes me through my core and I milk him for everything he's got as he grunts out his own release. _Holy shit. _

* * *

_Christian_

Ana is lying spent on the table, her pale skin shining with a sheen of sweat covering it looking amazing on the dark wood and I can't resist touching her all over. "Your skin is so soft baby, so perfect" I murmur between the kisses I press on her arms and chest. "Mmm" she just hums, not managing to form any words. I continue kissing her breasts, and she moans as she tries to squirm from my touch. "I can't Christian… I'm totally spent" she whispers. I chuckle as I pull myself outside I remove the condom and tie it before throwing it in the nearest bin. "Yeah, I'm pretty beat myself, but I can never get enough of you Ana… I'm an addict and you are my fix". I see a smile creep up on her lips and I can't resist kissing her once more.

"I can't believe we almost did that without protection" she suddenly says. "Almost… Oh fuck Ana, you don't have any idea how hard it was for me to stop and search for the condom… Although... It was worth it as I got to see you please yourself, I haven't seen that before… It was hot" I see her blush "Hot?" I just nod with a smug smile on my face, oh yes baby, h o t. Even though I was almost jealous for her hands, being on my own personal paradise. "Maybe I should get some contraception…" she says quietly, and I can barely contain the joy I feel. Yes! Oh yes, skin on skin, I should get her an appointment with an OBGYN today. "Sure, I'll get a doctor to see you today" She frowns at my words. "It's Saturday, surely it can wait until Monday?" "No baby it can't, besides sometimes it's good to be me, getting a doctor to do a house call on a Saturday – a piece of cake"

* * *

AN: Thank you all for reading! I hope you are enjoying it, please review!


	25. Chapter 25

_Anastasia_

Christian gets dressed and grabs his phone as I'm still searching for my panties. Where the hell did he throw them? I look under the desk and behind the chair when I get the feeling that I'm being watched. I see Christian sitting in his chair with a smile on his lips and an amused glint in his eye. "What?" I ask him. "Nothing, I'm just admiring my gorgeous girlfriend" he says with a smug smile. Suddenly I feel very naked in front of him. Yeah, well newsflash, you are naked! Usually I feel comfortable in my skin with Christian, there's just something wrong with being nude in his office, especially with all the staff basically in the next room.

I grab the shirt I was wearing before and pull it on, buttoning it slowly, as I'm continuing my search. Where did he throw them? "Hmh... Why did you cover yourself? I was enjoying the show" he says faking a pout. "I have to call the shelter to ask about Ben." "So?" "So... My phone is in the bedroom, and unless you want me to walk around half naked in front of Mrs. Jones, Gwen and Taylor" I lift my brows to make a point "I suggest you help me find my panties... As I recall you were the one who took them off me and threw them somewhere." Christian's face splits into a huge grin as he gets up, walks around the table, and comes over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, kissing me on the lips. "You could go commando..." he whispers between kisses. "No, Christian. That's so not happening."

I play with the thought for a moment; with a skirt I might do it, could be useful even, but with jeans, no, thank you. "You can't blame a guy for trying... Fine..." he says pulling my panties from his pocket. I guess my mouth popped open at his actions, as he's grinning, his eyes sparkling mischievously. I can't believe it that beautiful bastard took my panties... What the hell was he going to do with them anyway? I put my hand out, and he gives me them back. "Why did you take them anyway?" I ask him as I'm putting them on. All sorts of scenarios flash through my mind; everything from him collecting panties and putting them on display, to him actually wearing them, I quickly wave my hand as I say "No, never mind... I don't even want to know".

I hear Christian talking on the phone with someone when I come back to his office after getting my phone and calling the shelter. I talked to Leila and we agreed that it's not a good idea to take Ben to the park today, the paparazzi will probably be on stake out at the park, and I really don't want to be caught on camera again.

Both Leila and Ella had heard about the rumors going around of Ben being my child. I explained to them that it's just the press scraping together anything on me and Christian, and that I had nothing to do with it, I wasn't even aware of my pictures being taken. Ella believed me, as did Leila but she still doesn't trust Christian, she's still convinced that he's up to no good. I didn't mention to her that I spent the night at his place, as I don't think it's any of her business anyway. Thank god, Leila knows what the deal is with me and Ben, at least I don't have to explain it to her, which reminds me that Christian's family needs to be told. Well, I sure hope he will have a chance to talk to them and explain the situation to them before they hear it through the grapevine.

"So at 12 o'clock then? Right, yes just check in with the doorman and he'll let you in... Alright, see you then" Christian ends the call. "What's at twelve?" I ask him.

"Your doctor's appointment" What? He booked me a doctor? I thought he was kidding when he talked about it earlier. How? Who? I can't grasp a thought, so I decide to start with the how? "How?"

"I pulled a few strings..." he says with a shrug, like this is just an everyday event. He knows a gynecologist that does house calls on Saturdays? It has to be a friend of his, who else would come by on a weekend.

Oh crap, Grace is a doctor, is it a friend of hers? Or is it Grace herself? Holy shit! He called his mother to get me contraception. I sit down and put my head in my hands, trying to breath, fighting the anxiety attack I feel approaching. This cannot be happening, how the hell will I face Grace after this? Well, she probably knows what you are doing with her son anyway...

Oh double crap, what if she still thinks that Ben's my kid? She'll probably be happy to give me the shots herself, to make sure I'll not get pregnant again. I feel totally overwhelmed by the myriad of thoughts going through my mind. That small voice in the back of my mind keeps on telling me that I might be jumping to conclusions about everything... But I can't help it, my mind wraps itself around the whole deal, and in any way I think about it, I end up embarrassed and probably left alone. Somewhere deep inside I know I'm not being rational, but there's a part of me that's sure I'll end up hurt if I let my guard down and that part is still shouting the loudest.

Suddenly I feel a strong hand on my back, the warmth of its touch makes my out of control heartbeat steady. It silences the voices of insecurity, until I only hear my own breath. Christian hunches down beside me "Ana... Baby, what's wrong" I can't even look at him, afraid to lose the moment of peace brought by his presence, but I have to know "Did you arrange this through Grace?" I ask, my voice not much louder than a whisper "No, why?" he sounds confused. "She's a doctor, I thought maybe you asked her since it's a Saturday..." I glance at him and I'm not sure about the expression on his face.

* * *

_Christian _

What? I don't know if I should laugh, or be pissed off? She thinks I asked Grace to help? What the fuck? I would never go to mom to fix my girlfriend contraception, good god. Then it dawns on me, she still doesn't _get_ who I am, I practically own a wing at the hospital for fucks sake. "Ana please... Do you really think I would ask Grace's help in this?" she just shrugs, and I barely make out "I don't know what to think..." "Baby, look at me..." I say lifting her chin up with the tip of my finger. Her skin feels so soft under my touch, her big blue eyes reveals her internal struggle going on, as she looks at me. I want so badly to kiss her now, to soothe her anxieties, as that lush lip again trapped by her teeth is taunting me. I trace her lip with my finger and I hear her gasp, and the sound goes straight to my groin. _Oh come on Grey! Get a grip, will you._

"I'm not dependent on Grace's or anyone else's help to get this house call… Long story short; I've donated millions to the hospital, and Dr. Hewitt, who is coming to see you, didn't think twice when I asked her to do this for me. The generous fee I promised her, might have helped the deal also" I say to her ending it with a smirk, she nods and I feel her body relax under my touch.

Her expression changes as she chuckles shaking her head and says "What do you think Grace's reaction would have been though? I mean to the whole birth control thing... If she thinks I'm Ben's mom..." I have to admit that would have been an interesting set up… Although I'm sure Grace would be ecstatic on the prospect of having grand-kids, but probably not so much if it was this soon. I smile as I say "Yeah... I think she would probably be relieved to get you on birth control... I don't think anyone in my family thinks I would be ready to be a father. I've never really thought about it though... I never had a reason to think about it, you know, because of my fucked up-ness..." suddenly I realize that I'm so far beyond my comfort zone discussing this, that I can't even see it anymore. How the hell did we get into this discussion? _Kids? Seriously Grey? _For a second I imagine Ana with my baby, and surprisingly, the thought doesn't frighten me, not one bit. Well fuck me sideways, I could totally see us with children._ Getting a little bit ahead of things Grey? _I have not told her I love her yet, and here I am planning a family with her? What the fuck is wrong with me?

"What about you? Have you ever thought about it? Kids and stuff?" I ask her massaging her shoulders gently as she's sitting in the chair in front of me. She bites her lip again, before shaking her head no. "No..." "No, as in you haven't thought about it, or no, you don't want kids?" an amused smile appears on her lips, lighting up her face. "No, I haven't thought about it... You know, because of the same reasons as you, my issues always came in the way of any relationships, and I didn't think anyone would ever stay with me…" I feel there's more to it, than what she's saying... Wait _what_? Why wouldn't anyone stay with her?

"What do you mean, no one would stay with you?" I ask her and she closes her eyes, sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose "Can we agree that it's just a part of the story that I still didn't tell you..." "Will you tell me?" she gives me a small smile and says "Yes, after this whole doctor visit thing I promise to tell you". "Ok baby... But just answer me this…"

For some reason I need to know this now, I don't know why it's so important for me, but it just is. "If you met the right person, who _would _stay with you, would you consider starting a family?" I ask, thinking; _like with me, for instance? _ She shrugs as she answers "Yeah, why not..." and then the telltale blush, that confirms that she got my not so subtle hint, rises to her cheeks "So that's a yes?" I ask her and she looks me straight in the eye, and for a moment I feel totally exposed, her blue eyes are drilling into my soul, I guess she's trying to find out my motives for asking. "With the right person, at the right time, definitely maybe" she finally answers with a smile. That's a yes, it has to be, and I'm surprised by the weight that got lifted off my shoulders.

The intercom buzzes, it's Taylor who informs us that Carrick just drove into the garage in the basement.

"Oh fuck... I forgot I was supposed get in touch with him..." I push my fingers through my hair while Ana looks to me with a questioning look on her face so I tell her "He called last night as he heard about Elena..." Her lips are now a straight line as she shakes her head, like there's a thought she wants to rid. She sighs heavily before she says "I'll leave you two to it... I will probably go home..." "No, Ana... Please don't leave..."

I don't want her to go, as I feel afraid she'll not come back if she does leave, and I can't help but think that the whole deal with Elena just might be too much for her. I realize it's an irrational fear, as she knows everything already... But it seems that my first thought every time is that she'll leave me and not come back.

Her eyes soften, like she's sensing my fear, and she reaches to stroke my chin "I'm just going to get my sketchbook, I'll be back soon enough" Oh, she wants her sketchbook, relief fills my heart and I enjoy the feel of her touch; that safe feeling with excitement bubbling just beneath the surface spreading throughout my whole body. I catch her hand and kiss it gently. "Alright baby... But please take Taylor, or Gwen, or both with you... I'm sure the camp of paparazzi is still there..."

I really have to make a studio for her here, that one guest bedroom with floor to ceiling windows, has never been used, it'll be perfect for it. If I hurry I could get the contractors to start working on it today. I look at the time 11.45, oh fuck, the doctor will come by at any moment and dad's here. Man, this day is killing me, and it's not even noon.

"Ana... The doc will be here in fifteen minutes" I say as Carrick knocks on the door. I see the shock on Ana's face as she realizes that he will be here when she has the appointment. Ok Grey, think quickly. "I'll meet with Carrick here, and you'll meet with the doc in the library or the bedroom, I'll keep Carrick busy until the doc leaves, no reason for those two to see each other here. Ok?" she nods in agreement, so I tell Carrick to come in.

"Christian… Oh, hi Anastasia, I didn't know you were here" Carrick says looking at me with a curious expression, but doesn't say anything. Yeah dad, she stayed the night here, I think as Ana goes to greet Carrick before excusing herself to give us privacy.

"So she stayed the night?" Carrick asks with a smile after Ana has left the room. "Yes dad, you know I came home very late last night and she had already fallen asleep on the couch" I leave out the fact that I freaked her out by smelling like whiskey before I fucked her in the bathroom. He lifts his brows as he nods and says "Right, she slept on the couch…" The grin on his face gives him in, he knows I'm leaving all the juicy parts out, but he also knows to leave it alone.

"So, are you two serious with each other?" He asks, but as I can't just go on saying I love her, I don't want to spend one moment away from her, so I opt for "It's too soon to say, but I guess you could say that". Carrick takes a seat by the desk, his eyes quickly scanning the tabletop, which is in a mess, before his eyes find mine "It's good to see you happy, son…" "Thanks…" An awkward silence descends upon us, and I realize that we have never had a discussion like this before.

There's a knock on the door "Come in" I say without hesitation, even though I'm afraid it'll be Dr. Hewitt. Mrs. Jones opens the door and brings in a trey with coffee and bagels. "I thought you might like coffee and something to eat" she says. "Thank you Mrs. Jones, could you please make tea for Ana as well." I say, momentarily forgetting that she probably is busy with the doctor. "Yes sir, I'll have tea ready for her when she wakes up." _What_? "She's sleeping?" I ask her, confused. "Yes sir, she went to the bedroom for a _nap"_ Mrs Jones says, and I catch on, Ana's with Dr. Hewitt in the bedroom. I have to say, Mrs. Jones deserves a raise, as she doesn't say anything to give a clue that we have someone else visiting. "Oh, good, well, she was quite tired, please make sure no one disturbs her" "Yes sir, is there anything else I could get you?" "No thank you" I say giving her a small smile, and she exits the room and closes the door behind her.

Carrick looks amused, as he bites into his bagel. "So, she's tired, huh?" and I almost choke on my coffee as Carrick winks at me, and I know exactly what he's getting at and I can't resist answering him "Yeah, well, we didn't get much sleep last night" while trying desperately to stop the grin tugging on my lips. Carrick just nods and hums as he continues eating.

I take a bite of the bagel and can't help the thought that pops to my mind, is this what it feels like? Being normal? This humorous banter with my dad is something I've never experienced before. I've seen him do it with Elliot, but I've never participated; I always kept everyone away from me, never letting my guard down, even with my own family.

We talk about the family while we finish our bagels and coffees, turns out that at least Grace and Carrick have not heard the gossip about Ben being Ana's child. Well thank fuck for that! Grace wants to invite Ana to Sunday brunch, and I promise to ask her. I wonder if she's up to meeting the whole family; or is it too much too soon.

"Did you see the paper this morning?" I ask Carrick, and his face becomes serious as he says "Yes, and Grace saw it also, she didn't take it too well." I can imagine, Grace followed the whole trial, and she thought the sentence given was not nearly enough considering the crimes committed, and now Elena might be getting out. "I bet… It might be safer for Elena to stay in prison" I say in an attempt to be funny and Carrick laughs "At least she would be safe from Grace's fury". The light mood quickly subsides as we get back to business. "Seriously though, dad, do you think she might get out?" I don't know how to feel about it, last night and this morning, all I felt was rage, but now, I don't know; I have Ana, I have a future, I should get past my past already, shouldn't I?

Carrick frowns and then he shakes his head no. "No, I seriously doubt that she's getting out. I don't know the exact details of what her defense team has up their sleeve, but I followed the trial and I've seen the reports, everything was done by the book" It's comforting to know this, but still there's an ominous feel to the whole thing. "Has my name been brought up?" "No, not to my knowledge anyway" Well at least that's something, but I can't help thinking if it would help, if my name was in the list of victims. There's a silent moment as we are both lost in thoughts.

"Does Ana know about it?" Carrick suddenly asks catching me off guard. "Yes… I told her. I told her everything" I say and see that this came as a surprise to Carrick "You told her about Elena? And what she did to you?" I just nod and pick an invisible piece of lint off my knee as I admit it "Yes… and my childhood as well" "Really?" he asks.

I sigh heavily before continuing "I had to tell her, dad… She realized I had issues with touching, and she wanted to know why" "But I've seen you with her, her touch doesn't seem to bother you" Carrick says and I answer him "No, her touch never bothers me… It's like we have a connection far deeper, her touch goes straight to my heart, it soothes me, it calms me and excites me all at once, and I've never felt anything like it" I grow silent, realizing that I was talking out loud. "Well, I'm happy for you Christian. She's good for you, you know, Grace realized it when you were at the beach house…" I realize I touched Grace then; I held her hand, I let her touch me, I know she's aching to hold me, but I don't know, I just don't know if I can do that just yet. For a moment I'm lost in the beautiful memory of kissing Ana at the patio of the beach house, I also recall the question I asked her, and that it made her cry.

"You knew Sam, didn't you?" I ask Carrick "Sam? Ana's grandfather? Yes, he worked for us many years, he was good man, he had a tragic life though" Carrick answers. "You know what happened to him? I asked Ana about it once and it made her cry" I still cringe at the thought, my ill placed question made her break down totally. "I don't know anything more than what Grace probably told you… Ana was living with him at the time, there was a fire at their house; some rumors say he tried to kill himself. Ana found him and probably saved his life, but the damage was done." I have to find out what happened, but I know it has to come from her, when she's ready to tell me.

* * *

_Anastasia_

I close the door to Christian's office behind me and let out a deep breath. There's just too many things going on, it difficult to even think straight. Ok, think, you'll see a doctor to get birth control, so it's probably a good idea to go wash yourself, just in case. Who would have thought; I'm getting contraception. I think about it, but I don't quite know how to feel about it, as the question Christian just posed is still fresh on my mind. Kids? I've never seriously thought about it, as you need a man for that, and I've never let anyone close, not before Christian anyway.

I wonder if I got Christian's innuendo right. Did he just ask me if I'd consider starting a family with him? The thought actually excites me almost as much as it terrifies me. But I can't think about having a future with him, I don't want to get my hopes up... Sooner or later he'll understand the bad luck that follows me, and he'll want nothing to do with me. That is if the universe will spare him.

I cringe as I think about my promise to tell him more about my past, he deserves to know, right? But first things first, now I have the doctor's appointment to get through. Before I go to the bathroom to prepare myself for what's to happen, I tell Mrs. Jones that a doctor will come to see me, and that I'd prefer if Carrick didn't find out about it. I'm silently praying that she doesn't ask for more details, and she doesn't, she just smiles kindly, the look in her eyes saying _your secret is safe with me_.

I run to the bedroom and to the en suite bathroom and wash myself quickly, before grabbing a fresh pair of panties from my bag. Thank god I had a fresh pair, I make a mental note that when I go home I have to remember to bring more underwear unless I want to be wearing Christian's.

I'm just ready when Mrs. Jones knocks on the door and tells me that the doctor has arrived. I take a deep breath before stepping outside the bedroom, and the absurdity of the whole situation is actually overwhelming; I'm greeting a doctor, who is coming to get me on birth control, at Christian's place, hiding from Christian's father who is here, discussing the situation of Christian's molester in prison. Oh boy, my life was so much simpler just a short time ago. Simpler, easier, but lonelier.

I step into the living room and see a woman in her mid-thirties, standing by the window looking at the view. She turns and looks at me with her green eyes and a curious expression on her face as she approaches and offers her hand. "Hello, you must be Anastasia, I'm Dr. Hewitt." Her hand is warm, and her handshake is firm, I take it as a good sign. "Thanks for coming to see me at such short notice. Please call me Ana" She smiles and says "It's no problem, Ana... Besides Mr. Grey can be very persuasive... Now, where should we do this, I'm sure you would like some privacy" she says as she sees Taylor and Gwen pass the room to Taylor's office. "In the bedroom, please, if that's ok with you, it's right over here" I say as I walk towards the bedroom, not actually waiting for her reply; I just want her away from the living room.

"So, you are in need of contraception?" she asks as we are sitting in the chairs by the window. I look at my fingers as I cannot make myself meet her eyes. "Yes" "Have you used any kind of birth control before?" "No" I shake my head and realize that she looks a bit confused. Oh, I better come clean with it. "Dr. Hewitt, Christian is my first sexual partner, I've not needed any contraception before" I register the surprise on her face, but she hides it quickly "Alright, I assume you have been using protection?" "Yes, we've used a condom every time" I can't believe I'm having this discussion, I'm sure my cheeks are crimson, and my heart is beating like crazy.

"Good, better safe than sorry" she says and I'm thinking what's that supposed to mean? I would be sorry if I got pregnant? Would I? I guess she sensed my confusion as she continues "Besides of pregnancy, condoms protect you from STDs" I nod, even though I'm sure Christian doesn't have any, considering his history, but as I'm not going to disclose anything about Christian's past, so I don't comment on it.

Dr. Hewitt goes on explaining the many different kinds of birth control available and finally I chose the mini pill. I don't want be injected with anything and for some reason I want something I can easily stop if there are side effects, _or if Christian leaves me_, that small voice whispers. His question about starting a family is also haunting me, and the scariest part is the fact that it actually doesn't scare me anymore.

Dr. Hewitt gives me a prescription for the mini pills, and a package of pills she had with her. She reminds me to take them at the same time every day, starting from the first day of my next period. She tells me to stop by the clinic for a pap smear within the next few months as I'm now sexually active. I cringe at those words, even though it's kind of cool isn't it? Hi, I'm Ana and at 23, I'm finally sexually active.

"Take care of yourself Ana... I've heard a lot about Mr. Grey, and I was actually expecting him to be here today" she says, her voice revealing her disappointment of not meeting him, as we are waiting for the elevator. "I will. I'm sorry but Christian had some urgent business to take care of, maybe you'll meet him some other time. Thanks again for coming, Dr. Hewitt" I say to her as the elevator arrives at the penthouse with a ping. "Please call me Jessica" she says with a smile before stepping into the elevator. "Ok... Jessica." I say quietly as the doors slide shut. Well, thank heavens that's over I think as I make my way to the kitchen where Mrs. Jones has a cup of tea and a bagel waiting for me.

* * *

**_AN: Thank you all for reading! Sorry for the delay in updates, real life has been too busy, there just hasn't been time to write. _**

**_Please review, the reviews give me motivation to keep on writing. _**

**_H xoxo_**


	26. Chapter 26

_Anastasia_

I'm enjoying my cup of tea, sitting in Christian's kitchen admiring the sleek modern design. It's strange, his home feels like an empty canvas, just waiting for anyone to paint it, to fill it with life. I try comparing it to my apartment, the place I've called home since I left the shelter. My place is small and colorful, most of the furniture is from Leila, the rest I've bought second hand, so everything bears the evidence of life. Here everything is brand new, and it all feels more like an interior design showroom than a place someone lives in.

The oddest thing is though, that here, even when I'm in this impersonal kitchen all alone, I feel more at home than I've ever felt at my place. I try to find some explanation for it, and I realize it's because of Christian; I'm sure anywhere would feel like home as long as I have him by my side. I can't believe how much has changed, in such a short period of time, I just pray that my life will not change to the worse as quickly as it has changed for the better.

Mrs. Jones comes by, asking if I need anything. "No, I'm fine, thank you for the tea and the bagel, it was delicious..." I answer her. She smiles at me and as her smile reaches her eyes; I realize there's one more thing I have to say "Mrs. Jones... Thank you for helping me with that... Um... Situation..." Thank god Dr. Hewitt didn't meet Carrick as that would have been too awkward… I cringe at the thought and can't help wondering if Grace knows her?

"You're welcome Ms. Steele, it was no problem, I'm just doing my job" Mrs. Jones replies me winking her eye. "Well anyway… Thank you. And please call me Ana, Ms. Steele is so formal" I say hoping she'll do as I ask, as we will probably be seeing a lot of each other and the Ms. Steele mumbo jumbo is driving me insane. "Alright, but only if you call me Gail" she says, her voice soft and friendly. I have loads of questions I want to ask her, now that I feel we have gotten to a friendly level in our interactions, but I don't get a chance, as Taylor is calling for her from his office, and just as quickly as she came, she leaves me sitting there all alone.

Suddenly there's a commotion by the elevator, and a beautiful woman, about my age, steps into the hallway screaming "Christian! Come on, where are you?! Are you ignoring my calls? I know you are at home, no use hiding! CHRIS!" What the hell is going on?

Christian opens the door with a surprised expression, and Carrick is standing just behind him. "You are going to be a step dad?! How could you hide this from me? You have a girlfriend?! And I have to find it out online? Do you have any idea how shocked and embarrassed I was when Laura showed me a picture of you, asking me who this girl is, you are kissing? And I had no idea! None, nada, zilch!" her rant goes on and on as she's slapping Christian on his arm and chest.

Who the hell is this woman and what's her connection to Christian? Holy shit! It's an ex, the thought crosses my mind but I wipe it away; he didn't have anyone before me, or at least that's what he said.

Suddenly the only thought that registers in my mind is that she's touching him! Oh fuck! "Hey... Get your hands of him, he doesn't like to be touched!" I shout at her, running towards them to save Christian from her assault. The woman freezes as she hears my voice, all color draining from her cheeks as she turns to look at me and I realize that Christian and Carrick are both trying to stifle a grin.

Christian grabs my hand and pulls me to his side, wrapping his arm around me while kissing the top of my head. "Ana, this crazy woman here is Mia, you remember, my sister" Christian says and I barely manage a "Hi". "Mia, this is my _girlfriend_, Ana". Mia's face lights up and she surprises me by giving me a hug "It's so nice to meet you" Mia says with a smile before scowling at Christian and then turning back to me "I'm so sorry for the way I behaved, but my butthead brother" she says nudging Christian with her elbow "didn't tell me he has started dating".

Carrick clears his throat at her choice of words "Mia, please" he says but she just rolls her eyes.

I try to remember if Mia was like this when we were kids? Yup, pretty much; she was funny and bubbly and nosy. I smile, as it is apparent that she still is all of that. "So when, how, where, how long? I want to know everything" Mia keeps on firing away questions at Christian, who sneaks a glance at me, offering a small _Sorry about this_ shrug. I place my hand on his chest and look him in the eye, smiling, trying to tell him _It's ok_, without using any words.

I realize that has Mia become silent; I turn towards her and see that she's staring at my hand which is lying flat on Christian's chest. The expression on her face reminds me of the shocked stare Grace, Taylor and Mrs. Jones - no Gail, gave us at the beach house.

There are tears welling up in her eyes, as she turns towards Carrick and whispers "Dad... Do you see what I'm seeing?" The sound of her voice is very quiet and calm, it's almost like she's watching an endangered bird sit in front of her, and she's trying to keep her voice down not to scare it away. "Yes, Mia... I see it, it's a sight for sore eyes, isn't it?" Carrick says his whole demeanor radiating a friendly warmth.

I know they are talking about me touching him, the enormity of seeing one small touch, my touch, on Christian's body, is making them shocked to silence. In this moment I realize how isolated Christian must have been, captured inside his own personal prison of fear, and how hard it has been on his family. I feel my cheeks heat up, as Christian traces my cheek with the back of his hand before he lifts my chin and plants a chaste kiss on my lips, the intimacy of him kissing me in front of Carrick and Mia, leaving me breathless.

"Does mom know?" Mia asks, her voice still quiet but she's already digging her purse to find her phone. "Yes, Grace knows... She met Ana at the beach house last weekend." Carrick says and Mia practically screams "What?! Last week! And I just find about this now? Why wasn't I told?" but doesn't wait for an answer before she points at Christian, narrowing her eyes and cocking her head in disbelief "You took her to the beach house? So you've been dating for how long?" She takes a deep breath and I'm sure she's going to launch another assault on Christian so I decide to step in. "No, Mia. He didn't take me there... We kind of accidentally met there." I look at Christian, questioning him if he wants to tell her this but he just nods for me to continue.

"We were both admiring the sunset by the beach, and on my way back to my car I hurt my foot and Christian helped me, just like he helped me when I fell off your bike, do you remember that?" I throw her a curveball, to see if she remembers me after all this time. Mia frowns, and I can almost hear the wheels turning as she's trying to figure out what I'm talking about. Then her eyes widen and a big smile spreads on her face as she remembers me "Oh my god! Ana! Sammy's Ana? I can't believe it!" she shrieks grabbing me into a hug again before pushing me back; holding me on arms-length by my shoulder, looking at me from top to toe. "Wow, you've really changed" she says and I can't stop the giggle that bubbles up from within "Well thank god for that, it has been what - 15 years... And as I didn't even recognize you, so I could say the same about you."

Mia takes a step back sighing, and then shaking her head looking puzzled... "You are about my age, right? How do you do it?" She asks, and I just answer her "Do what?" as I have no idea what she's talking about.

"You look amazing, and even though you are a single working mom, you manage to get my workaholic-hermit brother, who is quite a catch you know, to date you." What? I try to fathom what the hell she's saying until I remember, that she has seen the picture of me and Ben.

Christian raises his hand and stops her from continuing, "Enough already... Mia, you really shouldn't believe everything you read online. It isn't Ana's kid in those pictures." Mia looks at her brother, with a confused expression. "Whose kid is it then?" She asks, and I just answer "It's a kid from the shelter I work at, I took him to the park to give his mom a chance to rest, well... And the rest is history."

"So, I'm not going to be an auntie then? Well thank fuck for that!" Mia says receiving a deadly glare from both Christian and Carrick. "Mia! Enough." Carrick says sternly. "Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a nice kid and all, but it's just too much to take in after years of worrying if my brother will ever find anyone, the thought of him having kids has never even crossed my mind... Actually I never thought about being an aunt, well not by Chris anyway, I always thought El would be the one to bring a bunch of illegitimate kids to the family dinner." Mia goes on and on and I try my best not to laugh as Christian and Carrick both raise their voices "Mia!"

I find this whole situation too absurd, here I am, listening to my boyfriend's sister ranting about kids when I just had a doctor prescribe me contraception, at his home, on a Saturday. Thankfully Carrick finally gets her to stop talking about it.

"Mia, Grace is waiting for us, we should probably leave... now" Carrick says to her and I'm sure he's just making it up, to get her to stop, as he has to nudge her before she catches up and starts rambling "Oh, right, mom had a thing with the... those people from the... Uh… You're right, we'd better leave" she pauses and catches my hand before saying "Ana, it was so nice to meet you, maybe we could do lunch someday to catch up" "I'd love that" I answer her truthfully; actually feeling good about it, it will be a nice change to talk to her, to have someone my own age to talk to, outside the shelter, and outside Leila. Carrick invites me to the family brunch tomorrow, and I accept it, watching Christian's expression closely for any clues to how he feels about it, but it doesn't reveal anything.

* * *

AN: A shorter chapter, as RL still getting in the way of writing, but I hope to have to following chapter up during the weekend!

Again a big thank you to all readers, reviewers and followers!

If you read it, please leave me a review!

H xoxo


	27. Chapter 27

_Christian_

Oh man, Mia needs to get a brain to mouth filter, I can't believe she just said all that… Ah, who am I kidding? That was just typical of her. Surprisingly Ana doesn't look too overwhelmed with the hurricane known as Mia tearing through the house; I would have thought my little sisters over-the-top behavior would have gotten to her, but no, actually Ana looks happy and relaxed. Just as I want her always.

"You don't have to do that, you know?" I say, and Ana cocks her head asking "Do what?" "You don't have to go to lunch with her" I put my hands around her waist and pull her close, giving her a kiss on the lips. "Don't worry about it, _Chris_" she says, laying her hands on my shoulders, playing with the hair on my neck with her fingers "I think it would be nice to have lunch with her, to reminiscence the carefree days of our childhood" her voice is light but it has a sad undercurrent to it. "Well, if that's what you want to do… Then you go ahead and have lunch with my sister, but remember that I warned you about her" I say with a smirk.

"So what did Carrick say?" she asks at the same time as I ask her "How was Dr. Hewitt's visit?" We both laugh, and when the giggles subside I say "Ladies first".

"What did Carrick say?" she asks me again. I sigh as I think about the discussion we had concerning Elena. "He said he doesn't think they'll let her out. He followed the trial and he has seen the files. Everything should have been done by the book" "Well, that's good, isn't it?" Ana asks with a worried frown. "Yeah, I suppose, I just don't understand why they are doing this now. Either way I think about it, it feels fucked up. If her defense knew that there was a glitch, they would for sure have used it before, and if the prosecution knew, they should have fixed that fucking crack so that the god damned ship doesn't leak" I realize I'm gripping the backside of a chair, my knuckles are white and my jaw hurts from pressing my teeth together so hard.

This whole thing stresses me, more than I'd like to admit. I really don't want Elena Lincoln out and about. The thought of running into her, or of her meeting Ana, makes me furious. And I'm sure, she will be back to her evil ways again, that bitch probably hasn't learned anything from this whole ordeal. I swear if I find out who fucked up, if someone fucked up, I'll make sure that person doesn't work in this state again.

I realize that Ana's eyes have become colder, even her stance seems more distant. Oh fuck, I hope I didn't scare her. Shit, this is all too much for her isn't it? "What is it?" I ask her, trying to hide the worry that is evident in my voice. She turns her gaze away from me, shrugging "It's nothing, never mind" "Ana please, I know you better than that, it's clear that something is bothering you " I say, gently turning her head towards me "Look at me, baby". She's biting her lip, but this time there's nothing sexual about it.

Finally she lifts her eyes, looking me in the eye, I see the worry and sadness in them, but I can't grasp why. "What's wrong?" She takes a breath before she asks "Do you think she knows someone in the right place?" "What do you mean?" I ask, still lost, not sure what she's getting at. "Maybe she knows someone who has access to the files, or maybe one of the detectives tampered with the evidence..."

I'm desperately trying to think who could be helping Elena, but it all seems so far-fetched; although the attention that has been on the case from day one, placed more than enough detectives on it, easily one of them could have been doing their job badly. Fuck, what if some of them was dirty?

"That thought hadn't even crossed my mind, I'll talk to Carrick about it, so that they can double check." I kiss her forehead before I say "Thank you" she smiles at me but her heart is not in it, and that distant look is still in her eyes. I have a feeling there's more to this than she's telling me "How did you think of this?" I ask her.

"I..." she closes her eyes breathing deeply before continuing "You remember what I told you about Rob?" Of course I remember the fact that that bastard abused her, in my mind I've imagined it a million times, the image of her bruised and scared, is burned into my mind. I nod. "He... Um... There was never any charges raised against him... You know... For what he did to me" she says, and I remember that the background check Welch did on her didn't mention an attack.

"Why? I'm sorry baby, but I just don't understand, didn't your grandparents report it to the police?" I say looking at her. I cannot comprehend the fact, that justice wasn't done. Ana paces around the living room, twisting her hands together before finally standing in front of the window folding them over her chest. She starts talking "Rob was a cop... Or he had been... He still had friends inside the force or something. They made it go away, like it never happened. Maybe she knows someone too." her voice sounds distant, her eyes focused somewhere on the horizon.

I walk up to her and lay my hand on her shoulder, just to feel the warmth of her body, to comfort her, even though my own anger is boiling over, and I'd like nothing more than to beat the shit out of Rob and whoever helped him for what they did. How can the justice system work if there are policemen rotten to the core? I see the resemblance, a clear shut case, in Ana's case the criminal is still outside, living his life; at least Elena is in prison still. Fuck, what if someone really has tampered with Elena's file? I feel her energy change, she turns around leans her back against the window and asks "You're angry, aren't you?"

* * *

_Anastasia_

The shock that turned to anger was visible on grandpa's face as he was talking with someone on the phone. His gentle voice distraught as he practically growled into the phone "You are telling me, that there's no file on Anastasia? That is impossible, we were there, in person, just two weeks ago; an officer even took pictures of her bruises, for god's sake." I watched him fist his hand until his knuckles turned white, as he was still listening to the person on the phone. Abruptly he ended the call with a "As far as I'm concerned, you and all your incompetent colleagues can just go to hell" slamming the phone down.

"What was that about, Sam?" grandma asked, her voice filled with anxiety. Grandpa looked at me, tried to smile and said "Ana pumpkin, could you go to get my mandolin from upstairs" obviously trying to make me leave so that they could talk in private. I left the room, but stayed behind the door that I left ajar. I knew it was grown up talk, but I wanted to hear it. "I called the PD to find out if they will raise charges against Rob for what he did to Ana" grandpa said in a quiet voice. "Well?" Grandma urged him to continue. "There's nothing on him there, there's nothing on Ana there, all files all cleared, it's like it never happened."

I sat on the floor leaning my back against the wall and closed my eyes. It's hopeless, I thought, they will never catch him. The despair I felt, soon turned to anger, and I didn't know what to do, I couldn't even understand the burning rage inside my heart. I saw a picture of my dad on the shelf, and he became the target of my fury. I screamed at the picture "You did this. You died. You left me. You made that man come into my life. I hate you!" I grab the frame and throw it into the wall, the glass shattering into a million pieces, scratching the surface of the photo, leaving dad's smiling face marred with long lines and my heart breaks. "Daddy… I didn't mean it. I love you. I need you. Why can't you be here?" I realized my grandparents holding me, comforting me as I sat on the floor and I cried, sobbing inconsolably in their arms.

I'm snapped out of the memory when Christian lays his hand on my shoulder, his touch feels warm and comforting, but I remember the anger I felt, the helplessness and the fury, and I know he must be going through it too. I want to comfort him, to help him. I'm trying desperately to ignore that small voice inside my mind that's whispering _See, it has started; your bad luck has finally raised it's ugly head_. I turn around, lean against the window and ask him "You're angry, aren't you?"

"Yes..." Christian's answer is short and clipped. "I'm pissed off... No, I'm way beyond pissed off. If I find the one responsible, I swear to god... I'll crush them" Oh, shit he's scary when he's angry, even though I know it's not at me, but I really wouldn't want to be the one that helped Elena when Christian finds out.

"Do you have any idea who could be behind it?" I ask. "How could I possibly have an idea? I could ask Welch to dig into it though" he says, and I'm wondering who the hell is Welch? "Who is Welch?" I ask and Christian just replies "Head of security" like it's no big deal. His world is so different from mine. "And you think he could find out who might be helping her?" Christian cocks his head as his having difficulties grasping my question, then he asks "Her?" the confusion evident in his voice. "Elena" I say to clarify, totally confused as to what he is talking about if not her.

"Her situation, that she might be walking free, is what you are angry about, right?" I ask. "Well, yes... But I thought you are talking about Rob, and that's what really pissing me off, is that, that bastard never was punished for what he did to you." Christian says, with such intensity that it startles me. I don't know why he would care about that, it is ancient history anyway. During these years no one, besides my grandparents, has really cared; many times I've thought, that maybe no one even believed me.

"It's a lifetime ago Christian... You shouldn't be wasting your time with him. It's much more important to make sure Elena doesn't get out" I tell him. She broke him, used him, molested him and others, and I can't stand the idea of her walking free. I watch Christian pacing back and front, pulling his hair every few feet. "How can you say that Ana? At least Elena was convicted, her reputation destroyed. But Rob is living happily with your mother, unpunished for what he did to you."

"Just drop it Christian, there's nothing on him. Nothing! Sometimes I think maybe I've just dreamt it, as no one has truly believed me, well no one besides Sam and Beth. There's nothing that you could do, all the police records are gone, everything is gone, and officially it has never happened" I try to control the bitterness dripping from my voice, but it's no use. Christian stands close to me, the heat from his body soothing my anger, but not my anxiety. He grabs my chin, lifts my head so that I'm looking into his eyes.

"I will not leave it. Rob will have to pay, somehow, I will make him pay" Christian's voice is hard and unyielding. I shake my head to object, but before I actually manage to utter any words Christian continues, his voice not much louder than a whisper "I'll never let him walk free for hurting the woman I love."

Those words hit me like a brick wall. All the air is punched away from my lungs and I'm sure if I wasn't already leaning against the wall of glass, I would have fallen. Fuck. He can't love me, but I want him to... No, he can't... Shit, shit, shit… I feel the whole room turning around me, and I can't breathe. He shouldn't love me... I try to make myself breathe but I can't, panic freezing my mind and body. The last thing I see before the world goes black are Christian's eyes filled with worry.

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AN: Thanks for reading! Please review!

H xoxo


	28. Chapter 28

_Christian_

I love you Ana, I can't let Rob get away with hurting you. "I'll never let him walk free for hurting the woman I love." the words fall of my lips, without my intention. I hear Ana gasp for air, but as I look at her beautiful eyes, all I see is panic. She's struggling to breathe I realize, but it's too late, her legs give away from under her and she falls. Thank god I catch her before she hits her head on the floor.

"Ana…" She's out cold. I watch her breath and feel her pulse, at first her heart is beating like crazy but then it evens. I kiss her cheeks, stroke her head, holding her in my arms as I sit on the floor. "Baby wake up…" but she doesn't respond. Fuck. "Taylor!" I yell, and he comes running, Gwen on his heels. "Sir, what happened" "Ana fainted, I think she had a panic attack or something. Please call my mother, tell her to come here ASAP."

I hold her close; she looks so small and fragile like this, but then there's hope. I see her eyelashes flutter and then she blinks a few times before finally opening her eyes and looking me straight in the eye. Oh god, I could drown in her eyes, those beautiful ocean blue eyes. A weight is lifted from my chest as she says "Sorry" I can't believe she's apologizing, but at the same time it's so typical Ana. "Oh baby, you scared me" I say my voice breaking with that admission. I press my lips against her forehead, and I breathe in her wonderful scent.

She closes her eyes and I realize that she's fighting back tears. "Sh... Baby, it's alright... I got you..." She turns her face into my chest and I feel her whole body jerking from the fought back sobs. I look at Taylor, and he reads my mind. I watch him signal to Gwen to follow him and then they leave us alone.

I rock Ana gently back and forth, her sobs now longer apart. Gwen sneaks her way next to us, places a box of Kleenex beside us on the floor. I look at her and nod a thank you, she gives me a small sympathetic smile before she leaves.

"I'm sorry, Christian... It seems I'm crying all the time now" Ana says, her voice quiet and fragile. "It's ok... Don't apologize for it… Please" I say in effort to calm her. "No, it's not ok, I haven't cried like this for years. This is not me, I'm usually stronger than this, I hate myself for being a blubbering mess" she says, her voice now much harder and filled with contempt.

"What's making you cry? Please tell me, make me understand, so I can help you" I ask knowing that the reason is most likely my admission of love. _Fuck Grey, the only one you've ever loved is crying her heart out because you told her so. _The thought feels like someone twisting a knife in my soul. It was much easier to stay inside my ivory tower and not let anyone close, at least I was safe from being rejected.

"It started that day at the beach" she starts but I interrupt her "The day we met? So it really is because of me, that you are upset?" Fuck, I knew it. There's a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach, and it keeps on getting heavier. She frowns as she snaps at me "Christian please, don't interrupt me...". She takes my hand in hers, and starts stroking my fingers gently, the feeling of her soft touch is totally opposite to tone of her voice just a second ago.

She sighs before she continues her narrative "No, not the day we met, but the day before. I was there, on the cliff, looking at the sunset... I hadn't been there in ages, not since I was a kid. The place is... was filled with bittersweet memories. Memories of Sam and Beth, my dad... My life that was perfect. The smell of that beach, that salty, sandy scent that used to fill my childhood summers, now stirred all those memories and feelings I haven't let myself relive in years. I ran from the cliff that night, as I couldn't take it anymore, but as I got to the car my emotions caught up with me and I cried, all those unshed tears from years back were running down my cheeks" she pauses, her fingers still stroking mine, going from knuckle to knuckle trailing over my fingers, one after one.

"So you were there... I thought I might have imagined you, I saw you standing on the cliff and then you vanished." I say quietly, remembering that feeling of confusion I felt when she had disappeared. Her eyes shoot up to mine "You saw me that night?" she asks incredulous. I nod, "I was out walking, trying to get my head on straight... I didn't expect to see anyone there, you know, as it is private property" I say and am rewarded by a small smile on her lips as she says "I did apologize for the trespassing, remember" "Yeah, I remember... I'm so happy you did it though. Otherwise we might never have met". Thank god she trespassed, I don't know what I'd do without her. She has healed me, within few days she has done more for me than the years I've spent in therapy. I pull her hand to my lips and kiss it gently. I just pray she'll stay with me.

She closes her eyes and continues "It was a late summer night, just like that one last week. I was with Sam, we had been fishing, and I was bummed as I didn't catch anything. Dad was supposed to come home, he had been out of town on some business. I was waiting for him to pick me from Sam's... The doorbell rang and I ran to open, to greet my dad, but it wasn't him... There was two officers, they wanted to talk to Sam. I went into the garden, in hope of seeing Dad's car but I couldn't resist peeking in through the window, to see the officers talking with Sam and Beth. I was not prepared for what I saw, they were both sitting by the table, holding each other and crying. They looked like their whole world had collapsed... It had. My life collapsed along with it."

I feel her small frame shrink as she finally manages the words "My dad, had been in an accident, he died on site." Oh fuck... I knew he was dead, but I hadn't thought more about it. "I loved him, Christian. I was always daddy's girl, and he adored me... Not a day went by without him telling me how much he loved me... But then he died." Realization is setting in, why she reacted so badly to my words. Part of me is relieved, as the reason to her panic attack wasn't all me, but the other part heartbroken because of the sadness in her eyes. "I'm not him Ana... I'm not going anywhere, if you'll just let me be on your side."

* * *

_Anastasia_

The words are just falling from my lips, all those painful memories that I've been trying to ignore for so many years, now brought to daylight. I've avoided all strong emotions for so long, I see it now. Like Christian, I've shut everyone out... I don't have his castle in the sky to hide in, but anyway, the end result has been the same. I've been alone, lonely even. Then Christian came along and suddenly there's a whole spectrum of emotions in my life. From hate, anger, sorrow to peace, happiness, lust... And love? Damn... Even the prospect of it, is scaring the shit out of me... He really shouldn't love me, as it is bad luck for him, and in the end heartbreak for me. Nothing good has ever come to the ones that have loved me.

Christian says he'll not leave me, if I let him be by my side. "But you don't understand Christian... It's not my choice to make, nor is it yours..." I reply even though I can't quite explain myself; I'm sure I will sound totally paranoid or delusional trying to explain my fears. When he knows everything that has happened, then he will chose to leave me... Right? Shit… I don't even convince myself... A spark of hope ignites inside my heart, but I ignore it, I would never live with myself if my bad karma ends up hurting Christian.

Christian is waiting patiently for me to continue. His hand is still in my lap and I continue to stroke his fingers, over the knuckles and back up until the joints. He has such beautiful hands, I give myself a second to just admire him, before I continue "You shouldn't love me... All who have loved me have died. Don't you see? If something happened to you... I couldn't live with it"

Christian tears his hand away from mine, brings it to my face and turns my face towards him, the touch of his fingertips on my chin sends shivers down my spine. "Ana, please... Nothing is going to happen to me. But you are right, loving you is not my decision..." his grey eyes are now looking straight into mine, I see the honesty of his words as they slip his lips "... It's my destiny."

I close my eyes, to hide all my emotions from him. His words make me feel like a bright spring morning; the hope of happiness that almost had faded relighting inside my heart, spreading light over everything. I'm overwhelmed by his words, relieved, but so scared at the same time. Scared that the darkness of my life will take over the light again. "Oh, how I hope that would be true Christian... But there's more..." I take a deep breath before I continue "After dad died, my mom just kind of left me on my own... She started drinking, and she was at the bar more than at home... That's where she met Rob." I feel Christian's muscles tense by the mere mention of his name.

"Then was the whole thing with Rob, and the aftermath of it with my mom basically abandoning me. I lived with Sam and Beth, my grandma, after that. But everything was wrong..." I try to focus, so that I'll manage to continue telling him about my past without breaking into pieces.

"That night I ran from Rob and they weren't at home, grandma had had a seizure. They were at the hospital. The doctors soon diagnosed the cancer. It had spread and there was nothing they could do." I try to detach myself from the story I'm telling, the memories are too painful to relive, and I just want to get it out.

"We watched her wither away, as her spunky spirit had died with dad and she couldn't find the strength in her to continue fighting. She died. So that makes number two in the list of people who loved me and who are now dead. We tried to continue living with Sam, but it was hard. I was a mess... I got into trouble at school, stopped interacting with others and I turned to my art, submerging into a world of dark colors… I guess I used it as a therapy. I didn't have any friends, I had only Sam..." I breathe deeply, and Christian tightens his hold on me, his presence relieving the dull ache in my chest.

"The fifth anniversary of my dad's death. I was coming home from school, and from far I saw smoke. I prayed and hoped the smoke wasn't from our house, but deep inside I knew it had to be, as there's no other houses in that part. I ran into the house, the fire was in the bedrooms in the back. I just knew I had to get Sam out. I knew he was inside, I don't know how I knew, but I just did. The only person that mattered in my life was stuck inside that fire."

Christian pulls me closer, pressing my head against his chest, I press my ear to him, and almost instantly my heart calms down when I listen to his steady heartbeat. "It's alright baby, you don't have to tell me more if it's too difficult." "I have to Christian... I've never really told anyone about this. I have to say it, maybe it'll stop haunting my dreams if I do… I found him in his bedroom, he had passed out from the smoke and his injuries. I kept myself low, just as the firemen visiting my school once had told us, I managed to catch his hands and I dragged him out, or at least I tried to. By the time I made it to the foyer, the fire department arrived and a fireman running into the house came to my help."

There's a moment of silence before Christian asks "Did he survive?" "Well... Yes and no... The Sam I loved, didn't exist anymore; in his place was only the shell of him... He was at the hospital, and they were treating his burns, but he remained unconscious. It was weeks before he started to wake up, but even then everything was wrong, he didn't remember me, he remembered almost nothing... The only person he remembered was Beth... He kept on waiting for her to walk in, every time the door opened his eyes would light up in hopes of seeing Beth again, but of course she didn't."

* * *

_Christian_

I'm listening to Ana telling about her life, and I slowly start to understand her fears. Her life has been filled with too much pain and suffering; and she keeps on blaming it on herself. Just like I've been blaming myself for what happened to my mother and what was done for me. Even with the years of therapy I'm still suffering of nightmares. What about Ana? If she hasn't had any real therapy, keeping all this just bottled up inside her; it's no wonder she has turned it against herself.

"Sam died after a few months. And I was relieved, can you believe it? I just couldn't take it anymore, watching him suffer and grieve as his beloved Beth didn't come to visit him." She says, not looking to me anymore.

"I'm so sorry Ana… I wish there was something I could do…" She wipes a stray tear from her eye as she gathers herself and says "There's nothing that can be done about that… it happened, and it's all in the past. But do you understand now, why you mustn't love me? Everyone who loved me, has ended up..." I don't give her a chance to finish that sentence as I press my lips against hers, the salty taste of her tears is still lingering on her lips. "I don't care" I say release the kiss.

"But…" she starts; I press my finger on her lips to silence her. "No buts Ana. I love you. I don't care what you think might happen to me… Because if I can't be with you, I will be miserable. I love you, like I've never loved anyone… You make me whole, Ana. You've repaired me, as I've been broken. Please let me repair you, let me take care of you, let me love you... Ana, please…" I look into her eyes, trying to read her feelings, but she hides from me; closing her eyes. I see another tear run down her cheek when she speaks; her voice not much more than a whisper "I love you too… It's just… I'm so scared."

I hear a sound from the other side of the room, I look up and see Grace wiping tears from her eyes.

* * *

_AN: Thank you all for reading, reviewing, following... _

_Maybe they can move forward now, that their pasts have been brought to daylight? _

_If you read it, please review!_


	29. Chapter 29

_Grace_

I finally got a chance visit Anastasia's art exhibition, and I have to say that she's quite talented... Not that I'm surprised, she always loved her art, I remember Sam talking about how she seemed to lose all track of time when she was painting.

I find it fascinating to see such strong contrasts in her work though. The landscapes are amazing, the way she has managed to capture some small details which you might miss if you didn't actually pay attention to the painting, but still having an observatory feel to them, like she's painting through a looking glass. The abstracts on the other hand are very personal, with strong feelings; anger, sadness, fear even. I might read too much into them, but as I know that she has had a hard life, I can definitely see it in her art. I find myself standing in front of a painting that I recognize from the tabloid picture. The painting seems different from the other abstracts somehow, it has not that angry edge to it, but actually a wonderful peaceful although dark essence. It reminds me of Christian... That's strange.

I call Carrick and he's on his way home from Escala with Mia. She had barged in, in her typical style. Oh boy... I hope Mia behaved herself, not embarrassing either Christian or Anastasia. I do feel guilty for not telling her, but in my defense I thought she had seen the tabloids and that she had talked with Christian. Apparently not. Carrick was laughing about some misunderstanding concerning a child that is rumored to be Ana's. He didn't get into details, before we had to stop the call, so I'm a bit confused regarding that.

Carrick told me that Christian didn't seem too upset with the prospect of Elena's release... I really hope he's gotten over that dreadful woman, I hope we could all be over her. I can't believe I was her friend, and she made my teenage son's life a living hell... This last year has been hell on us all. All those horrible images I saw at the trial, are now etched on my mind, I can't seem to get them away from my system. I'm constantly imagining Christian in the place of those boys and I'm disgusted, with her... And myself, for letting her into his life.

Oh, how I hope that he can move on with Ana. She seems so good for him, from the small moments I've seen them together; those two are crazy about each other... I just hope they will both put their pasts behind them and move forward. I just want him happy, and if she's the key to that, I'll do anything in my power to keep them together.

Without realizing I've walked through the whole exhibition, and again I'm standing in front of that painting. Maybe I should buy it? I go to the counter and ask about it, but that painting has already been sold. Well, too bad, I really liked it.

I'm on my way to the car as my phone rings, I look at the screen and it says Gail. "Hello Gail" I answer the phone happily; maybe she has some gossip about Christian and Ana. "Grace, can you please come to Escala immediately, it's an emergency" the tone of Gail's voice makes the hair on my neck stand up. "What's wrong Gail?" "It's Ms. Steele... Um... Ana. She fainted" "I'm just at my car by Pike Place, I'll be there in a few minutes" I end the call with that, as I need both my hands free to drive. It doesn't take many minutes to get to Escala but it feels like forever; all scenarios of what might have happened flash through my mind as I race through the midday traffic. Does she have low blood pressure? Low blood sugar? Exhaustion, anemia, pregnancy... For the time being I don't have a clue. I just hope she's all right.

I drive through the gate to the underground garage, and park my car next to Christian's. The elevator opens and Taylor is waiting for me inside, I look at him and he looks tired. "How is she, Taylor? Did she wake up yet?" He punches in the code for the penthouse before answering me "Yes, Ms. Steele regained consciousness, but she's really upset about something. Mr. Grey said she had a panic attack before she fainted" "Well at least it's a good sign that she's awake..." I catch Taylor's arm, startling him with my touch. "Taylor… How are _you_ doing, you look exhausted" he just shrugs "I'm fine Dr. G... Just a bit tired, yesterday was long one; you know how he works..." I let him off easy and leave it at that, but I'll definitely ask Gail to keep an eye on him and tell Christian to give the man a break.

Gail is waiting for me by the elevator. "Thank you for coming so quickly… They are in the living room" She walks by my side in silence, I want ask her so many questions, but I doubt she will give me answers, her loyalty to her employer reaching beyond our friendship. "Do you know what happened?" I ask her, but she just shakes her head "No, everything was fine when Carrick and Mia left… After some time, we were all startled by Mr. Grey shouting for Taylor asking him to get you." It doesn't make sense, what could have caused her a panic attack?

I open the door to the living room quietly, and hear Ana's voice; she's telling Christian about what happened to Sam. I don't say anything, I just listen… Oh god, it breaks my heart to think what Sam had been through. Ana talks about the fire, how she tried to save him.

God bless her for trying, even it meant risking her own life. I always remember Sam as a strong, reliable, kind person. It tears me apart hearing about his fate, I wish there was something I could've done. Where was I back then? How did I not see him at the hospital, why didn't I help in healing him? He was a friend of the family, for Christ's sake. I do the math quickly, and realize that I was working at the children's hospital that year.

Christian's voice sounds pained when he tells her that he wishes he could have done something. I think my heart actually stops beating for a moment, when I hear Ana say that Christian mustn't love her. He has told her he loves her? She continues to say something but Christian interrupts her by kissing her.

My heart melts, hearing my broken boy confess that he loves her, that she's healed him, begging her to let him heal her. I can't hold back the sob when Ana replies that she loves him too. She will do more for him than I ever could... But I'm not jealous, I'm just happy he can finally live.

Darn it, I can't find any tissues, and the tears are running down my cheeks. Christian pops his head up and looks directly at me, finally realizing I'm here. Relief is evident on his face; Ana on the other hand looks embarrassed.

Christian gently lifts Ana from his lap, reaches out for the package of Kleenex. "You look like you might need a tissue, mom" I smile and walk over to them, taking a tissue from the package Christian is holding out to me.

* * *

_Anastasia_

Oh crap. How long has Grace been standing there, how much did she hear? She dries her tears before she asks "How are you feeling, dear? I was told you fainted, that's why I'm here." Let's see, how do I feel? Exhausted, emotionally wrung out, scared, embarrassed and relieved. I try to smile and tell her "I'm fine..."

Both Christian and Grace frown; but she's the first to talk "Ana, please be honest with me... You just fainted, and you look like you've cried your heart out, and you are telling me you're fine?" I shrug, and shake my head, let's try a bit of honesty "I'm not used to being this weak; I don't ask for help, I'm usually the one doing the helping. So it's difficult to accept..."

Christian grabs my hand, pulls me up from the floor, and leads me to the couch, sitting me down and then taking a seat next to me. "Ana, please... You are one of the strongest persons I know. Think about all the shit you've been through and yet you are this wonderful, caring, sweet, beautiful person. Just accept it, I'm going to be here for you, no matter what." I don't know what to reply him, I'm totally lost for words.

"So, you were anxious about something? Taylor mentioned something about a panic attack" Grace picks up the doctor routine. Oh this is embarrassing, but I start talking anyway "Yes... Um... Christian said something that freaked me out and suddenly I couldn't breathe and then everything went blank" "Have you had panic attacks before? Have you fainted before?" I try to remember but no, I can't say I have.

"No, I haven't fainted before, but I have had panic attacks before. After what happened with Rob... I had quite a few panic attacks back then, but I don't recall having one in many years though" I realize that Grace glances at Christian who grips the armrest by the mention of Rob's name. I wonder if she knows what happened. Maybe Sam confined in her?

"I think the panic attack was the reason you fainted, but I'd still like to check your BP and HB, just to be sure... Did you eat today? Have you had problems with low blood sugar levels? Have you ever been anemic?" Grace keeps the questions coming almost faster than I can answer them, reminds me of Mia's interrogation earlier, maybe it's a family trait?

Grace turns to Christian and asks him to leave, to give us some privacy. He looks at me, asking if he should leave, he clearly doesn't want to, but honestly, I think a bit of privacy for the doctor's appointment would be in order. "Christian, I'll be fine, I am fine. It's just a checkup, right?" I look at Grace and she nods. And for the second time today I'm telling a doctor to follow me to the bedroom. Christian seems confused "It's more private, than here in the middle of the living room."

Grace and I talk on our way to the bedroom. "I went to the gallery today, and I have to say I was impressed." she says. "Oh really? You went there... Um... Thank you." I don't know what to say. "I was going to buy that painting you and Christian were pictured in front of... But it had already been sold" Grace says with a small frown. Huh, so she liked that painting; should I tell her that her son was the inspiration to it? "It's strange, you know? I'm happy that there are a lot of paintings sold, and at the same time I'm kind of sad having to let them go... It would be interesting though to find out where they will end up." I say and Grace nods in agreement saying "It's the same with kids"

"I'll freshen up quickly, if that's all right?" I ask, needing the toilet and hoping to wash the tearstains from my cheeks. "That's fine, I'll get my bag and get set."

I press the bathroom door shut behind my back, glad to be alone for a moment. My head in spinning from everything that has happened today. After finishing my business I look at myself in the mirror, shit, I look like I've been through the wringer. I run the tap and splash my face with cold water before taking one of the towels and drying myself with it. I brush my hair and pull it up on a ponytail. That's much better. I take a few deep breaths before I go to face Grace who is waiting for me, no biggie, right?

My eyes land on the package of pills laying on the bedside table. Crap, did she see them? What's the big deal anyway? I'm a grown woman, right? I can have pills on my bedside table_. It's not your bedside table, Ana._ Come on, did my boyfriend's mother really have to see that? Thank god there wasn't any condom wrappers lying around. I feel my cheeks heat up and I'm sure that I'm as red a tomato.

"You look much better, a bit flushed maybe, are you sure you are all right?" "I'm fine..." Grace searches for the blood pressure meter in her bag and I place the package of pills inside the drawer. Might be too little, too late, but hey, at least I tried to hide it.

* * *

_Christian_

What the fuck is taking so long, it feels it's been an hour since Ana and Grace disappeared into my bedroom. I look at the time and realize it's been only 10 minutes. I grab my phone and scroll through my emails to kill time. It's Saturday, but the world of mergers and acquisitions never sleeps.

A few emails I forward to Ros, another to the legal department… I scroll back until I find the email from Welch that has the Ana's background check. I read it, and then I read it again. I cannot fucking believe that there's nothing about her assault in it. I press reply and type a quick email to Welch.

_One word Welch. Unacceptable. There's huge gaps in this background check. Explain for me why there's nothing on it about her being assaulted as a pre-teen? There has to be something there, find it._

The following email that arrives to my inbox makes me want to throw my phone into the wall. Fuck. Here I was hoping for a quiet evening with my girlfriend and the day goes from bad to worse. I dial Ros. "Grey here, are you fucking kidding me? We have millions invested in that acquisition…" I listen to her rambling on about hostile takeovers and foreign policies, but I don't give a fuck. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Work. Today.

I see Ana emerging from the bedroom, my mother right behind her. "Fix it Ros, and don't disturb me over the weekend unless it's a matter of life and death." I need to end the call now. I hear her saying "Hey, you called me" before I end the call.

I meet Ana half way, wrap my arms around her and give her a kiss not caring that my mother is standing right there. That familiar spark shoots through my body as her scent registers in my brain and within seconds, I've forgotten all about work.

"Everything all right?" I ask them both. Ana rolls her eyes, and Grace says "She's fine, a bit shook up, but nothing that a cup of tea wouldn't cure" winking at Ana. I wonder what that was about.

"I'll see you both tomorrow at twelve, Ana it was a pleasure to see you again. Christian, take care of her." Grace says. "I will mom, thanks for coming to check on her." Of course I'll take care of her, there's nothing I'd rather be doing… I could take care of her in the shower, wash that delectable ass before... I stop my train of thought, not wanting to get a hard-on in front of my mother. Grace takes her bag and steps into the elevator that was still at the penthouse from when she came. The doors are already closing when she says "Christian, give Taylor a break will you. Doctor's orders."

* * *

AN: Same as always, thanks for reading, reviewing etc...

If you read it, please review!

H xoxo


	30. Chapter 30

_Christian_

I wrap my arms around Ana, and breathe in that wonderful scent of hers that makes me feel complete. It washes all the stress away, the problems at GEH just fade into oblivion, at least for a moment. I press a kiss on the top of her head as she tightens her grip around my waist. "Everything alright? You look stressed" she says. "No... Yeah... Just some stuff at work; no need for you to worry about it. What about you? Are you feeling ok?" I ask her inspecting her face for any traces of distress, but she looks happy, albeit a bit tired. "Christian, I've had two doctors checking me within a few hours, believe me, I'm fine. Just a bit overwhelmed about everything I guess." I don't blame her, with everything she has been through in the last few days it's amazing that she's even standing here, talking with me.

"How did the meeting with Dr. Hewitt go? We never got to talk about it earlier". She smiles, brings her hand to her forehead in a quick salute "Everything ok on the contraception front, sir" and winks. The fact that she called me sir, makes my cock twitch. What the hell is that about?

"What did you decide on?" I don't know much about contraceptives, but still I'm curious. Ana blushes as she says "I chose the pill" the color of her cheeks becomes darker. "Ok... What's with the pill?" I ask as I can't understand why she's blushing. "Oh it's nothing with the pill per se. It's just that Dr. Hewitt gave me a package, and I forgot it on the bedside table. It was still there when your mother followed me to the bedroom. I don't know if she saw it, but if she did... I'm sure she knows what we are doing." She looks mortified, but I can't do anything to stop the grin spreading on my face. "Baby... I'm sure she knows, even without seeing a package of pills." She's still blushing but at least she's smiling.

"So, the pill you said, what does it mean? When can we stop using condoms?" I don't mind using them, but I hate to stop in the middle of action to put it on... The image of Ana's gentle hands gripping my cock while rolling on the condom flashes through my mind and instantly gives me a hard on, what the fuck's wrong with me? It seems I'm horny like a teenager again... I glance at Ana's hands and I have to admit that it's almost a shame not to be using condoms anymore.

"I'll start the pills the first day of my next period, so you will have use them for a while longer" I feel like doing a fist pump. How weird is that? "That's alright... I kind of enjoy them actually, especially when you are putting them on" I tell her, and she bites her lip. Oh fuck, she knows what that does to me. "Oh, really?" she asks with a smirk.

I lean closer to her and whisper into her ear. "Baby, I love your hands on my cock, squeezing it, teasing it, spreading that dew drop around the tip before rolling on that condom." I catch her earlobe between my teeth and bite it gently, making her shiver under my touch. She tilts her head, exposing her neck so I kiss her there, and hear her gasp as that familiar current between us pulsates, making our hormones rage.

"Well, it's a good thing then, that we are using them for a while longer..."she says pulling away from me before she continues "But now, on doctor's orders, I have to eat." She walks over to the kitchen, leaving me with a stone hard erection staring at her fine ass swaying slightly from side to side. Fuck, I love that woman.

I follow her to the kitchen. "Do you mind if I join you?" I ask her as she's standing in front of the refrigerator, examining its contents. "I was kind of hoping you would... So, what do you want to eat?" She asks me and I step behind her looking over her shoulder, sneaking a peek down her shirt as I pretend to be looking into the fridge. I can't resist temptation to answer her honestly "You, baby... You could be my main course and dessert, all wrapped into one delicious package" while pressing my erection against her back.

Ana turns around, closes the fridge behind her and wraps her arms around my neck, looking me into the eyes with those baby blues sparkling mischievously. "Wouldn't that leave me hungry then?" Wait… what? Is she thinking of what I'm thinking? "Or is there something for me to eat?" her hands move down my sides until she reaches the top of my jeans. She hooks her fingers through the loops and pulls me against her, so that my cock is trapped between our bodies. She licks her lip before biting it and I think I'll my heart just stopped. Oh fuck, my cock is throbbing, it's bordering to painful now. Then her expression changes as she smiles and asks "Lasagna ok with you Grey? Because I'm starved."

* * *

_Anastasia_

The look on Christian's face when I ask him if he wants lasagna is priceless. I feel his erection pressing against my belly, and I know he was definitely not talking about food. I resist the urge to stroke him through his trousers, because then we will definitely not eat.

"Lasagna? Are you serious?" he asks, his voice husky but amused. I nod as I say "Gail has made lasagna, we just have to pop in into the microwave". He throws his hands up resigned saying "Lasagna is fine... But can I have you for dessert?" "What? No ice-cream?" I tease him smiling. Christian's eyes darken, and I feel my core clench as he says "Only if I get to eat it off you" his voice heavy with seduction.

I gasp as his hands trail up my body, over my breasts to the side of my face. He presses his forehead against mine as he says "What are you doing to me, Ana? I'm like a teenager around you, with a constant hard on, dreaming of all the ways I could take you, I have no self-control when you are concerned." I feel his arousal, and I feel the same, my panties drenched already even we haven't started anything yet.

"I know... But that's why I'm trying to keep the control for the both of us, baby... We have to eat, or else we don't have the energy for that dessert we both want". I know Christian has issues with food, I myself don't do well without eating, and the fainting actually scared me... Besides, Grace told me to eat well and take it easy today.

I plate out the lasagna, while Christian sets the table; placing the utensils and the wine glasses on the place mats. I look at him with amusement as he tries to decide what we should drink. He's going through the wine cooler and just when I'm about to say he shouldn't bother, he finds what he's looking for; a large bottle of sparkling water. My heart swells with the love I feel for him, he remembered, and for once the love I feel for him doesn't scare me. The fear seems to have dissipated after I admitted it, and my true feelings for him.

He places the chilled bottle on the table and sits down, I place his plate in front of him and surprise him by kissing him on the lips "Thank you honey". His eyes light up and he kisses me once more, then winking when he says "You're the most welcome, sugar".

The lasagna is delicious, I have to remember to thank Gail, and force her to tell me the recipy. I'm a decent cook, but she's phenomenal. Christian finishes his plate in no time, seems that he's in a hurry; gee, I wonder what for. I'm still eating though, and I prefer to enjoy my food, especially when it's this delicious.

"Dr. Hewitt seemed disappointed that she didn't get to meet you, do you know her?" I ask Christian, he frowns as and takes a sip water before he shakes his head "No, I've never met her... But you know, ever since that stupid bachelor thing I've had too many desperate women trying to get close" his eyes grow colder, and I guess there are some unpleasant memories still bugging him. "I'm hoping it will stop now" he adds and leaves me confused.

"Why would it stop now?" He's still him, the gorgeous billionaire extraordinaire. He looks at me incredulously "Now that it's out there that I'm with you. They know I'm not available..." Can it be that he's so clueless? I can't stop the laugh that bubbles to the surface, but I try to control myself as he looks hurt. "Christian, do you seriously think women will stop drooling over you because you have a girlfriend? Think about it, will you? Now it's official that you are not gay..." I still can't believe anyone would ever have thought that he's gay, as he practically oozes that alpha male sexuality that connects straight to the core of all women. "... The women will be fighting to get to you, and they will not care a tinker's damn about me." Christian doesn't say anything, but his expression says it all, he had not thought about it, he actually thought that women would let him be now that he's taken.

"But I only want you..." Christian says, catching my hand over the table, stroking my knuckles with his strong thumb. The warmth of his touch sends a current racing through my body, making my heart beat faster. "I know... And I promise I'll protect you from all the unwanted female attention. Even if it's your sister, didn't you see me with Mia back there?" I try to lighten the mood. He chuckles as he says "Yeah, that was good, baby. What would I have done if you weren't there to protect me from hurricane Mia?" pulling my hand to his lips and kissing it. The goose-bumps rise as I feel his breath on my skin.

I clean the table after we have finished our food, even though Christian is still saying that I should leave it for Gail, but I really don't want to bother her on a Saturday. Christian's phone buzzes, he looks at the screen and frowns as he answers it. "Ros, what is it? Didn't I tell you I didn't want to be disturbed this weekend" he snaps into his phone. I hear someone talking on the other end but I can't make out what they are saying. Christian fists his hand and presses it against the door frame, his jaw tight, the vein on his neck throbbing. It must be bad news. "Tell Andrea to get the legal and the PR department on the line, we'll do a conference call in five" He ends the call without saying goodbye.

I feel my heart sink, as I know he has to go to work, but I hide my disappointment, he doesn't need to worry about me also. "I have to work... I'm sorry, I was hoping to keep the weekend off, buy there has been a fire at the shipyard we just purchased in Japan." "Oh, my god. Was someone hurt?" He nods as he says "Yes, but at least there are no casualties, although it's too soon to know for sure" with a few steps he's beside me, lifting my face up to him with the tips of his fingers. "I'll try to wrap it up as quickly as I can, but I really don't have any idea how long time it'll take" "Don't worry about me, you do what you need to do..."

He presses his lips against mine, pinning me against the countertop with his body. Then he pulls away and leaves me alone in the kitchen. I finish tidying up, and then I decide to go find Gwen, as I really want to get my sketchbook and colors from my apartment.

I knock at the door to Taylor's office before I open it. I'm surprised to find them sitting around the coffee table playing cards, the wall of monitor beside them, showing most of the rooms in Escala, as well as the gate to the garage and the main entrance to the building.

Taylor is the first to switch into pro-mode. "Ms. Steele, is everything alright?" "Yes everything is all right, it's just Christian has to make a conference call and I was thinking to go to my place to get some stuff." I say, a bit embarrassed to be disturbing their day. I try to tell myself that it's their job and I'm sure Christian is paying them more than generously, but still it's awkward.

Gwen stands up, grabs her jacket and says "All right Ana, anytime you are ready." Taylor walks over to his desk and picks up the phone. "Ms. Steele and Prescott are going to get some things from Ms. Steele's apartment. Do you need me here or should I go with them?" there's a moments silence before he says "Very well" and closes the phone. "I'm coming with you. Whenever you're ready". "Um... Ok, let me just get my bag and I'm ready to go" I say as I leave them and go to get my bag, shaking my head at the absurdity of going to my own apartment with two CPOs.

In less than two hours we are back. The trip to my apartment was more or less uneventful, the only part where I felt that I needed Gwen or Taylor was getting into and out of my building. A handful of tenacious paparazzi were still on stake out, the others had left as there hadn't been a sign of me there since we left yesterday.

I didn't comment on anything, thanks to both Gwen's and Taylor's advice. I had to bite my lip though, as they were asking about my child, who the father is, and so on. I hope they would get their facts straight soon, or I will have to turn to Christian's PR people to make a statement about me not being Ben's mom.

Everything was as I left it, there were no notes under the door, and nothing out of place. I packed some more clothes, something a bit nicer for the brunch tomorrow and a nightie to sleep in.

My sketchbook in one hand and the bag with my colors and clothes in the other I was ready to leave back. The news about me being at home had spread like a bushfire, so by the time we left the amount of paparazzi had doubled. Never before have I been more grateful for large sunglasses and tinted windows. Taylor drove like we had a fire under our tail, just to ditch the paparazzi before arriving at Escala. I thought it was a bit unnecessary though as the paparazzi will for sure guess where we are going anyway.

We arrive at the penthouse, only to find out that Christian is still working. I arrange my stuff on the chair in the bedroom, and can't help thinking that if I keep on bringing this much stuff over, I should ask for a shelf in the walk in closet... No, that's definitely too soon.

I sit down on the bed, not quite knowing what to do. I take my sketchbook and go out to the balcony, I sit on the sofa and enjoy the amazing view. I usually don't draw cityscapes, but I decide to give it a go, anyway. With only a pencil and an originally blank page to keep me company I sit and draw, high-rise after high-rise, with mount Rainier in the background. A few quick sketches and one a more detailed drawing later I've had enough. The sun is sinking towards the horizon, painting the city with pastels, but I'm anxious, and I don't want to watch the sunset alone. I'd much rather watch it with Christian.

I knock on his door and get a firm "Come in" through it. He's sitting behind his desk, the laptop spreading that blue shine to everything near it. He's clearly concentrating on whatever is being said, he has his hands-free headset on. I suddenly feel like I'm intruding on him, I shouldn't have come here, I shouldn't have disturbed.

He lifts his gaze from the screen and the creases on his forehead immediately melt away as he sees me. He gives me a smile as he says to whoever he is listening to "Gentlemen, just a moment please". Then he presses a button on the screen to mute the microphone. "Ana... I'm so sorry... I didn't expect this to take this long. I promise you only half an hour more, I swear, cross my heart and hope to die" he says turning his chair towards me. "Don't worry about it, I was just hoping you'd come to watch the sunset with me..." I say, trying not to make him feel bad about leaving me alone here again... I do understand that he has to do his work, and I feel that I'd be really unfair if I was asking him to drop it for me.

"That sounds good, but I can't promise I'll make it" he says before he pulls me onto his lap and kisses me deeply before he continues "But I will try. Now you just cost me five minutes more of working time, as I'm sure these guys..." he points to the computer screen with six different windows open, in each window a man in a suit. "… Are probably waiting for an explanation as to who the hell I'm kissing in the middle of the meeting". Oh shit! Cue the instant blush. He kissed me in front of the camera, is he insane? I'm actually shocked speechless. He gives me a wink and a smile saying. "I'll see you later baby, all right?" I just manage a nod and a "Later" before I leave the office. I can't believe he just did that.

I bump into Gail in the kitchen as she's emptying the dishwasher. She looks at me with a sympathetic smile asking "Mr. Grey is still working?" "Yeah… he should be ready in half an hour though" I answer her. "Can I get you anything? Some tea maybe?" she asks. "Tea would be lovely, thank you" I walk over to the breakfast table and sit down. I wonder what Christian likes, does he like tea in the evening? "Can I ask you something?" Gail continues to wipe of the counter after turning on the water boiler "Sure… Ask away"

"Does Christian like tea or coffee in the evening?" "Sometimes he drinks tea, coffee only in the morning and afternoon, never in the evening. After a hard day at work he usually pours himself a glass of wine." She says while getting me a mug and a coaster. She places a selection of teabags on a plate in front of me; and I'm pleased to find a bag of Twining's English breakfast there. "Could you tell me his favorite wine? I was thinking to pour him a glass, but I don't know anything about wines, so I need a little help." "Of course, just a second, I'll get you the bottle" Grace goes to the wine cooler, and pulls out a bottle from the shelf. "This is his favorite at the moment Châteauneuf-du-Pape, although his taste varies, so next week it might be something else". "Thank you, Gail, you can leave it on the table."

* * *

_Christian_

I press the end conference call button, and sigh of relief. Thank fuck that's over. It couldn't wait, as the situation in Japan quickly went from bad to worse, as the fire couldn't be contained before it reached the chemical storage. Thank fuck the containers managed and nothing exploded, but still it was a close call. I close my laptop without even looking at my emails. I don't fucking care if the president of the USA had contacted me, I'm going to find my girl and make up for her lonely evening.

I stroll from my office through the dimly lit living room to the balcony, but there's no one there. I almost turn around without stepping outside before I realize the candle on the table, a glass of red wine standing next to it. I go to the table, take the wine glass in my hand, raise it to my nose and inhale the scent before I take a sip. It's my favorite, how did she know? To my surprise there's a spoon on the table, on top of a small note that says "Dessert is served, sir" written by hand. I realize I'm holding my breath, and my heartbeat is rising by the second, the air filled with anticipation. I grab the spoon and make my way to the kitchen, but Ana's not there, not that I was even expecting her to be.

I go to the bedroom door and knock gently before opening the door. The room is lit only by candles on the tabletops, spreading a decadent light over everything. I see a portion of ice-cream on the bedside table, but what takes my breath away is the fact that Ana is lying on the bed, naked except for her thigh high stockings with the lacy trim. The flicker of the flames cascading shadows over her beautiful body, her full breasts and the valley of her waist. Holy mother of all that's fuckable, I think I'm going to burst out of my trousers, my erection is back with a vengeance.

I scoop a spoonful of ice-cream, and pop it into my mouth, before I lean over her and kiss her. Her hot tongue against my cold one twirling and sucking. "You are amazing" I manage to say between kissing her. There are no words, as none are needed. I dribble some melted ice-cream from my spoon over her breasts, her nipples pink and taut; her chest rising and sinking with each cool drop that makes contact with her skin. I bend over her and lick off all the drops, sucking her nipple into my mouth making her gasp and writhe under my touch.

I trail kisses over her breasts, before I move south, to those lush lips, already wet and waiting for me. I inhale, her scent connecting to a part deep inside me, wiping all thoughts from my mind. I just know I have to have her. I lick her folds, flicking my tongue over her clitoris making her moan. "Oh, you like that baby, don't you?" I say not expecting much of an answer as I hear her moans, and feel her hips move to their own accord.

I push my finger inside her, moving it in circles gently as I continue to lick her, it doesn't take long until I feel her tighten, she grabs my hair, pushing me, tugging me, I don't even know which, but I feel her climaxing, squeezing my fingers, and I can't take it longer. I tear off my shirt and as I'm going to unbuckle my belt Ana catches my hands and looks me in the eye and says "Let me".

She opens the belt and trousers. Slowly sliding down that zipper, releasing my throbbing manhood from its confinement. I think I'll lose it, watching her kneeling on the bed, her legs spread, and her ass nice and round, grabbing my cock in her hands, gently stroking it, holding it tightly. She looks me in the eyes as she licks over the end of it. Oh fuck.

She carefully sucks me into her mouth, flicking over the end with her tongue. Oh damn, that feels so good. She starts moving her mouth, up and down, holding the base of my cock with her hand. Fuck! "That feels so good, baby, you are un-fucking-believable… Ah…" I can't speak, I just enjoy her warm mouth on me.

I feel my climax approaching, and I pull myself from her delicious grip. "Baby, I don't want to come in your mouth" I say and she nods, with a hint of relief in her expression as she reaches over to the bedside table to get the condom. She tears the foil open and catches my cock. "Wasn't this what you said you liked?" she asks as she's stroking me, circling her thumb over the tip. Yes baby, oh yes indeed. She places the condom on and rolls it down my shaft. Oh fuck, those hands on me are almost my undoing.

I grab her knees and pull them up, making her fall on her back on the bed, I stroke her folds with the tip of my cock before I dive into her. I suck her lip into my mouth and bite it, pulling out a long moan from her as I keep on thrusting into her. I cover her tiny frame totally, holding her down. Oh she is so nice and tight.

I look at the unbelievable woman beneath me, the woman I love, the woman I cannot get enough of. I lean down and kiss her deeply, caressing her tongue with mine as we are both racing to the top, reaching for the summit and then plummeting weightlessly through the stars as our climax takes over all senses. The hungry, desperate kiss, changes to a gentle loving one as we finally find our baring.

I pull out of her and she winces a bit, yeah, that would be from all the sex. I look at her, she looks amazing in the afterglow of her orgasm, her heir messy and a beautiful rouge on her cheeks. Her eyes smile at me as she asks "How was your dessert?" "Delicious, baby. Fucking delicious."

* * *

**_AN: I can't believe it, I've written 30 chapters! Yay!_**

**_A big thank you to all readers and reviewers!_**

**_If you read it, please review..._**

**_H xoxo_**


	31. Chapter 31

_AN: Lemon alert_

* * *

_Anastasia_

I place the wineglass on the table, holding the note that I wrote, in my hand. I read it once more "Relax and enjoy... I'm waiting for you". Something seems off with the note, but nevertheless I place it on the table next to the glass. I go by the kitchen and pick up the candles that Gail found for me. I carry them to the bedroom and place them on the tables, lighting them as I go.

I search my bag for the stockings that Christian was admiring yesterday; they will be perfect for my little surprise for him. I quickly get undressed and wash up before sitting on the edge of the bed pulling the stockings on. The touch of my fingers against my skin is heating me from inside out. The anticipation is rising, and I hope Christian will like what I have planned for him.

_Geez, it feels odd to stand here practically naked_ I think, as I look at my reflection in the mirror, almost not recognizing myself. I imagine his hands running over my body; feeling my skin all over. Just the thought of him bending down to kiss my breasts, is giving me goose bumps. I feel a tingle in my belly, as I remember his erection pressing against me when we were in the kitchen. We never did get around to that dessert.

Then inspiration hits me. I scribble a new note, pull on a bathrobe and scoot to the kitchen. I plate out ice cream and get a spoon from the drawer. I go to the balcony and place the ice cream next to the wine. I frown as I look at the set table, crap, I don't have a clue if the wine will go with the ice cream. Besides, it'll take much longer for him to come to find me if he eats his dessert here. And didn't he want to eat it of my body? _Oh Mr. Grey, I don't want to make us wait too much longer._

I don't even bother to hide the smirk as I place the spoon on the note and take the ice cream with me to the bedroom. I hear the door to Christian's office opening, so I take off the bathrobe, hang it in the closet and close the lights before I climb onto the bed. I breathe deeply trying to calm my nerves, my heartbeat is racing through the roof when I finally hear his footsteps outside the door. I close my eyes as the door opens._ I can't believe I'm doing this._

I hear his sharp intake of air as his eyes land on me. I open my eyes and watch him watching me, as he goes to pick up the bowl of ice cream, scoop up a spoonful, popping it into his mouth. With a few long steps he's beside the bed; placing the bowl on the mattress and leaning over me. He kisses me, his tongue is cool and tastes like vanilla as it strokes against mine. I feel myself get wetter as he trails his hands over my body. "You are amazing" he says in between kisses. I gasp at the surprising cool drips on my breasts, I watch him lick up the melted ice cream off them. It feels decadent and sexy as hell, my body starving for more as he moves over my stomach.

I moan shamelessly when he reaches my sex. His tongue is licking and teasing, his fingers slowly moving inside me, hitting all those sweet spots making me quiver in no time. I want to prolong it, but it's a battle I can't win. I push my fingers through his soft hair; grabbing him by it, begging him to stop or to continue, I don't even know which, at this point. Oh fuck it feels so good. The pressure builds until the waves of my orgasm rip though my body and I feel myself convulsing around his fingers that are still deep inside me. Good lord, he is unbelievable... I look at him, and his eyes are dark and hungry, his erection clearly visible through his trousers. He has to be hurting by now. He starts to undress himself but I stop him; I want to do it, I want to undress my boyfriend, I want to touch him, like I've never touched before.

I unbuckle his belt and open his trousers, finally freeing the beast from its cage. I touch it, feel that warm, hard and smooth cock pulsating in my grip. A smile plays on my lips as I realize I can feel his pulse when I hold him like this. I know I teased him about eating him earlier, but now as I'm kneeling here, holding him in my hand I'm a bit afraid of how it'll go, but I really want to try it. If it makes him feel as good as he just made me feel; it's worth anything.

I look at his expression as I lick over the tip. His eyes are foggy and his breathing ragged. I watch his perfect body reacting to my touch as I suck the tip, finally taking him deeper into my mouth. He's huge and I don't think I manage to take him too deep; I move slowly, stretching my limits with every stroke. I hold the shaft, twisting my hand gently as I continue moving. I taste his liquid on my tongue; it's kind of salty, and I'm surprised of how arousing this is for me. To see him enjoy my touch, hear his moans as his cock becomes even harder, feel his buttocks clench as he meets my movements, all of it is making me drip. Well I'll be damned, I'm actually enjoying this! The cum is worrying me though. I'm not totally comfortable with the idea of swallowing it.

Suddenly he pulls away, the desperate look in his eyes making me shiver. He says he doesn't want to come in my mouth, and I'm relieved; I was not ready for that. I take the condom and grab his cock with my hand, gently squeezing him, spreading around that pre-cum over the tip, remembering what he told me before. I roll on the condom and almost immediately he throws me on my back and thrusts into me, his girth taking me by surprise. Our bodies are moving in a rhythm set by the passion we feel, the pace strong and even, his eyes looking down at me, making my heart swell from all the feelings conveyed in them.

His thrusts become faster and he's holding me down, totally encaging me with his body. I'm at his mercy, and at this point there is nowhere else I'd rather be, I see the sweat on his body glistening in the candlelight, hear his grunts and feel his hot breath on my neck as we both plummet into an orgasm that leaves us lost in time and feelings. Holy hell, his cock still twitches inside me, making shivers run through my body.

I realize the bowl of ice cream is still on the mattress, and I'm surprised that it didn't tip over. He got his dessert all right... I try to stifle my smile as I ask "How was your dessert?" A devilish smile plays on his lips as he answers "Delicious, baby. Fucking delicious."

He slides out of me and lays his head on my chest. I run my fingers through his unruly hair, and he sighs content... "I'm sorry you were alone again" he says lifting his head, looking me into the eyes, his stubble scratching against my belly. I give him half a smile as I shrug "Don't worry about it… I know you have responsibilities" I just wish we could have a day without interruptions together.

He places a kiss on my chest and says "I just hate leaving you alone." "I wasn't alone, alone, remember Gail, Gwen and Taylor were here?" _Although I didn't spend time with them_, I add in my mind. He lifts his brow "You spent the evening with them? Baby… I don't want you spend the evening with my staff, I want you to spend it with me" _Yeah, I want that too, but you weren't here,_ I think, but don't say anything as I just continue to stroke his hair.

"I did get my sketchbook from the apartment though" I say trying to get the discussion to a lighter subject. Christian rolls from top of me, and lays on his side; resting his head on his hand "Oh right, Taylor told me. How did it go?" "Ok I guess. There weren't too many vultures when we got there…" I say making the quotation marks with my fingers "But by the time we left, the word had gotten around and the car was surrounded" "You didn't say anything to them, did you? Don't get me wrong here... You think if you answer one question it'll be done with, but no. If they get a reply out of you, then they will always come back for more." he says sounding worried. "No, I didn't say anything, although I really wanted to set them straight about Ben... They were asking who his father was... Ugh..." I throw my arm over my eyes.

Christian leans over to kiss me, pushing my arm away from my face "It'll be alright... If you want, I could ask PR to prepare a statement?" "Maybe I should just tell them he's yours" the words slip my lips and thankfully Christian sees the humor in it and laughs. "I can almost see the headlines: Bachelor of the year reveals a secret lovechild, reunites with the mother!" I add, with a giggle. His eyes light up and for a moment I forget that he's a man with huge responsibilities, he looks young and carefree as he leans over and kisses me before he getting out of bed and disappearing into the bathroom muttering on his way "Oh, Ana, what am I going to do with you?"

I better wash up as well, I think and sit up to take off the stockings. "I wanted to peal you out of those" I hear Christian's husky voice from the direction if the bathroom. I smile and bite my lip as I stretch out the leg still wearing the stocking "Be my guest".

I feel that electric current between us heating my blood as he grabs my leg, gently lifting it against his chest, sliding his hands down until the edge of the stocking. He traces the sensitive skin with his thumbs before he undresses me painstakingly slowly. My breathing is getting shallow as his hands glide over my skin.

He wraps the stocking around his hand, his eyes darkening by the second. His eyes trace the lines of my body until they reach my eyes. I realize I'm still biting my lip only when he tugs it free with his thumb; I press a wet kiss on it, the temperature in the room rising with each breath we take. "Do you trust me?" he asks, his voice heavy with lust.

I hesitate for a second. _Do I really trust him? _Yes, I do, I think I would trust him with my life. I realize that no one has ever made me feel this way. I feel safe. I nod; not knowing what he's thinking, the look in his eyes heating me from the inside out "I trust you."

* * *

_Christian_

Those three words pierce my heart, filling my chest with a warmth I've never felt before. The love I feel for her just became stronger; I didn't even think it could. I want try this with her, and I look at the stocking wrapped around my hand, the idea of the smooth dark texture over her eyes so luring. Maybe I could tie her hands as well, really test the limits of her trust.

"Put your hands here," I say and she breathes quicker, from nervousness or excitement, maybe both. I tie her hands together using her stocking, the dark fabric against her fair skin is a breathtaking sight. The knowledge of her trusting me enough to let me do this to her a huge turn on. I check that the stocking is not too tightly tied. I know it's a tie that she can easily take off, should she need to; the stockings being made of a stretchy material. The tie is more of a psychological one than a physical. She bites her lip again and I don't even try to resist the urge to kiss her, holding her face in my hands feeling her breath on me, as I detach from her lips. "Are you ok with this? I want try something more" I ask her, looking for any trace of doubt in her eyes.

"I'm okay" she says, her voice small but firm. "Close your eyes" I tell her, and she follows. I grab the other stocking from the bed and gently tie it over her eyes, blindfolding her. She licks her lips, and tries to control her breathing, her body heating with excitement. I help her lie down on the bed, placing her comfortably raising her hands over her head. I watch her chest rising in the candlelight, the curves of her body more beautiful than any piece of art I've ever seen.

She trusts me, and the thought makes me feel honored. I'll do my very best not to break that trust, I'll hold her like a gentle flower in the palm of my hand. Nurturing her, loving her, taking her to places she's never known. Starting tonight.

I crawl onto the bed, so that I'm near her, but not touching her yet. I stroke my cock a few times, to soothe the burning desire I feel for her as she's lying in front of me, at my mercy. I trail my pinky finger down her cheek, across her neck and down between her breasts. I blow gently on her nipples that are now perk, wanting my attention. I see the goose-bumps rise on her skin as I continue exploring her skin with a light touch. I bend over her and bite gently on her nipple, then licking it drawing a deep moan from her as a reaction. Her back arches, pushing those beautiful breasts higher. Gorgeous.

I sit up again and wait until her breathing gets even. Now she's waiting for my touch, without knowing when or where I'll touch her. I start by her hands, bound together over her head, I trail her arm with my tongue, until I reach her shoulder. Then I kiss her neck before I continue down her body. Her muscles get tense as I approach her mound. It's almost as she's having an internal struggle whether to open her legs or keep them closed.

I pull her legs apart, and tease her by a few small licks before I dive in, indulging myself in her sweet pussy. Her body writhes under my touch, her hips moving to their own accord. Her fingers gripping the pillow beneath her, her mouth in a perfect o as she enjoys being mine. I'd love nothing more than to dive into her now, skin on skin. Logic and reason finally wins over the heat of passion trying to blur my thoughts, and I grab a condom from the bedside table. Thank fuck, I didn't have to go further to find it.

She bites her lip, moving her hips to meet mine as I place my cock at her entrance, pushing slowly, enjoying every inch of her wrapped around me. I kiss her as I thrust into her slow and deep, her body meeting me for every movement. I pull her legs up, and fuck harder, watching those beautiful breasts bounce. She's perfection, in every way. She arches her back, incoherently screaming something that I can't understand, as the orgasm washes over us both; wave after wave of heat surging through our bodies.

Holy fucking hell. I press my forehead against hers as she lays panting beneath me. I pull out from her and she untangles her hands from the stocking that held them, and puts her arms around me. I smile as I realize she could've freed herself at any time, but she chose to be bound, chose to trust me.

I push the blindfold away from her eyes and she blinks a few times adjusting her eyes to seeing again. Then she smiles; that sexy as sin just fucked smile, her cheeks rosy and her hair a mess. "There are no words... Thank you" she says pulling me down to kiss her deeply. "Thank you for trusting me" I say. "It was my pleasure Christian" she mumbles before falling asleep. I soon follow her lead, my head on her chest, snuggled next to her breasts, listening to her even heartbeat; the heart that's beating for me.

* * *

_Anastasia_

I wake up feeling cold, I'm alone in the bed. At first a pang of disappointment shoots through me, did he go back to work? But then I hear the piano being played. Is he playing piano in the middle of the night? I didn't even know he could play.

I wince as I sit up, definitely feeling a bit overused. I go to the en suite to pee and wash up, wearing a bathrobe to cover myself before going to see if it really is Christian who is playing. The sound of the piano is getting stronger the closer I get to the living room; I open the door quietly and step inside. The room is dark, only the light from the city light glowing below us lighting the room. The floor lamp standing beside the piano shining light upon Christian, who is sitting there in a grey t-shirt and boxers.

I lean against the door frame and close my eyes, listening to the sad tunes of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. Christian is playing with his eyes closed, his fingers running over the keys without effort. I recognize the piece, I have heard it before. I always felt peaceful listening to it, even it is such a sad melody. I guess I felt it reflected my feelings back then when I was trying to overcome the loss of my beloved ones.

Christian opens his eyes and looks at me, continuing to play the last notes of the sonata. "That was beautiful… I've always loved Beethoven," I say as I walk over to him. "The Moonlight Sonata" he says, and I nod. "Yes I know… Did you know that they say he wrote it to mourn the loss of his friend?" I ask him and he smiles as he says "I heard he wrote it because he was in love with his student, who didn't share that feeling…" "Either way, it's a beautiful piece… I didn't even know you played the piano" "Grace always though that her children should learn how to play an instrument, so I started when I was six, and I've been playing ever since."

I lay my hand on his thigh, leaning against his shoulder "Could you play something lighter?" "Sure" he says and starts to play Love Story. I can't help the giggle that bursts out "Love Story eh? You are full of surprises tonight Christian," He grins but continues playing the song until the finish. "Come on babe, you need to sleep" he lifts me into his arms and carries me to the bedroom. "I can walk you know…" I say and he just kisses me "I know" but doesn't put me down. "Sorry I woke you up" he says as he lays me down on the bed. "Thanks for playing for me… It was beautiful" I say as he climbs in behind me, wrapping himself around me and pulling the cover over us both.

* * *

_AN: Thanks for reading!_

_So our dear couple had a lemony night... It's funny how the characters tend to have a mind of their own, didn't plan on that happening, but it did. So hope you enjoyed it._

_If you read it, please review it!_

_H xoxo _


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